The Butterfly Effect
by TheWitch'sCat
Summary: It only takes one moment, one kiss, one risk, to change your future entirely. Like the brush of a butterfly's wings, change is subtle, and our lives are shaped one choice at a time. *Won Best Overall fic in the 2009 Awards.
1. Chapter 1

***I've done some editing and reworking (4/28/10), as always. Nothing significantly changed, though. I'm just a perfectionist. **

**So...this is a story that began as a Fiyeraba oneshot. Many things to Tiggy, who bugged me until I decided to continue this. She shares credit for this winning Best Overall in this year's Awards.**

**Also, shameless plug...my website is now up with my Elphaba pics, including the Act II dress. The link is in my profile, or go to IAMELPHABAdotCOM (typed so fanfiction won't delete it)**

* * *

_O' beautiful, for spacious skies,  
But now those skies are threatening.  
They're beating plowshares into swords,  
For this tired old man that we elected king.  
Armchair warriors often fail,  
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales.  
The lawyers clean up all details,  
Since daddy had to lie_

_But I know a place where we can go,  
And wash away this sin.  
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by,  
And the tall grass waves in the wind.  
Just lay your head back on the ground,  
And let your hair spill all around me.  
Offer up your best defense,  
But this is the end,  
This is the end of the innocence._

_End of the Innocence_, Don Henley

**Chapter 1**

It was a few weeks after Dr. Dillamond was found murdered that he stumbled upon her, sitting by the canal in a near-trance. Fiyero almost missed her, sitting against a gnarly tree in a plain, brown dress. She faded into the landscape, her skin melding with the bright grass around her. He stopped and stared for a moment, because she looked so despondent and far away. He almost walked away, knowing she enjoyed her solitude, but she saw him out of the corner of her eye. Elphaba simply stared at him, and he felt he had to say something.

Fiyero walked closer and asked, "Can I sit with you?"

Elphaba looked at him with a typically unreadable expression and said, "I won't stop you."

Fiyero dropped his satchel and sat beside her. They both stared at the canal for some time without speaking.

"He was a good teacher," Fiyero made an attempt at small talk, trying to show compassion for a man whom he hadn't really known. He guessed that it was Dr. Dillamond's death that had her so despondent.

Elphaba snorted, which was altogether unbecoming and yet entirely typical.

"He was more than a good man, he was a genius. And he knew something none of the rest of us did. He died for it, you know."

Fiyero was at a loss for an answer, "I don't much dabble in politics or conspiracy…"

"I didn't think you would. You've got your life all lined up for you, with your wife back home and your destiny plain as milk."

Fiyero was offended, although he couldn't pinpoint why. He'd never had a problem with his future before. It was easier, just knowing what was coming.

"And your future is so ambiguous?" he finally asked.

Elphaba finally turned to look at him, "Do you think there's some sort of instruction manual for what the green girl is supposed to do with her life? It's been far from typical so far. I can't imagine that the rest of my life will be much different," she said it matter-of-factly, but there was a hint of sadness there.

It was the first time Fiyero had really considered what life held for her. He took it for granted, being wealthy and mostly attractive, with a certain future. Until now, Galinda's odd roommate had been nothing more than a curiosity to him, who occasionally provided witty banter in Life Sciences. In the moment, he realized she was indeed a woman, almost.

"You're staring."

He realized he was, and she was looking at him with one eyebrow quirked upward in an expression only she could make.

"How do you do that?" he asked, trying to imitate her.

"What?" she still looked perplexed.

"Make that expression…"

Try as he might, Fiyero could not get either eyebrow to obey him. He was sure he looked a fool, scrunching his face up and trying.

Elphaba's face twitched, and he could tell she was trying very hard not to laugh at him.

"Go ahead," he conceded, "laugh."

She broke into a slight smile then, and it was nice, the way it made her eyes shine. They were brown, he realized just then, with flecks of green like her skin. Smiling softened her features, which were all bones and angles, with thin lips that could curve into the perfect smirk. It was the type of face that took time to appreciate the beauty there. Fiyero felt like he'd learned a secret, by seeing her this way.

"You're still staring," she broke the spell.

"So, do you know anything of this secret Dr. Dillamond kept from the rest of us?" Fiyero tried to restart the conversation.

"Ask me no questions, and I'll spell you no lies…" Elphaba looked away again, troubled.

"Is that a riddle?" Fiyero questioned.

"If you like, although even I don't know the answer…" she was very quiet for some time.

The sky above them slowly darkened, until the stars began to poke their way through the darkness. The ground became quite cold, and a breeze whipped around them.

"You'll catch cold," Fiyero finally spoke, "if you stay out here like this."

"You don't catch cold from simply being cold. Sickness has been shown to be caused by germs, which—"

"I know what causes sickness," Fiyero was slightly exasperated, "I was simply showing concern. Is that so foreign to you?"

"Perhaps," Elphaba snapped back.

Fiyero hauled her to her feet against her will and retrieved his discarded satchel of books, "Come, I'll walk you home."

"I can manage," Elphaba tried to protest.

"You won't shake me that easily. You can either walk with me, or I'll follow you back," Fiyero's tone was suddenly commanding.

Elphaba stopped, perhaps finally seeing something of the Arjiki prince he was destined to be. She turned and started towards Crage Hall, letting him fall in step beside her.

"So what would you do, if you knew in fact that Dr. Dillamond harbored a great, revolutionary secret? Would you have joined him?" Fiyero asked, genuinely curious.

Elphaba chewed her lip, "Him being an Animal, I would say yes. His kind has been done a great deal of wrongs."

"So you're not afraid of espionage or mutiny?" Fiyero was a little surprised.

"I'm not afraid of being used for the greater good," Elphaba defended.

Fiyero considered this as they walked. He'd always known she was odd, and he'd considered her a bookworm, but tonight she was revealing new depths, both in looks and character. He'd never known a girl quite like this.

"So what will you do now, with Dr. Dillamond gone? How will you conduct your revolution?" Fiyero asked.

Elphaba considered, "Revolution can start small. Even wars begin with tiny arguments. And it's Morrible I wonder about. I wonder about her motives, behind the education of us all. I'd like to keep her off balance."

"How so?"

"Refuse to be or react the way she expects. Even the smallest things can cause a ripple in society. I want to be a peg in the cog, a glitch in the scheme…" her voice rose with excitement from talking about it.

Fiyero enjoyed this side of her, and asked, "Is any of our charmed circle a part of your plan?"

"It would destroy the plan to tell you," Elphaba eluded, and then gave in, "Take us, hypothetically—"

"That's a big word," Fiyero teased.

She rolled her eyes and kept on, "You and are I entirely different, an Arjiki prince and the green girl from Rush Margins. Add to that Boq, and Galinda, a fluffy future debutante, and then Crope and Tibbett, working class boys who stand for more than they understand. Who would have put us together? We've crossed some boundaries, built bridges society doesn't understand. Just you and I, standing here now, are making a ripple."

Fiyero had been listening so intently, he was surprised to discover that he'd followed her to just outside her door in the dormitory. The hall was quiet, as most everyone must have gone to dinner. Even the hawk-eyed Amas were missing. Elphaba fished a key out of her pocket and opened the door. He followed her, because she was still talking.

He took in the room while she went on about how an insignificant thing, like the brush of a butterfly's wing, could make a significant difference in time. She stoked a fire in the small fireplace, and brought it back to life with a little kindling. Fiyero noted the difference between her bed, neatly made with plain bedding, and Galinda's fluffy surplus of pillows. They had been afforded the luxury of a large window, and it reflected the room as she lit the lamps.

"So you see, Fiyero? You're making a difference right now, by skipping the monotonous prattle of shallow dinner conversation to walk me home," she stepped close to him, to emphasize her point, "We're an unlikely pair. The cosmos would want you to run home to your child-bride, rather than be with me…"

It was an innocent statement, he knew that. For all her depth and intelligence, she knew nothing of flirting. There was no pretense with Elphaba. Still, Fiyero suddenly felt very warm, and he very much wanted to be with her. What exactly that meant was a little vague to him, but he acted on impulse anyway.

He kissed her, long and slowly, on her mouth. Elphaba stiffened, as he expected. Still, there was a spark of something he hadn't expected between himself and this strange girl.

She finally pulled away, though not as harshly as he anticipated, and asked, "What are you doing?"

"Creating a ripple, upsetting the cosmos, doing something I shouldn't, because suddenly the rules don't seem to make a lot of sense…"

Elphaba stared at him, her eyes dark and unreadable.

"What would Morrible think," he kissed her gently, "of the Arjiki prince and her prodigy, skipping dinner to contemplate mutiny?"

There was suddenly a fire in her eyes, and she responded hungrily to his next kiss. Fiyero pulled her to him, exploring her mouth. It was all new to him, having been sheltered and promised to his bride since childhood. He'd never allowed himself to consider being with a woman simply because of the spark she lit within him. If this was revolution, he wanted it. He wanted her.

He slipped out of his jacket and let it fall, so he could run his hands up her arms and tangle them in her hair. As his kisses intensified, her hair pulled loose from its pins and fell around her. Fiyero had never taken the time to notice it before, this mane of silk that framed her, as though she'd captured midnight.

He pressed her backward until they reached her bed. He pulled away just long enough to ask, wordlessly, what she wanted. As in everything she did, Elphaba was not passive. She pulled him down and pressed him back against her pillows, letting her hair fall around them as she worked her kisses down his neck.

"So you've had lovers before?" Fiyero asked between kisses, intoxicated by her skill.

Elphaba paused for a second, "No, I suppose this is as innocent as I'll ever hope to be in this life."

In spite of her admission, there was something altogether wicked in her sly smile. Fiyero seized her and began to work with the buttons on her dress. She helped him, pulling it over her head and casting it away. He slipped his shirt over his head and let it fall.

Elphaba stopped, fascinated by the markings across his chest that signified his tribal origins. She ran her fingers over his body and trailed kisses across his chest that quickened his breath. When he thought he could no longer withstand it, he moved her hands. He freed her from her slips and undergarments, letting his mouth wander over her body as more of her emerald skin was revealed. It wasn't as strange as he imagined. She was long-limbed, angular, and very green, but she was a woman, in spite of her color.

They moved together, with the unavoidable awkwardness of inexperience. Fiyero took the time to touch her, to run his hand over the curve of her hip, to let his hand dip between her thighs. She whimpered a little at his touch, and the softness of her body in his hands caused his body to flush and ache.

Elphaba's eyes widened a little, when he removed his trousers. He'd never seen her look uncertain, so he offered, "Tell me if I hurt you…"

As if in response to her momentary weakness, she pulled him onto her, flesh against flesh, so he could press himself into her. She kissed him long and hard, open-mouthed and deep, and he didn't move for a moment, overwhelmed at the new sensation. He'd never felt so connected, so affected, aroused, and intimidated.

Elphaba moved first, moving against him as she wound her fingers in his coarse hair. Fiyero matched her rhythm, allowing himself to drown in the warmth of her body and scent of her hair.

She was a natural lover, to be entirely inexperienced. To Fiyero, it seemed as though he'd unleashed something within her she hadn't known was there. She sensed his reactions, his responses, and let him nearly reach climax before pulling away to kiss and caress and explore again. She was not shy, and she straddled him and relished the control. Fiyero reached up to touch her, to let his hands rest on her slender waist, to pull her down and kiss her hungrily.

Finally, he pulled her against him and then pressed her back against the pillows so she was beneath him again. His body ached and begged for release, and he began to lose sense as he made love to her. He hesitated only briefly, knowing her body was not used to this. He whispered, "I'm afraid that—"

"I don't care," she cut him off, and reached around his back to pull him deeper into her.

Elphaba reached up and grasped one of the spindles on the headboard as their lovemaking grew more urgent. Fiyero felt beads of perspiration break out, and he closed his eyes. Suddenly, she cried out, and he felt her body climax. It was unexpected, and beyond what he'd imagined or heard in dirty gossip. Most all of that gossip had focused on what he, as a man, should feel. No one had ever mentioned this warm, pulsing sensation that drove him over the edge. His body gave in in response, and for several moments he could not speak, could not move. He could only breathe and let the powerful feeling sweep over him.

When he opened his eyes, Elphaba lay beneath him, her breathing deep and ragged. She was flushed, which gave her an exotic, violet hue. Her hair was splayed out in disarray, and her eyes were intense.

"Well…" was all she could say.

Fiyero kissed her again, because words seemed cheap. He pulled away and lay beside her, unsure of how to proceed.

Elphaba sat up and reached into the cupboard by her bed. She produced a bottle of wine she'd hidden away. After pouring a little in two glasses, she handed him one unceremoniously.

"To the revolution," she threw out before taking a sip.

"To you, Miss Elphaba Thropp," Fiyero looked at her meaningfully, finding it difficult to be so casual.

She tipped her glass back and finished her drink with grace. Then she sat up, surveying the mess for her clothes.

"There might still be dinner, if we hurry…" she stood up to retrieve her undergarments, and Fiyero saw the tinge of blood on her sheets. She saw him looking, and waved her hand, "It's to be expected. I'll be sore, for sure, but I'm no delicate flower. I suppose it's good I had no intention of being a virgin bride."

Fiyero finished the wine and reached for his trousers.

"You don't have to be so casual…" he argued.

"Would you like me to pretend there's some great love affair in our future?" Elphaba returned.

Fiyero was considering the possibility when the door opened.

* * *

Galinda had been returning from dinner, slightly miffed at the way the conversation had gone. She was tired of the constant haranguing her roommate received from Pfannee and Shenshen, and she was beginning to wonder if Miss Elphaba had changed her, after all. Trying to determine at what point her opinion of Elphaba had changed, she pushed open the door. Stopping abruptly, she took in the scene before her.

She was terrified at first, seeing the mess of clothes and discarded sheets. There was a trace of blood on the bedding, and Elphaba sat in just her undergarments and black shift, her hair wild and loose. Fiyero stood a foot away, wearing only his trousers. After a moment of no sound but the ticking clock, Galinda realized what she was seeing.

She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't seem to form any words. She had done her share of silly flirting and going to tea with the boys. She even knew some of those boys went into the city and tried their luck at getting into the brothels. However, in her upper-crust circle, there was a line she hadn't considered crossing. Certain things were expected of a future high-society Gillikin bride.

Being so virginal, Galinda was shocked, mortified and, deep down, incredibly curious. Elphaba had clearly ventured into new territory, and part of Galinda wanted to hear of it. While she stood, open-mouthed and speechless, Elphaba pulled on her clothes and carelessly knotted her hair. She tossed Fiyero his shirt as she pulled on her boots.

"We're going to see if there's still dinner," Elphaba tossed out as she brushed passed Galinda. Fiyero followed without meeting her eyes.

"Don't wait up," Elphaba threw back as she disappeared.

But Galinda knew she would. Something had changed, if only slightly. She was off balance, as though there'd been a shift in the world as she knew it. Like the brush of a butterfly's wings, in the most delicate, imperceptible way, a new course had been charted.

Galinda would certainly be waiting up.


	2. Chapter 2

_She can kill with a smile  
She can wound with her eyes  
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies  
And she only reveals what she wants you to see  
She hides like a child  
But she's always a woman to me_

_She's Always a Woman, _Billy Joel

**Chapter 2**

She was running out of ways to occupy herself. Galinda had tried studying, but quickly lost interest in her history book. She had carefully manicured her nails, and then paced impatiently while they dried. She then rearranged her pillows and sorted her shoes by color. It was altogether uncharacteristic of her, to organize anything, but she felt a need to keep her hands busy. Now, she had slumped down on her bed in exasperation, frustrated with herself for even caring about her roommate's whereabouts.

She wasn't sure why she cared so much about the choice Miss Elphaba had made today. Normally, she let the green girl do whatever crazy thing made her happy, or at least tolerable. She wasn't sure that Elphaba ever qualified as 'happy'.

Perhaps it was that suddenly, her roommate had become very much a woman. She was no longer just a 'green bean' or some sort of potentially asexual bookworm. She was capable of touching and kissing and lovemaking, even romance. And romance was something Galinda could actually relate to.

Galinda's eyes had just closed in exhaustion when the sound of the door startled her. She bolted upright and shook herself awake.

"Oh," Elphaba looked surprised, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I was up…" Galinda replied.

Elphaba went to her bed and silently stripped the sheets. She stuffed them in a wicker basket she used for laundry, and tediously spread her one other set across the bed. She acted nonchalantly, as though she were not cleaning up the evidence of having given up her virginity that afternoon.

"Elphie," Galinda started, trying out the name she'd only just begun to use, "will you and Fiyero be courting from now on?"

Elphaba tossed her pillow on her bed and sat down to remove her shoes. "I don't suppose so. We don't have much in common. And I'm not the courting type."

Again, Galinda was shocked.

"So…" she tried again, "You slept with him, but you're not…"

Elphaba finally stopped and stared at her, "Is there some reason why you're so terribly interested in my love life, or lack of one?" she snapped.

Galinda was a little hurt, "I'm just a little surprised…I didn't imagine you were the type to…to…"

"To have sex?" Elphaba finished easily, "I am female, Galinda, even though that may run contrary to what you might've heard."

"I know that," Galinda whispered, "You've just never seemed like one of those flouncy girls who go to bed with whoever will have them!" she blurted the last part out, not exactly sure how else to make her point.

Elphaba's expression darkened, "I do not go to bed with _whomever,_ Miss Galinda. I chose to have sex with Fiyero. It was a deliberate choice, but that does not mean I'm suddenly in love, or betrothed."

"Well, I'm sorry for being so shocked! In my world, one does not give up their virginity until one is married, or at least betrothed! Or at the very least in love!" Galinda threw up her hands in frustration.

There was a moment of awkward silence.

"Well, I suppose we come from very different worlds then," was all Elphaba said in return. She stood up and started to dress for bed, peeling off her clothes with her usual lack of modesty.

"Damn…" Elphaba muttered when she removed her undergarments.

Galinda couldn't help but see they were streaked with bloody fluid.

Elphaba pulled out clean clothing and added to her laundry pile.

"Elphie…are you okay?" Galinda's voice was small and concerned.

Elphaba sighed and dropped back onto her bed, realizing she could not shake off her roommate so easily.

"I'm fine, Galinda. Lovemaking is not all delicacy and roses, as you might think."

Galinda waited a long moment before asking, "Did you enjoy it?"

Elphaba's eyes narrowed, "Are you searching for some juicy gossip, for your yappy friends?"

"No!" Galinda was angry, and then she sighed heavily, "I'm treating you like a friend, Elphie. Like a girl. You're the first person I've ever known who's…been intimate. I don't want gossip, I want to talk. Have you never had anyone to just share things with? Perhaps your sister?"

Elphaba didn't respond right away. She looked out towards the blackness beyond the window, and her expression softened, "No," she finally answered, "Nessa and I did not often share secrets…"

Galinda suddenly felt badly for her, and her heart softened toward Miss Elphaba.

"Well…" Galinda started, "I never had a sister. And I always wanted someone to share things with…especially first things. And I know you think me terribly shallow, but I do study occasionally. And I can listen, unlike the company I've been keeping up to this point…"

Elphaba was quiet again. When she finally spoke, her tone was different, as though she'd given in a little.

"It hurts…some," she admitted, not meeting Galinda's eyes.

Recognizing that Elphie was really talking to her, for once, Galinda crossed the room and sat on the far end of Elphaba's bed.

"Was it…as great as all the boasting boys make it out to be?" she finally found the courage to ask.

Elphaba looked away, considering the question, as was her way.

"Yes," she finally answered, "but not in the same way as those ridiculous boys think."

"Then how so?" Galinda whispered, even more curious.

"It's carnal and raw and entirely immodest. It requires complete surrender and utter selfishness at the same time. I'm afraid you'll have to crack your porcelain façade before you'll be able to experience it completely. Perhaps that is why so many of you high society creampuffs are so unhappy in marriage…" Elphaba looked away as she finished, as though she was realizing something just for herself. She seemed oblivious to having insulted Galinda once again.

"You are entirely rude sometimes, Elphie, and entirely too frank," Galinda folded her arms and pouted a little.

"Sometimes the truth is rude," Elphaba shrugged.

Galinda refused to speak for several moments, feeling frustrated. Talking with Elphaba was exhausting, and like no conversation she'd ever had.

Finally, Elphaba broke the silence, "Are you really angry because of my opinion of you and your cronies, or are you angry with me simply for stealing a piece of your world?"

"I do not know what you mean," Galinda still looked away.

Elphaba slid a little closer, folding her knees beneath her, "You believed the world of men and lovemaking belonged only to you. This subtle power you have over the boys, it makes you feel superior. You resent me for having a part in it. Although I must admit, I still want no part of your flirting and silliness. Our motives are entirely different."

Galinda sighed and looked down at her hands, silently admitting guilt. She finally shook her head and asked, "Then what is your motive?"

"Mutiny. Political upheaval. Revolution," Elphaba let the words slip across her tongue like warm tea, sweetened with honey and flavored with the bite of whiskey.

Galinda turned to look at her, and realized how close they were. Her breath caught, as she looked at Elphaba. Her roommate's eyes were ablaze with intensity, and her hair fell around her like a mythical shroud. Her features were as sharp as ever, her silhouette thin and lithe in only her nightshift. Galinda saw it then, this strange beauty that was not soft and delicate and obvious.

Elphaba oozed passion and power, and something about it drew Galinda in. For the briefest, most fleeting moment, she wanted to lean in to kiss her. It shocked and horrified Galinda, but a part of her wanted to experience that intensity. She understood, suddenly, what had captured Fiyero. What would draw in any person who looked past the brash exterior and harsh features. Elphaba was hauntingly sensual with her raw passion for what mattered most to her. Galinda quickly turned away, before she could be further hypnotized.

Elphaba reached out and turned her chin back. Galinda's stomach fluttered, because she was terrified.

"Don't worry, Miss Galinda," Elphaba wore a wry smile, "We're still part of two separate worlds, you and I. You'll have the boys to yourself like nothing has changed."

Elphaba refused to talk anymore, and blew out her lamp as she climbed into bed.

Galinda lay awake for a long time, unable to sleep. Brown eyes were emblazed into her mind. Rich, dark eyes the color of upturned earth, flecked with emeralds. Eyes that gave away deep, dark dreams of wonders and horrors unknown. It was terribly frightening, and yet enthralling.

And that was what scared Galinda the most.

* * *

Fiyero woke up the next morning groggy, with a vague feeling that something was different. He rolled over and scratched his wildly disarrayed hair, as the sun streamed in through the curtains. He sat up, and suddenly it came back to him. The feeling of flesh on flesh, the racing of his heart, and the rushing release, all become real again. For a moment, he thought it might have been a dream, and then he rubbed his shoulders, where her deceivingly delicate fingernails had dug into his skin. He had slept with Elphaba Thropp.

He was a bit ashamed, and a bit exhilarated. Fiyero wasn't sure which the appropriate emotion was. He knew, as far as his Arjiki lineage was concerned, they tended to overlook the indiscretions of a young college student. He wasn't sure about Elphaba's family, though. Wasn't she to be the Eminent Thropp? He didn't know what was expected of a Governess of Munchkinland. Perhaps she had awoken this morning with horrible regret, even disgust, at what she had done. What if she hated him? And then he considered why it would matter so much, if she did.

"Rough night?" a voice suddenly asked.

Fiyero turned to see Avaric, with whom he shared his suite. As a Vinkun prince and a wealthy Gillikin suitor, they were given the privilege of a larger room, with a washroom that was freshly stocked each morning. This morning, Fiyero was grateful for it. He stood up and stretched, feeling gluey and uncoordinated.

"You look like you're about a pint shy of passing out," Avaric teased, "I thought you were a good little prince who studied till midnight?"

"Not now Avaric, it was a long night," Fiyero mumbled.

Avaric smirked, enjoying the harmless jeering, "All right, fine. Doesn't look like you did any lasting damage, but I'll figure it out. There's only so much trouble you can get into around here. And next time," he tossed a hand towel at Fiyero, "invite me."

Fiyero grimaced and tossed the towel into the laundry. He wasn't certain if he would be having another night like the previous one, but he certainly would not be inviting his suitemate.

The previous night, he and Elphaba had arrived at the dining hall just as dinner was concluding. They got the last scrapings of vegetable stew, and Fiyero had proceeded to watch her read a book for the next two hours. It was always a bit disconcerting, how she could eat with one hand and read with other, all while never taking her eyes off the large tome in front of her. Fiyero had tried to make conversation, because it seemed to be the decent thing to. However, Elphaba would simply answer politely and return to her book, as though he had merely dropped by her table because there was a shortage of seating elsewhere. She had given no indication as to whether she was happy or upset, or even affected by what had transpired between them. She was as unreadable as she'd ever been, and it frustrated him.

Now, based on the current time, Fiyero could tell he was going to be late for his first class. He washed up quickly and pulled on fresh clothes. He gave himself a long look in the mirror that decorated one wall of the washroom. He looked like himself. His hair was now combed and his clothes were pressed well enough. Still, there was a part of him that felt everyone would be able to see through him to his secret. He felt like somehow, they would all simply _know._

_Fiyero Tigelaar isn't a virgin. Fiyero slept with a girl he barely knows._

He imagined that he could hear the gossip before it even began. He knew it was illogical, and was probably born out of being so young, but he was unsettled. Taking a deep breath, Fiyero made his way to first class, his books clutched a little too tightly under his arm.

* * *

He tried to catch Elphaba later that day, when he knew she usually grabbed some fruit from the dining hall before her sorcery class. Yet she was nowhere to be seen, and he cursed the fact that she'd picked today to be either early or late. Or perhaps she had woken up, realized what she had done, and fled the university. Maybe she was afraid and ashamed, or would be in some sort of horrible trouble with her father. What if Madame Morrible had found out? Fiyero couldn't imagine how, but his mind raced through every unlikely scenario. Certainly there was a strict rule against him having been in the girls' dormitory. Would they expel Elphaba? What about himself?

Fiyero hardly paid attention in Mathematics and Early Unionist History that afternoon, his mind racing in a way he was sure was altogether unmasculine. Shouldn't he be out celebrating some sort of conquest? Shouldn't he be laughing it up with Avaric and his shallow cronies? Isn't that what his suitemate did most Saturday mornings? But then, Fiyero never knew how much of what Avaric boasted about was true. And Elphaba was not like the dancer girls in the burlesque clubs where most of the young men spent their off nights. She had admitted to her own virginity. She was smart, studious, and she had goals that were bigger than most of her classmates. Why would someone like her have bothered with him anyway? Had she really been that captivated by the idea of committing mutiny by mere association? Was she now filled with a flood of regret?

By the end of the day, Fiyero's head throbbed from all the thinking. He crossed the campus wearily, hoping for a quick dinner and then some extra sleep. When he entered the dining hall, however, he easily spotted Elphaba sitting at a table with Galinda and her giggling friends. Galinda must have asked the green girl to join them. Elphaba was again reading a book, oblivious to the chatter around her. Fiyero crossed the room and approached the table, clearing his throat.

Galinda looked up and promptly blushed furiously. She averted her eyes and squeaked, "Hello Fiyero."

Fiyero swallowed hard. If anyone was studying Galinda's reaction, it would be obvious immediately that something awkward has transpired. He hoped no one was paying attention.

Galinda put her hand in the middle of Elphaba's book, causing the green girl to look up at him, "Elphie…Fiyero's here…" Galinda announced a little strangely.

Elphaba gave a tiny smile and threw out, "Hello. They've got chicken soup tonight. I heard it's decent, but I don't eat chicken."

Fiyero wasn't sure what to say. Her reaction was typical, casual and unaffected. It was as though nothing had happened. Elphaba turned her attention back to her book.

"Um, thanks," Fiyero muttered, turning to get in line to collect his dinner. He brought his soup back to the table and stood for a moment, hoping there would be an invitation for him to sit down. He waited just long enough to feel incredibly awkward. Elphaba looked up then, as though she'd just noticed he'd returned.

"You can have my seat," Elphaba offered, collecting her books and pushing her dishes to the center of the table for the kitchen staff to collect.

Galinda suddenly spoke up, "I'll be out with Shenshen tonight. She needs help choosing a dress for Saturday night. Don't wait up…unless you want to," she said the last part softly, as though it had only just occurred to her that she and her roommate might have something to say to one another.

Elphaba gave a little smile to show she'd heard, and then strode away. For a fleeting moment, Fiyero envied Galinda. She would have Elphaba to herself in their room that night to share secrets, to discuss him if they wanted. He envied the intimacy, and then he shook it off, because he hardly had any claim over Elphaba. Until yesterday, he'd barely noticed her.

With Elphaba gone, Galinda looked uncomfortable. She ate methodically, refusing to meet Fiyero's eyes. The other girls at the table giggled and whispered a little. He'd been around Shiz long enough to realize that they thought fairly highly of his title as a prince, but realized he wasn't confident enough to be worth a real crush. Plus, none of the lily-white debutantes Galinda associated with would consider courting a dark-skinned Winkie. It was the same, shallow attitude that made them shun Elphaba.

_I suppose that is the one thing Elphaba Thropp and I have in common, _he thought.

Unable to think of anything to say, Fiyero finished his dinner in silence. He gave a half-hearted wave to Galinda when she and her friends took their leave. Then he sat there, confused.

* * *

Fiyero tried the rest of the week to corner Elphaba. He wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to say. He thought more than once that maybe he should just leave it alone. Wouldn't most other guys just thank Lureline for a pretty satisfying one night stand and move on? Maybe he was trying too hard. Maybe Elphaba had gotten what she wanted and wasn't interested in anything else. But was she that selfish? Was it wrong if she was? Fiyero was entirely confused, and wasn't sure to whom he might turn to ask all these questions.

By the following Friday evening, he had worked himself into a funk. Fiyero wanted to be a proper Arjiki prince. He wanted to make his father proud, but suddenly getting an education and returning to Kiamo Ko to wed a girl he hardly knew seemed almost unbearable. He hadn't been much for stirring up a fuss until now. He'd been content to let life happen, skating along and doing only what it took to get by. He was very confused as to how one night with a strange classmate could make him question all of that.

Therefore, Fiyero was relieved, and perhaps too enthusiastic, when Avaric suggested they head to a local café that night and have some drinks. A popular band was planning to entertain, and there would surely be noise, girls, dancing, and drinking. It wouldn't be a wild party, but it was a distraction. Maybe he would find a vestige of his former self and put this week behind him.

He and Avaric put on clean shirts and combed their hair before heading down to the café. It was tucked away in a side street in the university town that thrived around Shiz. The musicians were already playing when they arrived, and Pfannee and Shenshen waived them over to one of the larger tables. Although the girls weren't all that taken with Fiyero, Avaric made them giggle and blush. Fiyero was welcome vicariously, he supposed.

They took their seats just as Galinda and Elphaba returned form the water closet. Elphaba looked at Fiyero with an unreadable expression and sat down next to him. Galinda pulled another chair next to Shenshen, smiling at a smitten Boq as he waved from across the table. Crope and Tibbett had come as well, taking a smaller table just a few steps away, where they could whisper and argue together.

"What do you think of the band?" Pfannee directed her question to Avaric, her eyes fluttering.

"Pretty good," he tossed out with his usual casual confidence.

The waiter took their order then, and Fiyero asked for wine. He needed something to take the edge off. He was inches from Elphaba and, for reasons he didn't understand, he felt like he was on fire.

"I heard they played in the Emerald City, at Le Palais. And they opened for Wizomania," Boq threw out, referencing the band, "They're trying to drum up a younger audience, by working Shiz," he kept eyeing as he spoke Galinda, hoping to impress her.

"They're good, but they are a tad…stuffy," Galinda agreed. Boq looked like he would burst with joy that she had responded.

"They need vocals," Elphaba suddenly added, surprising them all just by speaking, "It would soften the music, make it personal."

Fiyero looked at her, feeling like he should respond but having lost all ability to make decent conversation. He watched her lift her tea to her lips and sip carefully. Watching her delicate fingers clutch the cup reminded him of how she'd worked those hands over his body, how those lips had caressed him and taught him things that had been beyond his imagination. He envied Galinda, as she reached across the table and took one green hand in her own. She was trying to convince Elphaba to sing.

"Come on Elphie, it would be beautiful. You're the best of all of us. Have them play a song you know," Galinda pleaded.

Elphaba pursed her lips and tugged on her long, dark braid. The others stopped talking, wondering if the green girl would do it. A couple of them smirked, wondering if she would perform, or just embarrass herself. Elphaba finally gave in and stood up. She removed her sweater and draped it over the chair. Beneath, she wore a longer dress that wasn't particularly feminine or delicate, but it left her arms bare. Fiyero swallowed hard as she crossed to the stage and caught the saxophone player between numbers. They spoke for a moment, and the middle-aged musician smiled.

Elphaba took the stage and the band began to play. The song was haunting, with a slow, steady rhythm like the beating of a heart. Swaying just slightly to the music, Elphaba began to sing. Her voice was a rich, deep, mezzo-soprano that turned the heads of the other customers at the café.

Fiyero suddenly felt very warm, and he downed the first glass of wine and ordered another. When it came, he tried to sip, but Elphaba was making his heart pound. She knew nothing of flirtation, but as she swayed to the music, lost in her own world, she let her eyes close seductively. Fiyero noticed how long and dark her lashes were, as they brushed her cheeks. With so much of her emerald skin revealed, he couldn't stop himself from remembering the sight of her whole, naked body, lithe and willing beneath him.

_This is normal, _he told himself, _you're a young man, barely an adult. You've opened the cork on something and now you can't control it. This is why the other boys go to the shows every weekend._

Still, Fiyero tried desperately to reign in his thoughts. As he took another gulp of wine, Elphaba opened her eyes and fixed her gaze on him as she sang. It was probably entirely accidental, but it felt like she could see right through and into him. Fiyero felt his body flush, and then felt his trousers tighten over an arousal he could not control.

He fled the café then, before anyone could notice, before he could have a chance to truly embarrass himself.

* * *

A few hours later, Fiyero was still awake and lying in bed when Avaric came through the door of their suite.

Seeing him awake, Avaric threw out, "What happened to you? Surely you didn't get sick off of what, a glass and a half of wine?"

"No," Fiyero threw out without moving, "I…already had a headache. Maybe I've caught something…I thought for a moment I would be sick," he lied.

"Seriously?" Avaric questioned, sensing Fiyero was not being entirely truthful.

"Yeah," Fiyero answered without much conviction.

Avaric kicked off his shoes and tossed his shirt onto the back of a chair. He flopped down onto his bed and lit one of the lamps, "You're a mess," he accused, "You've been a mess all week. I don't know what's going on with you, but if you don't get it sorted out you might as well pack up and leave. You'll flunk out from this funk you're in."

Fiyero finally sat up, realizing he wasn't going to have any peace tonight. Avaric had had just enough alcohol to make him even more over-confident. Fiyero knew him well enough to know that Avaric would hassle him until he got what he wanted. But then, Fiyero considered, maybe he really did care. Maybe beneath his brash exterior, Avaric really didn't want his roommate to flunk out of Shiz.

Fiyero sighed and ran a hand through his coarse hair, "It's complicated," he tossed out.

"So there is something!" Avaric looked triumphant, "Have they appointed someone else to your spot in the Winkie royal court? Did someone overthrow your family and steal your crown?"

Fiyero shot him a warning look, not appreciating the teasing tonight, "Your future is just as pompous and pretentious as mine," Fiyero reminded him.

"Fine, truce," Avaric relented, "So why are you acting like a psychiatric patient?"

Fiyero took a deep breath, still unsure about what to say. He had to confess, though. He knew he was going to explode if didn't. Maybe Avaric wasn't the ideal confidant, but he had few other options. At least Avaric knew something about dealing with women.

"I…" Fiyero started, "I…slept with someone."

Avaric raised an eyebrow, "And?"

"I'm not you, Avaric," Fiyero was exasperated, "I have an arranged marriage, remember?"

"So, what? You lost your virginity? It's about time. Get over it. Have a good beer and come with us to the shows tomorrow night."

Fiyero rolled his eyes and struggled with what to say. Clearly Avaric didn't understand his struggle, "Maybe it's not the what…it's the…who," Fiyero confessed haltingly.

Avaric was suddenly more interested, "So…who's the…who?" he asked.

Fiyero swallowed, "I slept with Elphaba Thropp," he finally spit out.

The words hung there, with neither of them speaking for a long time. Avaric looked genuinely shocked, "Wait…the green girl? You slept with the green girl?"

Fiyero nodded.

"So…she's really a girl? For sure? What was that like? Is she…normal?" Avaric probed.

Fiyero suddenly felt the need to defend Elphaba, "She's amazing. She's…beautiful."

Avaric smirked, "Still…that would have to be incredibly awkward. How would she even know what to do? She doesn't seem like she's ever touched another human before."

"Oh she knows what to do…." Fiyero threw out instinctively. Immediately, he wanted to eat the words.

Avaric's face broke into a grin, "Well, what do you know. The green bean has cast a little spell on you. We've always known she was a bit…witchy. Maybe, figuring a green girl wouldn't be much sought after by suitors, her family trained in her the art of…shall we say, pleasure?"

Fiyero stood up, suddenly defensive, "If you spread one rumor, if you do one thing to tarnish her reputation or her chances at this school, I'll…I'll…"

"You'll what?" Avaric stood, not as tall but clearly more confident.

"Just…keep your mouth shut, for once?" Fiyero lost his steam.

"Fine," Avaric smirked, "Maybe this is a secret we want to keep between you and I, anyway. Maybe I should pay the green girl a little more attention, if you know what I mean…"

"No!" Fiyero barked, louder than he intended.

"Why?" Avaric's question was clearly loaded, "She obviously knows how to handle herself. Do you now have some sort of claim over her?"

Fiyero felt deflated, "No…I suppose not," he finally admitted.

Avaric flopped down onto his bed with a small bottle of whiskey he produced from under the mattress, "Don't look so tortured," he tossed out, "She still a bit…green, for me."

Fiyero laid down again, suddenly tired. Their conversation had calmed him down a little. It was still a long time before he could fall asleep, though. Based on Avaric's reaction, what he had done wasn't all that unusual. Still, he feared that in defending Elphaba, he had opened a can of worms he should have kept tightly sealed. He wasn't sure how much of Avaric's experience was true, but Elphaba surely didn't need him leering after her.

Fiyero finally fell into a troubled sleep, hoping that morning would bring him more wisdom, and that perhaps Avaric had been intoxicated enough to forget the whole thing.


	3. Chapter 3

_The more I think, the less I see,  
when I'm able to walk,  
I'm queen of my world.  
I let it rain on my skin.  
I don't let myself down,  
just wanna be one with you._

_I don't ask myself why,  
I wanna be one with you,  
just wanna be one with you._

_Rock Your Soul, _Elisa

**Chapter 3**

The following Monday, Galinda returned to her room to find two envelopes that had been slipped under the door. One was addressed to herself, and one to Elphaba. She laid her roommate's on her bed, and crossed to her own bed to tear open the note. Inside, on ornate stationary in carefully rendered script, was a request that she meet with Madame Morrible at six o'clock in the evening.

Galinda dropped her satchel of books and studied the note. It was ordinary enough, with no indication of intent or outcome. She furrowed her brow, certain she'd done nothing worthy of reprimanding, or even praise, for that matter. Suddenly, she glanced up, remembering the other envelope. It lay on Elphaba's bed, raising a myriad of questions.

_She knows…_

It was all Galinda could think. Then she began to panic, wondering if Elphie could be expelled for carrying on with Fiyero. Could Morrible possibly know the extent of what had gone on, or had she just gotten word that Fiyero had been in their room? She sat very still on her bed and began to imagine every scenario in which their headmistress could confront her and Elphaba. In every one, Galinda ended up crying and begging that Morrible believe she'd had nothing to do with the green girl's choices.

When Elphaba came through the door some time later, Galinda jumped up with a little shriek.

"Elphie!" she squealed, "You scared me."

"Those are those who say I'm scary," Elphaba quipped, dropping her books, "You look like you ate a rotten grape. Rough day?"

"Um…there's a note for you," Galinda choked out, pointing toward her roommate's bed.

Elphaba turned to find the envelope. She tore it open and studied it, her expression blank, "So six o'clock?" she finally said, "We'll be late for dinner."

Elphaba's calm made Galinda panic more, "Elphie…can you imagine…what she might want?"

"I have no idea…to force us to include my sister in more social events? As though I'm the expert on social events…" Elphaba complained.

"Elphie…" Galinda tried again, "do you think that maybe it has something to do with…" she blushed, unable to finish.

"With what?" Elphaba's tone was guarded.

"With you…and…Fiyero…"

Several emotions flickered across Elphaba's face before she settled on angry defensiveness, "What about Fiyero and me?"

Galinda gave an exasperated grumble, "Come on Elphie…don't be coy. You know what I mean."

Elphie raised an eyebrow, "I have never, in all my life, been coy."

Galinda growled in frustration, "Elphie, just last week I came in to find Fiyero in our room, and both of you were in a less than modest position! Don't you think it's a little possible that somehow Morrible knows! Couldn't you be expelled?"

Elphaba crossed her arms over her chest, "It's possible if you said something to her. Otherwise, who else knows what goes on behind our closed door?"

"Elphaba! Just the fact that he was in here is grounds for expulsion!" Galinda was screeching now, her hands fluttering.

"Calm down!" Elphaba snapped, "If Morrible truly wanted to expel me, why would she ask to speak with you?"

"Because she thinks I was privy to your…your…escapades!"

"Escapades?" Elphaba said with a disdainful smirk, "I see you're not any closer to being able to get the word _sex_ past your pretty lips."

Galinda started to answer, but couldn't seem to find the right argument. She finally just let out an aggravated wail and flopped down on her bed. Elphaba waited for a moment, and then sat down on her own bed and opened a book. They sat like that, in an uneasy silence, until quarter of six o'clock.

* * *

As the clock tower chimed six times, Galinda and Elphaba sat side by side in their headmistress' office. Elphaba chewed a fingernail, her other hand drumming impatiently on the chair. Galinda wrung her hands while chewing her bottom lip.

Promptly after the last toll of the clock, Madame Morrible entered from the small door behind the large, ornately carved desk. Her dress was wildly inappropriate for a simple meeting with two students, with a large bustle and a cinched hemline that made her shuffle along, penguin-like. She was as pursed and unhappy-looking as ever. Placing her large spectacles on her prow of a nose, she studied a sheaf of papers on her desk. No one spoke for some time.

Finally, Morrible said, "I hear the two of you are doing well this semester. You both excel at sorcery, I understand."

"Yes ma'am," Galinda answered immediately in a squeaky voice.

"I prefer the life sciences, myself," Elphaba spoke up, her tone even. Galinda shot her a look of desperation.

Madame Morrible studied Elphaba, "We can't always choose our talents," she said flatly. After a moment, she continued, "Quite a coincidence, is it not? The two of you boarding together?"

Galinda cleared her throat and offered, "Perhaps more of an accident."

"But are there really accidents?" Morrible asked provocatively. Then she chuckled, an odd, wheezing sound.

"Do you have a different room assignment for us? Perhaps something to do with my sister?" Elphaba asked, clearly impatient.

The older woman studied Elphaba again, and then said, "No, no, Miss Nessarose is quite comfortable. I simply wanted to extend an offer to the two of you, to attend a weekly seminar of sorts. It would be conducted by me, personally. I would like to nurture talent, as I see it."

Galinda's face lit up like children during Lurelinemas. She squeaked a little, exclaiming, "I would be honored!"

Elphaba looked thoughtful, her hands folded carefully in her lap, "You know that sorcery is not my course of study," she offered.

Morrible narrowed her eyes, her fingers tapping gently, "It is merely an opportunity, Miss Thropp. However, I should remind you, degrees from this university are awarded on merit earned because of talent."

Elphaba drew a breath and pursed her lips. For a moment, Galinda was afraid her roommate would argue further. However, she simply nodded, adding, "Very well then."

"Good!" Morrible smiled, although her lips curled as though they were more accustomed to snarling. She added, "I also hear you two have befriended young master Boq. He's quite a good student, and comes from a solid family in Munchkinland, an excellent choice for a male companion. Perhaps there is courting in your future? I'm sure you both know that finding a suitable husband is part of your purpose here," she looked from Galinda to Elphaba, "Your family is quite significant in Munchkinland, is it not, Miss Thropp?"

Elphaba nodded carefully.

The headmistress looked thoughtful for a moment, "It's important that we remember where we come from, that we know our natural gifts and use them to work for the good of Oz. I see great promise in both of you, but that is not surprising, coming from Munchkinland and upper-class Gillikin. Fine slices of our great land, and very similar places, culturally. Civilized, growing in wealth, crucial to the prosperity of the Emerald City. Very different from the west, where the Vinkus and the grasslands struggle to be economically viable. Yes, I certainly can understand why you would befriend Master Boq," Morrible took a moment and looked both of the girls over, "I've always thought it very important to associate on one's own social level. I must admit, that was one of my greatest struggles, in allowing students from the Vinkun tribes to attend Shiz. Everyone's promoting equality now, so it was a concession that had to be made, but we'll all be wise to keep our bloodlines pure. Don't you agree?"

There was another silence as Morrible looked from one girl to the other, her expression stern but unreadable. Finally, she curved her lips into a grimace-like smile and dismissed them, "I'll look forward to seeing you in my seminar next week. Study hard girls," she ushered them out, "Your futures are both quite bright, I believe."

When the heavy door shut in front of them, Elphaba and Galinda stood staring at the ornate façade for several minutes. Galinda spoke first, "So it was good news! Think of it Elphie, working personally with the headmistress!"

Elphaba furrowed her brow, "I suppose she didn't give us much of a choice."

"Elphie! How can you be so ungrateful?"

"Come on," Elphaba pulled Galinda down the corridor and out of the building. When they rounded the corner into the courtyard, Elphaba dropped onto one of the benches. They were both breathless from fleeing the building.

"What in the world, Elphie? You're scaring me…" Galinda squeaked.

"Probably won't be the last time," Elphaba quipped, "There were too many ears in there. Don't you see what Morrible wants?"

"What?" Galinda looked perplexed.

"She wants us to stay away from Fiyero."

"No, Elphie, surely not. She's just being proper. After all, what do we have in common with the tribes from the west? They're still so…uncivilized," Galinda shuddered.

Elphaba's face darkened, and her eyes flashed, "Fiyero is no animal. You should take the time to know him."

Galinda scoffed, "So should you! You hardly know him! I'd never known the two of you to socialize until…"

"Oh for the love of Lureline, just say it! We had sex! I didn't even attempt to hide it from you!"

"Well perhaps you should have!"

"Perhaps you shouldn't be so quick to judge Fiyero! You sound just like Morrible! If you like, I'm sure you could sign up now to be her political puppet! You could strip Animals of their rights and refuse education to those from the Vinkus, and anyone else who's not like you!" Elphaba shrieked.

"Elphie," Galinda looked a little afraid, "you're yelling."

"Well, maybe some things are _worth_ yelling about! Maybe I want to do more with my life than sit in an expensive chair sipping tea! Just because things have been a certain way for a thousand years, doesn't make it _right_!"

"Okay…" Galinda sounded very small all of a sudden, "I just don't understand how…sleeping with Fiyero helps your…cause. Wouldn't it do more good to become a stronger sorceress?"

Elphaba let out a long, slow breath. She took Galinda's hands, as her own sort of apology, "Morrible is right, in a way. Association is everything. Power will come or it won't, but reputation is everything. A man is often condemned or promoted simply by association. We show what we value by our association. I've linked myself to Fiyero, whether Morrible realizes it yet or not. It speaks volumes about what I believe."

"So…you slept with him…to make a point?" Galinda looked perplexed.

Elphaba hesitated for a moment, and Galinda thought she caught a flicker of something in her roommate's face. It passed too quickly, though, and Elphaba threw out, "Sure."

They walked to dinner in an uneasy silence.

* * *

Elphaba couldn't sleep that night. She tossed and twisted in bed, her mind flittering over a thousand reasons not to participate in Morrible's seminar, and then another set of reasons why she should. She could certainly make good use of the training, but then, Morrible surely knew that. There had to be an ulterior motive to it all. Why would she want Elphaba to be more powerful? Or was it some sort of psychological game? Did Madame Morrible assume Elphaba would never accept training in sorcery from her? Was she hoping for a rejection? Surely the headmistress knew that to strengthen Elphaba would only strengthen her ability to defend Animals. It was no secret how deeply Dr. Dillamond's death had affected her.

And then there was the sub-textual implication that they should stay away from Fiyero. Morrible clearly wanted the girls to choose to shun him on their own. It would have been simple enough to expel one or the other of them if she just wanted to enforce the rules. This was clearly more than a matter of punishment. It was terribly complicated, and it was all giving Elphaba a headache.

When she finally slept, it was only fitfully, and she got up with the sun. Dressing quietly, she left Galinda sleeping soundly in her fluffy bedding. Elphaba walked aimlessly for a bit, considering her options. She certainly wanted no part of being a pawn for Morrible and whomever she was associated with. She wondered if perhaps the Headmistress had overestimated Elphaba's family's influence. She couldn't know that Elphaba only intended to accept the title of Eminent Thropp if she was free to move Munchkinland in the direction of fairness. She had little use for lofty titles that were merely used to manipulate people.

For all her snarky confidence, Elphaba was not entirely sure what her future held. She fancied herself a diplomat, helping to forge better relations between the very different cultures in Oz. Or perhaps renegotiating the Animal Advocacy Laws. It was a fanciful dream though, because deep down, Elphaba felt that Oz was too corrupt to accept her or her ideas.

Still walking, her somewhat random path had led her to the front of the library. It was early, and its doors had only recently been unbarred. Elphaba pushed her way inside and stood there for a moment, taking in the scent of the books. She wandered over to the history section. She loved history, because it revealed so much about people. It was often subjective, and very much about what one chooses to take from it. Elphaba believed History to be like holding up a mirror to all civilization and saying, _Here. This is who you are. What do you see? This is what we can do to each other, or for each other._

Wandering the aisles, she ran her fingers over the shelves of books, thinking, _Our reasons for hating each other are so circular sometimes…_

Elphaba finally chose a large, dusty volume on the history of the Vinkus, its tribes and culture. She dropped into a nearby chair and began to flip through it. There was the usual information, describing the annexation of both the grasslands and the rocky, mountainous area that became known as the Vinkus. The intricate lineage of the tribes and their chieftains was enough to make Elphaba's had spin. She was almost ready to close the book when she stumbled upon something that piqued her interest.

_Some years ago, during the reign of Ozma the Bilious, Oz was driven to the brink of civil war. The lands of Gillikin and the Glikkus in the north controlled a vast majority of the wealth. The emerald mines and the lumber trade from the forests of Gillikin were the driving force behind Oz's economy, and both Munchkinlanders and the Vinkun tribes struggled to squeeze a living from a land on the verge of a significant drought. Under the leadership of an Arjiki tribal leader called Hel-Azakar, several tribes banded together to form an alliance with Munchkinland which, at this time, had not tapped into its full potential as the bread basket of Oz. Together, both regions make up more than half of territorial Oz. Together, they sought to cut off northern Oz from Restwater, the largest and most reliable water source in Oz. In what would have been one of the greatest tactical strategies in Oz's history, the leaders of both Munchkinland and the Vinkus nearly succeeded in wrestling power away from the wealthy north. Unfortunately, word of the coup made its way to center Gillikin, and all that resulted were several bloody skirmishes on the borders of the grasslands. The death of Ozma the Bilius, and subsequently Pastorius, occurred on the heels of this time of unrest. _

_Upon his ascension to power, the Wizard was quick to placate the regions of the south with the Yellow Brick Road Project. The road was meant to generate income for the south, especially since it would be a direct route into the new City of Emeralds. The southern regions backed down, either to strategize or to see how well they could fare off of charging tolls on the Yellow Brick Road. The newly named Wizard of Oz has been intentional in downplaying how close Oz came to civil war during this time. Some believe he realizes the potential military and economic power the south possesses, and hopes to keep those people ignorant of their real potential. An alliance between the Vinkus and Munchkinland, along with the more recently discovered wealth of rubies in the far south, could bolster the southern regions enough to give them viability as an independent state._

Elphaba read the passage over and over again, considering its implications. She felt warm, as though a flame had been lit within her. She thought back over her time working with Dr. Dillamond, and saw things in a new light. He had been from the grasslands, from a family of Goats who had worked hard to send their only son to school. She remembered how fondly he spoke of his father, and how the older Goat had died hoping for the 'revolution'. Elphaba was horrified, realizing with certainty now that her teacher's death had been no accident.

_Everyone knows Morrible has ties to the Wizard, _she thought somberly.

Elphaba's swift and agile mind quickly put together the pieces. She might have unintentionally discovered a deep and vast thread of conspiracy running through Shiz. If the Wizard hoped to stall relations between the southern regions of Oz, he would surely have Morrible working to educate the upcoming generations that way. Elphaba felt sick, and she realized that Shiz could be just a front, a way to indoctrinate students into a certain pattern of thinking. Of course, she could also just be weaving her own fairy tale. Perhaps Morrible's subtle hints that she stay away from Fiyero were simply a result of a deeply rooted, personal prejudice. Elphaba swallowed hard, considering.

_I need to know what Dr. Dillamond knew. I need to see his office, _she told herself.

Her mind raced, as she formulated a plan. Her fingers tingled, as she considered the consequences if she were caught breaking into a faculty member's office. Still, she decided, it needed to be done.

_Someone should know the truth. I came here to learn truth, not carefully woven lies._

She left the library then, realizing she was very late for her first class. Breaking and entering would have to wait until later.

* * *

Elphaba was exhausted by the end of the day. Lack of sleep combined with a full day of classes, including an Elemental Chemistry exam, had sapped her strength. She trudged back to her room and collapsed onto her bed, leaving her books where they fell.

She woke several hours later, as the sun gave in to twilight. She rubbed her eyes, realizing she had most likely slept through the dinner hour. Elphaba grumbled a little to herself, and then decided she wasn't all that hungry anyway. The morning's events had unsettled her, and she couldn't calm herself. She needed to know if what she'd read was the whole truth. She needed to talk to someone who knew the history, who wasn't jaded by politics. Elphaba found herself wishing terribly that Dr. Dillamond was alive. Then, suddenly, something else occurred to her.

_Fiyero._

He was the very one Morrible wanted to keep her from. He might be somewhat feckless, when it came to conspiracy, but his family was significant in the Vinkus. He was a member of the Arjiki tribe. Elphaba drew a breath, leaping from her bed. She needed to talk with him. Now. She flew from the room, her stomach fluttering. She told herself it was from the urgency of her business.

Elphaba crossed the campus, easily scaling the vine-covered wall that separated the men's college from the shared portion of the school. She crept noiselessly to the men's dormitory and considered which room might belong to Fiyero. She knew that he and his roommate, Avaric, had been given a first floor suite, but that was the extent of her information. She was starting to panic when she finally caught a glimpse Fiyero's Arjiki family crest, which he had slipped inside the frame of the window. She slipped behind the shrubbery and tapped on the glass.

* * *

Fiyero was seated at his desk, hunched over a textbook and trying desperately to understand Statistical Factoring.

_Why this is important, I will never know, _he said to himself, rubbing his eyes. He was still finding it hard to concentrate, and his mind kept wandering. Try as he might to overcome it, Elphaba dominated his thoughts. He was starting to think that this was exactly why his father had warned him to stay away from women.

A sudden rap on the window made him jump, knocking over the chair. Fiyero righted it and crossed to the window. He pulled the curtain aside and suppressed a scream. Just outside the window, in the shadows, stood Elphaba. She motioned for him to unlatch it, and he fumbled with the catch. He finally lifted it open, and she swung herself inside before he had time to speak.

"Thank Oz you're here," she breathed, "I feared I'd trekked all across this campus for nothing!"

Fiyero opened his mouth to speak, and no words came out. Here, he had been obsessing over Elphaba for over a week now, and she was standing in his room. His bedroom.

Elphaba kept talking, pacing as she did so, "Fiyero, your father is an Arjiki Chieftain, is he not? Do you know if he remembers a military coup of sorts, from some twenty or more years ago? I think it's significant. I think there's something to it, something the Wizard wants forgotten. I think it may be why Morrible wants us to stay away from each other!"

Fiyero watched her pace, noting how she wrung her hands and talked mostly to herself. She went on for some time, as though it hadn't occurred to her that she'd broken many rules, as though she hadn't spent a week ignoring him. She didn't leave time for answers to her questions, as her thoughts came out in rambling bursts. He wondered to himself when that had become a quality he found irresistible.

"Elphaba…" he finally managed to get out.

"What?" she stopped pacing.

"You're in my room," was the only thing he could think to say.

Elphaba looked dumbfounded, and then raised an eyebrow, "So? You were in my room."

Fiyero scratched his head, suddenly feeling very warm. It was becoming a common reaction around her, "I know…" he started, "and you haven't spoken to me since…since…"

"Oh good grief! You're as bad as Galinda!"

"What?" he looked confused.

"Just say it. Just say _sex_. I mean, truly, we're not adolescents anymore!"

Fiyero turned to hide his blush, finding it rather unmanly.

"Don't you think we have more important things to discuss than sex?" Elphaba fired.

"Well…yes. It just seems as though we should discuss it…a little. I mean, I risked my arranged marriage for you," Fiyero admitted.

Elphaba just looked at him, "And I told you my motivations. I'm not asking you to love me, Fiyero."

"What if I can't help it?" he suddenly threw out.

There was a long, tangibly uncomfortable moment when neither of them spoke. Fiyero ran a hand through his hair, wishing he could stuff the words back into his mouth. Elphaba's face was unreadable, although her eyes were wider than he'd seen them. They were beautiful, he decided, full of fire, depth, and mystery.

Finally, she turned away and took a breath, "You don't love me Fiyero. Perhaps I shouldn't have involved you. I didn't know you'd react so…emotionally.

Suddenly, he was angry, "Then how was I supposed to react?" he demanded.

"It was just sex, Fiyero."

He caught the falter in her voice, the tiny tremble that made his heart flutter. He crossed to her, before she could say anything else, and kissed her.

Elphaba started to pull away, but he held her, just tightly enough so she would know this was absolutely what he wanted. He felt her melt into him, finally giving in to the heat between them. After a moment, she wound her arms around his neck, letting him deepen the kiss. She tried to speak again, but couldn't seem to pull herself away from him.

Fiyero's blood raced when she finally thoroughly gave in and began flinging her clothes away. He was suddenly clumsy, as he fumbled with his trousers and kicked off his shoes. They tumbled onto his bed, entangled in each other as they shed clothing and clung to one another. Fiyero struggled to control himself, being quite new to this.

Naked in his bed, she was more incredible than he remembered. She lit a fire in him that blazed unchecked. Their lovemaking was a blur, a moment when time stood still and their senses were filled only with each other. They were a whirl of brown and green, of blue diamonds and coal-black hair. Within a few minutes they lay breathless on his bed, still tangled in each other.

This time, Fiyero held onto her, kissing her languidly so she might know the extent to which she affected him. Neither spoke for a long time. After his breathing finally calmed, Fiyero said, "Isn't this the part where you leave and don't speak to me for a week?"

"Fiyero," Elphaba's tone was warning, "don't be crass."

He sighed, "Elphaba, I…"

She softened a little, at his inability to express his feelings, "Don't worry, I won't leave this time. I have more reason to stay."

"Really?" Fiyero looked hopeful.

"Yes," Elphaba's voice lowered, "Morrible wants us apart. It was more than chance that brought us here. It was history, and therefore destiny. And I need you to help me break into Dr. Dillamond's office."

"What?" Fiyero looked deflated.

Elphaba went on to explain what she had found in the library. She sat up and her voice rose and fell with excitement as she laid out what she believed to be a conspiracy. Fiyero tried to follow what she was saying, as she talked of government suppression of the south and the great potential in the tribes of the Vinkus. He loved her passion, of that he was sure. He loved the way she talked with her hands, the way her eyes lit up. And it didn't hurt that she was telling him all this while sitting completely naked in his bed.

But did he love her? He was too young to know. He'd never considered love before now. All he knew for certain was that he wanted her to be in his room for some other reason than to upset the powers-that-be.

"Elphaba," he finally interjected, "Could you just…lie to me? Tell me that you're here because you feel something for me?"

"I'm not a liar, Fiyero," she defended.

"So be it then," he gave in with a sigh, "I'll commit mutiny with you, or espionage. Call it what you like, just don't leave."

He kissed her again, noting it had gotten quite late. Fiyero assumed she was would pull away and insist on running back to her own room. Instead, she kissed him back, running her fingers over his already bare skin. He shivered and pressed her back into the bed again.

As the night passed, Fiyero took his time with her. Having already spent some of the pent-up tension, he explored and touched her, learning every curve and angle of her body. He was enthralled, intoxicated, and nearly drunk on her. They melded together and wrapped themselves around each other. They explored and learned from each other, discovering that lovemaking was a multi-faceted, sometimes ethereal experience.

Finally, breathless and flushed, Elphaba slipped from the room near dawn. Fiyero fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for the first time in more than a week.

* * *

For the next week, Elphaba crept through Fiyero's window each night. Avaric had taken leave to return home for a family funeral, giving them full reign of the suite. Fiyero was a little afraid, because she was becoming like a drug to him. He was still struggling to pay attention, to finish his studies. His thoughts were still consumed with Elphaba, but for an entirely different reason.

She could wind herself around him, brush her fingers over his skin and send his body reeling and wanting more. But then, she would talk, and he began to listen. She was intelligent and passionate, and he really began to try to wrap his mind around her theories about the leadership of Oz, and his role in its future. He argued with her, he agreed with her, and he feared for her, because he knew she could be gone in a heartbeat if given the opportunity to fight for her cause. Together, they struggled with how to gain access to Dr. Dillamond's personal files, because Elphaba's was convinced he had known something of importance.

"And what will you do with this information, whatever it is, if you find it?" Fiyero asked one night about a week hence. They lay wrapped in Fiyero's blankets, as it had turned suddenly cold, "Surely you can't work directly against the Wizard. You're too…visible."

Elphaba shot him a look.

He rolled his eyes, "Don't assume I refer to your color. You're to be the Eminent Thropp. You'd not only be a prisoner, you'd be a political prisoner."

"Then I'll be someone else," Elphaba mused.

"Who else is green?" Fiyero asked.

"Maybe no one. Maybe someone. Who knows. But if I drop my title, change my name, work covertly, I could mastermind something without revealing my identity."

"And who would you be?" Fiyero asked softly.

Elphaba thought for a moment, chewing her lip, "Fae," she finally answered, letting it roll of her tongue like a closely guarded secret.

Fiyero considered, "I like it. It suits you."

"I'm glad you approve," Elphaba snapped sarcastically.

"I've never made love to Fae…" Fiyero teased, kissing her neck in an attempt to seduce her once again.

Just as Elphaba closed her eyes, there was a clicking sound and the door was thrown open. Avaric stood, open-mouthed, in the doorway, clutching his traveling satchels. They all froze, and Fiyero swallowed hard. This was not going to be good.


	4. Chapter 4

_She can lead you to live  
She can take you or leave you  
She can ask for the truth  
But she'll never believe you  
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free  
She steals like a thief  
But she's always a woman to me_

_She's Always a Woman, _Billy Joel

**Chapter 4**

Avaric leaned against the door frame, a smirk slowly making its way over his face, "Well Fiyero," he said, his voice rich with sarcasm, "you didn't tell me you and Miss Elphaba were courting. Congratulations."

"We're not courting," Elphaba spat, sitting up and wrapping the blanket around herself.

"Oh, my mistake," Avaric's tone was acid, "Whoring then."

"Avaric!" Fiyero exclaimed. He could see Elphaba's back go rigid with anger.

With cat-like grace, she leapt from the bed, taking the blanket with her. She crossed to where Avaric stood smugly, and slapped him hard across the face.

For a long moment, no one spoke. The air between Elphaba and Avaric nearly crackled. Avaric made a point of raking his eyes over her body beneath the blanket. Finally, he said in a slow, even tone, "Fiyero was right. You do know what you're doing."

Elphaba inhaled sharply, pursing her lips together. She took a step toward Avaric, and, as she was nearly his height, looked him in the eyes, "Get out," she ordered.

Avaric laughed, and sidestepped her to flop down on his bed, "I believe this is my room," he jeered.

Elphaba spun on her heels and furiously retrieved her clothes from where she'd dropped them on the floor. She stormed into the washroom and attempted to slam the door. It was somewhat ineffective, as it was a pocket door.

Fiyero let out a long sigh and struggled to get his trousers on without exposing too much of himself, "Really, Avaric? Was that necessary?" he grumbled.

"Maybe I should define 'whore' for you…" Avaric threw out.

Fiyero fixed his roommate with a glare that could cut steel, "You really could leave, you know…"

"As I stated previously, I believe this is _my _room. Maybe Miss Thropp should take off her clothes in her own room," Avaric sneered.

Elphaba stormed out of the washroom then, her clothes hastily pulled on. She went for the window, to try and throw it open. She jerked it upward just as Fiyero crossed the room to her.

"Elphaba," he started softly, "Fae…" he wasn't sure what he wanted to say, so he put a hand on her shoulder.

She turned to look at him with a mixture of anger and fear etched on her face. Without a word, she swung herself out the window and was gone.

Fiyero let out a long breath and turned around. He crossed back to his bed and dropped onto it, defeated.

"Fae?" Avaric asked with a smirk, breaking the silence.

"Really…don't you have somewhere else you can be?" Fiyero's tone was angry now, laced with frustration.

"Nope."

Fiyero fixed his roommate with a hard glare, and then threw on his shirt. He stuffed his feet into his shoes and left with an echoing slam of the door.

* * *

Once Fiyero was gone, Avaric laid there for some time, remembering the sight of Elphaba clutching the blanket. He considered how her naked body had almost been visible beneath. She was clearly female, which he might have debated before this whole business with Fiyero. But she was entirely different than all the other girls he had pursued. Most of them were bouncy and curvy, with full lips and peaches and cream skin. He usually had his way with them, with his typical good looks. However, not nearly as many of them as he liked to admit were willing to go as far as Elphaba and Fiyero had. He embellished his stories, like most of the young men did. It was a cat and mouse game, trying to seduce the pretty, young dancer girls into following him and his buddies into the back rooms of the theater or café. Now, he considered the green girl, and wondered if being with her was as great as Fiyero seemed to think it was.

_Could just be inexperience, _he thought, _Maybe he has no idea what should be going on…_

Avaric's curiosity was piqued. He saw Elphaba in a new light, specifically, the flickering lamplight on her bare skin. When she'd slapped him, her hair had been loose, which was unusual, tumbling around her like dark cloud of mystery. She had smelled sensual, like sweat and men's cologne. It was a very different Elphaba than the snide, off-putting girl he'd first met.

He had also stood outside the door just long enough to overhear something regarding the teacher who'd died, Dillamond or something. Elphaba wanted into his office, although Avaric couldn't fathom why. Normally, he couldn't have cared less, but he realized smugly that he might hold a bargaining chip. He might have something Elphaba wanted. And he had realized tonight that she had something he wanted.

* * *

Elphaba sprinted across the campus, spurred into a run by her anger and frustration. She wanted to hit something, hard, and perhaps scream a little bit. Avaric was obnoxious on most occasions, but tonight he had been exceedingly vile. She scaled the trellis leading to the ledge just below her and Galinda's window, cursing all the while. She plotted Avaric's demise several times as she climbed, and beneath it all, nursed anger towards Fiyero for having obviously confessed to his roommate about their relationship. If what they had was, indeed, a relationship. Elphaba still wasn't sure, and the idea of figuring it out it gave her a headache.

She managed to force open the heavy window and heave herself inside the room. Just when she thought she'd managed to return safely once again, her foot tangled in the heavy curtains of the window and sent her sprawling, with a loud and ungraceful crash, to the floor. Galinda sat straight up in her bed, her hair in pin curls and her eyes wide.

"Elphaba?" she mumbled, looking a little afraid.

Elphaba cursed under her breath and struggled to free herself from the offending curtain, "I'm fine," she hissed, "Go back to sleep."

Instead, Galinda rubbed her eyes and looked toward the tall, heavy clock in the corner, "Elphie, it's one o'clock in the morning! Did you just climb in the window?"

"Yes. No! What does it matter? Just go back to sleep!" Elphaba was starting to sound panicked.

Galinda considered her roommate. Her clothes were deeply wrinkled, her shoes were untied, and she had her winter shawl on backwards. Her hair, normally so tightly braided or pinned back, was in wild disarray. Galinda sniffed the air, and smelled men's cologne.

"You know," she finally drawled, "that's a unique scent you're wearing. It's not local, is it? It smells more…exotic…like something from the Vinkus…"

Elphaba's eyes widened, and her unadulterated shock gave away her secret.

"I knew it!" Galinda exclaimed, "You've been with him, haven't you! Just the other night, I questioned my own sanity, thinking I saw you climbing into bed near dawn! Elphie!" she raised her hands to her mouth, "How long has this been going on?"

Elphaba pursed her lips and refused to answer. She stomped to her bed and threw back the bedding, kicking off her heavy shoes.

"Elphie! Don't ignore me, it's entirely rude!" Galinda protested.

Elphaba flopped down onto her bed with a huff.

"Elphaba Thropp! If you would stop for just one minute and give me a chance, you might see that I'm willing to be _happy_ for you! I know we got off to a chilly start, but I'm not an altogether spiteful person! I'm glad you've found a relationship, even if it is somewhat…unconventional."

Elphaba sat up, her eyes flashing again, "I have never once told you that I am involved in a _relationship_!"

Galinda looked dumbfounded, "And whatever is wrong with that? What would you call it?"

"My involvement with Fiyero is part of a greater plan. He and I are merely tools!" Elphaba was shouting now.

Galinda was silent for a moment, looking shocked and then saddened, "So you're…you're using him?"

A strange look flashed over Elphaba's face before she argued, "We're using each other, equally. It's complicated. You couldn't understand."

"And why not?" Galinda looked a bit hurt.

"It's political, controversial. I shouldn't even be speaking of it."

Galinda studied her hands for a moment, considering her perfectly buffed fingernails, "You know," she started softly, "I'm not entirely stupid, Elphie. I did get into this school on my own merit."

Elphaba suddenly looked very tired, and for a moment, Galinda thought she saw the mask of bravado falter. Finally, Elphaba simply said, "We're not in love, Galinda. I know that would make a sweet story for you, but things aren't that simple. He's betrothed, and I know that. I'm not disillusioned. I know my place, my part to play. Fiyero and I want to see change, for the good of Oz. There is nothing more for us than that."

Galinda dared to ask, "Are you sure? Even if he hasn't cracked your heart of steel, are you certain you haven't touched his?"

Elphaba looked deeply surprised for a moment, perhaps at the depth of Galinda's assessment. Her face reset itself almost instantly, though, and she would say no more.

When Galinda realized there would be no more answers, she curled back under her blankets to sleep. She could not, however, shake the deep and unexplainable feeling of sadness she felt for Elphaba.

* * *

The following day dawned gray and moist, with a continuous drizzle. A cloud of fog hung over the University like a dirty, discarded blanket. There were no classes this morning, and most students had holed themselves in their rooms, preparing frantically for mid-term examinations, which would take place the following week.

Elphaba slept later than she intended, on account of her late-night endeavors the previous week. When she woke, Galinda was gone, her bed neatly made. Elphaba felt a twinge, recalling their conversation the night before. It was a confusing feeling, somewhere between sadness and anger. She was unsure what she should feel. She would not allow her relationship with Fiyero to be called more than it was. Somehow, Galinda seemed unable to accept that their physical relationship could be more political than romantic.

_I need him,_ Elphaba told herself, _He's the other half of an important scheme. We could change the world we know. Like the brush of a butterfly's wings…_

She refused to dwell on it further. She had important business today. Elphaba dressed quickly, fastening her hair tightly and making sure her boots were properly laced. Knowing most everyone would be distracted with their upcoming exams, including the professors, she felt she needed to make a move today. She needed to get into Dr. Dillamond's office.

Elphaba made her way across campus, her feet crunching in the layer of frost that remained, because the sun had not emerged to burn it away. She approached the large, main building that housed the University's offices, including that of Madame Morrible. Elphaba scaled the steep staircase and swallowed over the large lump in her throat as she pushed open the heavy door. She padded softly down the corridor and approached the Headmistress' door. She rapped carefully, arranging her features into a look of casual need.

"Miss Elphaba?" Madame Morrible looked a bit surprised, "I would have thought that one of my favored students would be diligently studying today."

"Of course, that was my intention," Elphaba tried to sound nonchalant, "but I have a terrible headache, and hoped you might have some powder to ease the pain so that I can better study."

Morrible looked at her, pursing her lips and clutching the door with claw-like fingers, "Yes," she finally said, "Of course," she gestured for Elphaba to enter.

Elphaba perched carefully on the edge of one of the large chairs where she had sat just days earlier. She watched as Morrible removed a key from a large drawer.

"If you'll wait here, my dear," Morrible instructed, "I'll retrieve something for you from the infirmary."

Elphaba watched carefully as the Headmistress slipped through a side door into small, closet-like room where she kept medicines and a potential abundance of other secrets. She sprung from her chair once Morrible was behind the closed door. She carefully pulled open the largest drawer of the desk and studied its contents.

Inside, the drawer was divided into tiny compartments, each holding a key. They were labeled, allowing her to know which one accessed which door. Elphaba ran her fingers over them quickly, finally coming to a square labeled 'Dillamond'. To her horror, it was empty. She stood there for a moment, shocked, and then carefully shut the drawer. She sprinted back to her seat as Morrible reentered, carrying a small vile of powder.

"This should work quite sufficiently," Madame Morrible drawled, pressing the vile into Elphaba's hand. The older woman held onto the green girl's fingers for a moment, studying her with an unreadable expression. Elphaba felt her face flush with warmth, and she struggled to keep herself from trembling. Finally, Morrible released her and smiled her usual, forced smile.

"Thank you," Elphaba muttered, hoping her quick exit would be attributed to her need to return to her room and resolve the headache.

Outside the building, Elphaba slowed down and kicked at the scrubby grass. She cursed her luck, that the key had already been removed. Now, she would have to resort to actual breaking and entering. She felt a growing sense of dread, because she was far better at arguing, or philosophizing, than lock picking.

She crossed the campus again, this time making her way through the thick grove of trees in front of the life sciences building. Elphaba slipped through the front door, her footsteps echoing in the nearly empty building. At the end of the long, quiet hallway, she approached Dr. Dillamond's office. As expected, she found the door securely locked. She considered the other offices and classrooms on the hallway. The door next to the Doctor's turned out to be a rather cluttered storage closet. Neither the classroom across the hall, nor the nearest office offered access to the room where Dr. Dillamond had conducted his research.

Elphaba grumbled in frustration, and tried not to stomp back down the hall. She slipped around the outside of the building to the corner where the Doctor's office was located. She considered the windows, which were shuttered tightly. They were wide, heavy windows set in an ornate framing that most likely weighed far more than Elphaba could lift on her own. She dug her fingernails into her palms, trying to bite back her intense frustration. She considered simply waiting until dark and then throwing something heavy through one of the windows. However, she felt sure that someone would come running before she had a chance to thoroughly search the office.

Elphaba walked a few paces away and leaned against a large, gnarled tree. She crossed her arms over her chest against the chill and considered her options. For the first time in her life, she wished her childhood had contained something besides an endless parade of Unionist sermons and needy Quadlings. Such a strict, religious upbringing had done little to prepare her for subversive activity. She was lost in her frustration when a voice suddenly startled her.

"Looking for something?"

Elphaba whipped around to see Avaric standing just behind her, lounging against another tree.

"Certainly not for you," she snapped.

"That's a harsh assessment of someone who wants to help you," Avaric drawled.

Elphaba looked as though she were ready to spit, "Help me? I hardly believe that's possible."

"You certainly seem to be helping Fiyero."

Elphaba raised her hand to slap him again, but she stopped short when he held up his hand to block hers. In his hand dangled a large key.

With a smirk, Avaric offered, "I think this is what you've been looking for."

Elphaba crossed her arms over her chest, "I can't imagine how you would have any idea what I'm looking for!"

"The key to Dillamond's office?" he hissed.

Elphaba's eyes widened, but she recovered quickly. "Even if that was something I needed, I cannot believe you expect me to believe that you could possibly have the real key to the Doctor's office."

Avaric stepped closer, so that his breath was warm on Elphaba's face, "I'd be happy to prove it to you," he whispered.

They stood like that for a moment, each unwilling to give in. Finally, Avaric strode across the lawn toward the building's entrance, dangling the key above him. Elphaba clenched her fists and begrudgingly followed, stomping the whole way. Avaric led the way through the doors and down the hall from which Elphaba had just come. He stopped at the door to Dr. Dillamond's office and carefully inserted the key. Very slowly, he pushed open the door.

Elphaba's eyes widened. She was unable to conceal her shock and obvious excitement that, somehow, he did indeed have the real key. She bolted towards the door, hoping to slip past him into the office. Avaric slammed it shut, however, just inches from her face.

Elphaba gasped and Avaric sneered, "Not so fast. You can't have something for nothing, you know. Let's talk about what I want."

Elphaba looked like a feral cat, cornered and angry, "What _you _want?" she spat.

Avaric chuckled, "Yes, what I want. In exchange for this key."

"And what is that?"

He looked her up and down, his eyes fierce and hungry, "You."

"As what?" Elphaba threw back, "As a slave? Are you so stupid that you need someone to finish your schoolwork for you?"

"I'm far from stupid, Miss Thropp. In fact, I think I'm fairly intelligent. I've managed to procure this key on my own, even if I did have to rely on my somewhat cozy relationship with Madame Morrible. My father is quite a generous donor to this school, if you didn't know. Your headmistress and I meet more often than you realize. The boys are far more willing than the girls to spill what goes on in the shadows, if you know what I mean. Madame finds that information…helpful. I'm also smart enough to know that there's very little you won't do for your…cause?" Avaric smirked as he watched the green girl clench her teeth in anger, "You're different from the others. I've always known that, but it seems Fiyero has discovered that different can be quite…satisfying."

"You wouldn't dare ask…" Elphaba whispered in a low, gravelly voice.

Avaric took a step closer, placing his hands on her shoulders so they were just barely touching, from forehead to toe. He tilted his head to whisper in her ear, "I want you to prove to me that you know what you're doing. I want you in _my _bed this time."

Elphaba did slap him then, and he was too close to jerk out of her way. He rubbed his cheek, still smiling, "You can do that if you want. Maybe that's part of what makes you so much…fun."

Elphaba turned and stomped a few feet away, letting out a little shriek, "You are a pompous ass! If you think that I would ever…will ever, let you touch me—"

Avaric cut her off, stating, "Think about it. Think about how badly you want this key," he started to saunter down the hall.

"I don't have to think about it!" she shouted, "I'll find my own way!"

"Good luck with that," he tossed over his shoulder, "You seem to have been having excellent luck so far."

Then, he was gone. Elphaba stood still for a moment, seething, and then kicked the door frame, hard. She stomped back to her room then, muttering the entire way and thinking that she might actually have a need for the headache powder now.

* * *

The following Monday, Elphaba was doing her best to avoid the doe-eyed looks Fiyero was trying to give her in Life Sciences. She knew he wondered where she had been for the past two days, and she was not in the mood to answer. With Avaric having returned, it seemed far too risky to be climbing in the window he shared with Fiyero. Then, there was the added complication of Avaric's proposition.

_I will never, ever let him touch me. He is vile, and disgustingly presumptuous, _she told herself. Still, a nagging part of her wanted that key. She wanted it so badly she barely heard Dr. Nikidik's endless droning.

_It's for the cause. What you're doing with Fiyero, it's also for the cause. If sleeping with Avaric is what it takes…_

She didn't finish the thought, because something inside of her twisted oddly. She felt a little sick, and she couldn't pinpoint exactly why.

"Elphaba? Elphaba?" she finally looked up, realizing the others were filing out of class, and that Fiyero was calling her name. He stood a few seats away, looking concerned.

She quickly gathered her things and shuffled out of class, with Fiyero tailing closely behind.

"Elphaba," he finally stopped her in the hallway, "You seemed…lost, in there."

She heaved a sigh and admitted, "I've been distracted."

He lowered his voice, "Are you angry with me, for telling Avaric about us?"

"No," she snapped, a little harshly, "Do you think I sit around and pine for you?"

Fiyero looked hurt, "You sound as though we're not even friends…"

Elphaba gave him a sharp looked and grabbed his arm. With a quick glance around the deserted hall, she threw open a door and whipped both of them inside. She slammed the door behind her and considered him, stating, "Don't be so whiny! We are friends, we're co-conspirators. I need you. We could very well be the alliance between Munchkinland and the Vinkus."

Fiyero still looked wounded, "And what then, when your mission is complete? We walk away from each other, indifferent?"

"You have your life, with your betrothed."

"And you?"

"There is always work to be done."

Fiyero took a step closer, putting his hands on her arms, "Don't you ever stop working? Don't you ever feel…Fae?"

Elphaba felt her skin bristle, and she was suddenly very aware that they were alone in a small, poorly lit storage closet, "Feelings are messy," she finally choked out.

"No," Fiyero pulled closer, barely brushing his lips over hers, "Espionage is messy. Feelings don't lie, at least not real ones."

Elphaba wanted to give in. She hated the way he made her lose control, but she justified it, deciding that it was ultimately for the cause, "You must understand," she finally whispered, "I will do anything, whatever it takes, for this cause. Can you understand that?"

Fiyero studied her eyes, not sure what she meant. Still, he had very little choice but to answer, "Yes. As long as what you're doing right now…is me."

He lifted her then, finding her much lighter than he expected, and pressed her back against the shelving. They made love in the murky lighting, finding each other's bodies underneath their clothes. She wrapped her legs around him, clinging to the rickety shelving for support.

When it was through, Elphaba kissed him hungrily and then bolted from the closet without another word. Fiyero stood there, disheveled and spent, and harboring a growing feeling that he'd entered a vortex from which there was no escape. He had no idea where it was leading and, deep inside, he feared there was no light at the end of this tunnel.


	5. Chapter 5

_She will promise you more  
Than the Garden of Eden  
Then she'll carelessly cut you  
And laugh while you're bleedin'  
But she'll bring out the best  
And the worst you can be  
Blame it all on yourself  
Cause she's always a woman to me_

_She's Always a Woman, _Billy Joel

**Chapter 5**

Later that evening, Elphaba sat on the soft grass at the edge of the canal, leaning back against a tree with her knees drawn up to her chest. Her books lay beside her, mostly forgotten. She pulled up blades of grass, tossing them haphazardly. She considered the water, flowing in a choppy rhythm down the same course it had followed for decades. She envied it, rolling on in endless, undulating continuity, so sure of its destiny. The water was master of its course, and slave at the same time. Slowly, but assuredly, it carved its banks out of the hardest stone, knowing that freedom lay where the river's mouth opened into the vast and limitless sea. At this moment, Elphaba would have paid handsomely for a glimpse of where the currents of her life were trying to take her.

She refused to dissolve into history, eventually only to be vaguely remembered as the 'green girl' by her elderly, drooling acquaintances. She wanted to do something that would cause the name of Elphaba Thropp to be spoken with reverent awe, and perhaps even a touch of fear. It was not about the celebrity of it, or the spoils of fame. She would happily be martyred tragically, if only to be remembered. Elphaba wanted to change something, to take her last breath knowing that someone was better off because of her. It was a dream she never shared wholly with anyone, for fear of how impossible it sounded. What she'd shared with Fiyero was the closest she'd come to laying out the things that burned deep within her soul. She'd let her guard down with him and revealed more than she'd intended. Now, she believed that choice was complicating the current decision she had to make.

Fiyero was clinging to her, if not physically, then emotionally. Clearly, he was unlike most boys, in that he'd wound his feelings up in the physical act of sex. Or perhaps, she considered, this was how all boys felt, and most of them spent a great deal of time behaving likes boars in order to cover it up. Elphaba then wondered if Avaric's utterly revolting behavior was somehow rooted in a pathetic attempt to be loved. If that was true, it still didn't change the fact that Avaric had reached a new level of obnoxious.

Elphaba let out a heavy sigh and tugged at her hair, wishing she had some sort of clichéd crystal ball to tell her how this should all play out. Should she risk having Fiyero walk away in order to obtain what she felt would be crucial information from Dr. Dillamond's office? She recognized that risk, because she was certain Fiyero would not take her sleeping with Avaric nonchalantly. He often didn't see things the way she did. He would not understand it was simply what had to be done.

"You look sad…" a voice interrupted Elphaba's maze of thoughts. She looked up into Fiyero's dark and brooding eyes.

"I'm thinking," she mumbled, not wanting the distraction.

Fiyero didn't take the hint, and plopped down beside her. After a long, quiet moment, he commented, "You know…this is the same tree."

"What?" Elphaba snapped.

Fiyero looked a little wounded, "This is the tree where I nearly stumbled upon you…the night we first…"

"Oh dear sweet Lureline! Just say it!" Elphaba huffed and rolled her eyes, amazed that no one in all of Shiz seemed mature enough to put words to what so many of them were doing behind closed doors.

Deflated, Fiyero tried again, "It just seems as though it's been longer than just a couple of weeks…"

"If you're less than satisfied, we can part ways now. I'm sure you won't dare try this with any other girl. So by the time you marry your pristine, Winkie bride, your virginity might have grown back."

Fiyero looked shocked, and then a touch angry, "Elphaba Thropp, has anyone ever told you that a vast majority of the time, you are just plain mean?"

Elphaba's expression rolled through anger, and landed on panic. She looked around quickly, her eyes scanning their surroundings. Seeing no one, she leaned over and kissed him, long and hard, as though she were trying to convince him of something terribly important.

She finally pulled away and breathed, "I'm sorry. I need you. We need each other. You understand that, don't you?"

Fiyero, who was too young and male to read into it too deeply, said, "Forgiven. And there's no chance of my virginity growing back, it's yours. Forever. No Winkie bride can change that."

Elphaba sat back on her heels and bit her lip, "Fiyero, we don't own each other. We can't. There is so much to be done, so much we can do if we both really want it. You can't own me. You must understand that the cause comes first. I have to do whatever it takes, and you have to be willing to let me."

Fiyero furrowed his brow, unsure of how to respond when she talked this way. Surely she knew he would never stand in her way.

_Unless someone tries to hurt her,_ the thought overwhelmed him suddenly, and surprised him, _I will not watch her be hurt…_

"Whatever it takes, Fiyero," she repeated ominously, "You must let me do whatever it takes."

* * *

Elphaba met Avaric the following morning. She waited for him outside the History building and fell in step beside him as he left class. She intentionally led them toward a quiet grove of trees, out of earshot.

"So you've considered my offer?" he asked.

Elphaba bit back a scathing retort, "Yes," she spat.

"And?" Avaric raised an eyebrow, stopping and turning to face her.

"The answer is yes."

"Yes…you will share my bed?"

"Yes! If that's what it takes! If that's how disgustingly carnal and self-serving you are, then yes!" Elphaba threw the words at him.

A smile spread over Avaric's face, "I'm glad to hear that. Come to my room, at dinner hour, tomorrow. Don't be followed, and don't bring company."

"As though I'd want witnesses to having slept with you," Elphaba growled.

She turned to leave, but he caught her arm. She twisted away, and he added, "Don't think you can make this a passive encounter, either. I don't want to have sex with a frigid crone. I want the Fiyero treatment. I want whatever it is that makes him pine for you like a drooling puppy."

They stared at each for a moment, the air between them crackling with unspoken hatred and Avaric's selfish lust. Elphaba finally stormed away, praying to every god there might be that this would be worth it.

* * *

The following day the skies opened up and unleashed a steady torrent of rain on Shiz and the surroundings towns. It fell in thick, heavy drops that soaked immediately through clothes, and seemed to penetrate skin and saturate the soul. Elphaba appreciated the sentiment of it, since she felt anything but sunny. However, by the end of the day her books were damp and wrinkled, and her clothes smelled like wet grass. She stoked the fire in hers and Galinda's room, tossing her wet clothes over a chair. She stood by the fire, warming her bare skin, when Galinda clamored through the door.

The blonde nearly tripped herself, trying to close the door with an armload of books, bags, a frilly umbrella, a rain cloak, and her shoes. She dropped the mess by her bed and shook her damp curls, hoping they were not too damaged for dinner. She finally noticed Elphaba and yelped.

"Elphie! Put some clothes on!"

Elphaba looked down. She was wearing stockings, undergarments, and the short shift she'd worn under her dress. It barely skimmed her hips, but still revealed little.

"I am wearing clothes," she deadpanned.

"Those are not clothes! Aren't you afraid someone will see you like that?" Galinda squeaked.

"Other than you?" Elphaba looked quizzical, "Who else comes in here? Have you started bringing boys to our room without warning me?"

Galinda let out a little shriek of annoyance, "No! I am not _you_!" she pointed an accusing finger.

Elphaba bristled a little, but didn't engage in the argument. Instead, she crossed the room and approached Galinda. She stood very close, reaching up to shake a few droplets of water from her roommate's blonde curls. Galinda was very aware of how close they were, of how Elphaba smelled of rain and fire smoke.

"No," Elphaba finally answered, "You're not me. But you could be. You could be _with_ me, anyway."

Elphaba whisked herself away then, throwing on a dry, dark dress and hurrying out the door with a purpose Galinda could only guess at. She was left alone, standing very still and feeling an unusual warmth that could not be blamed on the meager fire. Galinda shook it off, wondering what on earth Elphaba had meant.

* * *

Elphaba sloshed across the campus, her boots quickly becoming waterlogged and her dress hanging heavy from the rain. She nearly broke her ankle scaling the wall separating her from Avaric and Fiyero's dormitory. Cursing, she slipped behind the shrubbery to the window and rapped on it.

Avaric raised it carefully, offering an arm to help her. She pushed him aside and swung herself in of her own accord.

"You could accept basic chivalry, Elphaba. I'm not entirely without manners," Avaric chided.

"I believe you left manners behind when you began bartering with sex," Elphaba's words were caustic.

"I'd like to think there's something in this for both of us."

"All I want is the key."

Avaric pushed the window closed and studied her, not answering. Her efforts at drying herself had been in vain, as the trek across campus had left her drenched again. Her clothes clung uncomfortably, and her hair was heavy with the rain.

_The green really could be pretty_, Avaric determined, _especially with the sheen from the water…_

He wanted her. He was sure of it now. And he was used to getting what he wanted, one way or the other. He crossed the room and pressed himself into her, letting his lips graze hers hungrily.

"Let's get you out of these wet clothes," he whispered.

"Cliché," Elphaba snapped.

Avaric kissed her again, greedily, yet with practiced skill. He ran his hands over her body, pulling the buttons to her dress open. Elphaba stood, somewhat frozen, and let him.

"Don't make me do all the work," he whispered, "That won't earn you the key."

"I want to see it. I want to know you still have it," she demanded suddenly.

Avaric looked slightly annoyed, but crossed to his bookshelf anyway. He pulled the heavy key out just enough for her to see it, "Happy?" he asked.

Elphaba nodded.

"Now for what I want…" Avaric leered.

Elphaba glanced toward Fiyero's bed, suddenly vividly remembering him whispering _Fae_ into her ear. Again, something twisted oddly within her. Mostly just to rid herself of the feeling, she whipped her dress over her head and tossed it to the floor. Avaric's eyes widened at the bold gesture, and his hands hungrily groped her body. Elphaba turned her full attention to Avaric, if only to distract herself from the nagging sight of Fiyero's bed. Avaric relished the attention.

He was attractive enough, Elphaba supposed, with sandy hair and piercing eyes that were somewhere between blue and gray. Yet, as Avaric pulled the rest of her clothing away, she couldn't help but be overcome by the memory of blue diamonds on skin the color of rich coffee. So Elphaba doubled her efforts toward him, forcing the image away. She stripped off his clothes and dared to let her mouth roam over his body. Then, Elphaba pushed him toward the bed. He groaned in appreciation and pressed her back against his pillows.

Avaric was not gentle, and he was clearly as selfish in his lovemaking as he was in his everyday dealings. He held her roughly and pressed himself inside of her without regard for foreplay. He shut his eyes, focusing on his own pleasure, and roughly pulled at Elphaba's hair. She let her fingernails sink into his skin, thinking he might take a hint, but it only seemed to spur him on. Just as Elphaba's discomfort started to become pain, Avaric reached climax. He thoroughly shut her out, turning his face away as he focused on himself.

Suddenly, Elphaba realized she had never felt so very used in all her life. She had entered into this knowing that's what she was doing, yet she hadn't imagined it would feel quite like this. This had to be the most selfish thing one person could do to another, to lay them open, naked and vulnerable, and simply take without regard. And then, feeling a sudden stab of regret, she wondered if that wasn't exactly what she was doing to Fiyero.

Elphaba couldn't shake the feeling, and it was making her nauseous. When Avaric collapsed beside her, she bolted from the bed and starting to throw on her clothes. He protested mildly, but was clearly too spent to really care. After shoving on her shoes, Elphaba started to reach for the key on the shelf. Avaric was on his feet suddenly, and snatched it before she could.

"Not just yet," he sneered, "you've given Fiyero what, two weeks? I have needs too, you know. Come back in two days, same time. If, after that, I'm satisfied, then you may have the key."

Elphaba's mouth dropped open in shock. She started to lunge at him, perhaps to claw out his eyes and wrestle the key from his filthy hand, but something else overcame her instead. A sudden torrent of tears pricked her eyes, and she turned her energy toward stopping them. Not one who usually spent much time crying, Elphaba clenched her teeth in frustrated anger. She spat at Avaric and bolted for the window, refusing to let him see the tears. Not even the key was worth that humiliation.

When she was a safe distance away, she stood in the driving rain for some time, wanting to melt into the ground, to let the grass drown her. Fiyero had been right on one account. Espionage was terribly messy. For half a heartbeat, Elphaba questioned whether it was worth it.


	6. Chapter 6

_She is frequently kind  
And she's suddenly cruel  
She can do as she pleases  
She's nobody's fool  
But she can't be convicted  
She's earned her degree  
And the most she will do  
Is throw shadows at you  
But she's always a woman to me_

_She's Always a Woman, _Billy Joel

**Chapter 6**

That evening, at the conclusion of the dinner hour, Fiyero returned to his suite. He had more than a little studying to do, and the rain had done little to lift his spirits about it. He shuffled through the door and kicked off his water-logged shoes. Avaric was sprawled on his bed, rolling cigarettes.

"You know you're not supposed to have that in here," Fiyero commented flatly.

"And?" Avaric asked.

"It's not as though we can open a window to air this place out," Fiyero argued.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure I don't cause any of your fancy, prince clothes to smell like working-class tobacco," Avaric jeered.

"I'm sure it's not working-class, oh future Margreave of Tenmeadows," Fiyero scoffed.

Avaric sighed, "Now you've gone and taken the fun out of it, anyway."

"You missed dinner," Fiyero commented as he hung up his coat.

"It was worth it."

Fiyero turned and considered his roommate, who was lounging in visibly wrinkled clothes on a disheveled and unmade bed. Avaric's antics usually failed to surprise him anymore, but something felt slightly off. Fiyero couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. He sensed a presence, or perhaps just a charge in the air that felt wrong, somehow. He shook his head, trying to clear the strange feeling.

"Avaric, if you've had a girl in here, I'm sure I don't want to hear about it," he grumbled.

"Oh, but maybe you do…" Avaric smirked, behaving more obnoxiously than usual.

"Really, no," Fiyero argued, picking up several books and carrying them into the sitting room. It was the one great benefit of having a suite, to be able to be a room away from Avaric, if necessary.

He hadn't been studying five minutes, when Avaric sauntered in with a now-lit cigarette, saying, "So…"

"What?" Fiyero looked up, annoyed.

"So, how are things with Miss Elphaba?" Avaric drawled.

"Fine. The same. Why do you care?" Fiyero looked up, exasperated.

"Just hoping you haven't managed to screw up your first friend with benefits," Avaric leaned against the door frame, smirking.

Fiyero felt his face flush with anger, and he leveled Avaric with a cold glare, "Get out. Now," he ordered.

Avaric took a long drag off the cigarette, and then puffed the smoke back out in Fiyero's direction, "Tell Elphaba I said hello," he threw out with a smirk before sauntering back to the bedroom.

Fiyero grit his teeth, wishing more than ever that perhaps Avaric would lose interest in school, or flunk out, before spring semester.

* * *

The following afternoon, Elphaba dropped her books on her bed and decided she needed a walk. She had slugged through two midterm exams that morning, and was pleased, but exhausted. She wrapped a shawl around her shoulders and cut across campus to the pond just beyond the wooded area that bordered the University. It was hard to tell, here, that the school sat in the midst of a rather large, bustling town. The water rippled silently in the crisp, autumn breeze, and Elphaba studied the trees, reflected upside down in its glassy surface. She sat on the sparse grass and tucked her knees up to her chest.

_Elphaba, what are you doing?_

The thought came to her suddenly, as though the events of the past few weeks had finally caught up to her, and demanded justification. She was a little overwhelmed at her boldness, at her own blind determination. She couldn't see the future, and she had no idea if the revolution she hoped for could ever be realized. Elphaba knew she wanted to accomplish something, but she'd had very few role models in the area of setting and reaching goals. Her father had spun aimlessly in life, repeating the same tactics over and over, and yet hoping each time to see a different outcome. And her mother…

Elphaba thought back to her last memories of her mother, lying in bed, half out of her mind. Melena had never been tamed, not even as a mother of three children. She slept with whom she chose and made no secret of her indiscretions. Elphaba realized now that it was her mother's total lack of secrecy that had afforded her the very real, uncensored view that she had of sex. Her mother dispensed lovemaking advice in her stupors as easily as she sang nursery rhymes, even to a ten year-old child. The children had, on many occasions, stumbled in on their mother twisted around someone or other. It was the one, great sin that Frex had been unable to shield his children from.

Elphaba had spent so much time resenting her mother, both for her lack of attention and for up and dying on her, she had never considered how similar they might have been. Clearly, Nessarose had inherited the prudish, religious fervor of their father. Perhaps Elphaba, who had always considered herself unlike most humans, was a great deal more like Melena than she'd ever known.

_They said, if I favored anyone, it was her_, Elphaba remembered. She supposed it was something, if a bit of a strange something, to thank her mother for. Like her mother, she was not shy, withdrawn, or the least bit afraid of taking what she needed. Elphaba loved and hated in equal measure and with equal passion. She wondered, now, what Melena might have done with her life if she hadn't been quite so addicted to liquor and opiates.

_Melena would have slept with Avaric,_ Elphaba told herself.

She knew it was true. Yet she also knew that Melena would have done it simply out a lack of ability to tie herself to one man. Elphaba's energies were more focused. She was doing what had to be done, because she needed that key. It was the sole focus of her efforts now, and she determined she would get it from Avaric if she had to claw it from his self-indulgent hands. But then, she also needed Fiyero. Fiyero was another type of key. An alliance with him could turn Oz upside down, in time.

_But do you have to keep sleeping with him? _a tiny voice suddenly questioned, _You made your point, you've changed each others destiny already, in a way. Couldn't you simply work together now?_

Elphaba heard the logic in it, but she pushed it away, convincing herself that by sleeping with Fiyero, she had him hooked so that he could not easily walk away.

_It's necessary, _she told herself, _I need to know how committed he is…_

In the quiet, fading daylight, Elphaba suddenly flashed back to Avaric. She could feel his hands on her, feel his weight, and sense his utter lack of concern for her body or soul. She wondered, with a twist in her gut, if when it was all said and done, Fiyero would remember her the same way.

* * *

For the next week, Elphaba visited Avaric every other day, and with each encounter, grew angrier. She was coming to the end of her patience, and had begun to fear that Avaric never had any intention of giving her the key. It confused her, because he'd gone to the trouble of stealing it, knowing she wanted it. She had hoped that, given enough time, he would simply grow tired of this game, or tire of her. She had obviously underestimated the robust nature of the male libido.

Elphaba lay in bed at night and agonized over how to turn things in her favor. She supposed she could try and steal the key, but that would involve breaking into the men's dormitory. That was a far riskier venture than breaking into an office. She had considered plying Fiyero into retrieving it for her, but he was certain to begin asking far too many questions. He would also most certainly question Avaric, and Avaric couldn't be trusted to keep his mouth shut. She thought of simply taking it, while visiting Fiyero. However, she knew that if the key disappeared, Avaric would know how and why, and he would certainly ruin her chances of maintaining a relationship with Fiyero.

She tossed and turned through each night, sleeping fitfully and barely making it through the remainder of her exams. By the following Friday, Elphaba was exhausted.

That night, she fell asleep while Galinda was still out socializing. The next morning, she woke to bright, buttery sunshine, with an envelope stuck under her pillow. Elphaba pulled it out, yawning and stretching as she tore it open. It was from Fiyero, who must have sent it home with Galinda.

_Please meet me by the pond today. One o'clock. In the afternoon. Don't laugh at the clarification. I know what a night-owl you are. Please._

_Fiyero_

Elphaba considered it, wondering what he wanted, and then fearing that maybe he didn't want anything. It scared her, to think he was doting on her much. She considered asking Galinda, but her roommate was snoring quietly under her quilts. Thinking, Elphaba folded the paper and decided it would be a good morning for a bath.

Crage Hall was fortunate enough to have a fairly modern water closet for each floor, with a bathtub to be shared by those who were willing to haul and heat the water. It took Elphaba a solid hour, but it was worth it. She lounged until the water was cold, enjoying the clean feeling from her one decent brick of soap. Finally, she gave her hair a good scrubbing and pitched out the water. She then dressed and braided her hair back.

She felt worlds better, at that point, and was in good spirits as she swiped an apple from her personal stash. Elphaba made her way across campus, enjoying the solitude brought on by the fact that most students would sleep through lunch that day. She found Fiyero at the edge the pond, near the place where she had sat a week ago. He stood to greet her, looking overly happy that morning.

"You came," he said softly, taking her hands.

"Of course I came. You asked me to," Elphaba snapped.

Fiyero looked hurt, but simply added, "I wasn't sure that you would…"

"What did you want?" she asked.

This time, Fiyero looked as though she'd slapped him, "I thought…well, I brought food. I thought we could have lunch…"

Elphaba considered him, and then noticed the basket he'd brought, "You just wanted me to eat with you? Like a picnic?" she sounded incredulous.

"Well, yes. Only it didn't sound so preposterous and embarrassing in my head," Fiyero sighed.

Elphaba softened a little, "I'm sorry, I just…thought it was something important."

Fiyero's eyes darkened, "Don't you ever do anything just…because? Have you never had someone in your life just because you appreciate that person?"

Elphaba took a step back, "Fiyero, I have told you—"

He cut her off, "Elphaba, I'm not asking you to marry me. I'm asking you to eat lunch with me. Don't you have room in your life for one real friend? Can't we be friends, as well as conspirators?"

She considered the idea, and considered him. Elphaba was afraid to let him care, because she knew he would get hurt. Still, his smile was contagious. And he had said 'friend' and not 'lover'. She gave in and sat down, examining what he had in the basket.

They devoured the food, neither one of them having had breakfast. It was good, Elphaba had to admit. Fiyero had found some decent pasta, with salad, and strawberries that were quite fresh, for being out of season. She appreciated him remembering her uneasiness about eating meat. Afterward, they stared at the water, which was calm that day, and talked.

"So, what of our next year and a half, here at Shiz? What is your great plan for us now?" Fiyero asked.

"We keep an eye on Morrible, and refuse to be swayed by her methodology. We study politics, because it's a messy business. We continue to defend the Animals, to protest if we must. We let everyone know where we stand."

"And afterward, when real life begins?"

"Then starts the hard part."

Fiyero furrowed his brow, "All that stuff you said isn't the hard part?"

Elphaba let out a long sigh, "No, this is the beginning. Revolution starts small, but it's not easy. Our ancestors already tried once and failed. I cannot fail," she said the last part to herself, with a conviction that Fiyero found a little frightening.

"None of this sounds like an easy life," he mused, "What makes you believe I have the conviction to stick it out?"

Elphaba smirked, "That's why I'm sleeping with you, to keep you coming back."

Fiyero chuckled, but deep down was afraid she was right, "And what about once I marry my bride-to-be? How do you know she won't keep me…occupied?"

Elphaba quirked up an eyebrow and said, "She'll bore you."

"And you're so sure of that?" Fiyero questioned.

Elphaba felt a twinge of fear, considering for the first time what might happen once he was out of her sight. She wondered if she had a tight enough hold on him after all. So she pulled him to her then, to kiss him deeply, as if to convince him that no one could meet his needs like she could. Fiyero did not protest, pulling her down onto the soft grass.

Today, Elphaba let herself fall into him, to relish the tenderness with which he touched her. She had taken him for granted before, she realized. Fiyero, in spite of his inexperience, was a great lover because he focused on her. He watched her eyes, and felt the way she moved beneath him. He was empathetic, and drew his pleasure from hers.

Elphaba looked up at him as he made love to her, seeing how his eyes studied hers, how he kissed her gently and matched the rhythm of his body to her own. Something ached and flushed within her, something more than just the rush of sexual energy. Elphaba was afraid of it, afraid to give the feeling a name. She was afraid of what it meant.

_He's not yours, _she told herself, and then shut out her thoughts as she surrendered to power of being with him.

Afterward, Fiyero pulled her close and kissed her. He held onto her, and this time, she let him. She could usually do without the snuggling, but today, she felt frozen in his arms. As the hazy glow of lovemaking subsided, Elphaba began to feel a deep, heaviness within her. Images of Avaric and their repeated encounters nagged her, and she felt sick, imagining Fiyero's reaction if he knew.

_If he knew this body has been Avaric's too, many times. If he knew someone else has touched this skin…_

It was a bit poetic for her, as thoughts go, but she couldn't stop her jumbled stream of consciousness. She worked to convince herself it was because she needed Fiyero, for her plan, that she was so tormented.

_If it's merely conspiracy, should be enjoying it so much? _The thought suddenly hit her, and Elphaba pushed it away. She was a woman, after all. Who wouldn't enjoy Fiyero?

They stayed at the pond the remainder of the day, snacking on the basket of food and walking around the water's edge. They talked, they argued a little, and Elphaba let him make love to her again.

_For the cause,_ she told herself, and tried to believe that it was true.

* * *

The following day, Fiyero went into town to send some correspondence to his family, and Elphaba took advantage of his absence. Wrapped in a winter shroud to ward off the sudden change of weather, she crossed the campus and rapped on Avaric's window. In a stroke of luck, he appeared and pushed the window up for her.

"Well," Avaric looked smug as she swung herself inside, "Am I so appealing that you're making unscheduled visits now?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, "Don't flatter yourself. I've come for the key, now. You've gotten more than your share out of this deal. I want what you promised me."

Avaric's eyes darkened, "Obviously you've forgotten who makes the rules in this game."

"Game?" Elphaba snapped in disbelief.

"Is there something else you'd like to call it?" Avaric sneered.

"The reason I need that key is absolutely not a game! I do not have time for frivolous games! And I am running out of patience with your disgusting behavior—"

"Elphaba!" Avaric cut her off, chuckling, "You really are too much fun! It's so refreshing to be with someone who makes it so interesting…"

Elphaba stepped forward and hissed into his face, "You have yet to see _interesting_! Give me the key!"

Avaric licked his lips and leered at her, "Come back in three days," he offered, "and make it worth my time."

Elphaba grit her teeth and fought the urge to punch him in his smug smile. Part of her wanted to spit at him and refuse, but the greater part of her wanted an easy way into Dr. Dillamond's office. Though she was struggling to hang onto the idea that this was all worth it, in the end.

She stomped toward the window and threw back, "Three days. But this is your absolute last chance. Give me the key, or I'll find my own way."

Elphaba swung out the window without another glance.

* * *

That evening, as the sun faded into muted twilight, Elphaba paced back and forth across her room. She had lit the fire, to take the chill out of the air, and she wrung her hands as she walked. She had been unsettled all day, since speaking with Avaric. She was seething with pent up anger, and had to work diligently to keep from clawing his eyes out.

If she could think of any other way, any other solution to her dilemma, she would forsake the key and cut her losses. The worst she would be left with was the disgusting memory of having slept with Avaric. However, she could come up with no other option for finding out what she wanted to know. And Elphaba was determined there was something in the Doctor's office that mattered greatly.

She was still pacing when Galinda returned. The blonde was dressed up slightly, for Sunday evening dinner. She removed her gloves and jewelry, and kicked off her shoes. She was running her fingers through her hair when she noticed her roommate's erratic behavior.

"Elphie? Are you okay?" Galinda asked softly.

Elphaba finally stopped and stared at Galinda, "Yes. No…I'm not sure…" she sputtered.

Galinda frowned, "Is it Fiyero? Is he behaving crossly? Boys can be so very boorish, sometimes."

Elphaba sighed, "No, and it wouldn't matter. He can behave any way he wants as long as he sticks to our plan. No…I just…I think I need your help."

"Me?" Galinda squeaked with a shocked expression.

"Yes, you. I need…well, are you on good terms with Master Avaric?"

"Avaric? From Gillikin? Everyone knows Avaric. He's quite handsome," Galinda observed, but didn't seem quite as taken with him as some of the other girls.

"Yes, I suppose he is," Elphaba conceded through clenched teeth, "I need you to…distract him…"

"What? When? Is he bothering you?" Galinda looked genuinely concerned.

"No!" Elphaba snapped a touch too harshly, "No…he has something I want, and I need him to lose interest in keeping it from me."

"Why is he keeping it from you? And what is it? Elphie…it's not something…contraband, is it?" Galinda's eyes widened in fear.

"Heavens no! Well, not exactly…" Elphaba chewed her lip, finding the situation very hard to explain.

"I'm afraid I don't understand. What do you want me to do?" Galinda looked genuinely perplexed.

Elphaba crossed the room and sat next to her on her bed, "Just…flirt with him. Make him think you're interested. Capture his attention, for a time."

"Elphie! I am not at this school to pursue boys! Besides, I come from entirely too good of a family to be shamelessly flirting!"

"Oh please! I see you and Pfannee and Shenshen flirting like mad at the café!" Elphaba argued.

Galinda inhaled sharply and fluttered her hands, "We do not flirt! We banter, because the boys are sweet to us! Someday, they'll pursue one of us for our hand in marriage. We must build a rapport, but we do _not _flirt!"

Elphaba scoffed, "Flirting is flirting! Besides, I've never judged you for it! I just need Avaric's attention to be…elsewhere."

Galinda stopped for a moment, looking thoughtful, "And where is his attention now?" she asked.

Elphaba suddenly looked as though she'd swallowed a lemon, "He's a bit stuck on me," she choked out, "and it's becoming…trying."

"Does he not know about Fiyero?" Galinda asked.

"I have told you, Fiyero and I are not courting."

"So you say," Galinda teased, "but I say differently. Avaric can be a brute, but I would think he would give up if he knew Fiyero was involved."

"I'm not so sure," Elphaba mumbled, "Can't you just, flutter your eyes at him and see if he'll swoon a little? I'm tired of…"

"Tired of what?" Galinda looked worried now, "Is he truly bothering you?"

"You could call it that. He has something I want, something I need. And I'll never get it as long as he's focused on me."

"What is it?" Galinda's eyes were wider, and bluer, than seemed possible.

"I can't tell you. I don't want you involved."

"But now you've involved me," Galinda pouted, "And I think I deserve to know what game I'm playing."

Elphaba let out a long, slow breath, "Avaric's playing games with me, over something I very much need. I won't tell you what it is. I need you to have plausible deniability."

"What? Nevermind…what games?"

"Can't you just do this, for me? Without knowing all the details?" Elphaba pleaded.

Galinda shook her head, her curls bouncing and her eyes wide, "I know you, Elphie. And I don't want to be involved in scandal. Changing the world is your mission, not mine."

"Maybe it could be _ours_," Elphaba threw out, a tad bitterly.

Galinda ignored her and asked, "How is Avaric bothering you?"

Elphaba sat very still for a moment, struggling with what to say. Finally, she decided she could not possibly make this worse, and she needed Galinda.

"He's…using me. I've been sleeping with him in hopes of getting something from him," Elphaba explained, looking away as she let the truth spill out.

Galinda's mouth dropped open and, for a long time, she said no words. Finally, when she could close her mouth, she simply shook her head.

"Elphie," she brought her hands to her mouth, "what are you doing? Surely you don't want to be expelled?"

"No, you loon! I want…what Avaric has! I need it! And I need your help!"

"No!" Galinda was suddenly angry, which was odd for her, "You're behavior is entirely inappropriate! I cannot be associated with any of this! I _want_ this education! I _need _this school! For my future!"

"So you can be a pawn for the Wizard! So you can help enslave those who aren't given a voice to protest!"

"Elphaba, not everyone in this world is so bad! Not everyone is out to get you and ruin the lives of others! Maybe the Wizard is not entirely responsible for what's going on! Maybe you don't even know all the details! You're so busy being angry at the world, that you never enjoy it!"

"I'm sorry if things matter to me, Galinda! I'm sorry if I don't want to spend my life as a high-society creampuff. I am not a prize, or a decoration to hang on someone's arm! I see injustice, and I have to do something! You might find that you care, too, if you would use what's inside that pretty head!"

Galinda shook with anger, "And perhaps I'm not interested in becoming one of your secret missionaries! Excuse me for wanting a decent life! I never asked to be pulled into your circle of lunacy! I never asked to board with the official whore of Shiz University!"

After Galinda had shouted the words, there was a long, thick silence. Elphaba trembled, her face set somewhere between anger and devastation. She stood up and walked a few steps away before crossing back to Galinda's bed.

The blonde looked suddenly remorseful, "Oh Elphie…" she started.

Elphaba looked as though she might say something but, instead, slapped Galinda hard across the face.

Galinda gasped and brought her hands to her face. Before she could respond, Elphaba was gone. The echoing slam of the door shook the walls, like thunder before a storm.


	7. Chapter 7

_Oh, and the award for the best liar goes to you,  
For making me believe that you could be faithful to me,  
Let's hear your speech out_

_Don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not,  
When I know you're only sorry you got caught_

_But you put on quite a show, really had me going,  
But now it's time to go, curtain's finally closing,  
That was quite a show, very entertaining,  
But it's over now,  
Go on and take a bow,  
But it's over now_

_Take A Bow,_ Lea Michele, Glee Cast

**Chapter 7**

Galinda and Elphaba did not speak for the following three days. Elphaba did her best to avoid her roommate during the day, and spent her nights with her back turned, sleeping or pretending to sleep.

Galinda felt terribly about what she had said. In spite of the fact that she might never understand Elphaba's choices, Galinda knew her roommate wanted desperately to change the world for good. She also sensed that, beneath it all, Elphaba considered the two of them to be good friends. Otherwise, she never would have told Galinda about Avaric. She never would have trusted her enough to bring Fiyero back to their room. And one did not call a good friend a 'whore'.

It was tiresome, Galinda decided, to care about someone besides yourself. She realized that this was one of the first times in her life that someone else had truly mattered to her. Most of her friendships had been shallow and passing. Guilt was a disconcerting emotion, and Galinda very much wanted to apologize. She still didn't believe she could do what Elphaba had asked, but she wanted to help, somehow. Galinda hated the idea of her friend carrying the burden of it all on her own.

But Elphaba was not one to come around doe-eyed and looking for an apology. She was angry, hurt, or disgusted enough not to give Galinda as much as a cursory glance. No matter how Galinda tried, Elphaba would not be cornered. Galinda could only watch her, bent over in class with a studious frown. She watched her eat alone, or skip meals altogether. She watched her walking across campus, staring at far away things. It made Galinda sad, to think that Elphaba had been as intimate as was humanly possible with two men, and yet she could still look so devastatingly lonely.

On Thursday, Elphaba was not at dinner again. Galinda realized she had developed a habit of making sure her roommate was there, eating alone. She shook her head, thinking, _She skips too many meals. It's isn't good for her._

She was trying to figure how many meals Elphaba had skipped over the past few weeks when, suddenly, she put the pieces together. Galinda might not always be the most astute person when it came to the subtleties of human nature, but she was not stupid. She scanned the room, searching for Avaric's sandy hair in his usual corner. He was absent as well. She swallowed slowly, afraid to consider the reason why both of them were coincidentally absent. She felt dirty for even guessing at what was going on right now.

Galinda tried to shake off the thought. She tried to squeeze her eyes closed and force out of her head what she knew. She wanted no part in this. She did not want to be held accountable for Elphaba. She was not that brave.

Galinda's eyes fluttered opened when someone asked, "Can I sit here?"

She looked up to see Fiyero, holding a tray and looking friendly.

"Sure," Galinda offered softly.

"You look very unhappy. For you, anyway," Fiyero noted.

She shook her head a little, "I'm sorry. I'm being terribly rude. It's just been…a long few days."

"It has," Fiyero agreed, "but last weekend was nice. I mean, the weather was…nice. Not so cold…"

Galinda studied him for a moment, and then asked, "Was Elphie with you? Is that where she disappeared to last weekend?"

Fiyero blushed a little, "Yes. But it was strictly business, at least, according to her…"

"Everything is business, with Elphie," Galinda grumbled.

"I know," Fiyero answered quietly.

"We had a terrible fight the other day," Galinda confessed, twisting her napkin nervously, "I think because I just can't grasp her way of dealing with the world. She does things that I wouldn't have the courage to even ponder…"

"I know. But she has a good heart. She only wants what's right," Fiyero defended, his eyes ablaze with conviction.

Galinda considered him. She might not be the highest scoring student, or the most adept political savant, but she knew boys.

"You love her, don't you?" she asked.

Fiyero looked shocked and taken aback, "What? No! I mean…I can't. It's complicated, Galinda. That's not the kind of relationship she wants."

"What about what you want?"

"When did you turn into such an analyst?" Fiyero snapped, and she looked a bit hurt.

Galinda tried again, "Fiyero, I know I'm terribly old fashioned, but doesn't it bother you that…I mean, I'm not so naïve as to believe every newlywed is as pure as driven snow, but how can you…share her…like that?"

"Like what?" Fiyero looked dumbfounded.

"Like…now. You must believe I do not make a habit of sitting around and contemplating Elphaba's personal business, but…she's missed dinner again. And so has Avaric…"

"So? Elphaba skips meals. It's a terrible habit of hers," Fiyero shook his head.

Galinda lowered her voice, her eyes wide, "It's okay, you don't have to lie to me. She told me about Avaric. And I feel a bit guilty for not helping her, but you must understand, I just can't be involved. I just don't see how it doesn't bother you. You've always seemed the sentimental type."

"Avaric?" Fiyero looked terribly confused. He glanced around the room, as if trying to sort out what Galinda had said.

Galinda felt a sudden weight in her chest, realizing she had assumed far too much in this situation. She had assumed that since Elphaba insisted she and Fiyero were merely conspiring together in some sort of clandestine mission, that he knew about Avaric. She assumed he knew about whatever it was that Elphaba wanted.

Galinda brought her hands to her mouth as Fiyero continued to look puzzled, "I've made a terrible mistake," she choked out, and then fled the table.

Fiyero sat there, his appetite gone, trying to piece together what Galinda had meant.

* * *

Elphaba climbed through Avaric's window just as the clock chimed six that evening. The rest of the school would be filing into the dining hall now, and Elphaba hoped to have this over with quickly. Avaric leered at her as she pressed the window closed and approached him.

"I want the key this time," she spat.

"Then make me want to give it to you," Avaric drawled, lounging on his bed.

Elphaba took a deep breath and set about what had to be done. It was all becoming routine, and she was learning to shut out the obnoxious dialogue and just play her part. Luckily, Avaric was not terribly difficult to please. For all his efforts at being difficult even to speak to in public, he was far too predictable in bed.

Elphaba took the lead, even trying on occasion to hurt him, and he ate it up. This time, in hopes of securing the key, she pushed Avaric back and climbed on top of him. It was bothersome, because it required more effort. However, Elphaba hoped the extra effort would get her what she wanted.

Just as Avaric finally reached climax and collapsed back onto his pillow, the door to the sitting room was flung open. Elphaba whipped her head around to see Fiyero standing in the doorway. His eyes were dark, his lips pulled into a tight line.

"Fiyero!" Elphaba gasped. She wanted to say something more, but there was very little to deny in this situation. She was naked as birth and straddling his roommate. She could only pray that, if she could get rid of Avaric, Fiyero might understand her motive.

Elphaba whipped herself off the bed and hastily pulled on her clothes. She then approached Fiyero, but he backed away, as though she'd stung him, "Fiyero, you must understand, he has the key! He promised me the key to Dr. Dillamond's office! You must understand what that could mean!"

Fiyero just shook his head, his eyes blazing with anger and hurt.

Avaric was pulling on his trousers as Elphaba turned back toward him and pleaded, "Give me the key, now! You've gotten what you wanted, many times over! Give it to me!"

Avaric shook his head, "I don't have it."

"What?" Elphaba looked prepared to kill him.

"If that key had been missing for more than a few days, Morrible would have had my hide. I don't have it. I have had a terribly good time, though."

Elphaba's eyes widened in angry panic. She turned to Fiyero, as though he might help her. Instead, he looked sick, and repeated, "Many times over?"

"Fiyero," she begged, "you must understand! I had no other choice!"

"Elphaba," his voice had a strange, hard edge to it, "I think it might do you good to consider that if, in trying to save people or Animals from suffering, you trample on someone else, you've done very little to change the course of this world."

They all stood that way for a moment, none speaking. Avaric started to button his shirt, as though nothing unusual had occurred.

Elphaba turned on him and growled, "You are a sadistic pig!"

"Perhaps you should consider yourself. You involved the innocent in your game. At least there's no pretense here," Avaric sneered.

Elphaba let out a little shriek then. She leapt at him, as though to claw his eyes out. Avaric caught her wrists before she could touch him, and she was no match for his size and strength. He also misjudged how small she really was, and flung her away from him so that she tumbled into the desk with a loud clatter. She lay there for a moment, stunned. When she tried to stand, she was clearly in pain.

Fiyero inhaled sharply, and for a moment, he almost went to her. But the wound was too fresh inside of him, the pain was too great. He could see that she was hurt, by the way she clutched her side and winced. However, the image of her astride Avaric was burnt into his brain. It disgusted him, and he was suddenly nauseous. He ran from the room. He ran from the building and didn't stop until he collapsed on a bench behind the dining hall.

Fiyero could only hope that when returned, she would be gone. He hated Avaric for hurting her. He hated having seen it and done nothing. He hated himself for having left her on the floor like that. But right now, he hated her more. He hated Elphaba for affecting him so deeply, for being so breathtakingly unique that he loved her even when she told him not to. He hated her for having torn up his heart so badly it physically ached. He realized now just how much he'd loved her, and in equal measure, how much he now hated her.

* * *

After several minutes of stunned silence, Avaric finally crossed the room to where Elphaba sat in a crumpled heap. He reached out to offer his hand, and she looked up at him with bitterness in her eyes.

"Don't touch me," she ordered, struggling to her feet.

Avaric backed away, saying, "Elphaba…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"What? Throw me across the room? I'm sure you didn't," she snapped, with undisguised sarcasm.

"No, I didn't. You…attacked me! I just reacted…I didn't mean to hurt you," Avaric sounded genuinely sorry.

"Well, I'm sorry if it's hard to believe someone who's such an accomplished liar!" she spat, reaching for the chair to help her stand.

Avaric sighed, "Fine. I'm a liar. But I wouldn't throw you like that on purpose. I'm not that kind of person."

Elphaba stood there, her right arm wrapped gingerly around her ribcage, "So somehow, throwing someone into a desk would make you worse of a person than using them like a cheap souvenir, and then shrugging it off as though nothing happened?" she sounded more wounded than angry, which was entirely unsettling for Avaric.

"Elphaba…I do believe we've used each other in equal measure," he argued.

"But I delivered my end of the bargain! I've given up everything, and you are a filthy, deceptive, manipulative bastard! And, for your personal record," she choked out venomously, "you're really not that great in bed."

Avaric inhaled sharply, his expression dark, "Look, I'm offering my help. Take it, or limp home."

"I would rather drive nails into my own flesh than let you touch me again," Elphaba spat. She threw up the window and leapt out without a backward glance.

* * *

By the time she got back to her room, she was nearly in tears. They threatened to spill, not from sadness, but from angry frustration and the unyielding pain in her side. She crawled into bed, fully clothed, and lay there, hoping rest might abate the pain. She focused on the physical torment, because she was afraid of what was beneath it. She was afraid of what she would feel when the anger subsided, afraid that she wasn't as strong as she wanted to be.

Elphaba finally fell into a restless sleep, filled with images of Fiyero's dark and devastated eyes.

The following day, Elphaba could not force herself out of bed. Just sitting up resulted in stabbing, throbbing pain. She also discovered, upon carefully removing her stockings, that her right ankle was badly bruised. She tried to put weight on it, and decided it was probably not broken. It looked terrible though, with a large gash across her foot that had slowly scabbed. She also couldn't seem to twist herself to undo the buttons on her dress. With every movement, a sharp pain shot through her left side. After a while, she gave up and collapsed back onto her bed. Pulling the blankets over herself, Elphaba decided that missing one day of class in an entire semester would not ruin her.

* * *

When Elphaba was not at dinner again that evening, Galinda grew more concerned. She still felt terribly about what she'd said to Fiyero the previous evening, and hoped she'd caused no serious damage. She picked listlessly at her food until she decided she simply was not hungry. Gathering her purse and coat, Galinda fled the dining hall. On her way out, she spotted Avaric carrying on with some of his cronies.

_So she's not with him…_

Galinda felt a bit relieved, but was still concerned. She trudged back to her room, noting that the air smelled like snow for the first time that year. It was a bit early in coming, and she always dreaded having to pick through the cold, slushy mess.

When she entered her room, it was dark and terribly chilly. She went first to the fireplace to stack fresh logs and coax a spark into lighting them. Elphie was better at it, but she obviously hadn't got it going that morning. After several minutes, the room was finally filled with soft, glowing warmth. Galinda went to light one of the lamps, and noticed that Elphaba's bed was not neatly made. It was unusual, and upon lighting the lamp, she looked closer. She took a few steps toward her roommate's bed and jumped back, startled, when the blankets moved. Galinda let out a little squeal, realizing Elphaba was under the mess.

"Elphie? What on earth?" Galinda squeaked.

Elphaba sat up very slowly, with labored effort, "Of course it's me. Who else would be in my bed?"

"Well…no one. I just…I didn't expect you to be in your bed at six-fifteen!"

Elphaba let out a sigh and grumbled, "Neither did I," she pushed the blankets back and very carefully tried once again to reach the buttons on the back of her dress. The motion brought tears to her eyes, and Galinda couldn't help but notice.

The blonde debated with herself for a moment, afraid of starting another argument. Sympathy won, however, and she offered, "Elphie…do you need some help?"

"No," Elphaba snapped stubbornly. She couldn't suppress a groan, however, as she struggled to make her arms reach.

Galinda watched her for another moment, and then crossed the room and helped her anyway. Elphaba started to protest, but gave in out of pain and sheer exhaustion. Galinda undid the row of buttons and helped her roommate pull the dress carefully over her head. It was a bit awkward, as Galinda did not normally undress anyone but herself. She swallowed the embarrassment, however, and continued.

With the dress off, Elphaba sat in just her undergarments, and Galinda gasped, "Oh my dear sweet Oz! Elphie, what have you done!"

Elphaba's entire left side was mottled with ugly, purple and black bruises. It looked, to Galinda, as though someone had struck her with something. She was both horrified and afraid, in equal measure.

When Elphaba did not answer, Galinda asked again, "Elphie, how did this happen?"

Elphaba tried to stand, to retrieve a nightdress, and snapped, "I had some very, very rough sex."

Galinda blushed, but refused to be deterred, "Even if that's true, this is inexcusable…"

Elphaba tried to bend to open her dresser drawer, and winced. Galinda crossed the room to help her pull out a nightdress. Elphaba limped back to her bed with it and threw out, "Isn't this what you'd expect me? The Shiz University Whore?"

Galinda sat down on the bed again, refusing to fight, "Elphie, I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry for having said that. It was terribly off-color of me. And it's not true. We've become friends, and friends do not say things like that to one another. Can you forgive me?"

"You called me a _whore_ Galinda!" Elphaba argued, trying to pull the nightdress over her head.

"But you're not!" Galinda argued, "You're different from me, yes. Before I came here, I don't know that I'd ever encountered anyone like you. You dismiss all social norms, and that still makes me uncomfortable. But there's something about you…"

Elphaba was finally dressed, and now looked exhausted. Perhaps out of a sheer lack of energy to fight, she let out a heavy sigh and conceded, "Galinda, don't worry yourself any further. You'll wrinkle your pretty skin. I just needed your help, but it's irrelevant now."

"Why?" Galinda looked both curious and terrified.

Elphaba sighed, "Avaric doesn't have what I want. At least, not anymore."

"So…you slept with him…for nothing?" Galinda looked a little sick.

Elphaba's eyes flashed, "Do I look happy about it?"

"But…who did this to you?" Galinda was looking at Elphaba's ankle now.

"It doesn't matter, Galinda. Don't worry your pretty head."

"Why do you always say _pretty_ as though it means _stupid_? Or like it's some sort of offensive word? Do you really think that little of me?" Galinda looked suddenly hurt.

Elphaba was struck silent for a moment, and her eyes took on a strange, sad quality that Galinda had not seen before, "I'm sorry. It's just…who you are. You're Beautiful Galinda. Good Little Galinda Upland of the Arduennas, future debutante and connoisseur of clothing. You don't seem to want to be part of anything more than that."

"That doesn't mean I'm stupid! I'm smart enough to know that no one should be hurting you like this! I don't care what your cause is! Unless you've put on a uniform and entered a battlefield, you should not have wounds like this!" Galinda was now shrieking.

Elphaba rubbed her eyes, "It's ok, Galinda. I will heal. It's not permanent."

"You're going to the infirmary. Now."

"What?" Elphaba snapped her head up.

"This should be treated. I'm not letting you lay here like this," Galinda's voice was strangely firm.

"No! It will raise too many questions!" Elphaba argued vehemently.

"Then we'll think of answers for those questions," Galinda argued, and the paused to think, "Perhaps you fell down the stairs?" she offered.

"Is that what you think happened?" Elphaba challenged.

"No. But I will keep your secrets, Elphie, because you've made me your friend. As crazy as I think you can be, I believe your heart is good. But I will only keep quiet if you get this treated. Otherwise, I will have to tell the Amas about your indiscretions."

Elphaba narrowed her eyes, "So, once again, I'm being blackmailed?"

Galinda reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind Elphaba's ear, "Call it what you like. But I think too much of you to see you suffer like this."

Elphaba studied her for a moment, before finally conceding, "Fine."

Galinda helped her roommate up from the bed. Elphaba was in too much pain to change her clothes again, so Galinda wrapped her in her warmest coat. She secured it tightly and helped her into her boots.

With Elphaba leaning on her for support, Galinda made her way toward the infirmary. Luckily, it was just next door, and was reserved only for the girls of Crage Hall. They pushed open the door and rang the bell for the nurse, who was closing up for the day.

"Girls!" the matronly nurse exclaimed, "Shouldn't you be at dinner?"

"We were," Galinda explained, "but my friend fell down the stairs this morning and I've convinced her she needs to be examined."

Elphaba looked impressed at Galinda's ability to tell such a believable lie. She flashed the blonde a tiny smile as the nurse led them to a private room.

It took the nurse just a few minutes to deduce that Elphaba had broken three ribs. The green girl had nearly been in tears as the older woman poked and prodded her tender body. The nurse also decided the cut on Elphaba's ankle could become infected, and gave her a shot of something relatively new to ward off infection. The nurse then wrapped Elphaba's torso in stiff bandages, to keep her still, and instructed that she do the same each morning for several weeks. She also dispensed a few vials of pain powder, which Galinda tucked in her purse.

By the time they got back to their room, Elphaba was exhausted. Galinda made a pot of tea, and put one of the vials of powder in her roommate's cup. They sat together on Elphaba's bed, sipping in silence.

Galinda wanted to ask more questions. She wanted to understand what her friend had gotten into that had caused such injury. She supposed it could have been from climbing around places she shouldn't have been. However, Galinda was more afraid it had something to do with Avaric, or Fiyero. She wanted to know, and yet she did not want to be involved. She was as afraid of the answers as she was curious. So Galinda sat in silence, not asking.

After a time, Elphaba's eyes started to look misty, and she seemed to be in less pain. She sat down the cup of tea and leaned in towards Galinda. In a soft voice, she whispered, "Thank you."

Cupping Galinda's face, Elphaba pressed her lips to Galinda's cheek, just beside her lips. She lingered there for a moment, and Galinda felt herself flush.

Then Elphaba leaned back against the pillows, with Galinda's help. Galinda stayed beside her, both of them lying shoulder to shoulder in the bed. In her foggy state, Elphaba did not protest. Finally, her eyes closed in healing sleep.

Galinda watched her for some time, feeling as though she'd left something of her previous life behind tonight. She was officially part of the green girl's life, now. Their friendship had taken on a new level of intimacy, quite accidentally. Yet Galinda was strangely proud to be a keeper of Elphaba's secrets. It made her feel afraid, but exhilarated.

She touched her own cheek as she watched her friend's chest rise and fall slowly. She studied the dark eyelashes splayed over verdant cheeks. And when she finally crawled in her bed to sleep, she felt the heat of Elphaba's lips on her face. Galinda, who was as innocent as Elphaba was jaded, wondered if that counted as a first kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

**I discovered something really interesting. Not sure how many others may have already caught this. We all know Gregory Maguire spells Magick with a 'k' in Wicked, but I discovered this week that 'Magick' is actually the way practicing Wiccans refer to their craft, to distinguish it from false illusion. Magick is also supposed to be used entirely for good, because using it for evil will cause evil to returned, magnified, upon the user. Interesting...**

_

* * *

_

_All the world is a stage,  
And everyone has their part,  
But how was I to know which way the story'd go,  
How was I to know you'd break,  
You'd break my heart?_

_I've always been in love with you,  
Guess you've always known,  
You took my love for granted, why oh why?  
The show is over, say good-bye._

_Take A Bow, _Madonna

**Chapter 8**

It was three more days before Elphaba could get out of bed. Galinda thought her roommate would go stir-crazy from being confined to the room. Elphaba, however, was unusually subdued. She poured over several large books she'd had Galinda fetch from the library, and tackled the assignments Galinda brought to her that Monday. The nurse had given Elphaba an official notice to allow her to miss some classes. However, Elphaba was up and dressed Tuesday morning, determined to go to class.

"Are you sure?" Galinda asked.

"Yes. It will do me no good to sulk in here. I'm here for an education. And I have much to do," Elphaba set her face in a determined expression and gingerly picked up her books.

Deciding not to argue, Galinda walked Elphaba as far as she could, and then watched her disappear into the History building. She stood there for a few minutes, hoping that whatever had harmed Elphie was not lurking somewhere nearby. She still had not been able to shake the idea that her roommate's injuries were inflicted by someone, and not something. Elphaba generally moved with a strangely cat-like grace. It would have been out of character for her to fall. However, if she'd been clamoring around, trying to get into some inaccessible place, it was possible…

The soft, stinging moisture of snowflakes startled Galinda from her reverie. The snow that had been threatening to fall for days had finally come. She pulled her cloak tighter around her body and turned to make her ways towards her own classes.

From across the open square, she caught sight of Fiyero and Avaric. They were arguing, although she was too far away to make out what they were saying. Galinda felt a sudden rush of anger at the realization that neither had inquired about Elphaba's condition over the past four days. Although she could not say for certain, she was convinced one or both of them had something to do with her friend's injuries. Galinda approached them, driven by a strange, new courage. Both Fiyero and Avaric went silent when she got close.

"Is something wrong Master Tigelaar? Master Tenmeadows?" she asked, with a bite in her voice.

"No _Miss_ Upland, everything is peachy," Avaric sneered, throwing a menacing glance at Fiyero.

Fiyero looked as though he could use some sleep. Galinda noted his usually clean-shaven face was covered in stubble, and he'd allowed his wiry hair to go a little more wild than usual. For a moment, she almost felt badly for him. Then, she remembered Elphaba's battered body.

"I thought you'd like to know, gentlemen, since it's no secret between us that you're relationship with Miss Elphaba is quite friendly, that she's been in bed for four days," Galinda trembled a little, because she was not as brave as she sounded.

"That's a shame," Avaric offered carelessly, "Tell her we hope she's well soon. Perhaps she can make it to the café this Friday. There's a _sinful_ new desert that I think she would appreciate."

Fiyero shot Avaric a hard glare, but said nothing. Finally, when Galinda fixed her gaze on Fiyero and refused to leave, he added weakly, "Tell her I'm sorry she's ill."

"She's not _ill_," Galinda said through clenched teeth.

"Then why are you still here, Miss Upland?" Avaric's tone was annoyed.

"She has three broken ribs," Galinda told them softly. She glanced down at her shoes, afraid to accuse them directly. They were, after all, men who were much larger than she.

Fiyero's face fell for a moment, revealing a hint of sadness behind the hard façade.

"That sounds painful. However did that happen?" Avaric asked innocently, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Perhaps someone threw her across the room," Fiyero choked out through clenched teeth. He stared hard at Avaric, and for a moment, no one spoke.

Galinda's heart pounded in her chest. She had never cared much for Avaric, but now she was quite terrified. She tried to conceal her shock at what Fiyero had revealed.

When she finally spoke, Galinda's voice sounded tiny and strained, "Whatever happened to her…was very serious."

Avaric looked as though he might punch Fiyero, but thought better of it with Galinda standing there. Instead, he said, "As much as I'd love to stand around and discuss the health of the green girl, I have class. Fiyero, perhaps we'll finish our discussion later?"

Fiyero's eyes flashed, but he kept quiet. He nodded curtly, and Avaric strode away with his books tucked under his arm. Left alone with Fiyero, Galinda felt somewhat less anxious.

Her voice was soft and poignant when she spoke, "She's in a lot of pain, Fiyero…"

"She's not the only one," Fiyero choked out, his voice deep and saturated with bitter emotion.

"You could at least—" Galinda started.

"Leave it alone, Galinda," Fiyero interjected, "Elphaba's a big girl. I'm certain she can take care of herself."

He walked away then, leaving Galinda standing open-mouthed and shocked at his lack of concern. She was torn between feeling terribly for Elphie, and wondering what could have possibly transpired to make Fiyero so angry. He had never struck her as the vindictive type before. Galinda had always thought Fiyero to be somewhat feckless, but not one who would cause harm to anyone else. She was baffled, and still somewhat frustrated that she had been pulled into this circle of insanity by her roommate.

_This is why proper courting is so important. Look what a mess is woven when one breaks convention,_ she thought.

Galinda went to class then, feeling more confused than when she'd started out that morning.

* * *

Fiyero skipped class that morning, deciding his emotions were running far too high to sit still and listen to a droning professor. He wandered aimlessly, finally landing on one of the benches amidst a grove of trees. They were evergreens, with soft, furry boughs that provided a measure of privacy. Fiyero watched the tiny flakes of snow fall, wondering how long it would take to pick up into a true snowstorm. He was somewhat shielded by the trees, though, and managed to stay mostly dry.

Fiyero's thoughts ran rampant, and he tried to find some measure of calm. He was so angry, and he had spent most of the last few nights tossing and turning. When he managed to sleep, he was haunted by images of Elphaba carrying on with Avaric while he was forced to watch. It made him physically sick to think about what he had seen. And he knew, underneath all the anger, he was horribly, bitterly wounded.

_This is why father told me to stay away from women,_ he thought, wishing now that he had taken the advice.

_I know many of the other young men are taking a far more modern approach to courting, _his father had said, _I know it is mostly overlooked. But you are different. You are heir to a throne. You need your heart to belong to your bride. Don't taint that._

Fiyero understood now what his father had meant. He was connected to Elphaba, bound to her by a bond that he feared could never be broken. He had taken his first steps into manhood with her. He had exposed himself to her, body and soul, and gave her everything he had. She was the first to touch his heart, to touch his flesh. She would always be first. And because it had not been a casual encounter, she could never be replaced. His future bride could never have the same place in his heart.

It made him shake with anger to think that Elphaba surely must have known how he felt. It seemed impossible that she could not have realized how he hung on her every word, how he melted before her. He had contemplated mutiny against the government with her. He had, for once, thought of something other than his self. She had to have known that he wouldn't have shared her for anything in the world. She must have sensed he would have said no, if he had known that 'whatever it takes' meant sleeping with Avaric. Fiyero never would have allowed himself to be caught up in this circle of selfish, using of one another. To him, that price was too high. To Fiyero, it was equivalent of righting one wrong with another, equally heinous one.

He began to pick up pine cones, which littered the grassy floor, and throw them haphazardly at the trees. He watched them splinter and fall, yet feeling no real relief. He happened to glance toward the History building, where he caught a glimpse of Elphaba making her way down the stairs. She was close enough that he could have called to her, but he kept quiet. She struggled down the steps, her right arm wrapped carefully around her left side. She winced with each step and, thinking she was alone, did not conceal the pain and turmoil etched onto her face.

Fiyero's heart twisted, as he watched her struggle. Still, he just watched. He was not ready to face her. He wasn't sure that he ever would be. He could not bring himself to forgive her, and he hurt too badly to be willing to help her. He didn't know that he could ever trust her, could ever see her and not picture her with his vile and repugnant roommate. So he turned away, and pretended not to see her.

* * *

Elphaba was close to tears again when she finally made it back to her room that evening. She was angry at herself, for feeling so weak and pathetic. Her classes felt like a blur, and she could only hope the notes she had taken would help her remember the material covered. She was due to meet with Madame Morrible and Galinda in barely an hour for their Sorcery seminar. The very idea of it drained her. She was also certain that the headmistress would inquire about her injuries, and she hoped both she and Galinda could keep up a convincing front.

There was something else plaguing her as well. Fiyero had been suspiciously absent that day, and Elphaba hoped it was simply a coincidence. She hoped he was not avoiding her.

_I still need him, _she thought desperately, _this whole plan is ruined without him._

She knew what she'd done was considered to be a horrible betrayal. She knew that, in most cases, she could be called all sorts of things, including a liar and a whore. Still, she believed, this was not just any case. She and Fiyero were not just anybody.

_I only did what I had to do, to get what I thought Avaric had. It was not a selfish love affair. And I told Fiyero I had to do whatever it takes…_

Still, in the back of her mind, she wondered why she hadn't told him outright what Avaric wanted from her. She was afraid of the answers. Elphaba was terrified of why she'd kept the whole thing from him. She was desperately afraid of this sick ache she had in her chest. So she fought past it, determined that she could not give in to her own, self-centered emotions if she wanted to change the world.

She focused instead on how angry she was at Avaric. Just the briefest memory of his smug, self-centered smile made her want to vomit. He truly disgusted her, not just because he had blackmailed her, but because he was despicable enough to refuse to deliver on his end of the bargain. It sickened her to think of how he'd just taken from her, all while knowing he had no intention of giving her what she wanted.

Still, Elphaba supposed she should get used to the fact that people could be so very vile. Surely, if she intended to confront the Wizard, to stand up for right among wrong, she would be faced with far worse tasks than sleeping with Avaric. She was certain she might also endure far worse injuries than three broken ribs. As much as she wanted to maul Avaric with her bare hands, she knew she had to find a way to swallow the feeling and move on with what had to be done. She also had to find a way to focus on something other than the memory of Fiyero's devastated face.

_It's not about me. It's about the cause. I don't have the luxury of feelings. It gets in the way. Surely, Fiyero can come to understand that…_

Elphaba swallowed over the lump in her throat and forced herself to prepare for her Sorcery seminar. It was too risky to think any further on the matter now. She ran the risk of coming to some sort of realization about the nature of her relationship with Fiyero. She decided it was better not to know how she felt. It was better not to wonder why she'd lied to him, because even if she might've loved him, she couldn't.

* * *

Fiyero returned to his room after dinner that evening, praying that Avaric had found some activity to occupy his time elsewhere. He was granted about a half hour of peace before the door opened and his roommate sauntered inside. Fiyero glanced upward from his position on the sitting room sofa, and then purposely averted his gaze.

"Don't worry," Avaric called out as he crossed into the bedroom, "I won't be here long. I have a rendezvous with a young lady this evening."

Something flared up inside Fiyero, in spite of his anger towards Elphaba. He stood up and slapped his book shut. He strode through the bedroom door to find Avaric changing his shirt.

"A _rendezvous_? Has it even been a week since…since…" Fiyero could not get out the words to describe what he had walked in on just a few days prior.

"What? You expect me to sit in here and sulk? Like you?" Avaric exclaimed.

"Doesn't it even bother you a little that you used her? Do you have absolutely no moral compass?" Fiyero argued.

"I have no interest in having this fight with you again, Winkie boy. Like I told you this morning, she knew what she was doing. I didn't ply her with wine and love stories."

"But you lied to her about something that mattered a great deal to her!"

"Are you angry that she slept with me, or that she lied to you?" Avaric proposed, "Or are you really just angry because _she _used _you_?"

"She didn't use me!" Fiyero was shouting now, and hoped his tone did not reveal how hard he was trying to convince himself.

"Fiyero, let's take a large of dose of reality here. Elphaba Thropp knows what she wants, and she'll forsake all of us for it. I didn't see it in her, at first, and maybe now that's part of what's so blame attractive about her. She's not shy, demure, or sensitive. She gives and takes from some deep, raw, pit of selfish determinism."

"Are you making a point?" Fiyero looked ready to explode.

Avaric sighed, running his hand through his tousled hair, "You're not angry with me because I slept with her."

"I think that's exactly why I'm angry with you!" Fiyero clenched his fists.

"No," Avaric's tone was even, "you're angry because she did it willingly. She knew exactly what she was doing. She's more like me than you want to admit. You're so angry, because you know she doesn't love either one of us."

Rage boiled up inside of Fiyero and mixed with the agony of a bitterly broken heart. He couldn't restrain himself, and he coiled back and punched Avaric squarely in the jaw.

Avaric reeled for a moment, and then touched his lip, where a trickle of blood flowed. He narrowed his eyes and stepped up to Fiyero, so they were almost eye to eye. In a low, growling voice he said, "She's good in bed, isn't she? You were right, you know, she does know what she's doing. And that last time…damn."

Fiyero could see in Avaric's face how vividly he remembered it. He felt frozen in place, with so much pent up anger, as his roommate grabbed a dinner jacket and strode out of the room with a slam of the door. Fiyero collapsed onto the bed then, wanting to scream and punch the walls. He had no idea how he was supposed to endure this. Not only did he have this disgusting memory of Elphaba quite literally straddling Avaric, but he had to live with him. He had to lie down in the same room, knowing Avaric was probably fantasizing about Elphaba and all that she'd done to him. And beneath it all, he was angry because he knew Avaric was right. What ripped him apart the most was knowing she'd actually believed she was doing the right thing. She had willing done for Avaric everything she'd done with him, because to her, nothing was sacred. Her heart was untouchable. Her cause came before him and everyone else.

Eventually, Fiyero got up, crossed to the washroom, and shut the door tightly. He sat down on the stool and cried till he was hoarse, hoping to the Unnamed God that Avaric would not return to witness it.


	9. Chapter 9

_I hear the ticking of the clock,  
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark.  
I wonder where you are tonight,  
No answer on the telephone.  
And the night goes by so very slow,  
Oh I hope that it won't end though,  
Alone._

_Till now, I always got by on my own.  
I never really cared until I met you,  
And now it chills me to the bone.  
How do I get you alone?  
How do I get you alone?_

_Alone_, Kristin Chenoweth, Matthew Morrison

**Chapter 9**

The following Friday, Galinda went to the café, having somewhat reluctantly accepted an invitation from Shenshen and Milla. She sighed heavily as she pulled her heavy winter cloak around her slender frame. She surprised herself a little, at her lack of enthusiasm. She used to live for these outings, for the chance to enhance her social influence. Tonight, though, Galinda was less than excited, at best. Elphaba had chosen to stay in the room, citing her still aching body as an excuse.

_I'll have some tea and a bit of pain powder. I'm in no condition for frivolity and I would be abysmal company, _Elphaba had insisted.

Still, Galinda hated leaving her alone. She surprised even herself, realizing she would much rather spend the evening alone with her roommate than making small talk with her silly friends.

She made the long walk slowly, kicking at the crusty snow with her delicate boots. She finally slipped through the café door, chilled to the bone. She shook the snow from her cloak before hanging it delicately on a hook just inside the door. She quickly spotted Milla and Shenshen, crowded into a booth with Avaric. They batted their eyelashes and giggled in little dainty fits over him. Galinda swallowed hard, certain she could not sit and banter with Avaric. Even knowing only a fraction of the story, he nauseated her, and she could only think of Elphie.

Galinda scanned the room, her eyes finally resting on a table in the corner where Boq, Crope, Tibbett, and even Nessarose were gathered. Nanny nursed a glass of wine nearby, and Fiyero sat in the shadowy corner, looking quite miserable. She approached them, hoping Milla and Shenshen would be too occupied to notice her arrival.

Galinda gave Boq a tiny smile and asked, "May I join you?"

The munchkin almost tripped over himself trying to pull out a chair for her. She was genuinely grateful this time, and felt a touch badly for having ignored him so thoroughly before, "Thank you, Master Boq."

"You're quite welcome. We're glad you came. But where is Elphie?" he asked with genuine concern.

"She wasn't feeling well and decided to get some rest," Galinda explained, hoping there would be no further questions.

"Well, I'm certainly glad you've come. I couldn't sit alone much longer with these boys. Leave it to Elphaba to forget all about me. She's been very reclusive lately. She hardly visits me anymore. And she gallivants around without Nanny. These past few weeks, I feel like I hardly know her," Nessa commented with a dainty sniff. It was amazing, how she could still sound so self-serving while expressing concern for her sister.

"She looked as though she were in pain in Life Sciences. She mumbled something about stairs," Boq added.

Galinda struggled with what to say. She had no idea what her roommate wanted revealed. She glanced toward Fiyero, who sat in the corner drinking wine from a mug. His eyes were dark, and he refused to meet Galinda's gaze, even though he could certainly hear the conversation. Finally, she choked out, "I believe she fell down the stairs. She's terribly embarrassed about it. I think we should leave her be."

"Well, give her our best," Boq offered graciously, "She's missing quite a good time. And quite a good bottle of wine."

Galinda smiled tightly. She let them twitter around her for some time after she accepted a small glass of wine. The conversation seemed quite frivolous tonight. She almost missed their wide-eyed discussions over Doctor Dillamond's death. The tragedy and harsh reality of it all had somehow brought them closer together. It was a nice, if unusual, bond.

Galinda felt like they had fractured as a group over the past few weeks, and she wondered if Elphaba might've been the glue that kept them together. Thinking of Elphie, she couldn't help but watch Fiyero, who clutched his mug and didn't offer so much as a smile. He looked far away, as though he'd wandered into the café by accident.

Galinda thought over the events of the past few days once again. Clearly, something had upset Fiyero. He had been sullen and moody for a week now. And then there was Avaric, who had been particularly obnoxious recently. He had certainly not denied throwing Elphaba across the room, as Fiyero had accused. She wondered what in all Oz might have transpired to cause him to behave that way. It frightened her, to think that he might be harboring such a horrendous temper beneath his playboy exterior. Of course, the entire matter scared her, truth be told. She never expected to become wound up in such a dangerous and dramatic series of events. It was only Elphie that kept her from fleeing the entire scenario. There was something about Elphie that Galinda was driven to protect.

Galinda sipped from her glass, wondering how someone as smart and prickly as Elphaba could stoop so low as to sleep with someone like Avaric. Whatever he had must have been terribly valuable. She wondered if Fiyero was so angry because it had turned out to be a lost cause. She thought back to their conversation in the dining hall a week prior. Suddenly, a flash of realization struck her.

_Perhaps Fiyero didn't know about Avaric…_

Galinda froze for a moment, wondering. She felt a little sick. Surely Elphaba would not have kept something like that from Fiyero. From everything her roommate had implied, Galinda had assumed she and Fiyero were conspiring together. She didn't assume to understand the rules to this game Elphaba was playing, but she hoped Elphie hadn't lied to Fiyero. If he was involved in some sort of espionage, Galinda believed he deserved to know all the details of what he was getting into. The idea also made her sad, because if Elphaba had lied to Fiyero, then she was certainly just using him. Galinda had held out a little hope that her roommate might actually care for him.

Just then, Galinda's attention was pulled from her reverie by shrill laughter. She turned to see Avaric making his way towards the table with Milla on one arm and Shenshen on the other. He approached the table, smirking and laughing with the girls.

"Miss Galinda," he addressed her, "we didn't see you come in. We would've asked you to join us."

Galinda made an effort to smile, "It's quite all right. You looked crowded, and Boq offered me a seat…"

Boq beamed, looking thrilled just to be mentioned.

"We would've made a place for you, Glinny," Shenshen pouted.

"Yes…we would never send you to sit with these boorish boys!" Milla snorted daintily and fluttered her hands.

"Boorish?" Boq squeaked, looking angry and a little afraid. Crope and Tibbett dissolved into laughter together, making mocking comments and throwing out the word _boorish._

Nessa sniffed again, looking appropriately offended that she had been grouped together with the lot of boys. She didn't comment, however, most likely because she still considered it quite pretentious to argue with a man.

Avaric's smirk spread into a smile as he offered, "Milla's right. We never would've left you over here with a munchkin and a Winkie. They'll either bore you to death, or perhaps frighten you with some uncivilized, tribal dance," he gave Fiyero a pointed stare.

Galinda caught her breath as Fiyero looked up from his mug.

"Don't start, Avaric," he grumbled from the corner.

"Oh, now I'm only teasing you in good humor! You're not opposed to a little humor, are you Master Fiyero?" Avaric's tone was laced with sarcasm.

"I'm not in the mood," Fiyero mumbled.

"Well then, Miss Galinda, can we show you to a better time at our table?" Avaric reached for her hand with a cavalier smirk.

Galinda instinctively pulled away, while trying to maintain an attitude of casual indifference, "Actually, I'm not feeling so well this evening. I wanted to come, but…I think I'll go home…"

Boq was on his feet in a heartbeat, offering his arm, "I'd be happy to see you as far as the gate to Crage Hall, Miss Galinda."

She normally refused, but tonight even Boq seemed better company than walking alone in the dark. Something about Avaric still scared her, and Galinda didn't want him to have the chance to find her alone.

"I would appreciate that," she whispered, gathering her purse.

"Too bad," Milla threw after them, "Avaric has promised us a ravishing good time."

Shenshen giggled and Galinda just nodded, trying her best to give a neutral smile. She let Boq take her elbow, retrieve her coat, and escort her carefully out of the café. They walked most of the way in silence, which she appreciated.

When they finally approached the gate, Boq offered, "I hope you're well tomorrow. Hopefully, you're not coming down with whatever is plaguing Miss Elphie."

Galinda gave him a genuine smile, "I appreciate your sentiment, although I don't think what Elphie has is catching…"

"Well, tell her I hope she's well soon. We miss her at the café. She really does make it worthwhile."

Galinda considered him, seeing the genuine kindness in his eyes, "I'll tell her that, Boq. You're a good man, for a munchkin," she leaned in and kissed him gently on the cheek, as a thank you.

Boq gave a little bow, beaming, and then trotted away.

By the time Galinda made it back to her room, she was chilled through. She shook out her cloak and knelt by the fire, to warm her hands and feet. Elphie sat on her bed, reading by lamplight.

She looked up and asked, "Did you have a pleasant time? It's still early…"

Galinda sighed, "I suppose. Avaric was there and he makes me uneasy. He's quite handsome, as the girls say, but he can be so obnoxious…"

"He's a disgusting, selfish boar!" Elphie snapped before she could catch herself.

Galinda turned, a little shocked, and studied her roommate. She fought with herself for a moment, but finally dared to ask, "Elphie, did he…did he throw you across a room?"

"Who told you that?" Elphaba was suddenly defensive.

Galinda swallowed, "Fiyero. Indirectly. He accused Avaric of…of throwing you."

"And when were the three of you discussing me?" Elphaba looked annoyed.

"We weren't. Don't get yourself in a pinch. I simply approached to ask why neither of them seemed to care about your injury. After all, you implied they were involved!"

"Galinda," Elphaba sighed, "this is a mess you're better off leaving alone. It will only make trouble for you."

Galinda stood, a little angry now, "Elphie, you're sitting here with three broken ribs! And you want me to pretend that's okay? I may be a little fluffy for your taste, but I do believe the premise of friendship is to share things with one another! And to care about what happens to each other!"

Elphaba was silent, considering the tiny, less-than-imposing blonde. Galinda's hands were on her hips, her lip stuck out in a pout. She looked a bit silly, but still, she cared. Elphaba gave in, perhaps from fatigue or just the weight of carrying so many secrets.

"Yes," she admitted flatly, "Avaric threw me."

Galinda gasped, crossing to perch on Elphaba's bed.

"But I don't think it was intentional," Elphaba added quickly.

"How does one _accidentally_ throw someone across the room?" Galinda huffed.

Elphaba closed her book, giving up on it for the evening, "He was defending himself. I…jumped at him first, because I was angry."

"You attacked him?" Galinda looked appalled.

"I suppose. I was very angry. He sort of…flung me away from him. It was just a messy accident. Avaric's a pig, but he's not dangerous. He's too lazy to be dangerous," Elphaba spat.

Galinda's eyes were wide, like a child hearing their first campfire story about ghosts and witches. She took a breath and asked, "Elphie…does Fiyero know? About Avaric? Was he part of the plan?"

Elphaba's face twitched, as though she were hovering between fear and anger. She grit her teeth and asked, "Why?"

"Well…Fiyero just seems…moodified. He seems so…angry, with you."

"Moodified?" Elphaba asked with a quirk of her eyebrow.

"Is that not a word? There's just far too many of them to keep myself accurate. Father used to say it was endearing. But Elphie…does Fiyero know?"

"Yes," Elphaba answered tightly.

"Did he know…before?" Galinda breathed.

"Is there any other way, besides me telling this story, that will make you go to bed and leave me in peace?"

Galinda looked hurt, "Elphie, I am trying to be your friend. I keeping tell you that. Have you never had a friend?"

Elphaba studied her hands for a long moment, and then looked into Galinda's wide, cerulean eyes. Her expression softened and, avoiding the question, she admitted, "Fiyero didn't know about Avaric until he walked in and found us…together. He was very angry, and I think hurt. And Avaric, with his immeasurable tact, also let both of us know he no longer had what I wanted. So I…jumped at him."

Galinda just nodded, chewing her lip, "So that is what's gotten both of them into such a foul state…"

"Yes…" Elphaba confirmed, looking far away. A long moment passed when neither of them spoke. Galinda studied her hands, and watched Elphaba stare out the window, pensive.

"Elphie, what will you do now? How will you salvage your great revolution?"

Elphaba was silent, thinking. When she finally answered, her voice was low and quiet, "I need Fiyero. We must work together. I have to find a way to get him to look past the emotional mess of it all and see the greater picture. We need an alliance between us, between our families. As for Avaric, good riddance. I should've known he can't be trusted. I'll not make that mistake again. What I need, I will get for myself."

Galinda nodded, trying to sort it all out, "And what good will this alliance do? Why does it matter?"

Perhaps because Galinda sounded so sincere, and had never before expressed any real interest in her plans, Elphaba began to explain to her what she hoped to accomplish. She told her about what she'd discovered in the library, and what Dr. Dillamond had been studying regarding the Animals. She talked animatedly with her hands about the possible hidden water sources in the Vinkus, and what controlling Restwater could mean for the south.

They stayed up well into the night, until Galinda was yawning and bleary-eyed. She fought sleep, though, because Elphaba was so mesmerizing in the firelight. She made espionage and political alliances sound alluring and entirely possible. Galinda found herself leaning in, trying to absorb it all, and trying to catch some of Elphie's enthusiasm and raw, unadulterated passion. She even began to wish that Fiyero would come around, for Elphaba's sake. Galinda believed that, if anyone could change the world, Elphie could.

She reached out at some point, while Elphaba was talking, and grasped the green girl's hand. Elphaba, either out of gratitude or distraction, did not pull away.

* * *

Elphaba looked for an opportunity to speak with Fiyero over the next several days. She tried to catch him after Life Sciences, or as he walked the snow-crusted paths toward Briscoe Hall and the libraries. He eluded her, however, and she was now certain he was deliberately avoiding her.

So she entered the dining hall the following Thursday feeling somewhat hollow and frustrated. Her plan appeared to have derailed drastically, and she was desperate to do something to put herself back on track.

That evening, she spotted Fiyero sitting alone at a corner table, and leapt at the opportunity. Before getting her meal or even checking the menu, she plopped herself down in the chair across from him.

He looked up, startled, and then furrowed his brow, "I don't think we should do this here," was all he offered.

"Fiyero," she started, "I think we should talk. There's still so much to be done. You and I, we're still so important."

"Let's be very clear about something," Fiyero inserted coldly, "There is no 'you and I'. There obviously never was, and there certainly isn't now."

Elphaba took a breath and tried again, "I never presumed a romantic relationship between us, not before or now. But we still have so much we can accomplish!"

Fiyero dropped his silverware and rubbed his eyes, "Elphaba, do you not have any understanding as to how relationships of any kind work?"

"I understand that a relationship implies each party needs something from the other. I know a relationship should be mutually beneficial."

"Well then, since I will obviously never get what I needed from you, I believe we have no further relationship. We're done," Fiyero told her sharply.

Elphaba was surprised at the stab in her chest. She plowed forward, though, saying, "No, we still need much from each other. Oz needs much from us, and that is more important that our feelings. You and I represent an important alliance, and the chances are slim that I will find anyone else from the Vinkus who's willing to work with me!"

Fiyero gripped the table, trying to control his emotions, "Elphaba, I don't believe that saving all of Oz by trampling on the feelings of others is worth the cost. If you have to treat people the way you treated me in order to save your Animals, then we're all better off with our current sufferings."

Elphaba sighed, twisting her hands together, "I agree. Perhaps I should not have kept Avaric from you. But I told you I had to do whatever it takes!"

"Some things have to remain sacred, Elphaba! Some things, like intimacy and bearing one's soul before someone you trust entirely, those things shouldn't be sacrificed! No matter how good your intentions, some things should never be compromised! I was a fool to think, underneath your hard exterior, you had a heart! I won't be that foolish again."

Elphaba looked momentarily shaken, but recovered, "Then I apologize for your suffering, but can we not put it aside and move on? Don't make love to me again. I understand. But please help me!" her eyes were dark and pleading now.

Fiyero looked at her with a haunted, bitter expression and said, "Making love implies there was love to start with. Apparently, that was never the case. I want no part in your method of changing the world."

With that, he stood and left her there. She dug her fingernails into the table, feeling the last tendrils of hope for her great plan slipping through her grasp.

* * *

That night, Elphaba could not sleep. She lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to choose the best course of action. She could not sit back and let the world spin around her, allowing those in power to abuse their influence. She desperately believed Doctor Dillamond had died for discovering something vitally important, for being on the cusp of changing what Oz knew of Animals. Elphaba weighed in her mind what his research was worth. Was it worth her education, should she be expelled? Was it worth her life?

Finally, realizing she was not going to get any sleep, Elphaba threw back her covers in exasperation. She paced erratically for several minutes, noting it was well after midnight by the clock in the corner. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. For lack of other options, she quickly threw on a dark, baggy, winter dress and jerked on her boots. She wrapped a heavy scarf around her neck and then wound another around her head. She pulled on a coat over it all. Then, she threw up the window and slipped out softly into the frigid night.

Elphaba moved purposefully, scaling the wall separating Crage Hall from the main campus. She made her way stealthily to the window just outside Doctor Dillamond's office. She stood there for a time, realizing she was faced with the same choices she'd had a few weeks prior. Now, however, she felt less diplomatic. She cared far less about getting caught.

She decided to try the front door, which was often left unlocked for students who worked late in the laboratories. Elphaba was pleased to find it open, and crept inside. She peered into each of the rooms leading to the doctor's office, finding each one empty. She listened, trying to determine if there might be anyone else in the building. Hearing nothing but the hum of silence around her, she considered her options. The door to the doctor's office was securely locked, she was certain, but Elphaba considered the hinges. It occurred to her that perhaps no one had thought about the strength of those.

She made her way down the hall into one of the laboratories and surveyed the equipment she found there. In the corner, she discovered a long, flattened metal rod. She shivered, certain she didn't want to know what it was used for. Elphaba was a little relieved, however, that the cages in the room were all empty.

_I suppose they haven't found any new subjects to torture since the lion cub, _she thought.

Carrying the rod, she slipped back down the hall and studied the office door again. Taking a deep breath, Elphaba decided it was now or never. She slipped the flat end of the rod under the middle hinge and forced it away from the door with all her strength. Her body cried out in protest, and her left side throbbed in vicious pain. She pressed through it, though, and was rewarded by the resounding crack of the door frame.

It took some time, but she finally managed to separate all three hinges from the frame. With a swift kick, the door gave way and slipped inward by several inches. Inspired by her progress, Elphaba gave it another hard blow and managed to create an opening just large enough to squeeze through. She clutched her aching ribs and held her breath as she just managed to fit through the crack.

_I suppose today's the day to be grateful you're thin as a rail, _she told herself.

Inside the office, she let her eyes adjust to the moonlight from outside. It seemed terribly bright after the dark, cavernous hallway. She could see Crage Hall from the large windows, and noted that no one appeared to be awake.

Elphaba knew her time was limited, so she worked quickly. Looking around, she realized the office must have been sealed just minutes after the doctor's body had been removed. Clearly, someone had not wanted anyone examining the scene too closely. She swallowed hard, noting that the lab table was still covered with shattered glass and dried, dark bloodstains. Papers were scattered about and books looked as though they had been dropped haphazardly. Certainly, if anyone had been allowed to look closely, they would have deduced that some sort of struggle had taken place. This did not look like the scene of someone accidentally falling on glass.

Elphaba grit her teeth and started collecting papers. It was far too dark and she had far too little time to read them there. She simply stacked them and began shoving them into a large, canvas bag she found on the back of the closet door. She took all the papers on the floor, and everything she could get from the large, oak cabinet by the window. With the bag near capacity, she suddenly froze. She could hear footsteps approaching, echoing down the long, polished wood floor of the hallway. With a rush of adrenaline, Elphaba looked around, considering her options. She couldn't very well run back the way she'd come and risk slamming head first into whoever was approaching.

On impulse, she picked up one of the heavy, wooden lab stools and swung it into the window. Glass shards flew around her, and she squeezed her eyes shut. When she opened them, there was a large, jagged hole in the largest window. She kicked the biggest of the remaining glass fragments out of the way, hoping not to lacerate herself. Then, she slung the bag around herself and lunged through the window.

Elphaba sprinted back to her room, scaling the wall and struggling up the latticework to her window. When she slipped back inside, Galinda was still snoring delicately. Elphaba kicked the heavy bag under her bed and flopped down, her chest heaving. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying not to vomit or cry from the throbbing pain radiating from her left side. The minutes ticked by mercilessly as she tried to even her breathing and still the pounding of her heart. When she finally got a measure of control, she realized there was a cool, dampness on her right arm.

Elphaba went to the window, wincing in pain with each step, and pulled up her sleeve. There was a large gash across her right arm, which had bled through her dress. She cursed silently and went to the washbasin for a cloth. She dipped it carefully in the water and cleaned the wound. She then wound one of her scarves around it, determining that the bleeding has mostly stopped, but it was still a nasty cut.

_I'll have to scrub this tomorrow,_ she told herself, pulling off her dress and wrapping it and the cloth carefully together. She didn't need Galinda panicking over why there were bloodstained clothes in their room

Elphaba curled up under her blankets then, not so much tired as she was exhausted and aching. She curled her arms around her ribs and tried to be calm. She took deep, heavy breaths, trying to focus her erratic thoughts. Her mind raced until nearly dawn, when she finally fell into an uneasy sleep. Only daylight would tell if she'd been seen, or was suspected. The rising sun would determine if she'd made an incredible discovery, or sentenced herself to expulsion.


	10. Chapter 10

_"Though this be madness, yet there is method in it."  
Hamlet, _William Shakespeare

**Chapter 10**

Fiyero knew it was Elphaba as soon as he heard that someone had broken into Dr. Dillamond's office. He overheard it in class the first time, and then caught traces of conversation in the hallways. Although no one seemed to be able to name a culprit, that didn't stop the speculation. Rumors circulated quietly, passing from student to student in hushed whispers and silent, meaningful glances.

_Someone broke the window…and pried loose the hinges, _Fiyero overheard.

_That old Badger who cleans the building found the office all askew,_ he heard someone else mutter.

Elphaba would have been furious, he knew, to hear them speaking about the Badger without so much as asking his name. Fiyero shook off the feeling, though, and tried to force her from his thoughts. He did not want to dwell on Elphaba or what chaos she might be causing. He was determined to be through with her escapades, her lying, and her selfishness.

_I have a life in the Vinkus. I will take my education back with me and make things better for my people. That is my only burden, and that is what matters most. I have a wife waiting for me. I do not need Elphaba Thropp and her tunnel-vision, her obnoxious ranting, her lack of manners, her spitefulness…her eyes…her spirit… her skin…_

Fiyero shook himself, refusing to allow his thoughts to wander farther. A part of him still loved her, he knew, but he would silence that part. He had decided he was simply youthfully infatuated. That's all his relationship with Elphaba had been, and he believed his feelings would wane and disappear with time. He decided that, until then, he would have to suffer his broken heart. It was the penalty for having involved himself in something he should have run from. He would hurt for a time, but in the end, he'd be better off. His family would be better off.

Still, he couldn't help wondering at what point Elphaba's tactics would land her in more trouble than she could lie her way out of. He knew she'd broken into the office. She'd clearly not gotten the key from Avaric, and Fiyero knew she would never give up and admit defeat. Clearly, she'd taken the matter into her own hands. Part of him hoped she'd covered her tracks well. If she was right, and the doctor's death was a cover-up murder, she was toying with dangerous people. Then again, another part of him wished she would get caught. He thought it might put an end to her dangerous, and potentially harmful, exploits.

_She'll run over anyone for what she wants. Maybe it would be good for someone to stop her,_ he told himself.

Fiyero tried to shake it off and put the whole thing out of his mind. It wasn't his burden now. He had to move on. So he went about his life, trudging through the wet, murky snow and burying his face in his books at night. The semester was wrapping up, and there were seminars, projects, and essays demanding his attention. He did not have time to worry about Elphaba. He would not focus on Elphaba. He would move on. He did not need or want her.

_Elphaba._

* * *

Galinda heard the rumors about Dr. Dillamond's office in her mathematics class. She had been unable focus on her professor that day. Math tended to give her a headache, and she had focused instead on the whispering going on to her right. From what she could gather, someone had broken a window and stolen most of his papers. She listened more intently, as they gossiped.

"Nothing valuable was missing. Not even his gemstone collection. All they took were those papers. It's silly, if you ask me, to go to that length and not take something of value…"

Galinda was suddenly more alert. She knew someone who would find papers far more valuable than gemstones. Her crazy, one-track minded roommate had had her sights set on the doctor's office since he'd died. Galinda swallowed hard, feeling most certain it must have been Elphaba. Somehow, though, she was afraid to ask. It would only involve her more in her Elphaba's schemes.

So she watched her roommate over the next few days, looking for anything that might give her away. Elphaba was quiet, reclusive even. She spent most nights pouring over books and papers by the light of her lamp. Galinda tried to lay awake and watch her. She tried to determine how many hours Elphaba was studying, and if she ever slept. She hoped to catch the green girl sneaking out or producing something that was undoubtedly Dr. Dillamond's. Galinda always fell asleep, however, and she couldn't speak for what her roommate did in the wee hours of the night.

Even in sorcery seminar, Elphaba was mute. She worked her spells with practiced skill and showed no animosity toward Madame Morrible. Except for her usual snarky retorts and constant need to argue with her professors, she was the picture of a perfect student. Perhaps that was what bothered Galinda the most. She was certain Elphaba had stolen those papers, and she was more certain her roommate had no intention of giving up on her revolution. It was only a matter of time before something exploded. Whether it would be literally or metaphorically, Galinda could not say.

Since the entire situation already had her on edge, Galinda's heart jumped into her throat when she found Nanny in their room one afternoon two weeks after the break-in. Nessarose sat primly on the chair, looking holy and slightly offended.

"Is there something wrong?" Galinda asked in a shaky voice.

"I certainly hope not. Your Headmistress has called an assembly this evening. She's asked that all students and staff be present," Nanny explained, fluttering a piece of paper around.

Galinda held out her hand and Nanny gave her the note. It said nothing further than what Nanny had said. Still, Galinda felt herself tremble a little. She supposed Madame Morrible could want to discuss just about anything. The semester was drawing to a close and there could be an issue with examinations, or perhaps a change in faculty for the new semester. Still, this was the first time in Galinda's academic career that Morrible, or anyone, had addressed the entire student body. It was unusual, no matter how she tried to think of it.

"I certainly hope you girls have been behaving yourselves," Nanny was shaking a gnarled finger in their direction, "I know both of your families would be sorely disappointed if you've gotten into any mischief."

"There's very little mischief that one can get into when one is constantly chaperoned," Nessarose commented, glancing toward Nanny, "Also, it would offend the Unnamed God for me to be gallivanting around alone."

"I don't worry about you, my pet. It's your spirited sister who's made me old before my time," Nanny grumbled.

"I can't speak for Elphaba," Nessarose sniffed her disapproval, "She's ignored me so thoroughly lately that I've started to question why I came to this school at all…"

"It's been a hard semester…" Galinda offered as some sort of excuse.

Nanny huffed her disapproval and said, "Elphaba's been hard her whole life. I suppose I shouldn't expect the rest of it to be much different…"

"Your kind words are always appreciated," Elphaba spat as she came through the door just then.

Galinda turned, still clutching the note in her hand, "We have an assembly tonight we must attend," she blurted out.

"We?" Elphaba looked around the room as she hung up her satchel of books.

"Well, everyone. The whole school," Galinda explained, handing her the note.

Elphaba studied it carefully. If she was upset, or even affected, she showed no sign. She simply folded it carefully and said, "Well, that's that then."

* * *

So at seven o'clock that evening, just after the dinner hour, the three girls and Nanny made their way to the largest of the lecture halls. It was really more of a theater, with a sweeping stage and two balconies. The space was usually reserved for guest lecturers, concerts, and commencement, but it was the only place large enough to house the student body. They found seats toward the left side and sat quietly, waiting for whatever was to come.

At promptly seven o'clock, Madame Morrible took the stage. She folded her hands carefully on the lectern. In the flickering lamplight cast downward from the proscenium, the headmistress looked especially ominous. Her deep-set eyes were cast in dark shadows and she moved her lips in a puckering motion as she considered the crowd. Finally, she spoke in a booming voice that echoed off the acoustically carved walls.

"Students, fellow faculty members, and other staff, I appreciate your time this evening. I would not have inconvenienced you at the end of the semester, but we have a serious matter to attend to. As you all know, we lost our esteemed Professor, Doctor Dillamond at the beginning of this semester. This was a sad, tragic accident, and we've all mourned his loss. I had hoped to resolve the issue of his affairs quietly, out of respect for his understandably devastated family. However, it seems there is someone among us who wishes to cause more grief. As most of you have likely heard, someone broke into the doctor's office two weeks ago. The office was ransacked, and much of Doctor Dillamond's academic work was stolen. Now, we had previously ascertained that none of his work contained anything noteworthy. The doctor was a bit disillusioned when it came to his personal research, but he was a qualified teacher, nonetheless."

At this, Galinda looked over and saw Elphaba clench her hands into fists. Her face was set in an unreadable expression, her mouth a thin, pinched line.

Madame Morrible continued, "If any of you have any information in regards to what may have happened, or who might have wanted to cause an innocent family further grief and suffering, please make an appointment with me at once. I will consider all information valid until proven otherwise. It is important that we catch whoever is responsible for this. Whether they be student or faculty, we cannot have anyone among us who would violate personal property in such a manner. I appreciate your time, and your concern. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you."

With that, she rustled from the stage in a swath of unnecessary skirts and bustles. A low hum of conversation began to work its way across the theater, and Galinda turned to see if Elphaba would speak. The green girl said nothing. Instead, she gathered her cloak and hat, and wrapped herself up against the snow outside. Nanny then led the way back to their room, where she went about helping Nessarose to bed.

Galinda busied herself with settling in for the night, stoking the fire and pulling out clean nightclothes. She caught sight of Elphaba out of the corner of her eye, just as the green girl slipped through the door into Nessarose's adjoining room. She hadn't bothered with her sister in weeks, and Galinda wondered what suddenly prompted the visit. Galinda crossed to the desk just outside the door, flipping haphazardly through a book as she strained to hear the sisters talking.

"Are you quiet comfortable, Nessa?" Elphaba was asking.

"I suppose, for the night anyways. Perhaps I'll pray a while. Deliberate wrongdoing always upsets my spirit," Nessa answered heavily.

There was a pause, "Maybe the person didn't consider is wrongdoing. Maybe there's something we don't know…" Elphaba postulated.

Galinda heard Nessarose sigh, "Tell me you're not involved, Elphaba. Please assure me you wouldn't go to such lengths…"

There was a long moment of silence, and Galinda froze, wondering if Elphaba might be returning to the room. Finally, after a time, Elphaba answered, "No Nessa, it wasn't me. You can rest easy. I'm not that clever, or strong."

Galinda let out a breath, realizing she'd stopped breathing for a moment. She dropped the book and crossed to her wardrobe upon hearing footsteps returning. Elphaba came back through the door then, locking it behind her with a little click. She crossed to her own wardrobe and began rummaging around without a word to her roommate.

After a few quiet minutes, Galinda finally asked, "Elphie…are you worried? About what Morrible said to us?"

Elphaba stopped and turned, surveying Galinda with narrowed eyes, "Not especially. It's an unfortunate fact that breaking and entering occurs."

"Elphie…" Galinda gave her a meaningful look.

"What?"

"I think we both know…."

"What?" Elphaba asked again, crossing to her bed with her nightclothes.

"It was you," Galinda whispered, her voice barely audible.

Elphaba stared at her, her face giving nothing away. The clocked ticked loudly for several moments. When Elphaba finally spoke, she asked quietly, "What was me?"

Galinda flopped down on her bed with a little growl of frustration, "Don't lie to me, Elphie. I'm your friend now, and I know you. You've talked of nothing but Doctor Dillamond's office for weeks. It was—"

Elphaba crossed the room suddenly and clapped her hand over Galinda's mouth, "Don't speak like that. You'll have us both expelled," she whispered heavily into the blonde girl's ear.

"But Elphie…" Galinda squeaked.

Elphaba stepped back and took Galinda by the shoulders. Her eyes were dark and intense as she argued, "It was not me. You didn't see me, or even hear me. You have absolutely no concrete reason to believe it was me. Wanting to see what was in that office does not make me guilty."

Galinda opened her mouth to respond, but she was struck dumb by her roommate's eyes. There was more than denial in them. There was desperation and pleading, as though she were begging Galinda not to question her further. It seemed she needed Galinda to believe her lie.

So Galinda closed her mouth. She set about studying without another word. She kept quiet until bedtime, when her eyes became bleary and she put away her books for the night. She crawled under her covers and blew out the light. Before she went to sleep, however, she whispered across the room, "Elphie…"

"Yes?" her roommate answered.

"Please be careful? Please?"

Elphaba was quiet for some time. Finally, she just nodded, refusing to meet Galinda's eyes.

Some time later, in the depth of night, Galinda awoke to a stirring. Afraid, she did not move, but simply opened her eyes and peered from beneath her quilts. She caught site of a shadowy figure stoking the fire. Satisfied, the figure picked up a roll of cloth, or a garment, and tossed in into the flames. The fire brightened for a moment, and Galinda could see Elphaba's resolute face. Galinda sat up and gave a little gasp.

Elphaba turned, and Galinda choked out, "What are you doing?"

Elphaba crossed to the bed and wrapped her arms around her roommate. She stroked her hair and whispered into her ear, "Go to bed now. Go back to bed," there was a pause, and she added, "Plausible deniability, my sweet. Plausible deniability."

Elphaba pressed her lips to Galinda's cheek and crept back to her own bed without another word.

* * *

Elphaba was relieved to be rid of the dress. Burning it had been her only option. The sleeve was stained with blood from the place where the window had cut her arm. She'd scrubbed it several times, but the stain would not be lifted. She hated that Galinda had seen her do it, though. It bothered her not because she feared Galinda would purposely turn her in, but she very much wanted her roommate to have no knowledge. If she knew nothing, she could admit nothing, if asked.

That afternoon, Elphaba sat on one of the benches in the courtyard just beyond Crage Hall. It was chilly, but the sun had returned and melted some of the snow. She knew she should be studying for final examinations the following week, rather than mulling over her covert activities. She still needed the education, but it was hard to focus. Dr. Dillamond's work was fascinating. He had uncovered so much more than he'd revealed to Elphaba, and his findings were groundbreaking. He had very much been on the verge of proving there was little difference between humans, Animals, and animals. She realized that the discovery was even more significant than finding something that separated Animals from animals. Discovering that all the species were so very similar made for a stronger argument. Elphaba understood that if the biology of all were the same, then you could not justify segregating any group. It was brilliant, because it was far more concrete than trying to prove the existence of a soul.

Elphaba's mind was racing over what she'd read most recently in his work, and she pulled out a notebook and began to scribble her thoughts. She was totally immersed in her writing when someone sat down beside her. She finally turned, and her stomach heaved. It was Avaric.

"Get away from me," she ordered, turning back to her notebook.

"Such an unpleasant way for a lady to greet a gentleman," Avaric sneered.

Elphaba snorted, still looking down, "You are hardly a gentleman."

"And you are _hardly_ a lady," Avaric cut back at her.

Elphaba looked up then, biting back her temper. She narrowed her eyes and demanded, "_What_ do you want? I am _very_ busy."

"I know. Breaking and entering will keep a person very busy," Avaric indirectly accused.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, and I have much to do," Elphaba stood and started to leave.

Avaric seized her by the arm and she turned, startled. Her eyes were wide, remembering how easily he'd flung her away before. In spite of himself, Avaric realized he'd crossed a line, and released her.

"I just wanted to congratulate you on your accomplishment," Avaric said haughtily, "You seem to have gotten into the doctor's office on your own."

"Again, you must be mistaken," Elphaba refused to back down.

Avaric took a step toward her and lowered his voice, "Look, we both know it was you. No one else in this whole town cared what that crazy old goat had stashed in his office! It was you. But you and I are the only ones who know for sure that it was you. Now…what might you be willing to do to keep me from passing that information on to Madame Morrible…?"

Elphaba's eyes flashed and her mouth twitched in a sneer. She clutched her book satchel with one hand and pointed a finger in Avaric's face, "You must be out of your sick, perverted mind if you think I'll be blackmailed again!"

Avaric chuckled, "Well, it worked so well before…and there's been a bit of a dry spell since you stopped dropping by. Or maybe it's just that the other girls seem so…empty?"

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Elphaba spat.

"If you like. So…tomorrow?"

Elphaba stepped just inches from his face, "If you think that I ever intend to touch you again, you are certifiably insane! So go on, tell on me! Act like the seven year-old child you are on the inside! Go to Morrible and try to prove that it was me! If you have nothing better to do, then I cannot stop you. But it's your word against mine, and it will be quite hard to prove that a tiny, little woman with three broken ribs could break down a door _and _a window!"

They stood there for a moment, at a stalemate. Finally, Avaric grunted his frustration and stormed away. Elphaba collapsed onto the bench, not feeling quite as brave as she had sounded. Avaric disgusted her, but he also frightened her a little. He was strong, determined, and stupid, which was a terrible combination. Her stomach churned, knowing she might have just sent him on a mission to turn her in. Still, she couldn't sleep with him again. That price was too high, and had proven to be utterly fruitless. The very idea of it was nauseating. Unsettled, Elphaba suddenly ran for the trees and vomited.


	11. Chapter 11

**So this story is just pouring out. There's something about it...it demands to be written. Also, random funny story...my son actually called me Elphaba the other day. He was trying to get my attention, and he said, "Mommy..mommy...mommy...Elphaba?" Awesome.**

**Story note...I believe very firmly that men cry. When we hurt badly enough, we all cry. We might lock it away so that no one ever sees, but it happens.**

* * *

_Stay for another morning,  
Study the curves on my face.  
Stay even when we're unknowing,  
Stay 'till they tear you away._

_I don't want to leave you with perfume and promises,  
But we'll never know 'till we capture and bottle it,  
Cause wouldn't it be such a shame,  
If all was wasted?_

_Perfume and Promises,_ Idina Menzel

**Chapter 11**

The following week was final examinations. They all became somewhat reclusive as they poured over their books and wrote practice essays. Elphaba found sorcery seminary to be more complicated than she'd planned, and she spent hours trying to perfect a levitation spell. She succeeded in setting several oranges on file while doing so, and Galinda had laughed at the sickly smell in their room. Not surprisingly, the week left them all exhausted and somewhat dazed.

For the majority of the students, the last examination signaled the time to pack up one's belongings for the trip home for the winter holiday. Most would celebrate Lurelinemas with their families, but a few stayed behind to study, or work on extracurricular assignments in hopes of boosting their scores.

Elphaba was pleased to note that Avaric packed up and left without a word to Madame Morrible. Obviously, his need to blackmail her was rooted in apathetic selfishness, as opposed to maliciousness. He was simply too lazy to bother turning her in just out of spite. If he wasn't going to get what he wanted, Avaric would rather pout. That suited Elphaba fine, because it allowed her to focus on her research, rather than worrying about defending herself to the headmistress.

Fiyero's departure struck her more deeply. He had responsibilities to his family back in the Vinkus, she knew, but she hated the fact that he seemed to be so glad to get away from her. She'd tried to speak with him again, to corner him for just a moment, but he eluded her.

The day he packed his things into a carriage and headed for the train station, she watched him. He might have seen her, since she had planted herself quite visibly on a bench just across the street. However, he gave no sign of noticing. He would not meet her eye, or so much as wave. With a slam of the door and a crack of the driver's whip, he was gone. Elphaba was surprised at how lonely the moment felt, and she chided herself for letting her emotions get in the way once again. Still, she sat there for some time, listening to the sounds of students boarding carriages and saying their goodbyes. It was cold, but she had little to do and nowhere to be.

By early afternoon, the campus was strangely quiet. Even Nanny and Nessarose had left, insisting that their father would be heartbroken if he had to spend the holiday season alone. Elphaba knew that it was only his precious pet Nessarose that Frex would miss. Their father was far too devotedly Unionist to really care for the frivolous holiday of Lurelinemas, but he did care for his Nessa. He also had Shell, so Nessa's assertions in regards to his loneliness were thin, at best. Nonetheless, she and Nanny had departed the day previous, and now Elphaba was left alone on the bench.

Finally, chilled to the bone from sitting out in the damp cold, she made her way back to her room. Upon entering, she was pleased to see that the fire was blazing. She also realized one of the lamps was lit. Concerned, she turned to see someone sitting on her bed shifting through a sheaf of papers. Elphaba's reflexes immediately sprang to life as she slammed the door and demanded, "What are you doing?"

The figure turned into the light and gave a little gasp, and she realized it was Galinda.

"Elphie! I…was just…" Galinda stammered.

Elphaba calmed a little, and then grit her teeth in anger, "Are you going through my things?" she snapped.

Galinda's face was openly guilty. She lifted a few pieces of parchment and asked, "Are these Dr. Dillamond's notes?"

Elphaba ignored her question and asked, "Why would you go through my things? Do you have no sense of privacy?"

"I'm sorry…I just…"

"You just what? You just can't listen to me? You have to go nosing around what doesn't belong to you? Besides, shouldn't you be taking a carriage home to your mansion in Gillikin?"

Galinda's face darkened, "Don't mock me, Elphie. Don't pretend to know everything about me."

"All I know right now is that you're on my bed, going through things that do not belong to you!" Elphaba pointed out icily.

"They do not belong to _you_ either," Galinda threw back.

Elphaba rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. She had very little will to fight this evening, "So what do you want from me, Galinda? Do you want me to give them back? Turn myself in? What?"

Galinda looked a little surprised, "No! I want you to explain it to me. What does it mean?"

Her face was so sincere that Elphaba was struck dumb for a moment. She still did not understand this new Galinda. Her roommate's recent interest in her research was still somewhat hard to accept. She gave in, though, and crossed to sit on the bed.

"You're getting into something that could ruin your chances here. You do understand that?" Elphaba asked darkly.

Galinda nodded, her eyes wide.

"I've tried to keep you from this, to protect you. I care about you too much to see you hurt."

"Elphie…" Galinda whispered, "I'm a big girl."

Elphaba shuffled through the papers then, and began to explain what she had found. Galinda listened in rapt attention, occasionally interrupting to ask a question. Elphaba talked animatedly, illustrating with pen and ink the things Galinda found most confusing. They argued a little, and before they realized it, nearly two hours had passed.

Galinda finally took a deep breath and asked, "So…what will you do now?"

"I want to turn these notes into some sort of thesis. I think I can create a presentation for the Wizard, to make a plea for the Animals. I also think I'll need to make my primary discipline Life Sciences," Elphaba answered with enthusiasm.

Galinda bit her lip, "I thought Madame Morrible had her heart set on us being Sorcery students?"

Elphaba's face darkened, "I'm sure she does, but that isn't what I should be doing."

"It will be hard to convince her…"

"Then maybe I won't try. Perhaps I'll just change it."

"But I thought our disciplines had to be approved by…" Galinda looked confused.

Elphaba sighed, "Let's not argue. I'll find a way. We both know that. Now tell me, why are you not in Gillikin?"

Galinda looked away, her expression suddenly sour, "I decided to spend the holiday here," she hedged.

Elphaba raised an eyebrow, "Don't patronize me. We both know you don't care for me _that_ much."

"That's a dreadful thing to say! I care very much for you!"

There was a silence then, and Elphaba's face fell open in surprise.

Galinda cleared her throat, trying to recover, "My life is not all roses and pearls, Elphie, despite what you might think…"

"What? No grand holiday banquet waiting for you at home this year?" Elphaba teased.

Galinda did not smile, and the joke fell flat, "My parents are taking the holiday in the mountains this year. Apparently, they've been waiting for me to be off to school so they can travel…"

Elphaba studied her roommate, sensing tears were about to fall. She squirmed at the idea, but felt terrible for Galinda, nonetheless. She knew what it was like to be shuffled away as an inconvenience. After several long, quiet moments, a solitary tear crept down Galinda's face. She hastily wiped it away and studied her hands.

Elphaba slid closer and, fighting her natural inclinations, put her arms around her friend. More tears fell, and Elphaba wiped them away, much as she'd seen Nanny doing for Nessarose. Finally, Elphaba said, "It's you and I, my sweet. You and I alone, for now. And if you can find the courage, I'll take you with me…"

"Where?" Galinda asked softly.

"To the Emerald City, to see the Wizard," Elphaba whispered, as though they might be overheard.

Galinda turned wide eyes on her friend, and said nothing more.

* * *

The following week, Elphaba was struck with a terrible bout of influenza. She supposed it might have come from sitting out in the snow for several hours, which, in retrospect, was not the best choice. However, even if it was her fault, she'd never had much patience for being ill. Elphaba hated staying in bed, but her head throbbed and the world spun if she sat up for too long. She coughed and ached, and then threw up until she thought she surely had no stomach left.

Galinda was extraordinarily kind, fetching her soup and having one of the Amas who'd stayed on check in on her. She brought back more pain powder, and even made sure the washbasins were clean. Elphaba knew that was certainly not a task Galinda would ever have had to bother with in upper-class Gillikin, and she was grateful.

The change in their relationship was obvious now that most of the other students were gone. As Galinda played nursemaid, they learned more about each other, and their tentative friendship began to grow roots of trust and intimacy. Elphaba felt a little guilty for thinking it, but she supposed this is what having a sister was supposed to feel like. She began to understand, finally, that she'd been mostly a handmaiden for Nessarose their entire lives.

By Lurelinemas Eve, Elphaba was still in bed. Galinda had offered to stay in the room with her that night, but Elphaba insisted she do something more festive. There was a get-together at the café for students and faculty who stayed year-round at Shiz, and Elphaba would not hear of Galinda missing it.

"You deserve a good time. You've done more than enough for me. I'm already deeply indebted and feel terribly awkward," Elphaba had said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, go. Go and let me rest. I believe I'll be up for leaving the room tomorrow."

So Galinda had put on her best party dress and curled her golden hair. She looked quite beautiful, perhaps because there was a different gleam in her eye. Some of the silly, young girl was gone, replaced with a sad maturity that was somehow more appealing. Elphaba was proud, as her friend bounced out of the room.

Then she lay there for some time, rolling around the main points of the dissertation she hoped to create from Dr. Dillamond's notes. Elphaba was beyond tired at this point, but her body refused to give in and get well.

After a short time and to her dismay, she found herself crouched over the washbasin once again, vomiting. Her stomach was more than empty, which only made it more painful. She knelt there for a time, wiping away a cold sweat and wondering if she had another fever. Finally, she stumbled back to her bed and pulled the quilts over her trembling body.

Elphaba straightened her nightdress under the blankets and slipped one hand underneath to feel her chest rise and fall. She was quiet, trying to feel any rattling beneath her ribs that would signal pneumonia. It was a trick she'd learned from Nanny as a child. Feeling nothing but her pounding heart, she ran her hand over her ribs, noting they were more prominent than usual, even for her.

_I suppose I've lost some weight…_she mused, not surprised considering how sick she'd been.

Elphaba let her hand slide down to the plane of her stomach, letting it rest between the bony outcroppings of her hips on either side. Suddenly, she froze. Her entire body raced with a surge of white-hot fear, and she could not move. She felt riveted to the spot, held down by a weight that wanted to crush her. Her heart raced, her blood felt like fire, and her head spun. She felt sick again, but swallowed against it because she could not move. She pressed her hand against the soft curve of her stomach, just below her navel.

Beneath her skin, there was something. Elphaba knew that it would be visible to no one but her. In fact, if she had been heavier, perhaps blessed with more curves, she most likely could not have felt it at all. Only because she was so very thin, and because of her position, lying on her back, she felt it. She began to tremble violently, hoping it might be a tumor or some strange disease that would mercifully kill her.

But she knew. She knew what it was, and at the same moment, cursed herself for having been so foolishly naïve. Had she learned nothing from Melena, who had demonstrated far too graphically how children are born into the world? Elphaba cursed to herself, now livid at having had a parent who taught sexual freedom, if only by example, but provided no information as to how to prevent _this._

Then, she second-guessed herself, having always assumed on some level that she was far too strange to ever reproduce. Elphaba had never felt very female. It was merely a fact. She was not a man, therefore she was a woman, but barely. But now there was this, this strange roundness in the crook normally created by her hips. She lay there for some time, unable to move, almost unable to breathe. She was angry, resentful, and altogether terrified. She realized this would be the end of her education, and the end of her relationship with her family. She could not hide this, could not lie or smuggle it away. Then, she was struck by the cruelest fact in this situation.

She could not name the father.

Elphaba began to tremble violently. She was certain this must be a nightmare, or a delusion brought on by her sickness. This was the type of thing that happened to filthy prostitutes in the center of the City of Emeralds. This was the stuff of backwoods stories about uneducated Quadlings. This was not something that happened to a bright, young Shiz student who had revolution in her blood.

Elphaba's thoughts raced as she tried to sort out the past few months. It only became more obvious, however, that either Fiyero or Avaric could have fathered this thing now trying to grow within her. She'd been with both, and the time frame was far too entangled to possibly blame one over the other. She felt angry tears prick her eyes as she thought of all she wanted to do, how she'd hoped for some measure of respect when she stood up for what Doctor Dillamond had died for.

She had so many plans, plans that she had spent her free hours laying out. She saw herself at the head of a revolution that would defy what the most intelligent scholars thought they knew. She had visions of leading the south into becoming economically independent. Elphaba bit her lip, trying to fight back sobs because she was just so very, very angry.

_My life, as I wanted it to be, is over, _was all she could think, as she stared out into the unforgiving night.

* * *

Galinda returned to the room some time close to midnight. She hummed to herself, having ended up having a good time after all. Free from the judgmental eyes of Pfannee, Shenshen, and Milla, she was able to meet some of the students who stayed at Shiz all year. They were nice, she had decided. And that frightened her a little, because she realized how much she'd changed in a year's time.

_It's because of Elphie, _she told herself as she pushed open the door to their room. Galinda looked toward her roommate's bed, hoping Elphaba had fared well while she was gone. She was not there. Galinda also noted that the room was dark. The fire smoldered, but was sorely in need of stoking. She dropped her things on her bed and started toward the fireplace. In doing so, she stumbled over Elphaba, who was sitting on the floor, leaning against the footboard of her bed.

"Elphie? Sweet Oz, you scared me! What are you doing on the floor?" Galinda gasped.

Elphaba did not respond. She stared, unmoving, at the fire.

Galinda quickly threw a bit more wood onto the fire and hoped it would catch. Then she knelt down beside her roommate.

"Elphie? Are you ok?" she asked.

There was still no answer. Galinda's stomach felt heavy, because she'd never seen Elphie behave this way. She'd never seen her be this still without a book in her hand. She'd never seen her do…nothing.

"Elphie? You're scaring me…" Galinda whispered.

The fire finally caught then, and the warm light danced across Elphaba's face for a moment. That's when Galinda noticed it. She was crying. There were two streams running down the green girl's face, two perfect, unbroken channels. But Elphaba was absolutely silent. Her eyes were fixed on the fire, and she would not turn, even to acknowledge Galinda.

Galinda felt the heaviness in her stomach increase, and she was afraid. No, she was terrified. She'd never known Elphaba to cry, not once. It would have been odd enough to come in and find her sobbing on the bed, but somehow, that would have been less frightening. Galinda would have been less terrified if Elphaba was screaming, sobbing, and burying her face in a pillow. But this, this silent, unresponsive grieving was horrific. Galinda knew something was wrong, terribly wrong.

"Elphie?" she tried again, "Elphie? Elphie! Answer me! You're scaring me!"

She tried for some time, but there was no response except for even breathing and the damned tears. Finally, Galinda gave up. She pulled the quilt from her bed and sat very close to Elphie, so close that she could feel the hard angles of her friend's body. She pulled the quilt over both of them and wrapped her arms around Elphaba. They stayed that way until exhaustion pulled them both into sleep, leaning on each other, two sides of a coin, two poles of a magnet, two pieces of a puzzle. Two, who would become three.


	12. Chapter 12

_Some say love it is a hunger,  
an endless aching need.  
I say love it is a flower,  
and you it's only seed._

_When the night has been too lonely,  
and the road has been too long,  
and you think that love is only,  
for the lucky and the strong.  
Just remember in the winter,  
far beneath the bitter snows,  
lies the seed,  
that with the sun's love,  
in the spring,  
becomes the rose._

_The Rose, _Bette Midler

**Chapter 12**

The following day was Lurelinemas. Elphaba woke before dawn, still on the floor. She had a pounding headache and didn't feel at all festive. Her eyes were bloodshot and her skin felt raw from crying. She was mostly numb, emotionally, but she was the slightest bit grateful to Galinda for staying with her on the cold floor. Noting that her friend was sleeping soundly, Elphaba carefully slipped from beneath the quilt and stood, stretching her aching body. She still felt nauseous, and a bit dizzy, but she could not stay in the room any longer. More than ever, Elphaba felt like a caged Animal, unwillingly captured and clawing to be free. She knew she could not run from what was truly shackling her, because it was within. However, she would settle for getting out of the room for now.

She pulled on her oldest dress and wrapped herself in her warmest winter cloak. She jerked on her boots and wrapped her scarves around her head without bothering to tie up her hair. Somehow, it didn't seem to matter today. Then Elphaba crept from the room without a word to her roommate.

She wandered across campus, kicking at the leftover, crusted snow. The air was strangely calm, and the school was utterly still in the murky light of dawn. The sun threatened to split the clouds later, perhaps warming the ground enough to melt the snow. For now, however, it was frigid and dim as Elphaba walked.

She left Crage Hall and crossed the main courtyard, which was usually filled with bustling activity. She shuffled through the grove of trees beyond the library and kept going, crunching through the frost-laden grass until the pond came into view. For some reason, she was drawn to this place. Elphaba wanted to believe it was because it was calm, quiet, and it felt separated from the chaos of University life. She didn't want to believe that her time here with Fiyero had anything to do with her feelings. Still, this morning she wrapped her arms around herself and remembered how he had made love to her. She wondered, with a touch of bitterness, if that might have been when this thing inside her had been conceived. Then, she remembered seducing Avaric, however unwillingly, and her stomach turned as she considered again the possibility that it was his.

Elphaba dropped to the ground in the clearing just before the pond, still feeling weak. She pulled her knees to her chest and stared blankly at the water. Yesterday, she had felt so purposeful, so alive and ready to take on the world. She had been desperately hoping to be well so that she could get back to work on her dissertation. Elphaba had so many dreams, and she usually had the raw, unflinching drive to see them through. Today, however, she felt absolutely numb. It was as though someone had uncorked her pool of energy and drained it bone dry. She couldn't imagine giving up her dreams, but she couldn't think of any possible way out of this mess. No one would rally behind a young, unmarried, pregnant girl. No one from the Vinkus or the grasslands would partner with a whore. How could she possibly get the Wizard, or any political leader, to take her seriously when she would soon be unable to hide the visible evidence of her irresponsibility?

The complication of it all made Elphaba's head start to throb again. Adding to her steadily growing panic was the fact that she would soon be expelled from the University, and she would have nowhere to go when it happened. She knew her father would never allow her to come home. She would be the greatest of disappointments now. The most she could hope for from Frex is that he might demand that the father of the child take responsibility for her. Since she couldn't even answer who that was, Elphaba knew she had no chance with her father, or Nessarose for that matter.

She thought back to her mother again, wondering why, considering Melena's obvious lack of modesty, she had never bothered to help her daughters understand the realities of sex. Instead, Melena had chosen selfishness and drowned herself in potent drugs to escape the monotony of the Unionist life. Then suddenly, out of the depths of her chaotic thoughts, Elphaba remembered something,

_I used to get all sorts of tonics for her, _Nanny had once said, _Your mother seems to think there's a magic potion out there for everything. Even one to get rid of pregnancy. It's a cryin' shame that she'd try to get rid of a baby, but she swears some lover in her past used to give it to her by the pint…_

Elphaba mulled the memory over for some time, not sure whether to be grateful or terribly hurt. She remembered going through the trinkets her mother kept in a chest by her bed. She had admired the glass beads and bottles she kept among the few gold rings and scarves she owned. Elphaba specifically remembered several labeled _Miracle Elixir_, but she'd dismissed it as just another one of her mother's mind-altering substances. Now, she wondered.

_Maybe there's something out there that can get rid of this. Maybe that's how Melena managed not to have children for so long. After all, it's certainly no secret that she was no virgin on her wedding day. Maybe…_

Elphaba stopped shy of wondering whether her mother had taken this elixir when she was pregnant with her. She'd never had any trouble feeling awkward and disappointing as a child. She didn't want to believe her mother might have tried to get rid of her. She would rather continue to think that the disappointment had come after her birth, and was due to an aversion to her color, rather than being altogether unwanted.

Elphaba shook herself out of that pattern of thinking. Instead, she focused on what she could do. Her mind raced as a rudimentary plan began to take shape. She would go to the Emerald City, like she'd told Galinda. She would take her research and the rough idea for her dissertation, and she would present it to the Wizard. She would also find that Miracle Elixir, or the closest thing to it. Surely someone in such a large, diverse city could get rid of this parasite trying to grow in her body.

_I'll be rid of it, _she told herself, _and I'll start my revolution. This will not be the end of my life. _

Elphaba sat there, oblivious to the passing time, planning her trip and subsequent freedom from this hideous predicament.

* * *

Galinda woke mid-morning with a horrible cramp in her neck. She sat, trying to rub it out, as she pulled herself from sleep. Finally, deciding it was not going to improve much, she stood up slowly and looked around for Elphaba. She surveyed both the beds, and then padded down the hall to inspect the washroom. She even peeked into the vacant room that belonged to Nessarose. Elphaba was nowhere to be found.

Galinda was troubled, wondering for a moment if perhaps she'd dreamed the whole incident from the night before. It seemed implausible now, in daylight, that she'd come in to find Elphaba crying so tragically. Still, she had, in fact, slept on the floor, so that part of the night must have been real.

She continued to agonize over it as she dressed and trudged to the dining hall for some breakfast. The food wasn't so great between semesters, but Galinda wasn't very hungry this morning anyway. She looked around for Elphie before grabbing a little fruit and settling into a chair. She ate listlessly, growing more worried as the minutes ticked by in silence. Most of the other students had plans today, each celebrating Lurelinemas in their own way. Galinda felt terribly alone, eating by herself. She had at least hoped that she and her roommate would find a way to make the best of the holiday together. Instead, she had a growing feeling in the pit of her stomach that something awful was on the horizon. Something had upset Elphaba terribly, and now her absence was frightening Galinda more and more.

She sat for some time, picking over the fruit and hoping Elphaba might come strolling in. Galinda finally gave up when the kitchen staff started to shoot her strange looks as they bustled about, preparing for a faculty holiday dinner that evening. She finally trudged from the dining hall and checked the room once again. There was still no sign of Elphie.

Wrapping an extra scarf around her head, Galinda decided to take a walk into town. She was a tad nervous, not having ventured very far without a chaperone, or at least a friend. It was clear at this point, though, that Elphie wasn't going to be found. Galinda refused to sit in her room alone on Lurelinemas, and she was becoming as angry as she was worried. She couldn't imagine why Elphaba would do this to her, knowing how upset she'd been about spending the holiday alone.

Galinda wallowed in self-pity as she made her way to the usual café. It was full of activity, with many students who'd stayed on choosing to celebrate there. It smelled festive, like peppermint tea and hot chocolate with a hint of rum. She sat in a corner by the fireplace, warming her hands and ordering some of the sweet smelling tea for herself. She sipped slowly when it came, deciding that the musicians were quite good today.

_Elphie's voice would fit beautifully, _she thought.

Galinda hadn't felt this alone in quite some time. She shook her head wistfully over her tea, wondering how in such a short time she'd changed so much. Just this semester, she'd gone from tolerating her roommate to wishing desperately that she would appear. She knew the old Galinda would have called it ridiculous, but she grew more devastated as the hours passed and Elphaba did not appear. Her emotions faded from hurt and angry to worried and finally panicked. Finally, unable to sit still any longer, Galinda gathered her things and hurried through the cold back to Crage Hall. The sun had appeared in the afternoon, but it had only served to melt the snow into freezing puddles that would become dangerous ice by nightfall.

She entered the room cold, tired, and disappointed once again. She stoked the fire and curled up beside it in the quilt she'd left on the floor. Feeling utterly alone, Galinda swallowed over tears. She wasn't sure how long she sat there, watching the flicking firelight and listening to the lonely chime of the clock.

The sound of the door being thrown open finally broke the palpable silence. Galinda jumped, turning to see Elphaba jerking off her cloak and scarves. She kicked the door shut behind her as she spoke.

"It's time, Galinda," was all she said.

"What?" Galinda was utterly confused.

"It's time to go. We have to hurry, though. We need to be gone before lock-up."

Galinda stood, still baffled, "Go where? Elphie, what are you talking about?"

"There isn't time to explain. Just get your things."

"What things? Elphie, stop it right now! I am not going anywhere! You left me here all day, alone! On Lurelinemas! And after last night…"

"Forget last night. It won't matter soon. But we have to go now, and I need you with me," Elphaba pleaded, pulling out a satchel and stuffing clothes inside.

"Elphie, where are you going?" Galinda squeaked.

Elphaba stopped and took Galinda's arms. Her eyes frightened Galinda a little as she breathed, "To the Emerald City. You and I."

Galinda took a step back, "What? No! Elphie, that's no place for us! We're only schoolgirls! You can't possibly be serious!"

"I've never been more serious. We have important things to do. We need to see the Wizard," Elphaba's voice was deep and smooth, like rich chocolate, pulling Galinda in and making it impossible to refuse.

"But…where were you, Elphie? You left me alone today. _Today!_ And now you expect me too…" Galinda pouted a little, not ready to forgive her friend just yet.

Elphaba sighed and pulled Galinda over to her bed. She pulled her friend down next to her and said, "I'm sorry. I had…an unexpected development. If it helps, I've been alone as well. But I see what I need to do now, and I need you. And we have to go tonight!"

Galinda shook her head frantically, starting to panic, "Elphie, I can't! I just can't…run off like that!"

Elphaba moved closer, taking Galinda's face in her hands. She stilled the frantic shaking and said, "Yes, you can. You're smart and strong, but you're also blue-blooded enough to get us where we need to be. You're as frustrated with this school as I am, because you're more than what everyone thinks of you. You're more than your parents think of you. You are _more_, Galinda."

Galinda wanted to refuse. She was terrified, and she had no idea what Elphaba really hoped to accomplish in the city. Somehow, though, she could not say no. Elphaba had fixed her with those wide, dark, brooding eyes that could be both horribly sad and devastatingly beautiful. Galinda remembered the tears that had flowed so freely the night before, and she knew her friend needed something desperately. What it was, Elphaba might not confess, but Galinda did not have the heart to refuse.

So they hastily packed up their things and slipped into town to catch the first carriage that would take them. They were off to the city, come what may and hell to pay.


	13. Chapter 13

_Can you help me remember how to smile  
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile  
How on earth did I get so jaded  
Life's mystery seems so faded_

_Everything is cut and dry  
Day and night, earth and sky  
Somehow I just don't believe it_

_Bought a ticket for a runaway train  
Like a madman laughin' at the rain  
Little out of touch, little insane  
Just easier than dealing with the pain_

_Runaway Train, _Soul Asylum

**Chapter 13**

The trip into the city took nearly a week. They had to piggyback on other carriages, chartered by the wealthier travelers. The girls spent much of their time crammed into the back seats or storage compartments of various carriages. At night, they slept in makeshift beds above inns, taverns, or the occasional brothel. It was not the safest mode of travel, Galinda knew, and she spent a great deal of the time wide-eyed and fearful. Elphaba tried to calm her, keeping a constant nighttime vigil and haggling with the drivers and innkeepers.

On one particularly cold night, they tried to light a fire in a dusty, ill-kept fireplace above a seedy restaurant. Elphaba struggled with the flint and some damp wood, which was all they could find. After some time, she finally cursed and gave up.

"We'll be cold tonight, I suppose," she grumbled.

Galinda tried to smile. She pulled her cloak back around herself underneath the threadbare blanket they had been given. Elphaba pulled on her cloak as well and climbed into the tiny bed next to her friend. They huddled together, trying to stop their shaking and find a measure of rest. They were quiet for some time, shivering together and feeling altogether exhausted.

Finally, Galinda spoke up quietly, "Elphie...the other night, before we left…Lurelinemas Eve…what happened?"

Elphaba was very quiet. She studied her hands, and then looked out the one, murky window for some time. When she finally answered, her voice was low and strained, "I received some bad news, but I think I've worked through it. I know what to do."

"But Elphie, can't you tell me what it was? We've become good friends, I think. And you seemed so…sad…"

Elphaba heaved a large sigh, "It's not important, Galinda. It won't be important. And you know too much already. You're into my mess deep enough. I love you too much to burden you with this."

Galinda stared at her for some time before asking, "Do you mean that?"

"What?" Elphaba returned.

"That you love me? Truly? You don't just tolerate me, for lack of better company?"

Elphaba's face softened a little, "Yes, I mean it. I have great hopes for you, Galinda. You don't give yourself enough credit, at least, where it matters…"

Galinda looked a little happier, but she chewed her lip thoughtfully, "Then, can you promise me something?"

"What?" Elphaba was once again guarded.

"Promise me that you won't lie to me. I know I don't have your courage, or your strength, but just…don't lie to me. Please?"

Elphaba furrowed her brow, thinking. When she finally answered, she held Galinda's eyes as she spoke, "I will not lie to you, but I cannot tell you what bad news I received. That I must handle on my own."

Galinda pouted a little, but sensed she couldn't win this argument, "But Elphie…it's not dangerous, is it?"

Elphaba smiled a little, "No, my sweet. The hurt has and come and gone. Now, it's just a matter of doing."

Galinda slid down under the blankets then, trying to make a pillow out of some rolled up cloth. Elphaba followed suit, and they began to feel a little warmth, from each other.

After a few minutes, Galinda whispered, "Will you ever tell me? Why you were crying? Because I never imagined admitting it, but I do love you…too."

Elphaba seemed to stiffen a little, and then she was quiet for a moment. Finally, she answered, "Perhaps. Someday. But I'm afraid you may not think so highly of me, then…"

Galinda studied Elphaba, as she lay there staring at the cobweb-strewn ceiling. She hesitated for a moment, and then wrapped her arms around her friend, resting her head against one of Elphaba's slender shoulders. The green girl did not push her away, and Galinda felt her heavy eyelids begin to close. She fell asleep amidst the scent of Elphaba's hair, which was something between crisp pine and heady lavender.

Even without answers to all of her questions, Galinda felt safe. She felt that, should their room be raided in the night, Elphaba would protect her. Illogically, she was certain that Elphaba could take on the world and win. Galinda smiled in her sleep, and did not see her friend fight the tears as she lay awake, wrestling with what must be done to guarantee her future.

* * *

It was just two more days before they arrived in the City of Emeralds. It wasn't much to behold, at first. Elphaba scanned the crumbling brick and masonry structures that cropped up on the outskirts of the city. The roads were paved with uneven stone, and an odd assortment of people gawked at them or passed on, unawares. To her, it looked like the same poverty and lack of education that existed in every corner of Oz.

Galinda huddled close to her friend, having never been without a chaperone in such a questionable place before. The rickety carriage that had been available to take them on the last leg of their journey certainly did not offer much protection from the elements, and Galinda was afraid.

Elphaba patted her hand and tried to look encouraging. The driver took them past the outskirts of the city and into the warehouse district. Here, the streets were crowded with vendors selling cheap merchandise and workers slugging to and from jobs in the towering buildings that surrounded them. At the edge of the district, just before they entered an area of tenement housing, the driver stopped and forced them out.

"This is as far as you go," he barked.

Galinda's eyes widened and she looked as though she might squeak out an argument. Elphaba grabbed her arm and their few satchels and pulled her out of the carriage. Thanking the driver, she hauled Galinda out onto the street. Then they stood there, as Elphaba surveyed the scene and tried to decide what to do.

It took them most of the afternoon to find a restaurant owner who was willing to let them rent the room above the kitchen for a few nights. He clearly was in need of the money, since he accepted the meager amount the girls could afford to pay. They stashed their things and took an inventory of what they had in terms of supplies. Their funds, mostly drawn from Galinda's allowance sent to the school by her parents, were dwindling. They had a little food and a quilt to fend off the cold. This would certainly not be a pleasure trip, they realized, but they were beginning to believe they would survive it.

The next day was spent trekking into the heart of the city, trying to get an appointment with the Wizard. As Elphaba had imagined, his schedule was both full and mostly closed to commoners. However, when Galinda tossed around her parents' names and threw in a vague reference to a research project for the University, they managed to score ten minutes, two days hence. Elphaba wanted to question it, wondering if perhaps it had been too easy. She couldn't help but imagine Madame Morrible having set them up for this all along. She banished the thought, though, wanting to believe that the Wizard would see them without their headmistress' bias.

So they had two days to pass, and Elphaba was up at dawn, dragging Galinda out of their room and back into the city.

"Where are we going?" Galinda whined, already exhausted from the rough travel and all the walking.

"I need to find something," was all Elphaba would say.

Elphaba led the way into the garment district, where the streets were a colorful spread of clothes, perfumes, jewelry, and trinkets. Galinda was mesmerized by the blown glass from Quadling country. As she admired it, Elphaba slipped inside a tiny shop.

She was studying the tiny bottles that lined the closet-sized store when a voice echoed from behind the counter, "Need something in particular?"

Elphaba took a deep breath, knowing this would not get any easier by putting it off, "I'm looking for…a tonic, or potion perhaps. I believe it used to be stored in little green bottles with a label that read 'Miracle Elixir'."

The voice, that was not clearly male or female, asked, "And what is its purpose?"

Elphaba swallowed hard, "It…eliminated unwanted pregnancy, I believe."

The voice was quiet for a moment, and then said, "Got yourself into some trouble, eh?"

"No!" Elphaba denied vehemently, "It's for my sister. My sister…"

"Ah…" the voice grunted, "Ain't got nothing quite like that. Got some other things that might take care of the problem, but can't rightly say what else would happen to you if you took them. Or, if your sister took them, as you say…"

Elphaba grit her teeth, "Then, do you know where I might find this elixir?"

"Apothecaries are a dime a dozen 'round here. Each specializes differently. Me, I deal in the healing tonics. Got something mighty strong for gout, should you be afflicted…"

Elphaba stood there, annoyed.

"But I can't say who might have drummed up that particular concoction. You'll have to ask around, but there's plenty of us to ask…"

Elphaba clenched her fists in frustration, but managed to choke out a thank you before turning to leave.

The voice piped up again before she could escape, "There's other ways, you know, if you want rid of it. But you's better be brave…"

Elphaba shook off the words, refusing to turn and acknowledge them. She had been labeled, for the first time, as the young, irresponsible girl she was. She didn't like it, and she itched to be done with this ordeal.

Dragging Galinda with her, she visited every apothecary on twelve blocks of the garment district. None had anything quite like what Elphaba was searching for, and by the end of the day, they were both dirty, hungry, and rather ragged looking. They drug themselves back to their room and made a meal of some questionable bread and a jug of rather poor wine the restaurant owner had left them. Exhausted, they fell asleep just after sunset.

* * *

The following day, Galinda refused to be coerced out of the room, saying, "No, Elphie! I'm exhausted, and you must be, too! I can't wander aimlessly today while you look for things you refuse to explain to me! If you must go, go. I'll be safe enough here, with the door barred and those books you brought to keep me company."

Elphaba raised an eyebrow, unable to imagine that Galinda would be occupied for long with reading Ozian Law and Fundamental Anatomy. Still, she gave in to Galinda's request. She dressed warmly and listened for her friend to bar the door before immersing herself in the city once more.

Today was sunny and a bit warmer, and Elphaba sloshed in puddles of melted snow as she crossed the garment district. She made her way into an eclectic neighborhood of cafes, markets, and the occasional jewelry store. The housing looked a little better here, and she doubted she would find an apothecary dealing in less than legal tonics here. However, Elphaba knew that a rare tonic was most likely a valuable one.

_Sometimes it's not the poor who deal in the most questionable merchandise. Sometimes it's the wealthy, who can afford it, _she told herself.

So Elphaba kept on, making her way out of the colorful neighborhoods of the south end of the city and into the wealthier business district. The buildings were a bit taller here, and sprayed clean with new, water pumping systems. Some even boasted electric lights and indoor plumbing.

A few streets over, she found the theater district, with huge, hand-painted signs and colorful draperies adorning the marquees. Elphaba could imagine the spectacle it would be at night, with the sulfurous glow of the street lights and the bustle of well-dressed people.

She scanned the scene, trying to choose her next move. Wandering a bit aimlessly, Elphaba turned down an alley and surveyed the tiny stores tucked into the compact space. There was a small sign advertising a tailor, and a tiny Munchkinlander hawking his shoe repair services. Just past a lunch cart, Elphaba stumbled on a tiny store advertising fortunes and herbal medicines. She slipped in and was overwhelmed by the smell of incense and very old books.

No one appeared, so Elphaba browsed amongst the trinkets. There was some cheap jewelry and a few rather murky pieces of Quadling glass. She decided that it must be a novelty here, since few citizens ventured as far south as the wetlands. Elphaba studied the books, most of which were old, Lurelinist spell books that were mostly dismissed as ineffective. There were also rows of tiny bottles, some full, some nearly empty. They were old, dusty, and labeled with scraps of torn paper. She ran her hands over them, wondering about what they might cure or cause. Suddenly, she spotted something in the back behind several taller vials. Elphaba plucked it out and turned it over in her hands.

It was dusty, and its label faded, but it was unmistakably green in the dim light. Elphaba's pulse surged as she squinted at the faded writing on the label. She could just make out the words 'Miracle Elixir' in scrawling script. The bottle was corked, as though it had been sitting idle for quite some time, waiting for her. She had no idea what was in it, or what exactly it might do, but she had to take the chance. Elphaba knew this is what her mother had downed like cheap liquor, and it seemed to have worked for Melena.

Suddenly, a voice from behind startled Elphaba. She jumped, nearly dropping the bottle she held.

"Find something you like, Missy?" the voice hissed.

Elphaba turned to see an elderly man, bent and shaking as he hobbled about with a cane. His eyes were cloudy, but his smile seemed genuine.

She took a breath and said, "I believe…I'll just take this," she held out the bottle.

The man took the bottle and inspected it, peering through a large eyeglass hooked to a chain. Finally, he said, "This is a rare one, for sure. Stumbled upon this in a traveling merchant's cart. Might be Quadling, or even more foreign. Haven't seen another since…"

Elphaba smiled, trying to look nonchalant. She didn't want to appear desperate, or hint at what she thought the contents might do. She just wanted the bottle for the cheapest price the man would take.

"I'd like it, as a souvenir, if you'll take a fair price," she offered.

The man turned the bottle over in his hands and scratched his sagging chin. He finally threw out a price, and after a little haggling Elphaba walked out with the bottle in her hand.

She surveyed the alley before her, and then turned into the shadows. Picking her way amongst the trash, she found a corner away from prying eyes. With only a moment's hesitation, she uncorked the bottle and downed its contents. It was strangely sweet, with a warmth to it like old whiskey. Elphaba's head spun for a moment, and then she felt no different.

She corked the bottle and started to walk, waiting for whatever was to come.

* * *

Galinda was starting to panic by the time Elphaba rapped on the door to their room. She had been cooped up all day, and every sound on the street had made her nervous. So she gratefully unbarred it and let her friend stumble inside.

"Elphie? You don't look so good…" Galinda said, helping her friend to the bed.

"I'm just a bit dizzy," Elphaba offered, "I'm sure I'll be fine after I rest…"

So Galinda helped her to bed, and then managed to wrestle some soup from the stingy restaurant owner. They ate in silence, with Galinda wondering what Elphie had found to do for so many hours that day. She wanted to ask, but she terribly was worried about their meeting with the Wizard the following day. She didn't think she had the energy to argue about Elphaba's travels as well.

Before they went to bed, Galinda asked softly, "Do you know what you'll say tomorrow, to the Wizard?"

"Yes, my sweet. And I'll be glad to have you there," Elphaba whispered.

Galinda closed her eyes then, deciding it made her feel happy and warm, to be called 'my sweet'.

Some time later, when the moon was high and the night was deep, Galinda woke. She lay still, realizing Elphaba was not in the bed. She opened her eyes and peered around, alarmed. Then she saw her, bent over the washbasin, vomiting. Galinda started to move, but Elphaba looked as though she'd rather be left alone.

Galinda was concerned, thinking, _She's been terribly sick lately…_

She watched Elphaba, trying to compose herself, with her arms wrapped around her abdomen. For just a moment, before she fell back into sleep, something struck Galinda, and she wondered. She wondered…

* * *

The following day, they arrived at the palace just as the clock struck noon. They were given just ten minutes with the Wizard, and Elphaba refused to compromise even one. They were sent through the expected beauracracy, and answered the same questions what felt like ten times over. Finally, drained and frustrated, they were sent down a long, winding hallway into the Wizard's chamber. They stood there, in a large, open room facing a platform, waiting.

Galinda jumped when a booming voice asked, "Who are you?"

Galinda was struck dumb, but Elphaba called out, "I am Elphaba Thropp! And this is Galinda Upland of the Arduennas!"

There was another silence, before the voice said, "I thought you might come."

Elphaba's was thrown off by this, because she wanted to believe she was acting on her own, without anyone's knowledge. She pulled out her sheaf of papers then, and started to explain what she'd found in Dr. Dillamond's notes. It was compelling, Galinda had to admit, and Elphaba explained it well. The voice was quiet, either listening or ignoring them for some time.

Finally, when Elphaba took a pause, the voice interrupted, "Your speech is…interesting, Miss Thropp. But are you sure you're up to presenting such material? That elixir is strong, and can render one…confused."

Elphaba stopped and paled slightly. She said nothing, and Galinda shook her a little.

"Elphie?" she whispered.

"It's a strong potion, Miss Thropp, but I don't know that it works the way you hope it will. I fear you may be disappointed…" the voice offered vaguely.

Elphaba looked sick then, and Galinda took her hand. Elphaba tried to continue, but the voice cut her off.

"That's enough for today. You quite bold, the two of you. You could both do very well, with direction. Go back to Shiz. Study. Madame Morrible is quite the teacher. She can direct your efforts into something more…useful."

It was clear that they were dismissed then, and Elphaba's shoulders slumped. Galinda pulled her out by her elbow, wanting to put this place far behind them. When they were back out on the street, Elphaba dropped onto a bench. Galinda sat next to her, unsure of what to do next. After a time, they wordlessly made their way back to their tiny room. Elphaba looked pensive and agitated, and Galinda was afraid to ask what their next move would be. She hoped they might just go back to Shiz, but she doubted Elphaba would be satisfied with that.

In their room, Galinda dug out some fruit and few crackers and nibbled listlessly. Elphaba refused to eat, and started pacing the room instead. It was disturbing, and after some time, Galinda said, "Come eat, Elphie. You can't change the world in one day. You have to eat."

Elphie crossed the room and sat, taking Galinda's hands. Her voice was intense when she said, "I promised you I would not lie to you, Galinda, because I _do _love you. So you must understand what I have to do next. It's the only way. It's the only way not to lie to you…"

"Elphie?" Galinda whispered, feeling very afraid.

Elphaba would say no more, however, no matter how much Galinda pleaded. She also refused to come to bed, when Galinda climbed under the quilts. So Galinda slept alone, and when she woke in the morning, the room was empty.

Her clothes were neatly folded, with a satchel of food and the rest of their money on top. In the buttery, first light of the day, Galinda snatched up the piece of parchment that had been rolled up and placed on the pillow next to hers. She read the scratchy handwriting with a mounting feeling of dread.

_Go home, my sweet. I love you too much to lie to you._

That was all it said. Galinda felt fat tears begin to fall as she realized she was alone. All traces of Elphaba were gone, and she knew her friend would not return. She knew Elphie well enough to know that she meant what she said. She meant that she loved Galinda, but she also meant that their time together was over. Galinda felt absolutely hollow as she gathered her things and, trembling, asked the restaurant owner to help her charter a carriage home.

And all the way home, she pictured Elphaba, pacing and mumbling to herself. She saw her eyes all lit up with purpose and promise. She saw her kneeling in the dark, obviously not well. Galinda thought of it, and she wondered. Her heart ached, and she wondered.


	14. Chapter 14

_Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.  
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.  
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.  
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you._

_Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.  
Without you, the tides change, the boys run, the oceans crash.  
The crowds roar, the days soar, the babies cry, without you.  
The moon glows, the river flows, but I die, without you._

_Without You, _Rent

**Chapter 14**

Elphaba wandered the streets most of that day, worrying about Galinda's safety and hating herself for having left her alone. A part of her wanted to rush back and find her, to spill all of her secrets and ask for some sort of help through this predicament. But Elphaba knew that Galinda would be much safer back at Shiz, preparing for the semester and the return of their classmates. If Galinda knew what Elphaba planned to do, she would certainly disapprove. She would be terribly torn between her values and her friend. Elphaba simply could not do that to her.

_No…it's better for her not to know. Hopefully, I can return in a few days and she'll never need to know…_

Elphaba told herself the same things over and over, focusing on Galinda's well-being to fend off her own fear and uncertainty. By the end of the day, she was exhausted, hungry, and without any place to stay the night. She had had plenty of experience with begging for shelter as a child. Her father had been a nomadic missionary for many years, and he took charity when it was offered. However, in this great city, Elphaba had no idea where one might find charity. She was more than a little afraid that, in looking for a place to sleep, she might stumble upon someone waiting to prey on a young girl. She was smart, confident, and fierce as a snake sometimes, but Elphaba knew she was no match for a grown man. Not physically, at any rate.

So she wandered until she found a cluttered ally, where she spied the flicker of a fire. Shivering and aching with cold, she made her way towards it and hoped for the best. In the shadows, she found a handful of people gathered around the fire, which burned inside a metal can. Elphaba looked around, wondering if they could tell she was green beneath her heavy cloak.

No one spoke, but a bundled figure shifted a crate towards her and nodded that she sit down. Elphaba nodded her thanks and folded herself onto the make-shift seat. They were quiet for some time, warming themselves by the well-fed fire.

Finally, from across the ally, someone spoke, "You're a young one, to be wandering alone. Have a spat with your parents, eh?"

Elphaba was offended, though she couldn't pinpoint exactly why. When she answered, there was an edge to her voice, "I'm homeless, same as all of you, I assume."

"You're dressed mighty nicely to be homeless. Those are good boots, if a bit unladylike…"

Elphaba snorted, annoyed at the inspection, "I've left Shiz, and I've got no family nearby. So, good clothes or not, I've got nowhere to go."

The figure across the way, who turned out to be a man, spoke up again, "We're not here to judge, just to observe. You can share our fire, if you share your story. Our stories is all we've got, most times…"

Elphaba swallowed, not really wanting to share her secrets with these strangers. But then, she rationalized, they _were_ strangers. Perhaps they could point her in the direction of someone who could get rid of her problem.

Taking a breath, she offered, "I left Shiz because…I hope to…take care of a problem I have. I can't return until it's…gone."

The woman sitting next to Elphaba turned and examined her, raking her unusually blue eyes over her slender frame. She raised and eyebrow and commented, "Got yourself in a mess, eh? Just couldn't resist spreadin' your legs for some boy?"

Elphaba grit her teeth, and her eyes blazed with anger, "You know nothing about me!" she spat.

The woman flapped her hand, "Sures I do. Seen hundreds of ya. Most goes a few blocks over to the man they call The Doc. Can't rightly say what he does, but some of 'em goes back to their lives, like it never happened."

Elphaba swallowed hard over her anger and asked through clenched teeth, "Does this Doc charge a fee?"

"Not rightly sure," the woman replied, "but surely you've got some money, in those fancy clothes…"

"The cloak is a gift from a friend. I'm afraid position got me into Shiz, rather than wealth," Elphaba shot back.

The woman grunted, and Elphaba didn't question whether she meant to be approving or disapproving. She curled up next to the fire, trying to use her cloak as padding against the cold ground. Elphaba tried to sleep, hoping Galinda was surviving the night and wondering if she'd noticed yet that Elphaba had switched their winter cloaks. If she had, she hoped Galinda understood why. Elphaba needed that little piece of her. She needed the scent of her friend that still lingered in the fabric. It gave her strength to do what must be done. It reminded her of what she could return to if she was successful. It made her feel loved.

Elphaba finally fell asleep, curled in on herself, and the night passed. The morning brought the rattling of dishes from a nearby restaurant, and a few scraps of yesterday's supper the cook was willing to spare. She was grateful for it, and ate hungrily before setting off. The sour old woman from the night before had begrudgingly given her directions to the man she called The Doc. Elphaba tried to ignore the smirk on her shriveled face as she turned to leave.

The day was dry and blisteringly cold. As she trudged the thirteen blocks, Elphaba struggled to keep her eyes open against the searing wind. It cut through her, like thousands of tiny knives, and she wrapped her arms tightly around herself. Finally, just when her fingers began to feel numb, Elphaba spotted the sagging storefront the homeless woman had described. She approached it, wary.

Outside, another assortment of people huddled together for warmth, perhaps hoping for some sort of charity. Elphaba tried not to see them. She tried to look as small and unassuming as possible as she climbed the three steps that led to the door. Just before she reached it, a tiny, shriveled woman reached out and grasped her arm. The woman had been curled in the alcove just beside the door, in the shadows.

She looked into Elphaba's face and whispered, "Don't do it. Don't go in there. I hears them scream. I knows some of them don't come out…"

Elphaba shook the woman off. She was shaken, and her stomach felt like it contained rocks, but she forced herself to push open the door. She wasn't sure what she expected, but this wasn't it. The room was dark, lit only by candles and a couple of dim lanterns. It was a small, dank space, and there was a smell Elphaba couldn't identify.

She stood there for some time, and no one came. Finally, nervous and impatient, she shuffled quietly down the hallway ahead of her, looking in the open doorways for anyone she could find. When Elphaba looked into the third room, she froze. A woman lay on a cot in the dark space. She was so still, she could have been dead, and there was blood. There was blood covering her legs and seeping through the cot onto the floor. Elphaba began to tremble as she imagined what must have been done to the woman to cause such injury.

"Can I help you?"

A voice startled Elphaba, and she jumped backward with a little gasp. The only words she could choke out were, "Is she….?"

The plump, rosy woman looked around Elphaba and shrugged, "Not sure. Some make it, some don't. It's the nature of the thing."

Elphaba was speechless, with her heart in her throat.

"So, you need something or just wander in here by accident? You can't be the law. You're too…odd."

Elphaba let the insult go, trying to form some coherent words. Finally, she whispered, "I want to get rid of it…" she put both hands on her stomach, somewhat instinctively.

The woman smirked a little, "Got money? Doc doesn't do this for free. There's not much government payout in illegal abortion."

Elphaba shook her head, feeling something between relief and frustration.

"Then come back when you do. It's an even hundred for what you want."

Before she could argue, or even answer, a bone-chilling shriek split the air. Elphaba felt like she could feel the pain the person was experiencing through the vibrations. Suddenly, she realized what the odor around her was. It was blood. The whole place reeked with the metallic scent of blood.

Without another word, she turned and ran. The woman called after her, demanding she come back with payment, but Elphaba didn't respond. She slammed back through the front door and nearly tripped down the stairs. She ran several blocks until her lungs burned and her skin cracked from the cold. Miserable and desperate, she turned and stumbled into a restaurant.

Elphaba stood there, gasping for breath. She looked around at the handful of patrons and the man wiping glasses behind the counter. She suddenly realized she was terribly nauseous. She reached for a nearby chair as the room began to spin before her. Before she could sit, Elphaba fainted onto the floor.

When she came to, Elphaba was terrified. She was surrounded by strange faces that were pressing far too close for comfort. She tried to sit up, and someone placed a strong hand behind her back. As her eyes focused, Elphaba determined she was still in the restaurant. The man she'd seen wiping glasses was now helping her sit up.

"Give her some space," the man ordered, pushing the others back.

They obeyed, and Elphaba blinked as her head cleared. She was still nauseous, but her stomach also felt as though it was eating itself. After a few moments, the man helped her into a chair and offered some cool water.

"I'm not sure what's more unusual about this, having a girl faint on my floor, or the fact that she's green," the man quipped, smiling. It was a genuine smile that reached his eyes and made them shine a little. He was perhaps thirty, Elphaba decided, with plain brown hair and rather regular features. He was average height, with hands that were chafed as though he worked hard. There wasn't anything striking about him, except that he was helping her. In a city that had so far been cruel and cold, it was a welcome change.

"Will you be all right if I get you some soup?" the man asked after a few minutes.

Elphaba nodded, just glad to be warm. He returned a few moments later with a bowl and a plate of bread. Elphaba's mouth watered, but suddenly, when the scent of the soup reached her, she was overwhelmed by the nausea. The soup was onion, which had always been something she loved. Elphaba was perplexed and frustrated.

The man caught her reaction and asked, "Something wrong?"

"No. Yes. I'm sorry…apparently my body can't stomach onion soup today. Damned if I know why. I've always loved it. And it makes me sound terribly rude, since I'm starving," Elphaba admitted, rubbing her eyes in frustration.

The man studied her, a look of understanding flitting across his face as he smiled, "You're in luck. We've also got potato, made fresh this morning. It's a soup to die for."

Elphaba tried to look grateful for the quick removal of the offensive onion smell. In a moment's time, the man was back with another bowl. This time, Elphaba ate hungrily, and the other patrons lost interest and returned to their seats. As she was polishing off the bread, the man returned.

He offered his hand and said, "Matvei."

Elphaba gingerly shook his hand and chewed her lip, trying to decide if she should give her real name. She certainly didn't want anyone to connect her back to her family, or even Shiz, really. She hoped to disappear in a few days time, leaving no trace of who she was.

Matvei continued to look at her, expectantly, and she offered quietly, "Fae."

Elphaba wasn't sure what made her say it, but it made her feel less alone. She had thought up the name in a good moment, when she'd been so full of untainted dreams.

"All right then, Fae, what brings you to my restaurant?" Matvei asked.

"Your restaurant?" Elphaba asked, avoiding his question.

"Yes. I've been the owner for almost ten years now. It's a decent business, and I enjoy the people. I never know who I'll meet," he caught her eyes when he said the last part, and smiled.

Elphaba returned the smile, grateful for the kindness, at least.

"So, will you be telling me anything else about yourself, Fae?" Matvei sat across from her, crossing his arms over his chest in anticipation.

Elphaba studied him, and shook her head, "No. I can't. You've been kind, and I am grateful. That's all that matters."

Matvei looked concerned, but simply said, "I see…"

"You must know, I have no money for this," she indicated the food.

"Sometimes we all need a little charity," was all Matvei said in return.

Elphaba sat there for some time, appreciating the warmth and accepting the coffee she was offered. Finally, she forced herself to stand, testing her legs. She felt mostly stable, and she pulled on her cloak. Elphaba nodded her thanks to Matvei before slipping out the door. She didn't turn back, to see him staring after her with worry etched on his face.

She wandered a bit, trying to work out how she might procure some money. It seemed abundantly clear that theft was her only real choice. Elphaba knew she couldn't earn any decent amount in the short time that she had. The only somewhat legitimate way to earn it would be to venture into prostitution, and the thought of it turned her stomach violently.

_No…it will have to be stolen,_ she told herself.

Elphaba made her way back to the door that belonged to The Doc and stood just across the street. She stayed there, staring at the crumbling façade of the building for some time. She knew she should be formulating a plan to get some money, but she was questioning whether she would have the nerve to go through with it, money or not. She wanted rid of this thing, but she was still only human. The thought of being held down while someone butchered her insides was terrifying. Elphaba had only a vague idea of how an abortion was carried out, but clearly it was bloody and gut-wrenchingly painful. So she stood there, feeling horribly torn and uncertain.

After some time, Elphaba realized someone was standing next to her. She turned just slightly to see the shriveled, little woman from earlier that day. She came only to Elphaba's shoulder in height, and she was swathed in so many layers of torn clothing that it was impossible to make out her stature.

She turned sagging, beady eyes on Elphaba and asked, "Trying to work up your nerve?"

Elphaba said nothing.

"I knows your kind. So many of you stand out here, trying to choose. I watch you go in. I hear the screams. I see you come out, bloody and barely able to walk. And then, some of you never come out…"

Elphaba bristled, but tried not to show her fear.

The woman was silent, staring into the side of Elphaba's face for some time. Then she offered, "I can help you, though. I have a tonic…"

Elphaba finally turned and looked at the woman, barely raising an eyebrow to show her interest.

"That's right," the woman smirked, "follow me and I can make all this go away…"

Elphaba followed, deciding she had no other choice, save for the horrific procedure waiting across the street. She followed the limping, old woman as she traveled a few blocks and then made her way slowly down a stairwell into a leaking stone basement. The room they entered was dark and filled with the choking scent of mildew. Elphaba coughed, and looked around, squinting in the dark.

There was barely enough space to turn around, and the tiny, closet-like space was filled with bottles, jars, tins, and vials. On the floor, sacks of something identifiable were stacked haphazardly. The woman studied the shelves for several minutes, before selecting a tiny, red vial filled to the stopper with liquid.

She offered it to Elphaba, but added, "And what can you give me in return?"

Elphaba narrowed her eyes, angry, "There's nothing free in this city, is there?"

"We've all got to make a living, somehows," the woman shrugged.

Elphaba couldn't argue, and she fished around in her pockets for anything she might offer. She hoped, seeing that this woman lived on the streets, that her expectations would be low. After some digging, her hand found the cool glass of the elixir bottle she'd purchased just days earlier. Elphaba pulled it out, and presented it to the old woman.

"It's Quadling glass, I believe. Good quality. It could fetch a price," she offered.

The woman took the vile, looking somewhat impressed, and replied, "Yes…this will do nicely. Quite nicely."

She slipped the red vial into Elphaba's hand and said nothing more. Elphaba ran, leaving the woman there to study the strange, green bottle she'd been given. Once out on the street again, Elphaba uncorked the red vial and downed it's contents, hoping desperately for more of a reaction than she'd experienced with the miracle elixir. And then she waited. She curled up in a corner between two stores and tried to keep warm as she waited. The sun moved across the sky and twilight began to descend.

Some time later, it started as a twinge in her stomach. Elphaba clutched her arms around herself as her body was riddled with pain. A cold sweat broke out, and she began to tremble violently. It was not, however, the pain she expected. The pain was not in her abdomen. This felt more like her body was trying to devour itself from the inside out. She tried to stand, and found she could barely walk. Realizing it was getting dark, and that she couldn't spend the night like this in the middle of the sidewalk, Elphaba stumbled toward some place safer.

She had to stop several times and vomit, and she was terrified of being caught like this. For all she knew, she would be accused of public drunkenness and carted away to some awful jail cell. As night fully descended, she realized she was once again in front of Matvei's restaurant. Seeing the warm light, she took a breath and pushed her way inside once more. She hadn't wanted to form any ties in this city, but she felt she had very little choice right now. She needed a decent place to see this thing through.

Matvei looked up at the rattle of the door, and frowned when he realized it was her. He made his way through the maze of tables and took her arm. Elphaba was starting to fade in and out of consciousness from the pain, and she offered very little resistance. He half carried her up a back stairway to a room that blurred before Elphaba's eyes. She recognized that he laid her on something soft, and he offered her a blanket and a cloth to wipe the cold sweat from her face.

Elphaba stayed there for some time, drifting in and out of waking and crying out in pain. Finally, after some indefinite amount of time, her vision cleared. She lay there, looking around. The room was small, but clean. There was a bed and a worn settee, on which she lay. A bright lamp was lit on the table, and the shelves were stocked with food. Matvei came to her and pulled up a stool on which to sit.

"Caught a bug from this awful cold?" he asked.

Elphaba considered the question, wondering why he bothered to care. She certainly knew that what she had was no 'bug'. Still, she also didn't have what she expected to have. There was no blood, no real sign of this awful thing being driven from her. She tried to come up with something believable to tell Matvei, so that she could thank him for his charity and move on.

"Perhaps I had some bad food," she muttered, and then felt badly, because all she'd eaten was his soup.

Matvei just smiled a little crooked smile, "Certainly it wasn't my soup. I don't know that I've ever seen this reaction…"

Elphaba pulled herself up to a sitting position and said nothing. She was torn, between enjoying the warmth and wanting to be done with all the questions.

After a long silence, Matvei took a death breath and said, "Truth? I see girls your age headed down my street all the time. I know what that so-called doc offers. I also know that a good number of them end up dead. I'm not sure where you come from, but I think I know what you want."

Elphaba started to argue, but he continued, "No one's ever asked my opinion before, but you're here, and I'm afraid I can't let this go unsaid. I don't think you're going to find anything that will take care of this the way you want to. And if you do, you'll most likely end up dead or mutilated. I don't think it's worth your life, to save face…"

"You know nothing about me!" Elphaba shot back, trying to stand. She was weak though, and the dizziness made her sit back down.

"There are just some things in life that can't be changed. Some things that can't be undone…" Matvei's voice was soft.

Elphaba watched him with a clenched jaw, feeling both angry and afraid that he was right.

There was a long, quiet moment when neither of them spoke. After some time, Matvei offered, "I'll give you a job, if you want it. It's a decent wage. You can stay here until you find something better. I know it's not the life you wanted, but it's better than dying. Or you can go back to your life and face whatever comes. It's not much of a choice, but it's all there is."

Elphaba stared at him, caught between uncertainty at why he would help her and the sinking feeling that he was right. She was afraid, and she was angry at the world for lack of better choices. And mostly, she was angry at herself, for ever allowing this to happen. She was caught between two hideous choices, with no idea which path to take.

* * *

Galinda survived the journey back to Shiz, if only barely. She wasn't the negotiator Elphaba was, and she was afraid she'd paid far more for lodging and safe passage than was necessary. Still, she supposed her parents could afford it.

She made her way wearily back up to her room after several days travel and dropped her satchels on the floor. The room was quiet, and just the way they had left it. But then, perhaps that was what bothered her the most. A few days earlier, it had been _they._ They went, a pair of best friends, on an adventure, and now Galinda had returned without the other half of herself.

She laughed sadly, amazed that in such a short time she was claiming Elphaba so intimately. Still, she missed her terribly and hoped desperately that she would show up with some wild story about where she'd been. Two days passed, though, with no sign of Elphaba. Classes were to start again the following day, and Galinda had no sign of her roommate.

She had no choice but to request to see Madame Morrible, to let her know that Elphaba had gone missing. She knew she would take a lashing from the headmistress for having left without a chaperone. And also from Nessarose and Nanny when they returned that evening. Still, she feared being without Elphaba more than she feared any punishment from Madame Morrible.

Galinda was also a touch angry, as she made her way towards the Headmistress' office. She felt angry and terribly betrayed that Elphaba had left her in this position. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't see Fiyero until she'd nearly run over him. He had been making his way towards Briscoe Hall, his arms full of satchels. They crashed into each other, and Galinda squealed. He was gracious, though, as he picked up his things from the snow.

"I'm sorry," Galinda mumbled.

"No harm done," he offered, "I assume you had a good holiday?"

Galinda couldn't hide her grimace, and she suddenly remembered how angry she was with Fiyero for ignoring Elphaba so thoroughly. Perhaps that had played a part in her sudden departure. When she spoke, Galinda knew her anger showed, "No, it was a rather terrible holiday, Fiyero."

"Well, I'm sorry for that," he answered.

Galinda saw no reason to hide any further, since it was all about to be public anyway, so she threw out, "Elphaba's gone."

Fiyero's looked taken aback, and asked, "Gone?"

"Yes Fiyero. She's gone. We went to the Emerald City and she disappeared. She's gone."

"Wait, you went where? How do you know she hasn't been kidnapped or something hideous?" he asked, looking genuinely concerned.

"All she left me was this," Galinda produced the note, which she'd been keeping in her pocket.

Fiyero read over it, his expression dark. Finally, he said, "That sounds typical, though I've never pretended to understand Elphaba Thropp."

"That's all you can say?" Galinda's voice was a high-pitched squeak, "She's gone, Fiyero! _Gone!_ I know she hurt you, but the two of you did have a relationship! We can't just let her disappear into the city!"

"Elphaba made it very clear that what we had was not a relationship. If she doesn't want to be found, there's very little we can do about it."

"But Fiyero, have you thought of _why?_ Why would she disappear? She had so many plans…"

Fiyero didn't answer, and Galinda could not tell if he was angry or wounded by the whole affair. He said nothing more, and Galinda felt terribly, achingly sad. She feared she might be the only person in this whole place who truly cared about Elphaba's disappearance.

* * *

And so the days passed. Morrible had Elphaba's things sent home and the room they'd shared felt too big, and echoed with emptiness. Galinda studied, and tried to avoid the shriveling glances Nessa gave her, as though she'd purposely lost her sister. Pfannee, Milla and Shenshen lost interest, as Galinda was clearly not the bubbly, self-absorbed girl she'd once been.

Life went on. The sun rose and set without regard for the grayness that had descended over Galinda's life. She was heartbroken in a way she'd never experienced, and she feared the void would never be filled. She kept the note from her friend in her pocket and draped herself daily in the cloak that she was certain Elphaba had purposely switched with hers.

Galinda wrapped herself in it at night, as well, and wondered. She wondered about her friend's well-being, her safety, her future. She wondered what she might have done wrong or what might've have caused Elphie to run. She wondered, and time passed. She wondered, and there was nothing. She wondered, and no answers came. And the only certainty, was that Galinda was clearly alone.


	15. Chapter 15

_She won't make a sound,  
alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering,  
if she stands she'll fall down.  
She wants to be found,  
The only way out is through everything she's running from,  
wants to give up and lie down._

_So stand in the rain  
Stand your ground  
Stand up when it's all crashing down.  
You stand through the pain,  
You won't drown,  
And one day, what's lost can be found,  
You stand in the rain._

_Stand in the Rain, _Superchick

**Chapter 15**

"It's raining again," Matvei made the observation flatly, without emotion.

Elphaba stood, staring out one of the tall, foggy windows that overlooked the street below. The rain poured in streams down the glass, each finding its own path towards the street below. It was a driving, constant rain that would often continue for hours at a time. For Elphaba, it represented the greatest difference between Munchkinland and the great city. She had grown up in a land often plagued by drought, so this constant wet weather was entirely foreign. Matvei had explained that it was this way each spring, with the rain moving in for a few weeks before the weather started to grow warmer. Elphaba had just nodded, not wanting to acknowledge that the world was still turning around her, moving through its seasons without regard for her fear of the future.

She refocused then, and studied her reflection in the window. She recoiled, which was her typical reaction as of late. Elphaba was amazed and perplexed at how her body had been taken over by a force beyond her control. She had never been very feminine. She had never been gawked at her for her curves or womanly stature. Yet every day now, her body proved that she was absolutely a woman, and she was constantly surprised.

Elphaba pressed her hands against her belly, which was round and hard. Her skin was stretched taught already, and she wondered how it could withstand many more weeks of growing. Her arms and legs, and even her face, had softened into a less harsh, less angular version of herself. She pulled at her dress, amazed at how, suddenly, her breasts could rival those of the burlesque dancers in the theater district. Having always been the antithesis of well-endowed, she felt awkward and uncomfortable in her ill-fitting clothes.

"Something wrong?" Matvei finally asked.

Elphaba snorted, knowing she had spent most of the past three months in a miserable funk that made her decidedly difficult to live with. The fact that Matvei still spoke to her was a compliment to his patience.

"You shouldn't be on your feet so much anymore. Perhaps you'll work shorter shifts from now on?"

Elphaba turned and stared at him, furrowing her brow, "I'm fine. And I need the money."

"You know good and well that I will pay you—"

Elphaba held up her hand to stop him, "I won't accept any more charity from you. You've shared your home, which is difficult enough. I've always stood on my own feet, and I won't become lazy and dependent now," she growled.

"Fae, you're not lazy. You're supporting another person right now…"

Elphaba shot him an icy look, "This thing is not a person. It's at most a parasite, trying to ruin what's left of my miserable life."

"Fae…" Matvei tried to reason, having had this argument more times than either of them could number.

"Don't look at me like that. Look at what it's done to me!" Elphaba spat.

Matvei's face was sad, "You look beautiful…"

Elphaba studied his eyes for some time, before turning on her heel and heading for the door, "Perhaps it's time I found another place to live," she threw back before slamming the door behind her.

Matvei hung his head, as perplexed as he had been the day he met her.

* * *

Elphaba made her way down to the street, not bothering to get her cloak. The weather had been warmer, in spite of all the rain, and a part of her didn't much care if she made herself sick. She slipped quietly out the side door that led to the narrow alley between the restaurant and the next building. The rain was slightly lesser here, but it still pelted Elphaba in steady, driving streams that made quick work of soaking her hair. After several minutes, her clothes were drenched and clung tightly to the ample curves of her new body. It was chilly, most likely too cold to be standing outside in the pouring rain with no coat on, but Elphaba didn't care. She was angry at nature for having dealt her such a difficult hand to play. She was also tired of being cooped up with little to do and not much purpose.

She worked hard, that much she couldn't deny. Matvei had been true to his word and had given her a job in his restaurant. She had waited tables until the customers started giving her strange looks for reasons other than her coloring. Now, she cleaned, organized, and was becoming a decent cook. It was work, and it earned her money. Still, Elphaba had never been domestic. The circular, mundane work of running a restaurant grated on her, and she longed for the complexity of politics and science.

For the first two weeks after she'd come to the restaurant, when she'd resolved herself to staying here, she'd waited anxiously, hoping one of the elixirs or tonics she'd taken would purge this problem from within her. When the weeks became a month and it was clear that her body was growing rounder, she'd pitched a cursing fit and spent most of an afternoon breaking old liquor bottles in the alley.

Matvei had been quiet and kind, giving her the third floor room above his one-room apartment to sleep in. He kept his distance, asking few questions but making sure she was eating. Elphaba had been wary of his generosity at first, constantly questioning his motives.

That changed the day she'd thrown herself down the stairs. Matvei had been working a late shift, and she had been sitting by the fire in his apartment, trying to keep warm before going to bed. She'd been consumed with regret, anger, and frustrated bitterness. In the moment, she had been sure she couldn't carry this alien within her for one more day. She wanted her life back. She wanted her goals, her dreams, and her freedom to change the Land of Oz, unhindered. So she threw herself down the flight of steps that led to the private, side entrance to the building.

Matvei had come running, and the look of his face was still etched into Elphaba's mind. He had looked so genuinely fearful, so full of raw, unfiltered panic over her well-being that she almost regretted what she'd done. Matvei had helped her up, and after a few minutes, his expression had changed when he realized she'd done it on purpose. To Elphaba's surprise, he seemed terribly wounded, rather than appalled, that she would do such a thing. She hadn't asked why he'd reacted that way, but she decided to trust him that day. Elphaba still held firm to the belief that a person's truest feelings were revealed in what they did on instinct, before they had time to think. And Matvei's reaction was not the reaction of a casual acquaintance who did not care.

Now, as the rain continued to pour, it gathered in her lashes and clouded her vision. Elphaba closed them, pretending she might melt away into the puddles below, perhaps to be carried away when the sun dried them to nothing. She subconsciously placed her hands on her belly and counted the weeks until this ordeal would be over.

Elphaba had not forsaken her studies over the past three months. She spent hours pouring over the sheaf of Dr. Dillamond's papers she had stolen, as well as the stack of books she'd brought from Shiz. She was glad to have kept them, rather than sending them back with Galinda. She stayed up well into each night studying and making copious notes in the leather-bound notebooks she bought from a vendor a few blocks away. She had nearly one hundred pages of a complex dissertation on the relationship between humans and Animals, and her knowledge of advanced life science was growing. Elphaba had always been motivated to learn on her own, but now she was surpassing even what the professors at Shiz could teach her. She worked on her sorcery skills as well, mostly because she'd seen the illusions the Wizard could conjure.

Elphaba knew that Matvei wondered about what she did at night. She knew he could see the light from her lamp spilling down the stairs. The handful of times that he had ventured upstairs, she had seen him studying the stacks of books, scattered papers, and the notes she had tacked all over one wall. He never asked, though. He just looked at her with worried eyes and let her be.

_If all goes as planned, _she told herself, _I can return to Shiz in the fall and present what I've learned._

She had decided a few weeks ago that, although she would be behind, she could still earn her degree from Shiz. It would take quite a performance on her part, but she believed she could return in the fall with a story of how she'd been kidnapped in the city. She could grovel in apology for having ventured out on her own, and bruise herself up a bit so it looked as though she'd been held against her will. Perhaps she would even send a ransom note to her family a few weeks ahead of time. They were certain to at least be relieved, and even Morrible couldn't deny reentry to a student who'd been kidnapped.

_It will be as if this never happened, _Elphaba told herself, _I just have to get rid of it…_

She looked down at her belly then, which looked impossibly round under her rain-slick clothes.

"Fae! What are you doing?" Matvei's voice broke into her reverie.

She just looked at him, her expression dark and brooding.

"Dammit, Fae! You're going to make yourself terribly sick!" he took her arm and led her inside. Her half-pulled her up the stairs and set her by the fire in his apartment.

Elphaba sat there, shivering and annoyed.

Matvei brought her several blankets and wrapped them around her shoulders. Then he started pacing, which grated on her nerves rather quickly.

"You can stop doing that," she grumbled.

"What? Worrying about you? I can't help it, Fae! You're what, nineteen? You show up out of nowhere, pregnant, and you've risked your own life more than once trying to get rid of it! You'll tell me nothing about your life, where you came from, or why absolutely no one else in your life would be willing to help you! Of course I'm worried about you!"

"Did I ask you to worry about me?" Elphaba shot back, "You've given me a job and a place to stay. That's more than anyone else would have done! What I choose to do with my life is my business! I never asked you to hover over me and worry!"

"I can't help it Fae!"

"Why? Why is it that you have to care about me so damn much?"

Matvei sat down on the sofa across from her, rubbing his temples as though he'd worked himself into a pounding headache. His shock of brown hair was rather unruly tonight, and when he finally looked at her, she noticed that his eyes were exceptionally green when he was upset.

When he finally spoke, Matvei's voice was low and controlled, "I…I once had a child…myself. I had a wife, and child. And I'm afraid they both died."

For one of the few times in her life, Elphaba was stunned into silence. She just stared at him, not sure how to respond.

"They've been gone for about five years now. They died from a plague of sickness that swept the city. It took thousands of lives…"

Elphaba vaguely remembered hearing about the epidemic he was referring to. She had been a young teenager, and the Quadling news had been filled with stories of the shortage of hospital beds for the sick and dying. She wasn't quite sure what to say, since Matvei had obviously suffered a terrible loss. She knew that he hoped she would appreciate the life of the thing within her more now, but this parasite was not his child. She was not a loving wife, waiting to raise a baby.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing she could think to say.

Matvei studied her with sad eyes, "You still don't want it, do you?"

Elphaba's expression was hard, "I never asked for it."

"But you slept with someone. You had to know what might happen. The child must have a father. Does he not deserve…something?"

Elphaba narrowed her eyes, and she threw back, "This thing has no father! I'm sorry for all of your suffering, but you cannot make up for your loss by worrying over me. I'm not your wife. I'm no one's wife. And this child is no one's child. It never should have been."

Matvei looked at her with sad eyes, and she couldn't stand it anymore. Elphaba stood up, taking the blankets with her, and stomped upstairs. She slammed her flimsy door and dropped the soggy blankets. She stripped off her wet clothes and hoped Matvei would have the sense to stay away while she pulled on clean night clothes. Once dressed, she tried to pull a brush through her hair, which had come loose from its pins. It had nearly dried, as she had sat before the fire, but was horribly tangled

Elphaba caught her reflection in the chipped mirror she'd propped in one corner of the room. She noticed that her hair, left to dry on its own, now curled in rippling waves down her back, rather than lying straight as it always had. She had never been able to make it curl quite the way Galinda's could. Now, it was thick and, like the rest of her body, full of curves. Elphaba threw the brush, not because she was particularly disgusted by the idea of curls, but because it seemed that her body had completely forsaken her. Despite all her efforts to get through this with as little fanfare as possible, her body seemed determined to irrevocably change itself. This tiny, kicking little monster could not leave her unaffected. She was destined to be left with lasting evidence of its presence.

Elphaba turned to her books then, to bury herself in spells and anatomy and pretend she didn't feel the rhythmic thumping of the life within her.


	16. Chapter 16

_Some say love, it is a river,  
that drowns the tender reed.  
Some say love, it is a razor,  
that leaves your soul to bleed._

_It's the heart afraid of breaking,  
that never learns to dance.  
It's the dream afraid of waking,  
that never takes the chance.  
It's the one who won't be taken,  
who cannot seem to give,  
and the soul afraid of dying,  
that never learns to live._

_The Rose, _Bette Midler

**Chapter 16**

Summer was late in coming to the city that year, but when it finally settled in, Elphaba was convinced she would not survive it. Her body was stretched and swollen, and she felt as though she were trying to breathe with a cannonball in her chest. The oppressive thickness of the stagnant air in the city did little to help her. She spent a great deal of her time on the roof, in the shadow of the stone chimneys from the fireplaces below. At this height, the breeze was cooler and more constant, and she felt a measure of relief. Matvei would climb up the ladder from her room occasionally to check on her, and he constantly warned her about getting too close to the edges.

They'd said very little to each other over the past few weeks, and Elphaba was certain it was because both of them knew that her pregnancy was coming to an end. She feared, though, that their feelings about the matter were very different. She was itching for it to be done, both literally and metaphorically. Elphaba wanted this kicking, twisting, nauseating thing out of her body so badly that it brought tears of frustration to her eyes. The handful of times that she'd felt the gripping tightness of false labor, she'd been filled with hope that the real thing might be soon to follow. Each time, she'd been disappointed.

Matvei, though, couldn't hide the excitement in his eyes when she'd called to him one afternoon, exhausted and confused by the irregular contracting of her body. He'd taken her hand and reassured her that real labor would come on soon. She'd been angry and short with him, because her patience was thin and she was terrified that he cared so much. And then several more days had passed, and Elphaba grew more frustrated.

On one particular afternoon, she was stretched out on the second-hand chaise Matvei had brought to the roof for her. His footsteps interrupted her almost-nap. He pulled up a rusting, metal stool and Elphaba looked at him impatiently.

"You know, you look nothing like her," he finally said.

"Who?" Elphaba asked without moving.

"My wife…Katya. She was fair, with hair like spun gold…"

"That's certainly poetic," Elphaba responded with characteristic sarcasm.

Matvei ignored her, "She had freckles…and she hated them. She said they made her looked childish…"

Elphaba finally turned to look at him, "I told you before, I am not your wife. I can't heal that wound for you."

"Our daughter had them, too," Matvei continued, unhindered, "She was five years old…and she had quite a mess of freckles…"

"Don't cling to me," Elphaba's tone was now warning, "In just a few weeks we'll be gone, this thing and I. Don't use me as a reason to dredge up your pain. I can't fix it."

Matvei finally set his eyes on Elphaba, furrowing his brow in frustration, "For Oz sakes, Fae, I don't expect you to fix it. I'm trying to tell you that I know who you are, and who you are _not_. I just want you to understand that parting with a child is a horribly difficult thing!"

"I don't love this child, Matvei. I don't want this thing. It's entirely different, and what I do with it is my choice."

He looked at her with sadness and anger in his eyes, "I don't understand you, Fae. I never have. And, god knows, I have tried."

Matvei left her alone then, and the touch of remorse she felt was easily swept away by self-pity.

* * *

It was close to midnight, more than a week hence, when Elphaba's water finally broke. She had spent most of the previous day in pain, her body contracting irregularly, but without ceasing. She was exhausted and unable to sleep, and the loss of her bag of waters caused the contractions to come faster and more forcefully.

Matvei heard her moaning and came up the stairs to her room to find her clutching at her sheets. Her hair was soaked with sweat, and her bed was soaked with fluid. She knew she should be embarrassed as he helped her stand, and put fresh linens on the bed. Elphaba knew that her summer nightgown was altogether immodest and mostly likely transparent from the sweat. Still, she couldn't bring herself to care. She could only focus on the pain, which came in waves and radiated from her back to her navel and caused her entire abdomen to tighten. She would close her eyes and try to focus on her breathing, counting the seconds until the pain would subside for a few, brief minutes.

After making sure the bed was clean, Matvei left to fetch a midwife. Elphaba was somewhat surprised that he knew anyone of that sort, and she was even more shocked to see who was with him when he returned.

She was a Capuchin, with deep brown fur except for that on her face, which was almost pure white. She was dressed in a tiny, white garment with an apron tied around her waist. For a moment, the sight was almost comical, but then another wave of pain swept over her and Elphaba lost the desire to laugh.

"This is Taia," Matvei said, "She's helped to birth an untold number of babies. She works at the lower-class hospital. Primates are among the last to have to comply with the Animal Advocacy Laws, since their opposable thumbs make them quite good at their jobs."

Elphaba might have nodded, but she wasn't sure. She was too caught up in her agony to care very much. Taia set to work, fetching towels and water, and bringing in a bag of tools that Elphaba didn't have the energy to consider. When the Capuchin spoke, Elphaba was surprised that her voice was low and soothing. From such a tiny creature, she expected a voice like a squeaking doorframe.

Taia sent Matvei out of the room while she examined Elphaba, who then decided that she would have absolutely no dignity left after this experience. She cursed and screamed through the pain, angry that this horrible creature inside of her had now stripped her of even the right to keep her own body private.

"Get it out of me! I want rid of it now!" Elphaba shrieked, her eyes wild with pain and desperation.

Taia's voice was calm, "It'll be a little while yet, so calm yourself. You'll need your strength."

Elphaba growled curses at her and clutched at the sheets again.

Taia rummaged through her bag and produced a tiny vile of liquid, which she carefully soaked into a cloth and wafted under Elphaba's nose. After a few minutes, Elphaba felt the room spin around her and the pain was a little less severe. She was still for a time, calmed by the strong vapors.

Matvei returned some time later, just as Taia determined that it was time for Elphaba to push the child out of her body. He averted his eyes and came to stand by Elphaba's head. He wiped her brow, and she clutched at the rusting metal spindles in the headboard of the rickety bed. Matvei waited for her to protest against his presence, but she was too delirious to care, so he stayed.

Taia pushed Elphaba's gown up to her chest and pressed her knees back against her belly. Elphaba instinctively grasped her thighs as her body began to involuntarily push with each contraction. She screamed and grit her teeth, and Taia tried to show her how to effectively push the child from her body.

For Elphaba, it seemed as though hours went by as she bore down and tired to force this offensive thing from the depths of her abdomen. The pain became muted by the raw force of her body clenching and trying to deliver another living being into the world. Finally, just before dawn, its head emerged. With just one more half-hearted push, the tiny body followed.

Taia wrapped it in a cloth and cut the cord that had been its lifeline for nine months. It didn't move, or make a sound. Matvei picked up the little bundle and held it while Taia tried to coax the afterbirth form Elphaba's body. Elphaba fell back against her pillow and closed her eyes, exhausted. She heard no crying, not even a whimper, and she wondered if the thing might have been mercifully stillborn. At some point, she felt the afterbirth emerge, following by a great rush of warm fluid. Matvei tried to offer her the little bundle of sticky, blood-covered baby, but she pushed him away.

"I don't want it," she choked out, and his eyes were again sad.

Elphaba's eyes felt heavy, and she fought a wave of nausea as Taia tended to her body. The Capuchin began to move very quickly, her face set in a concerned frown. Elphaba felt a twinge that there might be something wrong, but her eyes were growing too heavy to keep them open, and the room was spinning around her. She finally gave in and let herself drift away, not sure if she was falling into sleep or unconsciousness.

Just before she fell into darkness, she caught sight of the child, which Matvei had laid on the bed while he helped Taia. It opened its tiny mouth in a yawn, and Elphaba said to herself, _So it's alive, then…_

* * *

She drifted into unawareness, and an indiscriminate amount of time began to pass. Elphaba would sleep for long, heavy periods, and then flutter her eyes into wakefulness and catch snatches of whispered conversation between Taia and Matvei. Their voices remained low and guarded, and Elphaba felt a vague sense of distress.

"She's bled far too much," she overheard Taia explain.

"She cannot die," Matvei's voice was oddly panicked, "I absolutely cannot let her die."

Elphaba did not hear the rest of the exchange, as she fell back into sleep. When she finally woke again, the sun was pouring through the tiny windows of her attic room. Matvei was snoring in the chair nearest the bed, and Taia was curled up on a blanket in the corner. Elphaba noticed they had made a makeshift bassinet out of a bureau drawer, and she turned her gaze away from it, not wanting to see. She lay there for a while, staring up at the ceiling and trying to clear the fog from her head. Her entire body felt heavy, as though she were made of lead, and her head throbbed. Her belly was now strangely flat, and she ran one hand over the loose, fatty skin where the child had been.

_It's over,_ she told herself, _You have your life back._

Still, Elphaba recognized that she was in no condition to run away. She wasn't sure that she could sit up, and she fought back angry tears. She wanted to be clean, dressed, and gone from here. As for the little thing in the bureau drawer, she mulled over in her mind what to do with it. She supposed she could leave it here. Matvei would most likely be thrilled to have the thing. However, she knew that he would also be angry that she had abandoned it, and he could easily identify her. If she ever managed to become a public figure, to stand up and lead Oz into a revolution, she couldn't have Matvei claiming that he had her illegitimate child. No, it had to go somewhere where no one would ever know it had been hers. She wanted the ties cut, and she didn't want to look back.

Elphaba tried to sit up, rustling the sheets as the twisted onto her side. She lay there, dizzy, and Matvei stirred. He opened his eyes, and when he saw that she was coherent, he came to her.

"You scared us something fierce," he said softly.

"Well I suppose I'm sorry for that," Elphaba offered.

Matvei turned toward the makeshift bassinet and started to speak, "Do you want—"

"No!" Elphaba cut him off, "Leave it there. If it matters so much to you, you hold it. I just want to be well."

Matvei's face was dark, his voice low and even when he responded, "I will not let you harm a child, Fae…"

Elphaba turned away from him, throwing back, "Just keep it away from me," she closed her eyes again, tired. She let herself fall into another long sleep, hoping to heal, to recover, and to run.

* * *

When Elphaba awoke again, it was dark. The moon had not appeared tonight, and she determined that it must have been at least two days since she'd birthed the baby. She felt more awake this time, and her body responded more easily when she tried to sit up. She sat on the edge of her bed for some time, noting that she was finally alone in her room. She could only assume that Matvei and Taia had retreated downstairs, taking the offensive bureau drawer bassinet with them.

Elphaba tested her legs carefully, finding them shaky, but stable. She haphazardly twisted her hair into loose knot and gingerly pulled on one of her dresses. Her body was still awkward, with loose skin around her midsection and breasts that were trying to produce milk for an unwanted child. She bound them with cloth and pulled on heavy undergarments to handle the blood that still seeped from her. She cursed every bit of it, wondering how anyone managed to survive bringing new life into the world. This mess would be a bit much even for someone who wanted a child.

Finally dressed, she paused for a moment to catch her breath. She was still a bit dizzy, and Elphaba knew she was moving slowly. She packed up her books and papers and tied them securely into her satchel. She left her other clothes, deciding it would be easier to replace them with things that would fit her body now that the pregnancy was over. She secured the satchel across her body, tied Galinda's cloak around her shoulders, and made her way quietly down the stairs. It was to her advantage that both Matvei and Taia had been awake most of the past few days tending to her. They slept deeply now, on the bed and the sofa, and Elphaba crept soundlessly over to the bureau drawer by the fire.

The little thing was wrapped tightly, with only its eyes and nose visible from the depths of the blanket. She reached in and lifted it out, surprised at its lightness. It slept on, and Elphaba tucked it under her cloak and fled from the apartment.

She wandered for a bit, having to stop every few blocks and rest. The birth had clearly taken its toll on her body, and Elphaba also realized she had not eaten since before the whole ordeal. She moved on though, determined to be done with this and to start her plan to return to Shiz.

She finally aimed in the general direction of the middle class part of the city, where the streets were lined with modest flats rising four or five stories high. It would be a good place to live, she decided. Certainly people with decent incomes and comfortable living quarters would take in an infant. They could afford another mouth to feed, and the thing would have a family. Then, she could disappear. This whole mess would be a memory, a brief stumbling block on her journey.

Elphaba surveyed the street she now found herself on, considering each home. She walked down the block, and finally stopped in front of one house. There was a little, wooden wagon on the doorstep, as well as a cloth doll. Elphaba looked down at the bundle in her arms. She pulled it from beneath the cloak and held it in front of her. The cloth fell away from its head then, and she froze.

It was green. Illuminated by the streetlamp, the little thing was every bit as green as Elphaba herself. She felt a great wave of fear and anger well up within her. Of course, Matvei had said nothing. He must have assumed that it would be expected for her child to be green. Perhaps he was right in his assumption, but still, she was angry. What sort of god or mother of nature would keep producing children that were so inhumanly colored?

Elphaba turned away from the house and hurried down the block, ducking onto a side street. The streetlamps hardly reached here, and she stopped to consider her choices. What sort of family would take in a green child? Her own flesh and blood had hardly wanted her when she was born. What were the chances of strangers raising such a horribly discolored, unusual infant? Elphaba determined that the chances were very small, indeed.

She considered her own, frustrating life. How many times had she wished that someone had smothered her at birth? How often had she wondered why they hadn't left her to mercifully die? Elphaba was angry that she had been forced into this decision, but she could think of no other option. No one would want this thing. She didn't want it. Its life was guaranteed to be as miserable and misunderstood as hers. It would not be murder, but merciful salvation.

Swallowing over the lump of panic and anger in her throat, she glanced around the alley. Seeing nothing of use, she ran. She ran until she came to the river than flowed along the western edge of the city. It was fed by the canal that ran through Shiz to the north, joining several others along the way to create a might river west of the Emerald City. She looked to the south, where it made its way slowly toward Restwater. Elphaba studied the water, which was black and smooth in the dark night.

_This is what they should have done with me. This would have been better…_

Elphaba held out the little bundle, ready to hold it under the dark water until it was mercifully still. Then, she'd let the water carry it away to a calm, watery resting place. She lowered it slowly, feeling quite numb about the whole thing. Then, unexpectedly, the little thing opened its eyes.

Elphaba stopped. The world around her seemed to stop, and she could not tear her gaze away from the tiny, glassy eyes that stared up at her. Elphaba had spent most of her educational career studying life sciences. She had spent an untold number of hours listening to Dr. Dillamond dictate about the differences between humans and Animals. She had heard him describe many different creatures at birth. He had postulated whether differences existed between the species at birth, or if sentience developed some time later. Elphaba herself had written about what separates the animals from sentient beings. She'd helped discover that, biologically, humans, Animals, and animals were nearly identical in their basic makeup. She had believed strongly that speech was a huge factor in proving sentience. She had asked herself, before something could speak, how aware it was of its own world. She had imagined that, at the moment of speech, living things emerged from sort of biological fog into a world of reason.

However, in one poignant moment, she questioned all of it. This little thing was looking up at her now with moist eyes that were still the deep, midnight blue that all newborns shared. It could make no expression or gesture, it didn't even make a sound, but somehow, Elphaba saw the undeniable humanity in its eyes. She could see intelligence and spirit. It _knew_ her. It even seemed to know what she was about to do. This creature that couldn't feed or clean itself, who was destined to die without constant care, could communicate. It looked at her, waiting.

Elphaba knelt there, frozen in place. She stared into those dark eyes and saw herself, and wondered what she would have wanted. If she could have communicated, at birth, what was to be done with such an abnormal child, what would she have said? She held the little body over the river, struggling with her decision, and it looked at her, still waiting.


	17. Chapter 17

_Come stop your crying,  
It will be all right.  
Just take my hand, hold it tight.  
I will protect you, from all around you.  
I will be here, don't you cry._

_For one so small, you seem so strong.  
My arms will hold you,  
keep you safe and warm.  
This bond between us, can't be broken.  
I will be here,  
Don't you cry._

_You'll Be In My Heart, _Phil Collins

**Chapter 17**

Elphaba sat there, holding the tiny bundle of baby until it began to whimper. It flailed its tiny arms out of its blanket in the uncontrolled, jerking way of newborns. She stared at it, and realized that she couldn't do it. Although the greater part of her said she would be sparing this child a lifetime of heartbreak, she couldn't drown it. It felt a bit like killing herself, and she'd never been able to do that, either.

Elphaba carefully sat back on the soft bank of the river. She studied the child's face, looking for answers. She tried to determine who might have fathered it, and then wondered if it mattered now. She looked at its fingers, which were long and expressive, like her own. She marveled at the way its skin matched hers perfectly, which was something no other person had ever achieved. Suddenly, Elphaba realized she had yet to answer the most important question. She peeled back the ragged blankets and untied the makeshift diaper Matvei had fashioned. She peered between its tiny legs, trying to focus in the dark.

It was a girl.

Elphaba's emotions reeled, and she wondered if Melena had felt this way some twenty years previous. She wondered if her mother had ever felt any connection to her, or if she'd been able to cast her away from the moment she saw her. Elphaba wondered how different her life might have been, had Melena loved her. If she'd been accepted by one person, would she have grown up with such a persistent feeling of alienation? Elphaba couldn't answer the questions, and she had no idea if she was capable of treating this child any differently. However, she could not tear her eyes away from her tiny daughter. It was as if there was an invisible thread, thin yet unbreakable, between them.

The little thing began to wail from being unwrapped in the chill of night, and Elphaba swaddled her once again. She tucked the warm, little body beneath her cloak, and took a long, heavy breath. She knew she was about to complicate her life terribly. She knew that everything she'd hoped to accomplish would now be much more difficult. Elphaba realized she would never be going back to Shiz, but she also knew the choice had been made. She gathered herself up and tried to stand.

Then, she realized how very tired and weak she was. She had come nearly two miles from Matvei's restaurant, and she wasn't sure she had the strength to return. She also asked herself if she wanted to return. Matvei would realize what she had done, and he would certainly be angry at her intentions. Would he even take her back, knowing she had the potential for such cruelty?

Elphaba wandered for some time, as dawn broke over the city. She made her way past the docks and the fish markets, as they prepared to open for the day. She shuffled slowly through the meat-packing district, and then wrapped herself more tightly in her cloak as she made her way through the wealthier theater district. She was tired, and her body ached from walking so much after having given birth. Elphaba realized she was moving terribly slowly, and that the sun was rising to its highest point in the sky. It was warm, which kept the infant quiet, but Elphaba's head began to spin. Feeling a touch desperate, she made her way towards Matvei's restaurant, in spite of her trepidation. She could think of no better option, and she was afraid of being found unconscious in the streets if she didn't find a place to rest soon.

When she finally stumbled through the side door of the restaurant, Elphaba was exhausted and nauseous. She stood there, just inside the door, for a long time, holding onto the stair rail for support. Matvei appeared after a few long moments, having heard the door open.

"Fae!" he looked startled, afraid, and then angry, "Where have you been? And where is…"

Elphaba stopped him by pulling the infant out from under her cloak.

Matvei took it, and she whispered, "I couldn't do it," before collapsing onto the floor.

* * *

Some time later, Elphaba woke to find herself on Matvei's sofa, wrapped in a soft blanket. She sat up slightly, and realized her clothes had been changed.

She must have looked alarmed, because Matvei threw out from across the room, "Taia changed your clothes. You were out pretty solidly, and there was blood…"

Elphaba looked away, embarrassed.

Matvei made them both tea, even though the weather was warm, and placed the steaming cup in Elphaba's hands. She realized she was trembling from pushing her body so hard after having lost so much blood. Matvei sat in the adjacent chair and they stayed that way for a while, staring at the embers of an unnecessary fire.

After some time, the infant began to wail, and Matvei started to go to her. Elphaba stopped him, however, and crossed to the bureau drawer herself. She lifted the baby carefully, still amazed at how small she was.

Elphaba turned, and Matvei threw out, "She's hungry."

"I thought as much," Elphaba shot back, knowing he was challenging her, to see if she was capable of meeting the needs of an infant.

Elphaba took the baby upstairs to her room, shrugging off Matvei's offers of help. She had been the one to birth this thing, and the burden of its life fell on her. Certainly, she could manage to feed it. She took it over to her bed and unswaddled it once again. She pulled her nightdress down and, after several frustrating attempts, she managed to get the child to latch onto her breast.

It was bizarre, even disconcerting, to have this little life drawing its nourishment from her. Although Elphaba had always been one to value life, she'd never been this intimately connected to another creature's raw and basic need to survive. For all the time she'd spent trying to understand and fight for Animals' rights, she'd never had the livelihood of a living thing placed solely in her hands. She'd never imagined she would be a mother, never believed she was even capable of reproducing. Still, here was this infant, looking so much like her and needing her and her alone.

So Elphaba did what she knew. She kept it alive. One day at a time she fed and diapered, and slept when she could. She chose to see the whole thing as an extension of what she'd spent so much time studying. She had asked, after all, if every living thing was the same at birth. She had wondered at what point a sentient being begins to be able to communicate. So it was easier to look at the whole process of mothering as research, as something she could use in the future. It made it simpler to pretend she didn't love the thing, to pretend the wide-eyed infant was just a subject she was required to stare at for hours on end.

Matvei caught her like that one evening, when they'd both had weary days. He came up the stairs after scrubbing the kitchen clean and found her curled up on his sofa. Elphaba held the sleeping baby, who was now about three weeks old, in her arms. She knew she looked tired and that her hair was in quite a disarray, but she made no excuse. Matvei stripped off his work apron and crossed to sit beside her.

They'd said very little to each other in the past three weeks, and there were a great number of questions still unanswered.

"Everything ok?" Matvei offered softly.

Elphaba nodded slowly. They sat quietly for a few minutes, surrounded by so many things they'd yet to say.

Finally, Elphaba spoke up, "I can never repay you, for how you've let me stay here, like this."

Matvei looked thoughtful for a moment, "Yes you can," he finally answered.

"How?" Elphaba raised an eyebrow.

"Name her."

"What?"

"Name her," Matvei insisted, "so I have some measure of peace that you won't try to get rid of her again."

There was a long silence. Then, Elphaba softly said, "I already did."

"When?" Matvei looked genuinely shocked.

"Somewhere along the way. It just made sense…"

"So…what do you call her?" he looked expectant.

"Mia," she whispered.

"Why?" Matvei asked, not unkindly.

"Because, it's the only thing I know for certain about her. It's an old, Gillikinese name that means _mine_. And that's all I know for sure, that's she's mine…"

Matvei stared at the two of them for some time, taking in both woman and baby. He looked caught between relief and pain, perhaps reliving his own memories. Elphaba dared not ask where his thoughts ran.

After some time, Matvei finally asked, "Could you have done it? Could you have just left her somewhere?"

"Yes," was Elphaba's immediate reply.

He looked taken aback.

"But I wasn't going to leave her," Elphaba continued, "I was going to drown her."

Matvei looked horror-stricken, and he appeared to have no answer. Finally, he choked out, "Why?"

"Because she's green. You cannot possibly understand what life is like, for someone so hideously colored. It seemed the most merciful choice…"

Without thinking, Matvei said, "But it's a beautiful color…"

Elphaba caught his eyes and shook her head, "Don't do that. Just because I sleep upstairs, doesn't mean I'm just a few steps from joining you in your bed."

Matvei looked genuinely wounded when he answered, "Only if _you_ don't do _that._"

Elphaba looked perplexed.

"I'm not a young suitor trying to woo the first young girl I find, Fae. I'm nearly thirty-three. I've loved and lost. I've married and cared for a child. I'm a fairly simple person, and maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I tend to see things. You stumbled into my restaurant and I just couldn't see sending you back out into that hateful world alone. Maybe I'm soft…maybe I'm sentimental, but the one thing I know for sure is that I do not play games with the heart. I care about you. I want you to be whatever it is you want to be, _with _that baby. But I am not asking you into my bed. I suppose it's just nice, to have company, because it's been very quiet around here for the past eight years…"

Elphaba was quiet then, obviously somewhat remorseful about what she'd implied. Matvei stood to make them some tea, and when he returned, she said softly, "I'm sorry."

Matvei nodded, and took the baby so Elphaba could drink. He placed the infant in the basket beside the sofa. They stared at her silently for some time, watching her tiny chest move as she slept.

At some point, Matvei said, "Mia?"

Elphaba nodded, certain.

Matvei smiled, wordlessly, and in spite of herself, Elphaba was glad he approved.

* * *

The days continued to pass in sequence, becoming weeks and then months in time. Before either of them realized it, the season of Lurelinemas was upon the city again. For Elphaba, it was a shock to realize that it had now been nearly a year since she'd left Shiz. She struggled, because she had hoped to have accomplished so much more in a year's time. However, Mia's birth had also made her realize how very young she was. When she looked at her daughter, she recognized that it had been a very short time since she'd been a screaming infant herself. It gave her patience, which is something Elphaba had never had in great measure before.

She was still ambitious as ever, but somehow, she found she had a greater perspective on what she hoped to accomplish. Elphaba spent her days working amongst the patrons at the restaurant, hearing snatches of their conversation and occasionally bantering with them. They had stopped staring, now that she was no longer pregnant, and the regulars ceased to notice her coloring at all. From them, she heard news from across Oz. She was both pleased and concerned to hear that the Wizard had relaxed some of his restrictions on the Animals.

Elphaba was certain it had nothing to do with a change in his heart, and more to do with strengthening his political alliances before he banished the Animals altogether. She often wondered if he had figured out, as she had, how valuable an alliance with the west might be. She wondered if he might be working on those ties before proceeding with the rest of his agenda.

Knowing she would never be able to rise up the political ladder as a graduate of Shiz University, Elphaba determined she would have to start a grass roots revolution of her own. Based on what she often heard in the restaurant, there was more than enough opposition to the Wizard to justify such a movement. So she once again pulled out her books and began to work, with Mia often sleeping next to her.

Elphaba also allowed herself the privilege of venturing out into the city a bit. Mostly, she went to the center city library, but she occasionally explored the neighborhoods around Matvei's restaurant. She saw first-hand the way the Animals that were left struggled to make a living while complying with the Wizard's restrictions. Elphaba realized how lucky Taia was, to still have a job at the hospital. It pained her, to see the Animals crammed into dirty, tenement housing.

As the weather grew colder, Elphaba had taken to bringing her books downstairs into Matvei's room, so she could read by the fire. Mia had grown round and fat, which Elphaba took as good sign in babies, and she was content to lie next to her mother. She would coo and gurgle, and grasp at the colorful strands of cloth tied to her bassinet while Elphaba worked.

On just such a night, just a few days shy of Lurelinemas, Elphaba let her thoughts wander, having mostly exhausted the text before her. Mia slept soundly, because it had gotten quite late. Elphaba thought back to one year previous, when she'd been alone with Galinda at Shiz. She had still been unaware of her pregnancy, and she and her roommate had become so close that week. The memory of Galinda was, strangely, the thing that hurt the most about the past year. Elphaba was still not sure how to put her life back on track, or how to accomplish what she wanted most, but she had gained enough perspective to believe it could be done. She had even begun to question the usefulness of Shiz. Still, she hated that she'd left Galinda alone. Elphaba had truly believed that she would return and absolve Galinda's fears. She could only imagine her friend's confusion and hurt when she'd never come back.

"You look sad…" Matvei's gentle voice broke into her thoughts.

Elphaba looked up, trying to pull herself out of her reverie, "I suppose I was just…thinking."

"About anything in particular?" Matvei pressed gently.

"I was remembering a friend…mostly because, I believe she was my only real friend," Elphaba confessed.

"Someone you can't see anymore?"

"I can't see any of them anymore," Elphaba said, more forcefully than she intended.

Matvei sighed and rubbed his eyes, "Fae…you've been here what, a year? And every time we talk, you put up a wall. How long will it take before you believe that I really am your friend? That I just want to know something about you? I've seen you every day for a year. We work together. I was there when you birthed this baby, and yet we're strangers. Why?"

Elphaba chewed her lip, fighting with herself. She knew she owed him something. He'd been nothing but kind, and she knew she could have stumbled into a far worse situation in the city. Still, to tell him her story made the choice to stay here permanent. Elphaba knew she could not disappear once he knew where she'd come from. But then, perhaps it was time.

She took a heavy breath and offered, "I came from Shiz. Shiz University. I was a student studying both Life Sciences and Sorcery. I left when I realized I was pregnant..."

Matvei furrowed his brow, "You just, left?"

Elphaba nodded, "I came to the city with a friend, and I sent her back alone."

"So...what of your family?"

Elphaba snorted, "I'm sure they were upset, at the inconvenience of having to look for me, but I'm no great loss."

"To them, perhaps," Matvei said softly.

Elphaba looked away and continued, "There's no significant story to tell. I was at school for a year and a half. I got pregnant and left, and I had just one friend whom I truly miss…"

"And your family…you don't feel they deserve to know where you are?

Elphaba considered it, imagining what would happen if she wrote to Frex and Nessa, telling them she was alive. Finally, she answered, "No. They aren't capable of understanding. It would hurt them less to think I've been abducted, murdered even. They'll perhaps grieve, and go on. If they saw this child, they would die of shame."

"That's horrible," Matvei said, looking genuinely upset.

"We all have our scars," Elphaba offered.

Matvei nodded, understanding. After a moment, he asked, "So what now? You must have greater ambitions than this," he indicated his home, "I see the books you read. I know you're smart. Smarter than most anyone I've met. What do you do now?"

Elphaba closed her eyes, remembering a time when Galinda has asked the same question. The memory hurt, causing an ache in her chest. She took a breath, and tried to answer, "I want to challenge the Wizard. I believe there is enough support for a campaign to remove him as ruler. He has segregated and desecrated our land, he has nearly plunged us into civil war, he has promoted genocide against the Animals, and he seeks to alienate every race except his own. It must stop."

Matvei stared at her, shocked. Certainly, he had not expected such an answer. After a few minutes, he finally spoke, "The Wizard? _The _Wizard? You want to challenge the Wizard…by yourself?"

Elphaba smirked a little, "No. I want to start a _movement_ to challenge the Wizard. I already tried once by myself, without much success."

Matvei shook his head and laughed a little, "I suppose I should have guessed. For all I don't know about you, I am familiar with your raw nerve."

Elphaba laughed a little, in spite of herself, and it was nice, because it had been so long since she'd found anything funny. Then, she turned and watched the fire for a few moments. She broke the silence to ask, "And what about you? What's in your future?"

Matvei looked thoughtful before answering, "This, I suppose. I have my work, and I enjoy it. I like the people. Occasionally, I like to think I make a difference for someone," he looked pointedly at her.

Elphaba turned away, because he was right, "I suppose I could have done worse," she finally tossed out.

Matvei chuckled and moved to stoke the fire before preparing for bed. Elphaba watched him, fighting with something within herself. After a few minutes, she called out, "Matvei?"

He turned to look at her.

"My name is Elphaba," she said quietly.

He raised a brow, but said nothing.

"I couldn't tell you my name, at first. I didn't think you should know…"

"Elphaba?" Matvei questioned.

She nodded, "Fae is a name I once imagined I'd use if I managed to start some sort of secret revolution…"

Matvei studied her, and Elphaba tried to decide if he was angry.

"I like Fae. I suits you. But I appreciate your honesty."

Elphaba nodded, and gathered up her books. She left Mia to sleep near the warmth of the fire, knowing she wouldn't disturb Matvei in the night any longer. She climbed the steps to her room and stacked the books by her bed. Then, Elphaba stood there for some time, shivering.

She'd lost a bit of her edge over the past year, that she knew. She liked to believe it helped her to focus. Still, she also realized how alone she was. Having allowed her thoughts to wander earlier, she understood how very much she missed Galinda. Her last memories were of her friend curled next to her in their bed, keeping each other warm and less afraid. Elphaba wondered who slept in the bed next to her friend now, and if Galinda could care for another roommate in the same way. Of all the things that had gone askew in her life, that was perhaps the only thing Elphaba truly wished she could change. If she could've spared Galinda the hurt, she would change that. It made her ache, and Elphaba wrapped her arms around herself in the dark.

After a few more moments, she crept back down the stairs. Matvei was in bed already, and the room was lit only by the fire. She crossed over to the bed and sat down on the quilts, startling Matvei.

He sat up and asked, "Fae? Is something wrong?"

She studied her hands, wringing them together in her own way, "Do you think," she started uncertainly, "that I could sleep here, and it be nothing more than that? There's not romance between us, I believe we both know that. But…I think we both miss there being someone else on the other side of the bed…"

Matvei looked at her, and Elphaba could see the sadness in him. She knew he was lonely and a bit lost in his life. And she trusted him, more than she'd trusted her own father.

When Matvei answered, his voice cracked a little, "I would be honored."

So she crawled under the covers and they lay there in the silence, thinking. After some time, Matvei asked into the darkness, "Do you think you'll ever be able to tell me…who Mia's father is?"

Elphaba bristled and said, "She has no father."

Matvei said no more.

That night, Elphaba fell asleep imagining that it was Galinda who lay next to her, ready to hold her hand through whatever might come. Strangely, though, her dreams were filled with images of Fiyero and Avaric, entwined in a montage of pleasant and painful scenes. Troubled, she woke while it was still dark, trying to shake off the dreams.

Checking on Mia, she told herself over and over, _She has no father. She has no father…_


	18. Chapter 18

**Just wanted to mention that Mia's name comes from my first real fanfiction fan, The Last Truffula Tree. Thanks to you Crazy...for believing I could still be a writer. :-)**

_

* * *

_

Don't know much about your life.  
Don't know much about your world, but  
Don't want to be alone tonight,  
On this planet they call earth.

_You don't know about my past, and  
I don't have a future figured out.  
And maybe this is going too fast.  
And maybe it's not meant to last,_

_But what do you say to taking chances,  
What do you say to jumping off the edge?  
Never knowing if there's solid ground below  
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,  
What do you say,  
What do you say?_

_Taking Chances_, Lea Michele, Glee Cast

**Chapter 18**

The question of Mia's paternity would not be answered in the following weeks or months, or even years. As she grew older and time slipped by, she only grew to look more like Elphaba. As the little girl passed out of babyhood and through her toddler years, she grew taller and leaner. Her hair grew long, thick and dark, like fresh ink poured down over her green shoulders. Her eyes turned from newborn blue to the green-flecked brown of her mother's. Her jaw line was strong, and her nose, even in the softness of childhood, was clearly from Elphaba. Even her mischievous smirk was a mirror image of the woman who bore her.

Yet Mia was the antithesis of what Elphaba understood she'd been like as a child. Where Elphaba had been sullen and quiet, often disappearing and causing quite a panic, Mia thrived around people. Both Matvei and Elphaba were constantly chasing her upstairs after finding her chatting incessantly with the restaurant patrons. They took it in good spirits, though, because they both realized that for some of the regular customers, it was a treat to chat with the little girl. Elphaba marveled at her daughter, who'd earned the endearing title of Little Green Girl from the regulars, and took it in stride. Where Elphaba had shied away from all of her peers, Mia overwhelmed them with her personality.

More and more often, Elphaba found that her attention was on the life she'd created, rather than the work she planned to do. She was torn, struggling with the raging desire to do something that mattered, but finding she was unable to pull herself away from Mia. So her books often sat idle, gathering dust, while Mia demanded that Elphaba use her sorcery skills to make colorful bursts of light or levitate toys.

There were moments when Elphaba felt as though she was watching herself grow up again, but as a different, better person. It made her second-guess herself, to second-guess her mission to rally against the Wizard. She'd organized several underground meetings in the Animal community, to discuss their grievances and consider what might be done. However, the overwhelming feeling was that the Wizard appeared to be lightening the restrictions, and very few Animals wanted to risk their lives if revolution was unnecessary. It frustrated her, because Elphaba felt deep down that that was exactly the reaction the Wizard would hope for. She also wondered if she might have more success if she had something of Mia's charm in her. She knew it was silly, to envy a child, but she did it just the same.

Like sand through her fingers, seasons came and went, until Mia was approaching her sixth birthday. It was winter, and Elphaba stood in her room one evening, trying on a dress she'd found on a recent trip to the garment district. She'd hung a mirror on the bare wall across from her bed, and she studied how the dress fit. It needed a bit of altering, but it would do, she decided. Then, something in her reflection stopped her, and she stared.

_You're not a young girl anymore,_ a tiny voice inside her whispered, and she realized it was the truth. The dress she wore was certainly not made for a school girl, and wearing it showed how Elphaba had changed. She was a touch taller, and her body had never quite returned to the pointy, awkward, adolescent figure she'd had before her pregnancy. Her eyes were deeper set, her cheek bones higher, and her hair had kept the rippling waves it had developed while she was pregnant.

The changes weren't necessarily bad, but Elphaba couldn't help feeling that this was not the place she thought she would be now. She was just twenty-five, but she felt old, and a bit like a train that had jumped tracks at some point and never figured out how to return to the original course. She thought backward, and tried to remember the exact point at which her life had taken such a skewed path. Elphaba flashed back to her first real conversation with Fiyero.

_Even a small thing, like the brush of a butterfly's wing, can make an significant difference, in time…_

It was the explanation she'd used to justify sleeping with him, and she knew her motives had been mostly honorable at the time. Still, she also knew now that the change she'd made was not the one she'd intended.

Elphaba asked herself when her life had taken the turn that had led to this moment. Was it when Fiyero had stopped to speak, or when she'd planted herself by the canal that day? Was it when she'd allowed him into her room, or later, when Avaric had shoved himself into the whole mess? At what point had that imperceptible brush of the butterfly's wings occurred, and brought her here, to this moment?

Elphaba sighed, not sure that she would ever answer the question. She gave up thinking on it for now, because there was work to be done downstairs. She stripped off the dress, which she would take to be altered, and pulled on her working clothes. She tied her hair back tightly and hurried downstairs to help Matvei with the dinner crowd. When she emerged through the kitchen, she found Mia sitting at the restaurant counter eating scraps of cheese that had been cut from the pieces used on sandwiches.

"Put that up," Elphaba snapped, "or you'll be sick all evening, and I do not intend to sit up with you."

"It's just a stomachache, Mama," Mia argued, smiling while she dropped another piece of cheese in her mouth.

Not amused, Elphaba said, "No," and took the plate and added it to the pile of dirty dishes.

Mia pouted overdramatically.

The child had given them quite a scare when she was perhaps a year old, screaming and writhing in pain for several days. With the help of Taia and a local doctor, they'd determined she simply couldn't tolerate the milk they'd begun giving her. It was one of the moments that stood out to Elphaba, because it was in those times that she realized, in spite of herself, how much she cared for Mia. They'd easily rectified the problem by taking away the milk, but Mia's daring and carefree personality had her testing the rules daily.

"Sit there, and Gervais will bring you some dinner soon. And don't talk to Master Fried. He doesn't like children," Elphaba ordered.

Mia chewed her fingernails, "That's silly…not to like someone because they're small."

Elphaba rolled her eyes, "That's not why…nevermind."

Gervais appeared from the kitchen then, with a steaming bowl of vegetable stew and fresh bread for Mia, "My lady," he teased, while placing the dish on the counter.

Mia laughed, and Elphaba chided, "You spoil her."

Gervais just smiled and headed back to the kitchen.

Mia started to eat, trying to keep her long, heavy hair out of the bowl while she devoured her dinner. Elphaba set about making fresh coffee and hauling away the dirty dishes to make space for the next wave of orders. Returning after a minute, she shook her head at Mia and fished a couple of hairpins out of a miscellaneous drawer.

"Oz sakes child…" she mumbled as she pulled Mia's hair back somewhat haphazardly, but out of her face, "sometimes I think I should shear this hair right off!"

Mia looked up, "You wouldn't do it, Mama."

"Don't be impertinent, child," Elphaba scolded.

"But it's true!"

"And why should I not, if you keep dredging it through your food?"

"Because Mat says you love my hair!" Mia argued.

Elphaba just shook her head because, in spite of herself, she couldn't stay angry. Every day, she was certain this child had managed to find the one weak place in her armor, the Achilles heel in the steely exterior she'd spent a lifetime perfecting.

One of the regular dinner customers ambled over then, taking a seat at the counter and slapping his newspaper down in front of him, "Evening Fae…Evening little Green Bean," he acknowledged both Elphaba and Mia.

Elphaba shook her head. Such a comment would have sent her into a sulk, when she was a child. Mia just smiled a broad, toothy smile.

"She's not a vegetable, Detriek," Elphaba couldn't help but scold.

"But I like the name Green Bean," Mia piped up.

Detriek chuckled and asked, "And why is that?"

Mia chewed her lip, looking so much like her mother, "Because if I weren't green, how would you know for sure that it was me?"

Detriek laughed heartily, and Elphaba smirked at the logic of a five year-old. Then, she set about getting Detriek his usual bowl of soup. As she set it in front of him, he pushed the newspaper towards her.

"Looks like our wonderful Wizard has gotten himself a little jewel to hang on his arm. Trying to boost his appeal again, most likely, before he plunges us all into a war we don't want," Detriek observed, pointing at the front page.

Elphaba glanced half-heartedly, and then froze as she realized what she was seeing. She pulled the paper towards herself and studied the picture there. It was Galinda. She was certain. She was dressed to perfection in an elegant ball gown, her hair piled in perfect curls on her head. She smiled a perfect smile as she stood arm in arm with the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. The headline read, _Our Glorious Wizard names new Press Secretary._

Elphaba stood there for a few long moments, frozen. She scanned the article, trying to understand what she was seeing. Snatches of the story stood out to her as she read.

_Lady Glinda Upland of the Arduennas…accepted the newly created position of Press Secretary to the Wizard of Oz…having ascended quickly up the ladder of political influence since her graduation from Shiz University…personally recommended by Headmistress, Madame Morrible…_

Elphaba was horrified. She had wondered constantly what had become of Galinda. She had missed her terribly, counting their friendship as one of the brightest spots in her past. She knew that her former roommate would have gone on with her life, perhaps marrying and carrying on as a debutant. Yet she never imagined this. Had their friendship not been so close, so intimate and important, Elphaba might have been able to brush it off. Instead, it felt like Galinda had slapped her. It felt like she'd taken every dream and goal Elphaba had confided to her and decided to work against each and every one.

_How could she?_ Elphaba asked herself, and then tried to remember that she'd left Galinda alone, without explanation, to do with her life as she saw fit.

"Mama?" a tiny voice was asking, and Elphaba realized she hadn't moved for some time.

"You all right, Fae?" Detriek asked.

She nodded, clutching the paper, "It's just…I recognized her…just, someone I used to know…"

"Her?" Detriek indicated the paper.

Elphaba nodded, "Do you think I could have this?" she asked, still clutching the newspaper.

"Sure," Detriek offered, "Can I read it first?"

Elphaba pushed the paper back toward him, too shaken to respond.

* * *

The following day, Elphaba was still distracted. She had taken the newspaper to her room and tucked it into one of her books after reading the article several times. She'd slept fitfully the previous night, and had been on edge all morning. She knew she really had no right to be angry, and no right to say how Galinda's life should play out. The frilly blonde from Gillikin was raised to be an upper-class socialite, and from what Elphaba understood, the role of Press Secretary was not particularly influential. Still, she'd imagined Galinda would marry well and have beautiful children, not promote the Wizard's agenda. Clearly, she must have brushed off everything they'd stayed up nights discussing, once Elphaba had left her alone.

_At least she's done something. She's taken a stand._

The thought hit her hard, and Elphaba shook it off before she could get angry with herself. This wasn't the time, she determined, as she scrubbed the restaurant counter clean.

It was a quiet day, with only a handful of customers working their way through their lunch. The weather was nice enough, although winter clearly still had a hold on the city. The passersby were bundled in cloaks and hats. It was an overwhelmingly normally, forgettable day. So when the door jingled that someone had entered, Elphaba did not look up. She was lost in her thoughts, methodically wiping the counter, when a voice sent a rush of adrenaline through her, like a white-hot blade plunged into her chest.

"Elphaba? Elphaba Thropp?"

She looked up directly into the face of Avaric.

* * *

Avaric took dinner the following evening at one of the handful of restaurants he frequented in the wealthy, business district. He arrived just after seven o'clock, and as he expected, Fiyero Tigelaar was already at a table, nursing a brandy.

"Ordered any food to go with that?" Avaric harangued, tossing his overcoat over the adjacent chair.

Fiyero smirked, but said nothing.

"It'll kill you, one of these days. You can't drink brandy at every meal, every day, for long," Avaric chided.

Fiyero shook his head, "Quite a turn of events, is it not, you lecturing me?"

"Life is strange," Avaric agreed, only partially joking.

"So what's tonight," Fiyero asked, trying to be jovial, "the theater? The Rockford Club? Music at Benevue's?"

Avaric caught the waiter and ordered a glass of wine, considering his response. When it was placed before him, he swirled the dark liquid and said, "Perhaps we could take a carriage to the fourth ward. I hear there are some great, authentic Vinkun restaurants there."

Fiyero looked taken aback and answered, "Fourth ward? That's just working class taverns and shops that support the factory workers north of Sixty-Third Street. Doesn't sound like much fun."

"Maybe it's not about fun," Avaric sighed.

"Your ambiguity is grating," Fiyero grumbled.

Avaric shook his head, "As is your constant inebriation, but that aside, I think there's something in the fourth ward you should see."

"Something?" Fiyero raised an eyebrow.

"Okay…someone," Avaric took a deep breath, knowing he was venturing into troubled waters, "I was at a restaurant yesterday, just a little café really, and I'm certain I saw Elphaba Thropp."

Fiyero's expression clouded, and his eyes took on a dark, hard quality, "And you think she's someone I want to see?"

"Maybe not _want_ to see. Need to see."

"No," was Fiyero's flat answer.

Avaric took another sip of wine, "Come on, you can't do this forever."

"What?" Fiyero snapped.

"Drink your life away because of something she did six years ago."

"Maybe _you_ should remember _who_ it was she did," Fiyero sneered, polishing off the brandy.

"Don't be crass," Avaric argued, "and I never demanded you forgive me, or befriend me."

"You apologized," Fiyero challenged.

"You're right, and I meant it. I was an ass. And you spent three hours telling me how we ruined your life. But that's been a year now. Maybe it's time to get over it all and move on," Avaric tried to reason.

Fiyero narrowed his eyes, "Move on? She lied to me. She lied to you, really. She used both of us for her ridiculous plan. She ruined any chance I had of following through with my marriage and taking over the castle at Kiamo Ko!"

"You confessed to your own indiscretions. You walked away from your birthright," Avaric argued.

"I couldn't commit to the girl I was betrothed to. The marriage was ruined before it could begin," Fiyero seethed.

"Because you loved Elphaba," Avaric dared to point out, knowing this conversation was heading toward the point when Fiyero would drink himself unconscious and he would have to put the Winkie prince in a carriage bound for home.

Fiyero simply ordered another brandy, though, and said, "I'm not going to see her."

"Fine," Avaric gave in with a sigh, "It's probably fruitless anyway. She ran the moment our eyes met, and no one at the café could get her to return. It was absolutely her, though. Older, different maybe, but definitely her…"

"Come on," Fiyero finished his drink and stood to his feet, "Enough of this. I hear there's a splendid party at the Palace tonight. It's exclusive, but I think we can talk our way in."

Avaric stood reluctantly, understanding that the subject of Elphaba was now closed.

They took a carriage to the center of the city, where the palace stood tall and emerald before them. Fiyero led the way, flashing his credentials as a diplomat to the Wizard. Avaric followed along, feeling weary already. He found it hard to believe that he'd once lived only for the chance to hop from one social gathering to the next, seducing women along the way. He'd mastered the art of it all, even before Shiz, and his charm was undeniable. Still, after a year of accompanying Fiyero night after night to every glittery, flashy, high-strung gala they could find, he was growing bored. This party was no different than the rest, and a part of him wanted to ditch Fiyero and go home.

Avaric was so lost in thought he nearly ran over a young woman on his way to find the water closet. He stumbled and apologized, and she turned, surprised.

"Master Avaric?" she squeaked, looking up at him with wide, blue eyes.

It took him a moment, but he realized he was looking into the face of Galinda Upland. She was dressed exquisitely, in shimmering blue that matched her eyes. Her ears and neck dripped with diamonds, and her hair was perfectly coiffed atop her head. She was no taller, he determined, but she'd filled out and become beautiful, rather than just pretty.

"Well I suppose it's good to see you too," Galinda finally said, when he said nothing.

"I'm sorry…it's just been a long time…Miss Galinda," Avaric tried to explain his staring.

"It's Lady Glinda, now," she corrected.

Avaric raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"And what do you think of my party?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

Truly, it was like most any other party, but somehow Avaric couldn't tell her that, so he stated, "It's magnificent."

"I've been named Press Secretary, if you haven't heard," she explained.

"Ah…yes," Avaric vaguely recalled.

"And you," Galinda touched his arm, "I hear you've done some humanitarian work in Quadling country?"

"Yes," Avaric admitted, "Visiting a place like that will do wonders for a person's…attitude," he met her eyes on the last word, hoping she understood his meaning.

She studied his eyes for a moment then, and her face fell open a bit. Avaric felt like he was seeing the Galinda he remembered, young, naïve, and a bit afraid of him. She said nothing for a minute or two, and then said tightly, "That's good to hear."

Avaric considered the irony that he would stumble across Elphaba just one day before meeting Galinda again tonight. Of course, he'd known where to find Galinda, if he'd wanted to, but hadn't thought much of her since Shiz. He'd managed to put most of it behind him. He hadn't given much thought to what had become of Elphaba Thropp either, as he'd tried to find his place in the world as an adult. He assumed she'd disappeared on some crazy mission of her own design. Now, though, standing with Galinda, he remembered how clearly devastated she had been at the loss of her roommate. Avaric remembered being confused, because Galinda had loathed the green girl as far he remembered.

He pulled Galinda away from the crowd of people and asked, "Do you remember Elphaba Thropp?"

Galinda looked startled and shaken, answering, "Yes," the one word was filled with such rich meaning that Avaric also understood she clearly remembered his role in the whole mess.

"I understand," he prefaced, "I was an ass, but I saw her yesterday. I know it was her."

Galinda studied his face, perhaps to determine if he was lying or playing some ridiculous prank. Finally, she said, "From what I remember, you haven't always been one to traffic in honesty."

Avaric ran a hand through his hair, struggling with what to say, "Look, I know you've no real reason to believe me. Maybe it doesn't even matter. It's been years, and we've all changed," he looked pointedly at Galinda, "But I believe I remember you being quite upset when Miss Elphaba disappeared."

"And I do recall your lack of concern, at the time," Galinda shot back icily.

Avaric considered walking away, not much in the mood for arguing over his ethics with someone he hadn't seen in several years. Still, he felt like he might be righting a wrong of some sort, and his newly discovered conscience would not let him walk away. Instead, he offered, "Miss Galinda--"

"_Glinda_," she corrected him.

"Glinda, then, you may have heard that I spent some time in southern Oz after my graduation from Shiz. I suppose my father got tired of my lying around our estate, wasting money and drinking too much. About a year after Shiz he forced me to join the Relief Corps, or get out on my own. I wisely chose the Corps," Avaric paused, considering what to say, "I spent two years in both Quadling country and the southernmost edge of Munchkinland. It's a bit…startling, to someone born into affluence, to see such poverty. I had to confront it every day. I had to help relocate, protect, pass out supplies, and even build homes. I resented it, at first. I have always been excellent at being obnoxious. But then, I saw them starving. I saw them bury their children. I guess, somewhere along the way, all this pomp and circumstance, it lost its luster…"

Galinda studied him, trying to ascertain if he was being truthful, or just playing out a carefully constructed lie.

Avaric flashed her his most charming smile, tossing his hair back in a way that used to make the girls swoon. He raised his chin in the direction of Fiyero and said, "Come on, Lady Glinda. Even Fiyero has managed to forgive me."

Her eyes worked their way across the ballroom until she saw the Winkie prince, chatting with two women and tossing back whiskey.

"Fiyero?" she looked at Avaric in disbelief.

Avaric nodded and offered his arm. Still shocked, Galinda took it and allowed him to lead her across the room to where Fiyero stood. When Fiyero saw them, he froze for a moment, stunned.

"Galinda?" he managed to choke out.

"Lady _Glinda_," she corrected, "and why are you so surprised? It's my party, is it not?"

Fiyero looked around, "I suppose it is," he conceded.

"Fiyero doesn't much care whose party it is. As long as it's a party…" Avaric teased dryly.

"You flatter me," Fiyero snapped sarcastically.

Avaric shrugged, not much in the mood to argue.

Galinda looked from one man to the other, obviously a bit baffled that they were on speaking terms. Finally, she just shook her head and said to both of them, "Avaric tells me you ran into Elphaba Thropp yesterday…"

Fiyero's face darkened, "_He_ ran into her," he corrected.

"Where?" she couldn't help asking.

"At a café in the fourth ward. A little place, somewhere on sixty-First Street, I think," Avaric explained.

Galinda bit her lip, looking a bit lost and afraid. Avaric started to say more, but a loud fanfare signaled that it was time for some sort of presentation, and Galinda was whisked away to perform her duties as Press Secretary.

"Are we quite done with this?" Fiyero asked then, annoyed.

"What are the chances…" Avaric said to himself.

"I don't care, and you're becoming a bore," Fiyero chided.

"You need to see her," Avaric tried again, "and move on with your life."

"What's wrong with this life?" Fiyero asked, raising his glass to the festivity around them.

Avaric just shook his head, defeated.

* * *

The following morning, Avaric woke to another sunny, cold day. He had business at the Gillikinese Embassy today, as part of his somewhat superficial role as an ambassador representing Gillikin. It was nothing urgent, though, and he dressed slowly, savoring a cup of warm, fresh coffee. He'd managed to drag Fiyero back to his flat at a relatively decent hour the night before, so he was fairly well-rested. Still, Avaric was a bit surprised when there was a knock at the door before ten o'clock. When he opened it, he was shocked to see Galinda Upland, or Lady Glinda.

She was different this morning, dressed in a crisp linen jacket with a high collar and a straight, well-pressed skirt. Her shoes were sensible, rather than spiked and jewel-studded. Her hair was still as golden as ever, but was wound tightly behind her head.

Galinda's eyes were serious, and she skipped the pleasantries, "Take me to Elphaba," was all she said.

"What?"

"You said you saw her, in the city. I've stayed up most of the night agonizing over this. Take me to her."

"Now?" Avaric's tone was incredulous.

"Yes, now. Now, or never. Come what may, and hell to pay…" Galinda's voice became a whisper on the last part.

Avaric considered, and then decided he owed it to her, as recompense for his role in all this mess, "I'll get my coat," he said.

Galinda nodded, impatient.


	19. Chapter 19

_Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,  
and think of you,  
caught up in circles, confusion, is nothing new,  
flashback, warm nights, almost left behind,  
suitcases of memories,  
time_ _after…_

_Sometimes you picture me, I'm walking too far ahead,  
you're calling to me,  
I can't hear what you've said,  
Then you say, go slow, I fall behind,  
the second hand unwinds…_

_If you're lost you can look, then you will find me,  
time after time,  
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting,  
time after time…_

_Time After Time,_ Cyndi Lauper

**Chapter 19**

Elphaba sent Mia upstairs that morning to occupy herself with a stack of pencils and paper. The little girl had been particularly boisterous, and had stood on a chair and attempted to serenade the breakfast crowd with a song she made up. At the time, Elphaba had been mortified. Now, she shook her head, unable to believe there was blood between her and such a spirited child.

She was sweeping among the chairs to prepare for lunch when the door swung open. Elphaba looked up, surprised to have patrons so early. When she realized who was staring back at her, her heart skipped. She froze, clutching the broom handle until her knuckles turned white. Elphaba turned to run, but Galinda reached her before she could unlatch the door that led behind the counter. Galinda grasped her hand, and Elphaba stopped. They stood that way for a long time, not speaking, just staring into each other's faces.

Finally, Galinda choked out, "Elphie?"

Elphaba just nodded, although she wasn't sure how Galinda could mistake her for anyone else.

Galinda crashed into her then, nearly strangling Elphaba as she hugged her with such a force that they both almost lost their footing. After a moment, Galinda pulled away as quickly as she'd approached, and there were tears in her eyes.

She sputtered, "Elphie? I just…I don't understand…how could you?"

Elphaba struggled to answer, and she stood there sputtering for several moments. As she struggled with what to say, Galinda's face changed from shocked to hurt and angry. Suddenly, she slapped Elphaba hard across the face.

Elphaba stumbled back, clutching her face, "Oz sakes, Galinda!"

Avaric stepped forward then, as though he thought there might be a fight to break up. The movement caught Elphaba's eyes, and she realized he had come in with Galinda.

"What are you doing here?" Elphaba snapped at him, her eyes cold.

"I brought Galinda…and I was not given the option of saying no," Avaric answered.

"Get out of my restaurant!" Elphaba barked at him.

"Elphie…he escorted me here," Galinda tried.

"I don't care if he escorted the Unnamed God on his way to the afterlife!" Elphaba's voice was high and shrill. She turned back to Avaric, "You are not welcome here!"

"Elphie, please! Can we just talk? Alone?" Galinda begged.

Elphaba looked from Galinda to Avaric. After a long, tense moment, she finally conceded, "Fine. You come with me," she pointed toward Galinda, "You," she glared at Avaric, "get out of my restaurant."

With that, she turned on her heel and Galinda had very little choice but to follow. Elphaba led the way through the kitchen, where she called out to Gervais to watch the front for a few minutes. Then, she took Galinda down the back hallway to the base of the stairs. They stood there for some time, neither one speaking.

"Elphie," Galinda finally started, "I…thought…I thought you were dead."

"Perhaps it would have been better to go on thinking that," Elphaba replied.

Galinda looked deeply wounded, "I thought…I thought we were friends…" she whispered.

"So did I," Elphaba answered flatly.

Galinda didn't respond, and Elphaba stared at her, trying to determine what six years had done to her friend. She was certainly much the same, with shimmering blonde hair and a perfect smile. Her features were a bit more defined, her eyes a slightly darker, impossibly more beautiful blue. Yet she was different. Galinda was dressed impeccably, in expensive fabrics that were well-tailored to her figure. Her skirt was starched and brushed good walking boots. Her collar was pressed and her buttons perfectly done. She was beautiful, but she wasn't the fluffy, soft girl Elphaba remembered. This Galinda was all perfect angles and smartly coiffed hair. It was a touch too perfect, and Elphaba felt a pang of longing for the loose curls and taffeta party dresses she remembered.

"You're staring," Galinda broke into the silence.

"I just…what happened to you?" Elphaba asked.

"I should be asking that of you!" Galinda scoffed, "You disappeared! You left me alone to travel back to Shiz and you simply…vanished!"

"I know" Elphaba's tone was even, "but I had good reason."

"Good reason?" Galinda squeaked, "What possible reason is there for abandoning your best friend!"

Elphaba's temper flared, "I should be asking what reason you have to be working for the Wizard! If we were such good friends, why would you throw out everything we discussed and become his…handmaiden!"

Galinda's mouth fell open in shock, "Handmaiden! Elphaba Thropp, if that word means what I think it means, then I am certainly no handmaiden!" she shrieked.

"You might as well be, Madame Press Secretary!" Elphaba hollered in return.

"You know nothing about my life! You didn't care to be part of it for the last six years!" Galinda retorted.

"And you know nothing about me!" Elphaba shot back, "You couldn't possibly understand what choices I had to make!"

"It seems to me that you tend to make whatever choice suits you, and to hell with everyone else around you!" Galinda was screaming now.

Elphaba whipped her arm back and slapped Galinda across the face this time. Galinda let out a little shriek and raised her arm, but before she could reciprocate, they were both stopped by a tiny voice from the top of the stairs.

"Mama?" Mia asked, looking quite afraid.

Galinda froze. She dropped her hand from where she'd started to defend herself and stared at the child standing in the shadow of the stairway. The girl was wearing a little black dress, her gangly legs poking out from underneath. Her jet-black hair tumbled out of its pins and down her back. Her eyes were wide and uncertain. And, the thing that caught Galinda's breath, she was a green as Elphaba.

Galinda turned and stared at her friend, the argument forgotten. Elphaba looked terrified, and she stood there with nothing to say. Galinda flashed back six years, trying to fit together this new piece to the puzzle. Suddenly, some of her questions were answered, and yet she found she now had a host of new ones.

"Mama?" Mia said again, sounding close to tears.

"Elphie?" Galinda managed to ask.

Elphaba brushed past Galinda then and climbed the stairs. Galinda followed on her heels, refusing to be put off again.

When they reached the top of the staircase, Elphaba pulled the little girl aside, "I thought I told you to stay upstairs!" she scolded softly.

"I was afraid…of all the yelling," Mia whispered.

Elphaba pushed the hair back from the child's face, "It's all right. Now go back to your papers."

Mia was silent for a moment, and then brought her hands up to Elphaba's face. She held her mother like that for a moment, and then wrapped her tiny arms around Elphaba's neck in an unsolicited hug. Elphaba, having yet to become accustomed to the affections of a child, touched Mia's arms in return.

Galinda was still standing, open-mouthed, as Mia scurried back over to her artwork. She could think of no words to say. She couldn't even formulate what question to ask first. She stumbled over to the couch and sat down, uninvited.

Elphaba finally threw out, "She's mine, if that's your first question."

Galinda thought back six years to when she and Elphaba had come to the city. She had always assumed that Elphaba's disappearance had something to do with not wanting her involved in her plans. She'd imagined that her friend had grown tired of using Fiyero, and saw Galinda as too silly to be of much use. She'd assumed Elphaba had outgrown them all and wanted to try her hand at revolution on her own. That, or perhaps she'd wanted to steal something and hadn't wanted Galinda as an accomplice.

Now, Galinda remembered how erratic her friend had been. She clearly remembered sitting with Elphaba in their room while she cried painfully silent tears. She remembered the desperation she'd seen in her friend as they had trekked around the city. It was as though she were finally looking at all the pieces to a puzzle she'd been trying for years to solve. But it still hurt. She still felt the terrible sense of loss. When Elphaba had not returned, she'd spent years wavering between bitter anger and horrible sadness. When there had never been any word, ever, she'd assumed something horribly tragic had happened. Never had Galinda imagined this. Ever.

There was a long, palpable silence before Galinda finally asked, "Is she…is she Fiyero's?"

Elphaba looked a little sick, and she crossed slowly to the sofa, "I…I don't know," she finally admitted softly.

"You don't know?" Galinda looked confused.

Elphaba averted her eyes and said, "No…I don't know."

"Who else might she belong to?"

Elphaba looked as though she might've swallowed a lemon, "There were only two, Galinda."

Galinda thought back again, and suddenly she pieced together the problem, "So she could be…?"

"Avaric," Elphaba answered tightly, glancing toward the stairs.

"But how will you ever know?" Galinda looked horrified.

"We won't," Elphaba snapped, "And it doesn't matter. And I cannot believe I'm discussing this."

"But Elphie…it's her father…"

"She has no father," Elphaba stated.

Galinda chewed her lip for a minute, unsure of how to proceed. She felt as though she'd been hit with a wave of information, and the impact had left her dazed. Eventually, she asked, "So you left me, because you didn't want me to know?"

Elphaba shook her head, "No. I left you because I wanted to get rid of her, and I knew you would stop me. Or at least pitch a fit."

Galinda's mouth dropped open, "Get rid of her?"

"Don't be naïve. You know what I mean. And I tried, believe me. I nearly drowned her. But she won. She's got a will like mine, but with a smile that would melt Vinkun rock."

Galinda looked over at Mia again, who was blissfully drawing, "She's beautiful," she finally said, "And yes, I would've stopped you…"

Elphaba studied her hands for a minute, looking troubled. Finally, she said softly, "I have missed you terribly."

"Elphie…" Galinda's eyes welled up, and she started to reach for her friend.

Elphaba pulled back though, her eyes dark, "No. Galinda…I'd like to pretend that nothing has changed between us. But…you're Press Secretary to the Wizard. The Wizard. And you know how I feel…how I've always felt. You stand for everything I hate."

Galinda sat back, her expression unreadable. For the first time in their friendship, Elphaba could not tell what she was thinking. Galinda sat up straighter, her face losing some of its doe-eyed innocence.

When she spoke, Galinda's tone was even and controlled, "Do you really believe you had no effect on me at Shiz?"

Elphaba looked absolutely baffled.

"Elphie," Galinda started again, "I want you to know, I never intended to share this with anyone. However, I also never imagined I would see you again," she took a deep breath, "I'm working for the Wizard, because it affords me the opportunity to know his administration from the inside. To perhaps stop some of the inequality. It was to be my tribute to you. I did it for you."

Elphaba sat absolutely still. Her face was frozen in utter disbelief. She started to speak, but no words would come. Finally, she managed to sputter, "But Galinda…I never expected you to…"

Galinda stood and began to pace then, which was such an Elphaba-like reaction that Elphaba herself was even further stunned. Then, Galinda's words came out in a torrent, "I know you never expected. I never expected anything, either. I had absolutely no expectations. I came to Shiz shallow, vain and terrified of being less than perfect. But Elphie…you made me think. You made me care. You made me want to expect something."

Elphaba stood and crossed to Galinda. She took her friend's hands to still her pacing, "Galinda…you cannot take on the Wizard yourself. If he discovers your disloyalty…you'll be killed."

Galinda looked at their hands, entwined, "Elphie…I had to do something. I didn't know what else to do with my life."

Elphaba's head snapped up to meet Galinda's eyes, "You could do anything! I never wanted you to be caught up in this mess!" she reached out and touched Galinda's face, "You would make a beautiful bride, my sweet. You would have beautiful children…"

Galinda didn't move for a moment, and then she reached up and put her hand over Elphaba's, which still rested on her cheek, "I tried, Elphie. I tried to court the young men and settle down. I tried to be happy with what I thought I'd always wanted. But…I love you more."

"Me?" Elphaba whispered.

"Yes, my sweet. After knowing you…it all just wasn't enough. I thought you were crazy and moodified and frighteningly intense at Shiz. I didn't think I was brave enough to help you. But, when you disappeared, I understood. I loved you. I love you."

There was a long, tangible silence. Elphaba studied her friend's face, which was frighteningly intense. Suddenly, she understood. She took a long, deep breath, "Galinda…I love you, too. I love you more than life, but…I don't think I can…"

"I know. I understand. You love him," Galinda smiled sadly.

"What? No!" Elphaba shook her head fervently.

"Elphie…you can't deny it forever. I know you love your cause, but when you were with Fiyero, you loved him."

"No," Elphaba denied, "I loved what he could do for me."

Galinda smiled a sad smile, "And now it's my turn to say that you need to examine yourself."

"I never loved him—"

"Although," Galinda continued, unimpeded, "I'm not sure that you'll be all that impressed with Fiyero. From what I saw last night, he's become somewhat irresponsible and shallow."

"Galinda," Elphaba cut her off, "I truly don't want to discuss him. Or Avaric for that matter. It's over and done now. One of them hates me, and the other disgusts me."

"Perhaps Fiyero's reaction was wrong, but it is a terribly difficult thing, to love someone and know they'll never love you back," Galinda's voice was full of meaing.

After a moment, Elphaba said, "You'll always have me. You do know that, don't you? I do love you, my sweet."

Galinda nodded. She studied her friend for a moment, and then wrapped her in a tight embrace. She pressed her face into Elphaba's hair and breathed in the achingly familiar scent of it. It was both terribly sad and wonderful at the same time.

Just then, Matvei entered the room, clearing his throat. Elphaba turned, and he looked both confused and concerned.

"Elphaba…there's a young man downstairs who claims you've taken his friend hostage."

"Avaric…" Galinda whispered.

Elphaba's face clouded, "Tell him to get out of here. Now."

"Elphie…no. He has to take me home," Galinda stated.

"I'll take you home. He's a pig, Galinda. Don't go with him," Elphaba snapped.

Galinda smiled a little, "I'll be fine. He claims to be reformed, and I've almost started to believe him."

"Reformed?" Elphaba scoffed.

"We've all changed, Elphie. And you said yourself it's over, it's done. Maybe he's not such a pig," Galinda tried.

Elphaba snorted, "Fine, go with him. Tell him I said he's an ass."

Galinda pressed a kiss to Elphaba's cheek, "Don't stay angry. I'll be back in a few days and we'll talk more. I love you always."

With that, Galinda turned and brushed past Matvei to descend the stairs. Elphaba didn't move for a moment after she was gone, still a bit in shock that she'd been there at all.

Matvei tossed his cloak onto the bed and asked, "Who was she and what has been going on?"

"That was Galinda," Elphaba explained, crossing back to sit on the sofa again.

"Galinda? From Shiz?" he asked, remembering the handful of conversations they'd had about her friend. Galinda was the only subject from her past that Elphaba had been willing to discuss with Matvei over the years.

"Yes," Elphaba admitted, "she found me, somehow…and…"

"What?" Matvei came to sit beside her.

"I'd forgotten…what she meant to me…" Elphaba admitted softly.

Matvei smiled, somewhat surprised at the admission. When Elphaba said nothing else, he reached out and took her hand and squeezed it. He rarely touched her, but he needed her to know he cared.

Elphaba suddenly stood, brushing off her skirt, "I should get back to work. There's much to be done," she threw out, dropping Matvei's hand and heading for the stairs, "Please keep Mia up there," she threw back once she was out of sight.

Matvei shook his head, glancing over at Mia and wondering if the world could really handle another little Elphaba Thropp.


	20. Chapter 20

_To mourn a mischief that is past and gone  
is the next way to draw new mischief on._

_Othello, _William Shakespeare

**Chapter 20**

Over the next few days, Elphaba was distracted and distant. She knew she was short tempered with both Mia and Matvei, but she couldn't seem to get her thoughts to stop running rampant. On one hand, she was thrilled to have Galinda back. She had never imagined that they would be reunited, or that Galinda would be able to forgive her. It made Elphaba's life feel less mundane and frustrating. Still, she was also disturbed by the turn their relationship had taken. Elphaba found it hard to believe that, somehow, she was living out a fairly quiet life, as mother to a five year-old, while Galinda was working against the Wizard. She was proud, certainly, that her former roommate had seen her own potential, but Elphaba also envied her deeply. She wanted so badly to make a difference, and she wasn't sure that she could be content with having inspired Galinda to take on her cause.

Elphaba tried, though. She constantly considered how they might work together, using her influence with the Animals and Galinda's political influence with the Wizard. She was lost in thought over it one afternoon when the door to the restaurant swung open. Elphaba was sitting at one of the tables, trying to focus on putting billing invoices in order. She finally looked up when someone sat down in the chair across from her. Elphaba drew a quick breath when she realized it was Avaric.

"Don't run," he started, reaching out and taking her hand.

"Don't touch me!" she hissed, pulling her hand back and instinctively placing it on her side, where she had fractured her ribs years before.

"Elphaba, I'm not here to hurt you," Avaric tried again.

"Like hell!" Elphaba stood up, "Now get out before I have someone throw you out!"

"You mean Matvei?" Avaric stood as well, "He seems decent. Is he your lover?"

Elphaba's eyes narrowed, "What business is that of yours?"

Avaric sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "I suppose it's not. Is it so hard to believe that I might actually hope you're happy?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Hate me. I guess I don't really blame you. But just, listen for one minute!"

Elphaba had started to storm away, but stopped at the counter, with her back toward Avaric.

"I see Fiyero…fairly regularly," he started, "He's quite a mess. Not that he would admit it. He drags me around to every social event in the city and, quite honestly, they're starting to meld together. He drinks too much…"

Avaric paused, and Elphaba did not move.

"He walked away from his marriage, Elphaba. He took a lashing from his father and became quite the disappointment to his tribe. His parents sent him here as a sort-of diplomat, really a sham position if you ask me, to get him to stop moping around Kiamo Ko."

"Avaric," Elphaba did not look up from the counter, "you try my patience with why you're telling me this."

"He loves you, Elphie. He always has, and it was wrong of me to get involved," Avaric took a breath, hating having to apologize, "I was younger and driven solely by lust. I knew what I wanted and I took it, and for that, I'm sorry."

Elphaba's shoulders dropped a little, as though she were losing the desire to fight. She finally turned around and stared at Avaric for a moment, "Avaric, I have greater things to worry about in my life than how much Fiyero Tigelaar chooses to drink. If he has something that needs to be said, tell him to come here himself. And now, if you're done, I don't believe you and I have anything further to discuss."

"Fine," Avaric's expression hardened, "but for what it's worth, I'm sorry," he headed toward the door, and then turned back, "You look good Elphie. And I mean that."

He left then, and Elphaba let out a long breath. She was hovering somewhere between angry and sad, and couldn't decide which emotion was appropriate. She wanted to keep hating Avaric, because he so thoroughly deserved it. What he'd done was absolutely disgusting. Still, Elphaba realized how long it had been. If what Galinda had said was accurate, he'd lived quite a bit since they'd parted ways. And, nagging at her subconscious was the fact that, in the end, he'd never turned her in.

Elphaba shook it off, as she had so many things lately, and tried to focus on her work.

* * *

Galinda returned to the restaurant the following day, bringing with her some fresh pastries from the palace bakery. Matvei was behind the counter, hard at work, when she cleared her throat softly.

"Excuse me, but is Miss Elphaba here?" Galinda asked.

Matvei turned and considered her.

She'd tried to dress to fit in with the working class folks in the fourth ward, but Galinda knew her crisp linen dress and polished boots still stood out. She also noticed that people were beginning to recognize her, as the person the Wizard had named Press Secretary. Usually, she received admiring glances and praises, but here, she noticed several patrons eyeing her with disdain.

Matvei gestured towards the back stairway, but then crossed and took Galinda's arm before she could go, "I know she wants to see you, but I ask you…please don't hurt her. If your motives are not good, then go. We've no shortage of heartbreak here, and I believe we can do without any more."

Galinda squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes, "I would _never_ hurt her," she whispered.

Elphaba was sitting on Matvei's bed, reading storybooks to Mia, when Galinda entered the room. Galinda's breath caught, because it was such a sweet and yet strange scene. She'd never expected Elphaba to be so nurturing, while she herself had become so crisp, starched, and formal.

"Elphie?" Galinda said.

Elphaba looked up and smiled, "Galinda," she came to embrace her friend, "I really did wonder if you would come back."

Mia was up in a flash as well, tugging at Galinda's skirt, "Miss Galinda?" she was saying, "You're very beautiful. You're maybe the most beautiful person I've ever seen!"

Galinda chuckled and knelt down to look at the child.

"I'm not so beautiful, but I can sing!" Mia clamored up on the bed then, and began belting out an old show tune, in her own style.

Galinda was laughing now, but was also quite impressed with the little girl's talent, "She's got your voice, Elphie, but with confidence!"

Elphaba shook her head, "I have _never_ sung like that."

"You could've, if you tried," Galinda said.

"Well," Elphaba pulled Mia down from the bed, "I suppose it never suited me."

Galinda crossed to sit on the sofa and added, "Well, perhaps it suits Mia…"

Elphaba came to sit beside her, and Mia bounced upstairs to play with the dolls in Elphaba's room.

"She's going to be bigger than life," Elphaba noted, "or terribly ridiculed. I have no idea which to expect…"

Galinda took her friend's hand, "That child will be fine. She has you, and that makes all the difference."

Elphaba looked away, knowing Galinda was making a reference to Elphaba's very absent parents.

There was a moment of silence, with both of them lost in their thoughts. Finally, Galinda asked somewhat timidly, "Elphie…I was wondering, about Matvei. I mean…it seems that you live with him. Perhaps I was a bit forward the other day, about Fiyero. I didn't stop to consider that you might…."

Elphaba shook her head, "No. There's no romance between us. We answered that question fairly quickly…after Mia was born. He's just a good man, who took in someone who had nowhere else to go. I'm grateful to him, more than I can express."

Galinda looked thoughtful for a moment, "He seems very kind. It's good for Mia to have something of a father in her life, and for you, too…"

Elphaba cocked her head and looked thoughtful, "Or an older brother, if you're playing at metaphors."

"Either way, it's good for both of you."

Elphaba shook the subject off then, "Enough of that. What about you and the Wizard?"

"I'm working through that one day at a time."

"Galinda," Elphaba took a deep breath, "You know you don't have to do this. You're risking so much, and this is a fight I started."

Galinda shook her head, her blonde curls bouncing wildly, "No. This is _our_ fight. I tried to be happy with something else. A young man from Gillikin, an old friend, even offered to marry me, but it wasn't enough."

"Galinda…you're talking about espionage, political rebellion…mutiny against the Wizard. It all terrified you, at Shiz…"

Galinda picked at invisible lint on her skirt and took a shaking breath. For a moment, she looked like the young girl Elphaba remembered. Then, she set her delicate features into an expression of grim resolve, and said, "I know, but my life had very little meaning until Shiz. I was devastated when you disappeared. I even changed my name for you. I just…couldn't be Galinda without you. You changed me. You made me want more. And now I have you again, Elphie. I don't have to do this for you…I can do it _with_ you."

Elphaba was quiet for a minute, considering. Finally, she said softly, "All right, then."

They clasped their hands together and spent the afternoon devouring the pastries Galinda had brought, while planning their fledgling rebellion. It thrilled Elphaba, and made her blood pulse faster and her hands twitch with anticipation. She was ready, more ready than she'd been six years ago. As illogical as it seemed, Mia had made her stronger, made her realize that even the things that scared her the most could be overcome. Together, she and Galinda could crack the festering, despicable campaign of the Wizard from the inside out. Together, they could win. Elphaba was both excited and afraid, because come what may, she had Galinda.

* * *

It was a few weeks hence when Galinda received an unexpected invitation. Avaric had written and asked that she meet him at the Castle Club, and he gave no indication as to what he wanted. She was a bit surprised, but after the events of the past few weeks she was willing to spend the evening with him. She would be wary, but he now seemed harmless enough. His only real crime at Shiz had been being utterly selfish and obnoxious.

When she arrived at the club the following evening, Galinda found Avaric sitting at a corner table. He was as she remembered, still sandy-haired and rakishly handsome. He still flipped his hair back and smiled his crooked, flirtatious smile, but with less pompous arrogance. It worked in his favor, she decided, to be a little more humble.

She approached the table then, and greeted him.

"I appreciate your coming," Avaric said, sliding out her chair for her.

Galinda nodded, "It was unexpected, but it's nice to see an old acquaintance," she offered, stopping short of using the word 'friend'.

"I know this must seem out of place, me asking you here," Avaric started, "but I have a bit of a problem, and I hoped you might help."

"Problem?" Galinda looked wary. She ordered champagne and sipped delicately while he explained.

"It's Fiyero. Fiyero Tigelaar," Avaric started.

"Ah yes. I have to say, I was quite surprised to find that you two are familiar," Galinda commented.

"So was I," Avaric said dryly, "He approached me in a tavern about a year ago. I expected him to punch me, but instead, I spent about three hours listening to him explain how Elphaba Thropp had ruined his life."

"Elphaba?" Galinda's expression was guarded.

"Yes," Avaric sighed, "Apparently, after Shiz, Fiyero went home and refused to marry his intended bride. His younger brother got stuck with the woman and the role of future tribal king."

"I suppose nobility has its pitfalls sometimes," Galinda mused.

"I suppose," Avaric continued, "His father sent him back to the Emerald City as a sort-of negligible diplomat. Fiyero's mostly a front man who keeps the Winkie population happy, because they have a face in the government. The Wizard keeps him happy and paid because it makes his campaign look more colorful, more diverse."

Galinda averted her eyes, because Avaric had no idea that her intentions as Press Secretary were less than honorable.

"The point being, I've been following him around to every tavern, society club, and gala for the past year. I must admit, it's become quite tiresome."

Galinda smirked, "Tiresome? I'm sure it's exhausting, having to drink expensive wine and dance with wealthy women every night."

"I see Miss Elphaba has rubbed off on you more than I realized," Avaric chided.

"I still don't think you've reached a point," Galinda stated.

Avaric placed his hands carefully on the table, "I want you to help me convince Fiyero to see Elphaba."

Galinda studied him for a minute, sipping her champagne, "Why doesn't he want to see her?" she asked.

"Because of the aforementioned ruining of his life."

"Did she somehow force him to give up his title and his bride? Besides, it seems that he has a fairly decent, even charmed, life."

Avaric paused and swirled the ice in his drink, "I know what happened at Shiz was partially my fault, but it destroyed him…the way she lied to him and refused to love him…and because he had to see me with her so…graphically. He's not like me. He never developed the hardness of spirit that it takes to just use people," Avaric explained, somewhat bitterly.

"And yet he's forgiven you, but not her?" Galinda questioned.

"It's easier to forgive me. I'm not the one who broke his heart."

Galinda looked troubled, "Avaric, I'm not an expert in the matters of the heart. I have no power over a man I barely know who's been so badly hurt…"

"No, but you know Elphaba. And Fiyero knows that. He knows that you're close. You could convince him that she's changed."

"And what if she hasn't? What if she just wants to move on with her life?" Galinda argued.

Avaric took a drink and then said, "Then let them fight it out. At least they'll both find some closure."

"Or, they'll kill each other," Galinda threw back.

"Maybe, but at least he might leave me alone."

Galinda looked a bit shocked, "Ah…so this is really just about you?"

Avaric sighed, looking frustrated, "No…yes. In a way, yes. But I also just want to know that I tried to clean up the mess I made. It's the one thing I can do."

Galinda looked thoughtful, and then said, "No. You should have stayed out of it the first time, so stay out of it this time."

"Galinda…" Avaric tried.

"_Glinda. _And I said no. I can't risk Elphie getting hurt, and it just sounds like this would turn into a nasty fight."

Avaric studied her, stroking his chin and running his finger over the rim of his glass, "Is the problem truly that Elphaba might get hurt, or that she might find love with Fiyero, instead of you?"

Galinda sat very still, her mouth open in shock.

Avaric leaned in closer, "I couldn't help hearing some time ago that you turned down an engagement to Sir Thames of Gillikin. He's a baron. It would've been quite a match for you. I heard that you said, _I cannot marry now, I have work to do, and my heart belongs to emeralds and onyx._ Now, I know the society papers assumed you were referring to helping the Wizard's campaign in the mines to the north…"

Galinda was frozen, looking sickly.

Avaric plowed on, "Seeing you again brought back so many memories of you from Shiz. I know you were quite devastated when Elphaba disappeared..."

"Avaric…" Galinda warned.

He chose his next words carefully, "I have to say, it was good to see Elphaba again. The green is almost pretty, once you're used to it. And I'd forgotten about all that dark hair…kind of like the onyx the Glikkuns are mining…"

Galinda was angry now, but her hands were shaking, "Avaric…you have no idea what you're talking about…"

He held up his hand, "I'm not judging you, Galinda. And I hate to resort to the underhanded ways from my past, but I have to use what works."

"So what do you want?" Galinda whispered.

"I want you to convince Fiyero to see Elphaba."

"Or?"

"Or I'll let the general population know about your affections. Oh, I know it's not wrong, officially. But it would certainly be seen as unacceptable, for a lady in your political position…"

Galinda grit her teeth and said, "I truly thought you had changed, Master Avaric."

"But I have," Avaric grumbled, "I just don't know any other way to get this done, and I just want to make one thing right."

"So you're righting a wrong with another one?" Galinda spat.

Avaric softened, his eyes a bit pleading, "Don't hate me, Glinda. This is all I know, and Fiyero…he's a mess…"

Galinda started to respond, but Fiyero approached the table then. She watched him approach, really seeing him for the first time since they'd parted ways at Shiz. He was much more imposing that he'd been six years ago. He was still dark, with those strange, blue markings on his skin, but he'd trimmed his hair a bit. He'd also filled out, and his clothes showed he had the body of a hunter under his expensive evening jacket.

_He's become quite handsome, in his own way,_ Galinda told herself. She felt a pang of sadness, as she understood why Elphie had been drawn to him. And she knew very well why he had loved Elphaba.

Fiyero sat down then, ordering a round of drinks for them. Galinda took a breath, unsure how she would ever do what Avaric asked of her. Still, she knew it had to be done, and she hoped to the Unnamed God that Elphaba would not get hurt.

* * *

Later that same night, Elphaba sat on Matvei's sofa, watching Mia sleep on the bed across the room. Matvei found her there, and quietly sat down beside her.

He looked over at Mia and said, "She's exhausted. Detriek took her to the park on sixty-fourth and she climbed every tree. She had the other kids following her around and pretending to be Cats."

Elphaba cracked a smile, knowing it must have been quite a sight.

There was a long pause, and then Matvei finally asked, "Has it made you happy, to have Galinda again?"

Elphaba nodded, remembering her last visit.

"I'm glad," Matvei said softly.

Elphaba looked at her hands, and then hesitantly asked, "Matvei…what about you? You deserve some measure of happiness…"

There was a long moment of silence, "You mean…I deserve love?" Matvei interpreted.

Elphaba nodded, not meeting his eyes.

Matvei looked far away, and answered, "That will come or it won't. I'm not even sure I could love someone else…"

After another long moment, Elphaba said, "It wouldn't be wrong, you know…"

"I know," Matvei whispered.

They watched the fire for a few minutes, not speaking. Elphaba very slowly leaned her head over until it rested on his shoulder. Matvei rested his cheek against her hair, appreciating that she trusted him this much.

After some time, Matvei carefully asked, "Fae?"

"Yes?"

"The young man who keeps coming here…Avaric? Is he…"

"What?" Elphaba snapped.

Matvei took a deep breath, "Is he…Mia's father?"

Elphaba sat up abruptly, nearly knocking Matvei over, "No!"

"Okay," he offered, "I'm sorry…I just…"

"She has no father!" Elphaba barked.

Matvei started to apologize, but Elphaba turned and sprinted upstairs, slamming the door to her room behind her.


	21. Chapter 21

_Sitting here wasted and wounded at this old piano,  
Trying hard to capture the moment this morning, I don't know,  
'Cause a bottle of vodka is still lodged in my head,  
And some blond gave me nightmares, think that she's still in my bed,  
And the truth is, you're all that I need._

_With an ironclad fist I wake up and French kiss the morning,  
While some marching band keeps it's own beat in my head,  
While we're talking about all of the things that I long to believe,  
About love, the truth, what you mean to me,_

_I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses,  
For tonight I'll sleep on a bed of nails.  
I wanna be just as close as your Holy Ghost is,  
And lay you down on a bed of roses._

_Bed of Roses_, Bon Jovi

**Chapter 21**

Fiyero opened his eyes slowly, trying to determine what day it might be. It was not that it particularly mattered, but he felt compelled to keep track. It made him feel less out of control, somehow. He drug himself slowly out of bed, trying not to disturb the warm body beside him. He pulled on his trousers, and ran a hand through his hair, noting that the head poking out from under his blankets was blonde. It was an unspoken fact that the women he brought home were always light-haired and rosy skinned. Years ago, when he'd first come to the city, he'd made the mistake of stumbling home with a raven-haired dancer. The sight of her hair, splayed out on the pillow the next morning had sent his mind reeling back to Shiz. It made him think of _her. _The pain of the memory had nearly suffocated him.

That was the moment he'd decided he had to hate her. He'd pined for her and ached for what had happened, but in that moment, he knew the only way he'd survive was to hate her.

_Elphaba._

Her name floated around in his mind, making him wish for a stronger hangover. Over the past several weeks, he'd been far more unsettled than he'd let on to Avaric. Until now, he'd reached a fairly consistent pattern in his life. He nursed a grudge so strong it made him physically ache, so he drank to make the days passable. He had money, women, and plenty of expensive liquor. It was a life many bachelors would kill for, and he'd almost managed to numb the memories of Shiz. Then, one revelation from Avaric had jammed the gears of his apathetic life.

_I'm certain I saw Elphaba Thropp,_ Avaric had said.

Fiyero stumbled through the sitting area of his flat and into the kitchen. He added some fire to the wood stove and set the pot on for coffee. Then he sat there, staring out the window.

He didn't want to care. He didn't want it to matter that Avaric had stumbled upon his former lover. He'd spent a great deal of time turning his misery into hate, and he'd always assumed she'd been killed on some ridiculous mission to rally against the Wizard. He'd mourned her, made her the source of all his spite and depression, and he'd managed to hate her. Fiyero also hated himself a little bit, because he wasn't enough like Avaric to write off their affair as young lust and move on. He'd tried, that much was certain, but no Philosophy club or round of drinks could get Elphaba out of his head.

Now, he rubbed his eyes and tried to decide how he felt. It made him angry all over again, to know that she was alive and living an apparently happy life. It made the betrayal and her lack of feelings for him come rushing back. It was as though she'd slapped him once again, by going on with her life as though he'd never been part of it. He also began to question why her whereabouts mattered so much to Avaric. Fiyero thought he and Avaric had made their peace with each other, and the fact that Elphaba Thropp had used them both recklessly. Now, he wondered if Avaric might have feelings for her after all.

_Perhaps he wants another chance with her, and he just wants to know that I'm absolutely not a threat…_

The thought brought back the image of Elphaba and Avaric, naked on the bed at Shiz. It had been burned so permanently into his brain that he couldn't erase it, and it still made him nauseous. If there was any truth in the idea that Avaric wanted to be with her, Fiyero determined he would walk away. He could find a new accomplice in partying, because he couldn't imagine watching Elphaba and Avaric become lovers.

The thought brought such a strong, unexpected wave of agony that Fiyero's breath caught and he slammed his fist onto the table. And then he was angry, because he was so tired of being unable to heal from a wound inflicted six years prior.

_Maybe it's time to let it all go…_

The thought paralyzed him, because if he let it go, he truly had nothing. It felt as though he were standing at the edge of a cliff, with no idea if there was a bottom. Fiyero was terrified of venturing over the ledge, and falling for the rest of his life.

_No,_ he told himself, getting out a bottle of whiskey, _This is easier. This is safe._

He downed a glass of the strong liquor and then took his coffee back to his bedroom to get dressed. The whiskey mixed with the warm coffee calmed his nerves, and he dressed quietly, before the girl in the bed could wake up. Then, he left the flat, leaving the door unlocked. When whatever-her-name-was woke up, she would certainly get the message as to why he'd left her alone. Even if she was angry, there wasn't much she could steal or break in his barren flat.

Fiyero shook it off and headed toward his usual breakfast spot. The café at the end of the block had good, hot coffee and scones that were reminiscent of the sugar cakes his mother had made when he was a child. He liked to sit at the corner table and watch the people, hurrying about their lives as though everything was so very important. It made him chuckle with irony, because he had found very little in this life, up to this point, to be in a hurry about.

Fiyero had only been at his table a few minutes, when a very unexpected face came through the door. It was Galinda, he realized, as she glanced around the café. Finally seeing him, she crossed to sit in the chair across the table from him.

Fiyero took a sip of coffee and asked, "What brings you here, Madame Press Secretary? Do they not have eggs at the palace?"

"Yes," Galinda stated, "Very good ones, in fact. But I was hoping to find you."

"Me?" Fiyero looked incredulous, "I wasn't aware that we have anything in common."

"Elphaba," Galinda stated, watching for his reaction.

"No," Fiyero spat, starting to stand and leave.

Galinda took his arm, her expression hard, "Don't walk out, Fiyero. This is never going to get any easier."

"This never has to happen, either," he shot back.

"Look, I am not asking you to love her. I'm not asking you to forgive her," Galinda offered.

Fiyero sat back down, "Then what are you asking?"

"I'm just asking you to see her."

Fiyero laughed sadly, "I can't believe _you_ forgave her. She abandoned you, too, Galinda."

Galinda's lips were set in a thin line, "Perhaps she had good reason."

"And what would that be?" Fiyero demanded.

Galinda opened her mouth to answer, but said nothing.

"That's what I thought. There is no good reason for doing what she did. In fact, I assumed she was dead. It would've served her right if she was."

"Fiyero!" Galinda gasped, shocked at the raw, bitter hatred he made no effort to conceal.

"What? Do you want me to sugar-coat how I feel?" he clutched his coffee cup, his face set in hard lines, his hands trembling, "She wrecked me, Galinda."

Galinda took a deep breath, finding some compassion, "I know, Fiyero. She wrecked me, too…"

Fiyero was surprised at the depth of the hurt he saw in Galinda's eyes then. It made him reconsider, that he had been hurt the most in all of this. He shook it off, though, and said, "So how did you forgive her?"

"Because I love her," Galinda caught herself, and quickly added, "She's my best friend, almost my sister. She made me who I am…"

Fiyero looked at his hands, "I suppose she made me who I am, as well," he grumbled.

Galinda placed her delicate hands over his much larger, darker ones, "Fiyero, please just see her. Tell her how you feel and just get it out. It might help you…to move on."

Fiyero jerked away, "You sound just like Avaric! When did everyone suddenly begin to feel as though they need to analyze me? When did this outbreak of conscience occur? I'm _happy_ like this, Galinda. I have a good life. Now leave me be!"

Galinda looked both angry and defeated as she stood, "Well, I must say that you certainly look very, very _happy,_" she spat, with obvious sarcasm.

Fiyero would say no more, so she turned on her expensive heels and left.

* * *

The following day, Avaric made his way towards the fourth ward on foot. He knew he was most likely wasting his time, and walking into a metaphorical pit of vipers, but he was still compelled to make his way toward Elphaba's restaurant.

It was a decent evening, just warm enough to hint at the coming of spring. Avaric walked slowly, wrapped in a winter cloak and trying to decide what to say once he arrived at the restaurant. Nothing he'd said up to this point had worked, or been particularly helpful, and he wondered if maybe this whole thing had been doomed from the start. He really had no idea why it mattered that he solve this, and it would be simpler to let Fiyero drink away his problems.

After a few more blocks, Avaric decided that maybe he was doing this because, for the first time in a year, he had a purpose. Granted, it was a bit superficial and not technically his fight, but it gave him something to focus on. The whole ordeal made Avaric realize how very shallow their lives had become, and how badly he needed something to do. So he took a deep breath and swung open the door to Elphaba's restaurant once again. She saw him immediately, and fixed him with a hard glare.

As he approached the counter, she said, "I asked you not to come back here. Are you hard of hearing or just stupid?"

"Stupid," Avaric answered without missing a beat, "and because of that, I will keep coming back until you talk to me."

Elphaba narrowed her eyes, "You will do no such thing!"

Matvei caught their conversation from the other end of the counter and asked, "Fae?"

"I'm fine," she answered, "I just want him out of here!"

"Elphaba, I just want to talk to you! I've tried to apologize, and I don't understand why you and Fiyero are so determined to be miserable!"

Elphaba started to retort, but a small voice caught her attention and they all turned their heads. Mia stood just a few feet from Elphaba, just outside the kitchen door.

"Mama?" she asked, "Can I have teacakes for dinner?"

Elphaba was frozen and wild-eyed, like an animal on the precipice of a trap or cornered at the edge of a cliff.

She did not answer, and Mia asked, "Mama?"

Avaric tried to speak, but no words came out. He looked from Elphaba to the little girl, and a thousand thoughts ran through his head. He wondered if Fiyero knew about her, and if it would matter to him. He wondered exactly how old she was and if she might even be Matvei's. Then, he wondered why Elphaba would want to hide her from him. The one thing he did not question is that she was Elphaba's. And then, with a skip of his heartbeat, he wondered if she was _his._

"Elphie…?" was all Avaric could manage to say.

Elphaba started to speak, but her voice caught. Matvei, sensing that something important was happening, came and took Elphaba by the arm. He said to Avaric, "Master Avaric, is it? Fae can speak with you in an hour, after we close up. I think the two of you should sort this out upstairs."

Elphaba whipped her head around to glare at Matvei and shake her head fervently. She started to argue, but he silenced her.

"I think this has to be done, Fae," he stated, and her shoulders slumped a little.

Avaric just sat there, long after Elphaba had gone begrudgingly back to work. He stared at the little girl until she disappeared into the kitchen, trying to convince someone to give her teacakes. His stomach did flips and tied itself into knots. His mind raced with unanswered questions as to what he was seeing.

_Sweet Oz, _he finally said to himself, _I never would have thought…_

It felt like an eternity before Matvei and Elphaba had the restaurant closed up for the evening. Avaric said nothing. He sat on the stool and stared at his hands, utterly confused and unsure how to feel. He suddenly, more than anything, wished he'd never walked into this mess.

"Come upstairs," Matvei finally offered quietly, gesturing towards the door.

Avaric followed, winding through the kitchen and hallway, and then up the stairs to the apartment above. It was small, but well kept, he noted. There were toys scattered about and, he couldn't help noticing, only one bed. His survey ended when he saw the little girl again, sitting by the fire with some ceramic cups and a stuffed doll.

"She's the image of you, Elphie…" Avaric couldn't help commenting aloud.

Matvei offered a seat on the sofa, and Avaric sat. Elphaba sent Mia across the room, and then perched on the chair across from them, refusing to meet Avaric's eyes.

Matvei started, "I obviously know very little about what's going on here, but Master Avaric keeps coming back. It seems that we need to settle whatever the problem is so we can all move on with our lives…"

"All right," Elphaba sat up straighter, "Avaric is a selfish pig and should not be allowed to associate with humans," she spat.

"Elphie…have you absolutely no forgiveness in you? Are you that bitter?" Avaric questioned.

"You _used_ me…like a tool, and then lied to me!" Elphaba accused.

"No…I manipulated you. You knew the entire time what you were delving into!" Avaric defended.

"You never followed through! You lied to me! And maybe I thought I knew what I was getting into, but it still hurt…to know that you could treat me like that and it mean nothing!" Elphaba shrieked.

Avaric was momentarily stunned, surprised that Elphaba had ever been anything more than angry with him. He realized now how much she must have gone through in six years, to be able to admit that he'd hurt her.

"I have tried to apologize," he offered weakly.

Elphaba stood, pointing an accusing finger in his direction, "You threw me across the room, Avaric! You _fractured _three of my ribs! And you didn't give a _damn_!"

Matvei turned to Avaric, a hard expression on his face, "Is that true?" he asked.

Avaric struggled for an answer, "Yes…sort of. I never intended to _throw_ anyone. I was just defending myself…"

"From a woman?" Matvei was not convinced.

"From the _force_ that is Elphaba Thropp! She's as tall as I am, and she was ready to claw out my eyes…"

Matvei looked him over, "I suppose intention should be considered. Carelessness is not the same as malice…"

"So you're taking _his_ side?" Elphaba demanded.

Matvei went to her and took her arms, trying to look into her eyes, "Fae…Fae? If he's willing to apologize…if what you're speaking of was a very unfortunate accident, and he's gone to the trouble to come here several times, is hating him really worth all of this? And is this really the reason why you're so angry?"

Elphaba grit her teeth, wanting to arguing, but Matvei knew her too well. He was the only person who could calm her and make her choose reason.

There was a long silence then, broken only when Mia returned to stand in front of the sofa. She looked close to tears, and in a tiny voice she asked, "Mat…did that man hurt Mama?"

Avaric was struck by the fear in the little girl's voice, and he felt terribly guilty for having scared her.

Elphaba looked from Mia to Avaric, trying to choose the best course of action. Finally, she knelt down and said, "No, my child. Not today. We had an argument, a disagreement, and we're trying to solve it."

"Could you…" Mia started, and two tears slid down her face, "Could you stop yelling?"

"Yes," Avaric cut in, "We can. And I'm sorry."

Elphaba looked up at him, clearly touched by the genuine regret in his voice. She hugged Mia and sent her back across the room to play with her doll.

"What's her name?" Avaric asked.

"Mia," Matvei answered as Elphaba sat back down.

"You have a beautiful child," Avaric said, "A beautiful family…"

Elphaba averted her eyes and Matvei corrected, "She's not mine. We're a family, of sorts, but we're not lovers. And Mia isn't mine, biologically."

"Maybe that's not what matters," Elphaba spoke up.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence, when the only sound was the crackling of the fire.

"So…what now?" Matvei asked gently.

Avaric spoke softly, "Elphaba, if you can't forgive me, I suppose I understand. I was young and stupid, and what I did was inexcusable. But…would you talk to Fiyero?"

"Why does it matter so much to you?" she snapped, "If he wanted to talk to me, why can't he come here himself? I believe he made it very clear when we parted ways how he felt!"

"But Elphaba, if he's her father…" Avaric argued.

"That's none of your concern! She has no father! None of you has any claim over her! You didn't birth her and feed her and give up your life for her! You never even considered that…that…" she was unable to finish the sentence.

Mia looked up again, and Matvei intervened, "All right! That's enough. Master Avaric, I think it would be good for you to come back another time. The two of you can think this over and decide how to make some sort of peace."

Avaric turned to go, retrieving his cloak for the long, cold walk home. He considered saying something more, but trying to right his wrongs was becoming more and more troublesome.

_Maybe it's not worth it…_he mused, shuffling out into the night.

He was absolutely baffled by the night's turn of events, and had no idea how to interpret what he'd seen. He wanted to believe that Mia was Fiyero's. It made the most sense, and it was the best end to the story. Elphaba had been with Fiyero for some time before he'd come onto the scene. The chances were slim that he could've fathered that child. But still, he wondered. Clearly, Elphaba did not know, or simply refused to say. The more he wondered, the more uncertain he became, until his stomach was tied in vicious knots.

_We can never really know,_ he told himself, s_o she's Fiyero's. It's better that way. I want it that way. She's Fiyero's…_

Avaric kept walking, convincing himself.

* * *

Elphaba sat very still for a long time after Avaric left, staring at the fire. Mia came over at some point and curled up next to her in the chair. The little girl fell asleep, and Elphaba studied her, looking fruitlessly for an answer she'd hadn't received in six years.

Matvei had gone down to the kitchen, and returned after a time with some tea. He handed Elphaba a cup, and sat across from her.

"Fae," he finally said, "I know you'll be angry with me for asking again, but…who is Mia's father?"

Elphaba was weary, and she'd lost the will to fight this time. It seemed more and more pointless, to keeping hating Avaric. Idiocy was not really a crime, and there were other things in Oz that were more worthy of her anger. She also felt badly, for keeping Matvei in the dark when he'd been so candid about his life. After six years, the chances of him ridiculing her were quite slim.

Elphaba took a shaking breath and said, "I don't know."

"I get it," Matvei sounded bitter, "She has no father."

"No," Elphaba stopped him, "I truly don't know."

Matvei looked confused.

Elphaba refused to look at him as she let the story spill out. She told him about Fiyero and how she'd had great plans for both of them. She told him how she'd used Fiyero's feelings for her to keep him coming back. Then, she explained how Avaric had blackmailed her, and how he had lied and never followed through. It was harder than she realized, to tell the end of the story. Fiyero's wounded expression was still burnt into her memory, and she realized more than ever how she'd never wanted to hurt him. Her voice caught a little, when she told about how Fiyero had refused to speak to her again.

Matvei sat there for a minute once she was done, considering, "So she could belong to either of them?"

Elphaba nodded.

"And there's no clue? No little sign or feature or anything?"

Elphaba looked down at her daughter, "No. Fiyero's a Winkie prince, but Mia's as green as me. Her face, her eyes, her hands, her hair, it's all mine…"

Matvei nodded his agreement.

"And neither of them claims her. Neither needs a child to complicate his life. It's better not to answer the question. Let both of them go on with their lives."

Matvei looked troubled, "How could they have claimed her, if they've never known about her?"

Elphaba looked away.

"Fae…this Fiyero…did you love him?"

Elphaba started to say no. She wanted to say no. She'd spent years saying no. But now, having retold the story, she couldn't get it past her lips. It terrified her, and she stood up instead and gathered Mia in her arms.

"She should sleep," she said instead.

Elphaba knew Matvei was watching as she climbed the stairs to her room. She laid Mia down on her bed and covered her with the quilt. She crossed to the wardrobe, to get her nightclothes, but stopped short. Something welled up in her, and she was suddenly fighting back tears. She hadn't cried in some time, and didn't want to give in to the weakness of it now. Still, something was aching within her, something she didn't want to confront for fear that it would tear her apart. So she wiped furiously at the tears until she realized that Matvei was standing at the top of the stairs.

Elphaba put her face in her hands, biting her lip and trembling. Matvei crossed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her. Then, the tears fell. He held her like that, and kissed the top of her head until the tears subsided.


	22. Chapter 22

_You took your coat off and stood in the rain,  
You're always crazy like that.  
And I watched from my window,  
Always felt I was outside looking in on you.  
You're always the mysterious one with  
Dark eyes and careless hair.  
You were fashionably sensitive,  
But too cool to care._

_Well in case you failed to notice,  
In case you failed to see,  
This is my heart bleeding before you,  
This is me down on my knees, and..._

_These foolish games are tearing me apart,  
And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart.  
You're breaking my heart._

_Foolish Games_, Jewel

**Chapter 22**

About a week hence, Galinda made her way through a blustering windstorm to the café where she knew she could find Fiyero. She was in bad spirits, because she would rather be doing anything than convincing Fiyero to further complicate their lives. She had a press conference that afternoon and an interview with one of the social papers, and she needed time to prepare her responses. It required twice as much effort, she'd learned, to play for both sides of this political game. So she was glad to find Fiyero at his usual table, looking predictably miserable.

"I see you're as happy to see me as you were last week," she tossed out dryly when he looked up.

"Are you here to lecture me a bit more?" Fiyero snapped.

"Will that work?" Galinda snapped back.

Fiyero rolled his eyes and she sat down across from him. This time, Galinda tried a different tactic, "Why not just go yell at her? Tell her how she ruined your life and how you feel. Get it all out. Why be miserable over a relationship that lasted what, two months?"

Fiyero paused, as though he might be considering it, "You want me to yell? At your friend?"

"If it helps the two of you get past this."

"I doubt you'd let that happen. And it wouldn't change what she did," Fiyero replied.

"I think Elphie can hold her own. And have you never considered that getting it out might be enough to let you move on? Both of you?" Galinda tried.

Fiyero eyed her suspiciously, "I don't know…but why do you care so much? We haven't seen each other in six years, and suddenly you're analyzing my life. What's the motivation?"

Galinda looked away, struggling for an answer and silently cursing Avaric.

In a twist of irony, it was Avaric who came through the door and approached the table just then. He looked troubled, and said to Galinda, "Can I speak with Fiyero for a moment? Alone?"

Galinda stood, gathering her coat and handbag, "You can have him. I've got much to do today. This can wait," she strode away then, leaving them alone.

"Did you put her up to that?" Fiyero asked sharply.

Avaric sat down and didn't answer. He pulled off his coat and stared at Fiyero, trying to decide what to say. He wondered, now, if involving Galinda was the best decision. He'd acted on impulse, which was what came most naturally to him, and now the situation was far more complicated than he'd anticipated. He'd hoped to get Fiyero off his back, to perhaps reconcile his conscience and move on. Now, though, there was Mia. He'd spent the greater part of the past few days trying to decide what, if anything, to tell Fiyero. Now, he hoped he had the courage to act.

"Did you?" Fiyero asked again.

Avaric avoided the question and got right to the point, "Fiyero…Elphaba has a daughter."

"Good for her," Fiyero said, studying the newspaper he held.

"She's five years old," Avaric continued.

"So she's not just a whore, she's a careless whore," Fiyero shrugged, although he looked a bit shaken.

"Fiyero," Avaric took the paper, "This child is too old to belong to anyone she met in the city. So, unless you know something about her that I don't, from before she met you, then that means…"

Fiyero looked sick, "Is this some sort of horrible joke?" he asked.

"That would truly make me the ass everyone says I am."

"Well, if the boot fits…" Fiyero sneered.

Avaric's expression darkened, "It seems that I'm the only one trying _not_ to be an ass, here."

"So, you're saying this child is mine? And I need to go be the hero and claim it?" Fiyero spat.

Avaric leaned in, "I'm saying I don't know whose child she is…"

Fiyero looked as though he'd been slapped. When he answered, his voice was shaking, "What you makes you think Elphaba wants us involved? She's never bothered to contact us, in six years, to demand that we come claim her baby. How can we ever know for certain what she was doing at Shiz, when she wasn't with us? Certainly, she's demonstrated that she wasn't much for modesty, or discretion. Why are you determined to be involved in a situation where you're not wanted?"

Avaric stood then, tossing the newspaper at Fiyero, "Honestly, I'm starting to wonder what the value is in doing the right thing. Clearly, for most everyone around me, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone be miserable. Maybe I should rethink some things, because I was much happier being an ass."

He walked out then, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Fiyero didn't go out that night. He sat in his flat, as he had all afternoon, and didn't bother to light the lamps when it grew dark. He was more sober than he'd been in some time, because he hadn't even had the energy to go out in search of liquor. He lay back on the sofa, trying to stop the maelstrom of thoughts running through his aching head.

He wanted to block it all out, to pretend Avaric had never come to him this morning, or seen Elphaba in the first place and thrown a stick into the cogs of his life. Fiyero was angry, because he'd spent so much time finding a routine that allowed him to run on hatred and alcohol. Now, mostly sober and alone, he felt the depth of the emptiness within himself.

Fiyero couldn't help but wonder if this child Avaric had seen was his. He hadn't answered Avaric's question that morning, but he clearly remembered what Elphaba had said to him at Shiz.

_I suppose this is as innocent as I'll ever hope to be in this life._

She'd had no reason to lie, at the time. So that left him, and Avaric. The idea that Elphaba had born Avaric's child made him nauseous, and he closed his eyes to try to get rid of the thought.

_But if it's mine…_he considered.

Fiyero wasn't sure what that meant to him. Could it make him forgive her? Did it explain the things that had hurt him the most?

_No,_ he decided.

So what choices did that leave him with? He placed his hands on his head, trying to stop the pounding. Fiyero stood and crossed to the window, to stare out at the twilight sky. He was tired, he realized, tired in a way that made him want to fall into a sleep that would never end. Underneath all the anger, he wasn't sure that he had the strength to confront all the demons of his past. He didn't know that he could face Elphaba and handle being told that he had a five year-old child. He couldn't imagine what he would do then. Would he raise it? Love it? What difference would it really make?

Fiyero also didn't know that he could handle it if the child was Avaric's. As much as he'd been able to forgive his former suitemate, that was salt in his wounds. It seemed far better to leave it all alone. Elphaba was clearly happy. She obviously had Galinda, and that's all that had truly mattered to her at Shiz.

_We should stay out of it, _he told himself.

Still, he was restless. The more he thought, the more he wanted to disappear from the entire situation. Perhaps there was some truth in what Galinda had said. Maybe he should just tell Elphaba how he felt, and then disappear. He was tired of this life, and Galinda was also right about his apparent unhappiness.

_Maybe I should see her... _he considered. He could tell Elphaba how he felt, how she'd destroyed him, and then he could disappear. He could buy a good horse and disappear into the deserts of Ev. He could leave the rest of his life up to the Unnamed God or Lureline, or whomever. Or he could die in the wilderness, and mostly like be content with that. The more he thought about it, the more resolved Fiyero felt. He set his jaw in a firm line, and watched dusk become night before crossing to lie back down on the bed.

The night was restless, and he woke at dawn to dress and go retrieve Avaric. Avaric was understandably confused, at seeing Fiyero before noon, but he dressed quickly when Fiyero demanded, "Take me to her. Take me to Elphaba."

* * *

Elphaba was tired that morning, and she trudged heavily through her chores. She noted that the sky was gray, with rolling clouds that hinted at a late-winter storm. She pulled the outdoor tables closer to the storefront, to protect them from the weather, and then set about straightening the tables inside for the day's patrons. After a few minutes, the door opened quietly. Elphaba looked up to see Avaric, and for the first time, she didn't immediately react. She just looked at him, questioningly, and then noticed who was with him.

It was Fiyero.

He was different, she noticed, but the difference had done him good. He was no longer a boy at the end of adolescence. He now had the broad shoulders and strong jaw of a Winkie tribal hunter. He stood several inches taller than Avaric. The blue diamonds were bright on his skin, and his eyes were dark and brooding. He was dressed neatly, more like a society brat than a visitor from the west, but it only made him more imposing. Avaric's typical good looks paled in comparison to Fiyero's exotic façade.

Elphaba's heart skipped so drastically that for a moment, she forgot to breathe. Somehow, even after six years, after all the anger and heartbreak and absence, the urge to run to him was hard to overcome. It was almost instinctive, carnal even, as though they were bound by some power from the most elemental parts of their world. It scared her, because she didn't want to love him. She didn't want to admit, after all this time, that she'd been terribly wrong at Shiz. She didn't want to admit how badly she'd hurt him.

"Fiyero?" Elphaba managed to whisper. She dropped into a chair, stunned.

"Elphaba," Fiyero sneered.

Avaric took hold of Fiyero's arm, and Elphaba sensed that Fiyero was not glad to see her.

"I'm sorry to come so early, but Fiyero insisted we come this morning," Avaric offered.

"All right…" Elphaba answered, still not trusting her voice.

"Fiyero wanted to talk with you," Avaric offered.

Elphaba offered them both a seat, realizing her hands were trembling as Fiyero came close enough to touch her.

They sat there, then, and Elphaba looked at Fiyero expectantly. He looked as though he wanted to say something, like he was angry and tired. He looked like he wanted to maul her, or run from her. There was a long silence, as Fiyero clearly couldn't find the words.

Before he could speak, Matvei came through the kitchen door. He had Mia with him, and she was still sleepy-eyed. Her hair was wild, and tumbled in disarray to her waist. She still wore her nightgown, which showed her long arms and legs.

Elphaba stood up instinctively, "Matvei, she'll be cold, with nothing on like that!"

"No Mama," Mia yawned, "It's hot as a Quadling swamp upstairs. Mat stoked the fire too much."

"Well, it's not hot down here," Elphaba grumbled.

She crossed and took Mia by the hand. Hesitantly, Elphaba crossed to Avaric and Fiyero, sensing what they wanted. She knew why they had come and she decided to get it over with. She stood before them, and said, "This is Mia."

Avaric smiled, and Fiyero looked completely deflated. The oppressive, empty sadness in his eyes was hard to look at.

"Is she mine?" Fiyero finally choked out.

"Does it matter?" Elphaba threw back.

"What does he mean?" Mia asked, tugging at Elphaba's skirt.

"Nothing, child. Now go put some clothes on before you freeze," Elphaba gave Mia a little push in the direction of the kitchen.

Mia pouted a little, and turned around once to study Fiyero before scurrying through the kitchen door towards the stairs.

"So, is she mine?" Fiyero asked again.

Elphaba looked away, and Matvei came up behind her, "She doesn't know," he said softly.

"How can you not know?" Fiyero challenged.

"Fiyero," Avaric tried, "I think you know…"

Fiyero's tone was angry as he stated, "She has to know. There has to be some way to know!"

"And what difference will it make, to you, to know?" Elphaba spoke up.

Fiyero had no answer.

"I think we're all adults here," Matvei interjected, "And I think we all know how unlikely it is that we will settle this. And, as we've just seen, I don't think a five year-old child is ready to hear this argument. So what do we do here?"

After a moment, Elphaba said, "Fiyero…I'm sorry…"

"You're _sorry_?" he spat, "For what? For having a child who we will spend a lifetime wondering if we fathered? For using me for some ridiculous scheme? For using sex to keep me coming back to you, when you knew how I felt about you? For not telling me that you were also sleeping with my _suitemate_?"

Elphaba pulled herself up to her full height, and pointed a finger at Fiyero, "I _never_ led you to believe that I loved you, or that we had a committed relationship! Not once!"

Fiyero stood and stepped closer to her, "You took my virginity, Elphaba. It belonged to my bride, and you seduced me and took it! And left me with nothing!"

Elphaba stepped so close she could feel his breath, "I didn't take anything you weren't willing to give! And if you'll recall, it was _you_ who kissed _me_!"

Fiyero looked shaken, and frighteningly angry. When he answered, his voice was a low growl, "I _hate_ you."

Elphaba reeled, shaken by the malice in his voice, the same voice that had whispered in her ear and called her _Fae_. The same voice that had said he loved her. And then she felt a pang of regret, because he had indeed said he loved her, and she'd ignored him.

"I hate you," Fiyero said again, balling up his hands into fists.

Matvei stepped in then, not sure whether Fiyero would stoop to hitting a woman in his current state. He pulled Elphaba away, and Avaric tried to convince Fiyero to calm down. Fiyero shrugged him off and crossed to sit at one of the stools at the counter.

"Fae," Matvei said, "Why don't you bring some coffee?"

Elphaba begrudgingly obeyed, because she knew Matvei was only trying to protect her.

As she went behind the counter, Fiyero looked at her with wounded eyes. He asked in a low voice, "Fae?"

Elphaba looked away, because she knew he remembered the intimate moment when they'd coined the name. She knew that Matvei's use of the name was just another way that she had managed to hurt him.

She set some coffee to brewing and pulled out mugs for each of them. She pulled the milk and sugar from the icebox, not sure what each of them wanted. After a few minutes, as she poured the coffee, Matvei spoke up.

"This is a mess, obviously. But I won't have either of you threatening Elphaba, or Mia. If we can't agree on our differences, especially the questions we can't answer, then you gentlemen might as well leave and not return. Either settle this, or don't come back."

Elphaba set mugs down in front of each of them, and then offered the milk and sugar, from where they sat on the counter.

Matvei took his coffee black, and Avaric shook his head, "No, not for me. I've never been able to stomach the milk."

Elphaba froze. For the second time that day, her heart skipped into her throat. It felt as though the world slowed down, as she turned to see Fiyero pouring a generous serving of milk into his mug. She must have paled severely, because Matvei stood abruptly and came to her side.

"Fae?" he asked.

"I…" she tried to speak, but no words would come. She knew that Matvei was speaking to her, but she heard nothing but the pounding of her own heart. It seemed utterly and absolutely impossible, that such a small gesture could mean so much. What were the chances, of such a mundane exchange occurring just now, with just the right people present to answer an impossible question? Yet somehow, Elphaba had an answer.

_I've never been able to stomach the milk._

Avaric had no idea what he'd actually revealed.

Elphaba turned and fled up the stairs then, stumbling once onto her knees and then crawling the rest of the way up. She found Mia in her room, trying to pull on stockings backwards. Elphaba collapsed to her knees and wrapped the child in a hug. It was so out of character, Mia was startled.

"Mama?"

"It doesn't matter child," Elphaba said into the little girl's hair, "I'll never tell them, because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter…"

Mia did not understand, but the thunder rumbled outside, and she was afraid.

* * *

The next morning, Galinda tried again to visit Fiyero. She felt as though she might be close to convincing him, and she was ready to have this whole matter over and done. The streets were slick with rain from the day before, and she pulled the hood to her cloak over her head to shield her hair from the mist that still fell. Looking down as she walked, she didn't see Avaric until she nearly plowed into him.

"Sweet Lureline's ghost, Avaric! Are you trying to kill me?" she shrieked.

"No," he looked frazzled, "Are you going to see Fiyero?"

"Yes…" she said impatiently.

"Don't," Avaric stated.

"What?" Galinda looked baffled.

"Don't go. You don't need to go."

"Avaric, what in Oz name? You blackmail me into doing this, and now you're trying to stop me?"

Avaric ran a hand through his hair, "I know…I didn't think that all the way through…"

"You…didn't _think it through_? Avaric, you are trying my patience!"

Avaric stepped back, realizing for the first time that Galinda could be quite intense when she was angry.

"I…well, Fiyero went to see her. He did it on his own," Avaric admitted.

Galinda stopped, looking shocked, "And?" she asked.

Avaric looked troubled, "We saw her. We both saw her."

"Who?"

"Mia."

Galinda stared at him, trying to gauge his reaction.

"Why didn't you tell me, that she has a child?" Avaric looked genuinely hurt.

Galinda took a breath, "Avaric, I do not want to see Elphaba hurt anymore. She has a decent life."

Avaric studied her, "You do love her, don't you?"

She met his eyes, "Are you planning to use it against me again?"

"That was wrong. I'm sorry," Avaric offered.

"I suppose it's good, that you've become so good at apologizing, since you can't seem to stop meddling in people's lives," Galinda shot at him.

"Maybe that's true," Avaric admitted.

"Maybe you should stop blackmailing people, as a rule," Galinda suggested.

"Point taken," Avaric said.

"So how did it go, this reunion you've been trying to stage for weeks now?"

Avaric shook his head, "Not great. There was yelling, and Elphaba…"

Galinda was in his face again, "I swear to Lureline herself, if she's hurt--"

Avaric stepped back, "I don't know _what_ she is. We'd just reached the point when I thought there might be a rational conversation, when she ran away and refused to return. Absolutely refused. Perhaps Fiyero got to her, telling her he hates her…"

"He said he _hates _her?" Galinda looked stunned and angry.

"Yes. He hates her, Galinda. I'm sorry…"

"You are both _awfully_ good at being _sorry_!" she threw over her shoulder as she stormed away, disgusted.

* * *

Elphaba had spent most of the same morning wringing her hands and being absolutely unable to concentrate on anything she needed to do. Matvei had tried to talk with her, had tried to deduce what was going on, but she refused to explain.

Finally, just after the lunch patrons had filtered out, he stood beside her and said, "I will not let those two men back in here again. This can't go on. I don't care who they used to be to you. I don't care if one of them is Mia's father. You've been a wreck for more than a month now over this, and I won't let it continue."

Elphaba just shook her head, "Mat…you cannot understand…"

"I understand that every time they come here, you end up angry and distraught. I won't allow it, Fae, unless there's some sort of decent conclusion coming out of it all soon," Matvei insisted.

Elphaba didn't answer. She went back to stacking glasses and staring out the window as though she were lost.

She had never been happier to see Galinda than when she walked through the door that afternoon. Elphaba gave her a troubled looked and pulled her friend upstairs. She made sure that Mia was drawing happily in at Matvei's table, and then continued all the way up into her bedroom. Elphaba pushed the door shut, and Galinda looked concerned.

"Elphie…Avaric told me what happened here yesterday," Galinda started.

"Fiyero was here," Elphaba said softly, crossing to sit on the bed.

Galinda followed, "I know. I heard about what he said…"

Elphaba looked away and picked at the quilts.

"Elphie, it's just terrible, to say something like that…to anyone. Fiyero's chosen to be angry and hateful, and it's not worth—"

Elphaba shook her head, "I expected as much. I'm no stranger to being hated."

Galinda took her friend's face in her hands, "Stop that! The Elphie I remember would never have let someone walk all over—"

Elphaba pushed her away and stood. She started pacing, saying, "Believe me, Galinda, I nearly hit him for saying it. But then…oh sweet Oz Galinda…I figured it out…"

"What?" Galinda looked utterly confused.

Elphaba twisted her fingers together as she paced, "I know who Mia's father is," she choked out.

Galinda's mouth hung open, and her eyes were wide, "How?"

Elphaba stopped, "Don't you want to know _who_?"

Galinda shook her head, "Yes…but…"

"It was the milk," Elphaba rambled, "Mia can't have milk, and when Avaric refused it…"

"Avaric?" Galinda looked sick.

Elphaba nodded slowly, "She's his. Avaric is her father."

Galinda took a long, deep breath and stared at Elphaba with a worried expression, "You don't have to tell them, Elphie. She's yours. Neither one really has any vested interest in raising her. If they're coming around and saying they hate you, then just let them go."

Elphaba stood there for a minute, with her arms wrapped around herself. She finally crossed to the wardrobe and leaned against it, so that she was facing away from Galinda. From there, she said, "I love him, Galinda…"

"What?" Galinda snapped softly.

"Fiyero. I love him."

Galinda crossed the room and took Elphaba's arm. She turned her friend around and tried to meet her eyes, "Elphie! He said he _hates_ you!"

"I know. And he has every right…"

"No one has the right to _hate_," Galinda corrected.

Elphaba pressed her hands to her face, "Galinda…when I realized who Mia belongs to, I just…knew. Because if I didn't care, it shouldn't matter. It shouldn't matter who her father is. I _should_ be able to just send them on their way. But for all my raving and plotting and scheming, for all my goals of revolution and convincing myself I'm made of iron, I have not managed to escape the messiest of all emotions. I love him."

"But Elphie…he's behaved horribly…" Galinda tried.

Elphaba shook her head, "I thought it was planning a revolution that made me so motivated, inspired, and courageous at Shiz, but it wasn't. It was him. It was Fiyero."

Galinda reached up then and brushed some loose hair behind Elphaba's ear, "That's how you know you love someone, Elphie. When they make you want to be better."

Elphaba just stared across the room, her face a picture of torment, and whispered, "I can't tell him, Galinda. I can't tell him she belongs to Avaric…"


	23. Chapter 23

_And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide,  
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side.  
Storm clouds may gather, and stars may collide,  
But I love you, until the end of time._

_Come what may, come what may,  
I will love you, until my dying day._

_Come What May,_ Moulin Rouge

**Chapter 23**

One week later, Fiyero was sitting on the balcony of his flat. He was sorely in need of a thorough bathing and his face was covered in several days worth of stubble. He was leaning back in a chair, staring at the river in the distance. It was a fairly clear day, and the air hinted at warmer weather ahead. Yet Fiyero felt as cold and listless as ever. He'd tried to go out with Avaric a few days prior, but the liquor didn't set well and the women just seemed shrill. He'd gone through the meager alcohol rations in his flat within a day and had been painfully sober since.

_You have to do something. Anything,_ he told himself. Fiyero was troubled, frightened even, at the downward spiral he was taking. More than once, he'd wondered what it would be like to climb to the roof and just fall, to know that death was certain. It scared him, and he understood that he had reached a critically low point. Still, he floundered. He had no idea how to work past it, how to make himself get up and move on.

Fiyero sighed heavily then, and stood up. He kicked at the chair beside him and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. He supposed he could start with a bath. He was one of the more privileged residents of the city, and was fortunate enough to have running water. So he stumbled to his washroom and spent the next hour washing off a week's worth of grime. Afterward, he combed his hair and dressed haphazardly. He pulled on a coat and made his way outside, and then trudged slowly down the street.

He wandered a for a few blocks, watching the people hurrying to work, hurrying to important places with important things to do. Fiyero felt almost invisible, as though he were fading from life and watching from another world as the city continued on without him. It was an altogether terrible feeling, and it made him realize how pathetic and useless his life had become. For a brief, fleeting moment, he wished he had joined Elphaba in her plan to bring revolution to Oz. It still would have hurt, that she didn't love him, but at least he would have done _something._

Fiyero quickly shook it off, though. Allowing himself to follow that vein of thinking put him at risk for complete insanity. Instead, he stumbled into the barber shop several blocks from his flat. He decided that he might as well finish cleaning himself up, since he'd made the effort to come outside. He went into the shop and let them give him a good shave, and trim his rather ragged looking hair.

Afterward, he mumbled his thanks, left a generous tip, and shuffled back outside. The sun was high in the sky now, although the air was still cold. He pulled his coat around himself and continued to walk. He was lost in thought, not really aiming in any direction. It was mid afternoon when he realized he'd meandered around until he'd reached the edge of the fourth ward.

Fiyero stopped for a minute, not sure that he wanted to proceed. He hadn't intended to head in the direction of Elphaba, but something was drawing him. He'd reached such a low point, a place of so few choices, that he didn't think there was a way to make it worse. He felt as though they were a heavy blanket covering him, pressing down on him and squeezing even the hatred from him. He just wanted something, anything, to be different. He wanted to feel something other than this deep, continuous ache in his chest.

So he wandered the rest of the way toward Elphaba's restaurant and dropped onto a bench in the shadows a few blocks away. He sat there until the minutes became hours, trying to decide what to do. There was a part of him that wanted to see her, wanted to confess all the things he felt and accept her apology. And a very, very tiny part of him wondered if maybe she'd managed to change. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if she might care for him after all. Then, the hate welled up in him again, and he was terribly conflicted.

So Fiyero continued to sit there, wanting to see her and wanting to run, wanting to care and wanting to die. The sun sank low in the sky, and he sat there, trying to decide which turn to take in this hideous drama that was his life.

* * *

Galinda brushed through the door of the restaurant just after lunch that same day, carrying a sheaf of papers and a large box. She smiled at Matvei, who'd just taken the afternoon shift, and hurried down the hall and up the stairs to find Elphaba. Her friend was sitting on the bed, reading to Mia.

"Elphie," Galinda huffed, out of breath.

Elphaba looked up, "Did you run all the way here?"

"Nearly. I'm later than I intended," Galinda said.

"Mia, go have Gervais fix you some lunch," Elphaba said, nudging Mia off the bed.

Mia complied, having grown restless with the books that morning. Elphaba crossed to the sofa, and Galinda followed, bringing the papers and box with her. She flipped open the box as she sat down.

"Here," Galinda offered, "I brought you something."

"What is it?" Elphaba looked confused.

"It's a hat."

Elphaba reached into the box and pulled out the somewhat crumpled item inside. It was black, with a wide, uneven brim. The top formed a cone, however the point was somewhat misshapen from being stored in the box. Elphaba raised an eyebrow, confused.

Galinda tossed the box away and explained, "I've had this since Shiz, something from my grandmother. I thought…you might need it. It'll hide your face and keep the attention off the green."

"Because the attention will be on the ridiculous hat?"

Galinda tried to smile, and nodded.

Elphaba looked concerned, "What are we doing that I'll be needing a hat?"

Galinda shuffled the papers and said, "Things are more complicated than we thought."

The two women had spent most of the last week planning the first move in their campaign against the wizard. Galinda had visited nearly every day, along with maintaining a busy schedule of appearances and interviews for the Wizard and his advisors. They were both tired, but Elphaba was itching with anticipation. She riffled through the papers, trying to determine what she was seeing.

"The first of those are drawings of the courtyard where the Wizard holds press conferences. He likes the security of having stone walls between him and any uninvited outsiders," Galinda explained.

"What is he announcing this time?" Elphaba asked.

Galinda took a breath, "He's going to tell his advisors and the press that he's beginning a new 'Animal Relocation Program'. He's going to sell it as a way to 'preserve their culture' and allow them to live 'in an environment that allows them to flourish'. It sounds appealing, to the naïve."

Elphaba's eyes narrowed, "And what is he really doing?"

Galinda looked deeply troubled, "He's going to take them south of Oz, into Ev, and 'eliminate' them."

"_Eliminate_?" Elphaba gasped.

Galinda nodded, "He's going to put the strongest to work hauling goods for a mission to search for habitable land beyond the desert. The weak, the young, and the old…he's going to kill them."

Elphaba just sat there for a moment, shaking her head and looking both sick and angry. Finally, she asked, "So, what of our plan? If we storm the press conference and strike, like we planned, is there a chance it will change anything?"

Galinda's eyes were wide, but resolute, "No," she whispered, "As long as the Wizard lives, the Animals will die. No one will stand against him, because everyone fears him. No one knows, or believes, that he's not as powerful as he claims."

Elphaba nodded, and her eyes were dark as she considered Galinda's statement, "So," she asked softly, "What are you saying?"

"We have to kill the Wizard."

Elphaba sat back, her expression tormented.

"Elphie, if we try to rally against him, we'll send Oz into a massive civil war. Even if we can form an alliance and cut off the Emerald City from Restwater, the Wizard will rally the military and thousands will die. And trying to gain support from anyone other than the Animals is difficult, because they believe the Wizard to be some sort of demi-god," Galinda explained.

"So…kill the Wizard?" Elphaba raised an eyebrow.

"Or live out our lives pretending this genocide is not occurring," Galinda followed.

Elphaba studied her hands for a few minutes. She looked deeply tormented. After a time, she looked up and whispered, "Mia…"

Galinda shook her head, "Not you, Elphie. You stay away from gunfire. Go rally the Animals. Get the bravest, those with the least to lose and the most courage. We need maybe seven, and a good marksman. Make sure they understand they're risking their lives, very literally. But if they die, it's to save millions."

Elphaba nodded solemnly, and the two of them spent the next hour laying out a plan. Galinda had good drawings of the courtyard, including the unseen access points used by the Wizard and his guards. She explained meticulously what the Wizard planned to do, where he planned to move and how his security operated. The guards were armed, that much was certain, with new and powerful guns that incited fear. Galinda was certain, however, that their focus was easily shifted.

"If we make them believe there is mutiny, they'll turn their focus, and a good marksman has a chance at a deadly shot," Galinda explained.

Elphaba chewed her lip, "This seems too easy. It seems as though, if it were possible, someone would have tried it."

Galinda sighed, "It's a suicide mission, Elphie. People will die. Animals may die. The guards will kill anyone who threatens the Wizard, and the advisors will try those who are left for treason. And no one's ever made it into the Wizard's courtyard before."

Elphaba took her friend's hand, "No one's ever had a Press Secretary who knew the secrets before."

There was a long, painful silence when neither of them said anything.

"And what about…after," Elphaba finally asked, "There will be anarchy if there's no one to succeed him…"

"That's when you step in. The people need to know what you know. They need to understand what Doctor Dillamond knew. We need to educate. And then, let them choose their own leader," Galinda explained.

Elphaba nodded, looking towards her overwhelming pile of books and notes. They were both quiet, considering their roles in this mutiny they were planning.

Finally, Galinda whispered, "Elphie…you understand…if the Wizard realizes it was me who revealed the palace secrets…if he lives…"

Elphaba looked away.

Galinda turned Elphaba's face back toward her, "Elphie…he'll have me executed. You have to know that."

Elphaba took Galinda's hands in hers and said, "That will _not_ happen. I will not let _anything_ happen to you? Understood?"

Galinda nodded slowly, tightening her grip on Elphaba's hands, "We're in this together. Come what may and hell to pay."

"Come what may…" Elphaba echoed.

They held each other for a long time, swallowing their fear and trying to draw strength from each other. Then, Elphaba hurried off to gather those that were willing to risk their lives for a chance to live.

* * *

It was dark when Fiyero finally decided to go into the restaurant. He told himself he was crazy, that he was walking into a disaster, but he was compelled to continue. As much as he wanted to hurt Elphaba for what she had done, hurting her would mean touching her. He wasn't sure that he could ever touch her again. It was a ridiculous contradiction of feeling, and he thought it might actually be the beginning of true insanity. Still, Fiyero walked through the door.

Matvei was behind the counter, and his expression darkened when he saw Fiyero, "Fiyero, is it? I'm not sure that you should be here."

Fiyero tried to look harmless, but couldn't manage a smile, "I just want to talk to her…"

"All of the talking lately has turned into yelling, and I believe the word _hate_ was used last time," Matvei retorted.

Fiyero's temper flared, because he still felt that Elphaba deserved it, but he also understood the point, "If I can talk to her…I will not use the word _hate._"

Matvei studied him, trying to determine if he was sincere or even worthy of being within a few feet of Elphaba. Finally, after a few minutes, Matvei offered, "I'll ask her. But if she doesn't want you here… you leave. Understand?"

Fiyero nodded, and took a seat at one of the tables. The dining room was otherwise empty, and he assumed they were closed for the day. He sat there, studying his hands and wondering if he should just bolt for the door and never come back. He really had no idea what he was doing, or if anything good could come of this. Still, he waited. While he was lost in thought, Mia shuffled quietly over and climbed in the chair opposite him.

"Is your name Fiyero?" she asked suddenly.

He jumped, because she was so close to him. Mia continued to stare at him, and for the first time, Fiyero really saw her. She looked so much like Elphaba that it was hard to look at her. He studied her green-flecked eyes and her dark, tumbling hair. He looked over her face and her gangly limbs, and he wondered how many times Elphaba had done the same thing. Fiyero wondered how many times she'd studied this little girl and tried to determine who fathered her. And then he wondered if Elphaba cared at all.

Mia spoke up then, and broke into his thoughts, "Do you want to hear a secret?"

Fiyero looked confused, and then nodded, because he had no other idea how to answer a child.

"Do you know Master Avaric?" Mia asked in a whisper.

Fiyero nodded again.

Mia leaned in, her hair cascading around her face, and said, "He's my father."

Fiyero felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach. He drew a quick breath, and then tried to compose himself, because he was talking to a five year-old. He asked, "How do you know?"

Mia answered, "I heard Mama tell Miss Galinda. But I'm not going to tell anyone else, because Mat is my father. I love Mat. He said we're a family…and Master Avaric scares me…"

Fiyero clenched his hands into fists and tried to remain calm.

Mia sat back then and said, "You have to keep the secret. If you don't, you can't be my friend," she cocked her head sideways and flashed him a big smile.

Fiyero suddenly felt sick. He might've been justified in doubting the word of a five year-old child, but looking at her then, he knew. Fiyero knew Avaric better than most everyone. He'd fought with him and bantered with him. He'd seen him seduce women and talk his way out of every punishment Oz offered. With a tilt of her head and that wide, irresistible smile, Fiyero saw Avaric in Mia. True, the features were Elphaba, but the charm was Avaric.

"Can you keep the secret?" Mia was whispering.

Fiyero nodded, because he couldn't seem to do anything else.

Mia stayed in the chair for a few minutes, swinging her legs and twisting her hair around her fingers. She stared at Fiyero, and finally said, "You don't talk very much."

"I suppose I don't have anything to say," Fiyero grumbled.

Mia pouted at him a little, and then hopped down to go in search of someone who would talk with her.

Fiyero sat very still, staring down at his hands on the table. He thought he had control over his emotions this time. He thought he'd decided how to approach Elphaba. Now, though, he felt as though been struck in the chest. He hadn't been sure before if he wanted her apology, to try to forgive her, or just to purge all the pain he'd felt for the past six years. Still, he'd wanted to try to find a conclusion. Now, the ball of anger he'd been nursing for so long flared up again. She had lied to him again, at least by omission. Fiyero felt as though he was being manipulated yet another time, and he wanted to scream.

He put his head in his hands and struggled with his next move. He debated whether to just leave and write Elphaba off for good, or to stay and give her the chance to confess. He sighed heavily, because mostly, he just wanted answers. He wanted to understand how she could be so cold and manipulative, how she could make love and feel nothing. Fiyero wanted her to understand exactly how he felt.

_And I can walk away now, _he told himself, _if Mia's not mine, I have no reason to feel guilty._

Fiyero sat back, resolved.

* * *

Upstairs, Elphaba had returned from a long afternoon of recruiting, explaining, and trying to calm the nerves of the Animals who had agreed to help her. She had tried to keep the plan as covert as possible, not wanting to cause any alarm or compromise the integrity of what they had to do. She had found seven willing candidates for a mission that would either be a fantastic success, or a disaster that would only result in increasing security for the Wizard. She'd also managed to secure a good pistol, which was strong and accurate. Elphaba was somberly excited, because she knew the risk they were taking. She also finally felt as though she were doing something significant.

Still, this method of changing things was very different than what she'd imagined at Shiz. She'd always envisioned rallying an army or leading a political campaign to overthrow the Wizard. She'd imagined convincing all of Oz that she was right, and eliminating the Wizard together. Assassinating him seemed almost too easy. Elphaba trusted Galinda, though. She trusted that this was the best way, and that the rest of his advisors wouldn't put up much of a fight. She took a deep breath and put her papers in order, just as Matvei entered her room.

"Fae," he started, "Master Fiyero is downstairs. He wants to talk to you."

Elphaba stopped abruptly. Her heart beat a little faster, and she hesitated.

"You don't have to see him, Fae. I'll send him on his way in an instant. I will not have him upsetting you," Matvei offered.

Elphaba shook her head and said, "No…I should talk to him."

"Are you certain?" Matvei asked carefully

"Yes," she answered, knowing he must think she was crazy. Fiyero had certainly not demonstrated that he felt anything but malice towards her. Still, Elphaba could not bring herself to reject him.

_Maybe he feels differently today,_ she told herself as she followed Matvei back down the stairs.

When they reached the door to the dining room, Matvei slipped behind the counter and Elphaba pushed through the door. She stopped, seeing Fiyero studying his hands at one of the tables. She took a deep breath and swallowed over the lump in her throat. She approached quietly, and sat down in front of him.

Fiyero's looked up suddenly, and his expression was unreadable. He studied her for a moment, saying nothing. For Elphaba, it felt like an eternity passed, and her heart fluttered at how close he was, at how she could reach across the table and take his hand, if she dared.

After some time, he said, "Elphaba…I'm not even sure why I came here tonight…"

"Fiyero…" she started, and her voice caught. Elphaba panicked, because she was afraid she might be on the cusp of tears. She looked over and saw Matvei straightening up behind the counter. Mia had come out as well, as was climbing on the counter to try to reach the pies left over from the day.

Elphaba met Fiyero's eyes and said, "Why don't we talk upstairs?"

Fiyero looked momentarily torn, as though he weren't sure if he would need an easy escape route. Finally, he said, "Fine," and stood.

Elphaba rose and led the way towards the back hallway. Matvei saw their movement and started to protest, "We'll be fine," she assured him.

"Just know…I'll be listening. I there's any screaming…I will escort Master Fiyero to the street," he warned, giving Fiyero a hard look.

Elphaba nodded, grateful, and said, "Please keep Mia with you. I'm afraid we have a lot to discuss, and she needs to sleep.

Matvei agreed, and then she led the way upstairs. She kept going, all the way to her room, so they could talk undisturbed. Elphaba sat carefully on the bed, and Fiyero took the only chair, just across from her.

Neither spoke for some time, and Fiyero looked terribly conflicted. He looked at her with dark, troubled eyes, and clasped his hands together. Elphaba struggled to find words. She had always felt badly about hurting him, about having not realized how fragile his heart was, but now, she felt despicable. He had been kind and considerate to her, and he had tried to be her friend, even before Galinda. He had listened to her ramble on for hours, and made love to her as though she were his princess bride. And she had taken it for granted. Now, all Elphaba wanted to do was hold him, to wrap herself around him and tell him how naïve she'd been not to realize what she had.

She held back, though, and said, "Fiyero…I'm so sorry…"

Fiyero ran a hand through his hair and met her eyes, "Elphaba, you ripped my heart out. Maybe I should have been more of a man, maybe I was never fit to be a prince, or a king, but you ruined it for me. I could not marry my bride…I knew I would never love her like I should. I couldn't make anything matter! Oz sakes, I still can't! All because you wanted to play with my heart so I'd go along with some ridiculous scheme!"

"Fiyero…I was very young…" Elphaba tried.

"So was I! And yet somehow, by age nineteen, you'd managed to learn to lie and manipulate and bury your feelings! I'm not even sure you _have_ feelings!"

Elphaba was genuinely hurt, "Fiyero…I'm not a machine. I have very strong feelings about the Wizard and his agenda! I want, very much, to work to stop the horrors he is causing! Perhaps I should have realized _your_ feelings, but I'm not devoid of feeling!"

He plowed on, unimpeded, "Because of what you did, I gave up everything! You destroyed my belief in truly caring about anyone. What sort of sick place is this world, where people are free to lie and use each other? I'm not even sure that our species is worth saving, if this is how we treat one another! Let your Animals have this place, because I've found nothing but hate and apathy!"

Elphaba stood and walked towards the door for a moment, struggling, "I never pretended to love you Fiyero. I understand that I should have realized how you felt. You said you loved me. I should have listened, but I never said it back…"

Fiyero rubbed at his temples and then snapped back, "What sort of person continues to make love to another person they do not love? If you felt nothing for me, what other reason did you have for sleeping with me, other than to keep me going along with your plan?"

Elphaba was very quiet, "I suppose that was the reason…"

Fiyero stood up and paced the room a bit, and Elphaba couldn't determine if he was angry or sad. Eventually, he fixed her with hard look and said, "You made me hate you, Elphaba. If you'd walked away from me at Shiz, told me you simply wanted to fight your crazy fight and go along with Avaric's asinine blackmailing, I would've been hurt. It would have hurt to know you felt nothing for me…but I might've healed…"

"Fiyero…" Elphaba tried, but Fiyero cut her off.

"I worshiped you, Elphaba. I loved you _because_ of your ridiculous scheming and strange, dark drive to change the world. I was certain you'd realize your feelings for me…eventually. But then I had to see you with…" he stopped, unable to say what he'd seen out loud.

Elphaba looked away, and whispered, "I never cared for him, Fiyero. It was never the same…"

Fiyero whipped around and said, "Stop! Even now…I can't picture it! It makes me want to vomit! It makes me hate you more, Elphaba."

Elphaba swallowed over the lump in her throat, "So, what then? I cannot apologize enough times to make you stop hating me."

Fiyero looked dark and pensive for several moments, before saying, "I want you to know how I felt, how I feel…"

Elphaba studied him as she searched for words, "Do you want to hurt me?"

Fiyero didn't answer, and Elphaba crossed back to the bed and dropped onto it, feeling terribly empty. She hurt for him, because she understood just how terribly he'd been wounded. Fiyero had never been a violent person, never even been particularly brave. For him to want to cause harm was a terrible change in his character.

Elphaba watched him, as he paced erratically and clenched his fists. He was so changed, so despondent and angry, and yet he was Fiyero. He was beautiful and unique, and he was the man who had held her and made her feel like she was a woman. Elphaba's chest began to ache with the reality of how strongly she felt toward him, in spite of it all.

Finally, after a long time of silence, she whispered, "Fiyero…and oh sweet Oz please don't scream, but when you were here the other day, I realized…" he looked at her strangely, and she continued, "I love you, Fiyero. I didn't know what love was, at Shiz. But…because of Mia…"

Fiyero's face was unreadable, and he looked frozen in place.

Elphaba whispered again, "I love you."

They stayed that way for some time, with neither moving. Elphaba tried to read Fiyero's thoughts, tried to see what was behind his dark, brooding eyes. She could tell nothing though, and so she looked at her hands. For the first time in her life, in spite of all that she'd been through, she was terrified. She wasn't angry or spiteful or bitter, she was afraid.

Elphaba was still looking at her hands when Fiyero crossed the room and came to sit beside her on the bed. She refused to meet his eyes, refused to even move. Therefore, she was absolutely stunned when he slid closer, and turned her face toward him. She'd barely processed what was happening when he kissed her.

Sweet Oz, he kissed her.

Elphaba reeled both emotionally and physically as he pulled her in and wrapped his arms around her. After a minute, she tried to say something, but Fiyero kissed her again and she lost the words. She felt on fire, as though he'd struck a match in a room charged with accelerant. It had been so long since anyone had really touched her, had loved her and helped her remember that she was, in fact, a woman. Elphaba clung to Fiyero, plunging her fingers into his hair and pulling herself into his lap. She straddled him and kissed him until she was breathless.

Elphaba knew she was out of control. She knew she was desperate and hungry, and at the mercy of her own loneliness. But she didn't care. She wanted to hold him and make love to him, to show him that she was capable of love. She wanted to heal him, because she'd even begun to hate herself for what she'd done.

Fiyero ran his strong hands over her body, and Elphaba clawed at her dress, trying to pull it off without pulling away from him. Fiyero undid the buttons and pulled it over her head, casting it aside. He pressed her back against the bed and tossed his shirt away. Elphaba's breath caught, as she ran her hands over the blue diamonds on his chest. He worked his mouth over her body, and she closed her eyes and surrendered. She let him pull off her undergarments and drop the rest of his clothes beside the bed.

Fiyero pressed his mouth back to hers then, and stretched his body out to touch all of hers, fingertips to toes. Elphaba trembled and clung to him, losing herself in a blur of sensation. She didn't want to consider where he'd gained such skill at lovemaking, but she gladly gave in to it. He ran his hands over her body, dipping one hand between her thighs and trailing kisses over her breasts. She moaned and clung to him, with her fingers in his hair.

"Fiyero…" she breathed, "Fiyero…"

He hovered over her then, and kissed her hard on the mouth. Elphaba placed her hands on his strong shoulders as he pressed himself inside of her. She gasped, because it had been so long. As they moved together, she understood how Fiyero had felt. She understood how different this was, because she loved him. He had always been able to make her feel good, physically, but now, she felt it in her soul.

Fiyero drove her to climax, and Elphaba clung to him as her body trembled and ached. She was breathless when he pulled away, and then he just watched her. He said nothing as her breathing slowed and she opened her eyes to stare at him. He kissed her and kept his arms around her until she was calm. Then, just before she could speak, he pressed his body into hers again.

Elphaba gasped, because her flesh was still tender and alert. Fiyero kissed her neck and clutched at her hair as he slowly worked her body back to the precipice of climax. Then, as she trembled and held to him, he let his body release within her.

Elphaba groaned and bit her lip. She hated the idea of where he'd become so accomplished at this, but as her body climaxed again, she cried out. She held to Fiyero as though she might be carried away by the raw power of the sensation. She was breathless and dizzy, and could not find words for some time.

"Fiyero," she finally whispered, burying her face in his shoulder, "My Fiyero…"

He kissed her, and her eyes began to close in exhaustion. As Elphaba fell into a deep, heavy sleep, she could almost feel the soft, nearly imperceptible brush of the butterfly's wings, as their lives were again irrevocably changed.

* * *

The following morning, Elphaba struggled to pull herself from sleep. The world felt foggy, at first, and she couldn't determine exactly what was different. After a few minutes, she realized she was naked beneath the quilts. Then, she blinked slowly and remembered. Like an avalanche, the night before came rushing back. Elphaba trembled, and turned to find Fiyero.

He was gone. She stared at the disheveled bed, and then trained her eyes around the entire room. Confused, she looked to the window, trying to determine the time. She had no idea what Fiyero had to do during the day, and wondered if perhaps he'd had an engagement. Elphaba sat up and searched around for her discarded clothes. She pulled them on hastily, and then stood. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of something on the door. It was still closed, and she crossed to it and pulled down the piece of paper that was tacked there.

It was one of her pieces of parchment, from the stack she kept on the other side of the room. She had papers pinned haphazardly on the opposite wall, with pens and ink scattered about. This paper must have come from her stash. Elphaba studied the messy penmanship, taking in what was written there.

_How does it feel? Good riddance. Fiyero._

That's all there was, and it took her several minutes to realize what she was reading. Then, she remembered what he had said the night before.

_I want you to know how I felt._

Suddenly, she understood. Elphaba clutched the paper and began to shake violently. Something welled up in her, something overwhelming and awful. She dropped to her knees, unable to stand, and a sob escaped her throat before she could contain it. She felt the tears, horrible, painful tears, welling up inside her and threatening to fall. Her throat ached as she fought them back. Elphaba knew she was on the brink of a terrible breakdown. She knew that if she let one tear fall, she would bawl like she'd never done in her entire life. So she focused on the anger instead.

She clutched the awful note and grit her teeth, setting her mind on how violently angry she felt. She stood up again and, trembling, paced the room a few times. As she passed the table beside her bed, she seized the heavy, glass pitcher that sat there. With an angry shriek, she hurled it across the room. It struck the wardrobe and shattered into a thousand tiny fragments, scattered about the room like the pieces of her heart.


	24. Chapter 24

_There's only us, There's only this,  
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.  
No other road, No other way,  
No day but today._

_I can't control,  
My destiny.  
I trust my soul,  
My only hope,  
is just to be._

_There's only now, There's only here,  
Give in to love, Or live in fear.  
No other path, No other way,  
No day but today._

_No Day But Today,_ Rent

**Chapter 24**

Upon hearing shattering glass, Matvei came pounding up the stairs and burst through the door to Elphaba's room, concerned. He looked around, taking in the slivers of glass scattered about the room, and Elphaba, who was standing beside the bed clutching the note from Fiyero.

"Fae?" he said, crossing to her.

Elphaba didn't move. She stood absolutely still, her face set in a dark, unreadable expression.

"Fae?" Matvei tried again, "What's going on?"

She still didn't answer, and Matvei began to worry. He'd never seen her look so ashen, so angry and hurt.

After another moment, he asked, "Is it Fiyero? I realize…he was in here last night…"

Elphaba bit her lip, and he couldn't tell if she was holding her tongue or biting back tears.

"Fae…it's all right. I'm surprised…but it's all right…" Matvei tried again.

When she still said nothing, he paused for a moment, and then pulled the paper from her hands. He glanced over it, trying to understand what he was reading.

_How does it feel? Good riddance. Fiyero._

Matvei read it a few times, trying to piece together what had happened. He hadn't heard their conversation last night, but he had an understanding of the past relationship between Elphaba and Fiyero. Matvei was not usually one to get angry, or at least not one to scream and lash out. However, fury rose up in him as he put together the pieces of what had occurred.

He had been understandably surprised, when Fiyero had never come back down the stairs the night before. Matvei had put Mia to bed and then climbed the stairs to listen outside of Elphaba's door. He intended no invasion of privacy, but he needed to know that she was all right. When he'd heard the muffled sounds of what could only be lovemaking, he returned downstairs. He might not understand the turn of events, he'd told himself, but it was not his place to interfere. Now, though, he wished he'd thrown Fiyero into the street when he'd first come into the restaurant. Clearly, Elphaba's feelings for her former lover had changed, and Fiyero had taken advantage of that. The deliberate callousness of what Fiyero had done disgusted Matvei.

He crumpled the note in his hand, and looked up at Elphaba again, "I'll kill him," Matvei growled, "I will kill him."

Elphaba started to tremble then, and he went to her. Matvei put his arms around her and said, "I'll kill him, Fae. I will find him and kill him."

Elphaba shook him off, finally meeting his eyes, and said, "No. This is what I did to him. This is how I hurt him…"

Matvei's temper flared, "Fae! No one deserves this! There's no such thing as righting a wrong with another one!"

Elphaba took a breath, "He wasn't trying to right a wrong. He was trying to show me how he felt."

Matvei took her arms and looked into her face, "And that makes this okay? It is _never_ okay to deliberately use and hurt another person!"

"I know," Elphaba said darkly, "I know better than anyone."

Matvei ran a hand through his hair and heaved a heavy sigh.

Elphaba brushed past him then, crossing to her wardrobe to hastily fasten her hair into a tight knot at her neck.

"Fae?" Matvei was confused.

She retrieved her boots from beside the bed and laced them tightly over her feet. Then, she straightened her clothes and began riffling through her stacks of papers.

"Fae…what are you doing? Please don't run from me! I care about you, and you know that!" Matvei pleaded.

Elphaba didn't answer. She stuffed several stacks of papers into a heavy satchel, along with something wrapped in cloth, and slung it over her shoulder.

"Elphaba! Please stay and talk to me! He's not worth this! He's ruined his own life, don't let this ruin yours!" Matvei tried again.

She still said nothing. Elphaba slung her cloak around her shoulders and retrieved her gloves. Finally, she pulled the hat Galinda had given her down low over her brow. She strode toward the stairs, and Matvei followed.

"You shouldn't run from this, Fae. I care about you. We love you, Mia and I…"

"I'm not running. I have an appointment with Galinda," Elphaba threw back as she descended the stairs.

Matvei was confused, because Galinda had always come there.

"Where?" he asked.

Elphaba continued down the stairs to the back door of the restaurant, not answering his question. Before she opened the door, she turned to Matvei, "Keep Mia here. No matter what, keep her here. Do you understand?"

Matvei looked at her, confused and concerned, "No."

Elphaba took his hands, "Then promise me anyway."

Matvei set his jaw in a hard line, knowing he would never win this fight. He nodded, hoping she would blow off some of the anger and come back willing to talk.

Then, in a gesture that absolutely shocked him, she leaned in and kissed his cheek. He put his hand to his face, stunned. He watched Elphaba disappear from sight, and suddenly, he was afraid. Matvei sensed something was very wrong, and he was powerless to do anything about it.

* * *

Galinda had spent the morning trying to calm her nerves. The press conference was set for just after noon that day, and she had been up since dawn preparing. She was dressed impeccably, in a soft, pastel dress with a well-fitted jacket. She'd had her hair neatly curled and tied back, because it made her look older and more capable. She had her notes carefully organized and had made sure the courtyard was appropriately decorated.

Now, she sat in her suite in the palace, studying her hands and trying to calm her racing heart. Galinda knew there was nothing more she could do. Her role had been played already, when she'd given the palace secrets to Elphie. Still, she wished she could do more than smile and make the Wizard look nice while he was assassinated.

_It's in Elphaba's hands,_ she told herself, _and I trust her, completely._

The clock struck noon, and Galinda jumped. Then, she took a deep breath, put her chin in the air, and left her room to confront whatever might come.

* * *

Avaric strolled listlessly along twenty-First Street that day, trying to summon the will to buy a new dinner jacket. He was in need of one, but shopping irritated him. He was also a bit despondent that buying a jacket was all he had to do today.

_My life is a fountain of uselessness, _he said to himself, kicking at the stones in the street.

Over the past two months, Avaric had become more and more aware of how little he had managed to accomplish in twenty-five years. Certainly, most of his peers would say he was fortunate. He had wealth and the security of a good home in Gillikin. He could marry well, if he wanted. He'd managed to rub shoulders with the Emerald City elite. Still, what did any of it matter? It was a vein of thinking he never thought he would follow, until now.

In seeing his Shiz schoolmates again, he'd realized the apathetic nature of his existence. Elphaba had Mia, who had seemed to soften and change the green girl into someone who was almost pleasant. That is, if every time he saw her she weren't screaming or being screamed at. Galinda was Press Secretary, which was quite an accomplishment for the little blonde from Gillikin.

_And Fiyero, _he thought, _Fiyero's life is a testament to what grudge-holding will do._

Still, Fiyero had chosen his course.

Avaric was more restless than he'd ever been, and wondered if it might do him good to reenlist with the Relief Corps. Or perhaps he should choose a wife and get out of this pompous, loud, overdone city.

He was considering it, when he saw a dark figure approaching him. Avaric wouldn't have looked twice, except that beneath the strange hat, he could just barely tell that the woman was green. It was Elphaba. He'd never seen her leave the fourth ward, at least in the past two months. So he stood in her path and intercepted her.

"Elphaba?" he asked, when she was forced to stop.

She looked up at him from the shadows of her hat, and then brushed past him.

"Elphaba! Oz sakes, I thought we were past hating each other!"

She whipped around, and he nearly ran over her. She whispered harshly to him, "I don't hate you. But you will walk away this instant and not follow me, do you understand?"

Avaric said nothing, because he was stunned. Elphaba turned and flew away from him, becoming another dark figure in the crowd of people on the street. Avaric shook his head, because she absolutely baffled him. He watched her until she was gone, and then looked up to note that she was heading in the direction of the palace. He stood there for another moment, still struggling with what to do with himself. Turning back up the street, he caught the headline of the newspapers for sale on the corner.

_Wizard to Hold Press Conference Today._

Avaric stared at it for a moment, and then looked in the direction Elphaba had gone. He knew press conferences were generally closed to the public, but he slowly began to walk in the direction of the palace anyway. He wasn't sure why, but he had a sudden feeling of dread that could not be ignored. So Avaric headed toward the palace, if only to have a purpose, for the moment.

* * *

Just a short time later, Galinda stood at the podium in the courtyard of the palace, looking out at a group of eagerly waiting members of the press. They had freshly nibbed pens, and pencils that had been carefully sharpened. The air was filled with the scent of sulfurous flashbulbs and the flowers that had just begun to emerge from the boxes around the courtyard. Galinda looked around, hoping that all was in place, and that everyone was ready. She swallowed, and wished Elphie could be with her.

_Sweet Lureline…keep us safe…_ she said to herself.

Galinda tried to draw strength, knowing her friend would be waiting for her in the service corridor just off the courtyard when this was over. Elphaba would be prepared to emerge and help establish order, or smuggle Galinda away in the event their plan failed. She knew it was hard for Elphie to stay out of the fight, but Mia had softened her, made her value her life a bit more.

_There are others better suited for combat,_ Galinda had told her, _You're brilliant Elphie. You're a strong leader. I need you alive._

_And I need _you_ alive,_ Elphaba had said, because they both understood the risks. They understood there was the possibility that Galinda would be killed in the struggle, or be whisked away to Southstairs for treason. It scared them both.

Galinda shook her head, trying to stay in the present. She knew what she was doing. She understood the chance she was taking, but it had to be done. A sudden fanfare startled her, and she realized the Wizard was making his entrance.

He came from behind her, escorted by several armed members of the Gale Force. Their uniforms were all crisp, their rifles polished with bayonets gleaming. Behind them were the Wizard's six advisors, all dressed sharply and looking smug. They each took their places, and Galinda shuffled her papers on the podium. Finally, she cleared her throat delicately and went through her carefully prepared speech.

She was a good Press Secretary, Galinda knew that. The people loved her and saw her as some sort of angel who accompanied their mystical Wizard. She had a voice that was soft enough to sooth, but bubbly enough to drum up excitement. She spoke well, fluttered her eyelashes just enough to make men swoon, and she looked good in photographs. Galinda knew the people trusted her, and hung onto her words. So she was not surprised when the members of the press flashed their cameras and busily worked their pencils as she announced the powerful and mighty, Wonderful Wizard of Oz.

The Wizard stepped up then, and Galinda looked around. She considered each face, each life that was about to change. There were about thirty in the press corps, writing furiously as the Wizard spoke. Behind him, his advisors stood resolutely. The guards clutched their weapons and watched carefully. And, unseen, a white Tiger crouched, claws readied. A pair of Apes, blessed with opposable thumbs, clutched pistols in their large hands. A Bear snuffled and waited to charge, and two Wolves crouched low, waiting.

From the other side of the courtyard, a gunman took aim.

Suddenly, over the sound of the Wizard speaking, there was the loud crack of a pistol shot. Galinda had trained herself not to look, not to turn her head in the direction of the gunman, for fear that she would give away the location of assassin. Instead, she backed up against the stone wall behind her, trying to shield herself with one of the large pillars.

There was a chorus of screaming and, for a moment, the Wizard did not move. Galinda held her breath, poised to run, but then he slumped to the ground. The press rushed toward him, just as the Animals charged. The two Apes took aim at the Wizard's advisors, spattering blood as they took them down.

The Gale Force sprang into action then, realizing this was not just an assassination. The palace was now under attack, and they were clearly unprepared. More screaming ensued, as the press scattered. Galinda trembled, her heart leaping at each rapport from the weapons. She knew the Animals planned to kill as many of the advisors as was possible, and then force the guards to surrender. They just needed enough time to take out enough of the leaders, so as to make the guards feel the fight was no longer worth it.

Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Galinda caught a flicker of movement. She turned to see a figure in the shadows, trying to slip away unseen. Something struck her as odd, but before she could process it, she saw one of the Gale Force officers take aim at the figure. For Galinda, the scene seemed to slow down and grow quiet. All she heard was the echoing crack of the rifle, and she stifled a scream.

The figure in the shadows stopped and fell to the ground, unmoving. Galinda whipped her head back around the opposite direction, as the Bear charged the guard who'd fired the shot and took him to the ground. The Tiger was using his claws to subdue another one of the guards, as the last of the advisors raised his hands in surrender. The other members of the Gale Force held up their weapons then, unwilling to fight when they no longer had anyone to defend.

It was quiet then, as the dead lay still and the remaining members of the press huddled behind the pillars. The guards dropped their guns to the ground, and the Tiger and one of the Apes kicked the weapons away. No one said anything. They all barely breathed.

Galinda finally turned around, to see if the gunman had been killed. The figure was now lying in the sunlight, and Galinda registered what she was seeing. The black dress, the long cloak, and the strangely pointed hat.

_Elphie._

In spite of the danger, the chaos, and the plan to stay quiet until they were certain the Animals had control, Galinda screamed. She shrieked from her gut, from the deepest, most desperate part of herself. She ran to her friend and fell to her knees. She took Elphaba's ashen face in her hands and a sob escaped her throat.

"Elphie?" she whispered.

But there was no answer. There was no movement, no flicker of the eyes or twitch of a muscle. Nothing. There was only deafening silence, and the harsh reality that it was over.


	25. Chapter 25

_Spend all your time waiting,  
For that second chance,  
For a break that would make it okay,  
There's always one reason,  
To feel not good enough.  
And it's hard at the end of the day,  
I need some distraction,  
Oh beautiful release.  
Memory seeps from my veins,  
Let me be empty,  
And weightless and maybe,  
I'll find some peace tonight._

_In the arms of the angel,  
Fly away from here,  
From this dark, cold hotel room,  
And the endlessness that you fear.  
You are pulled from the wreckage,  
Of your silent reverie.  
You're in the arms of the angel,  
May you find some comfort here._

_Angel,_ Sarah Mclachlan

**Chapter 25**

By the time Avaric arrived at the palace, he was out of breath and, in spite of the cold, had managed to work up a sweat. He had no idea how Elphaba could outrun him, but he hadn't managed to catch up with her. As he stood outside the palace gates, trying to assess what he should do, he heard a scuffling sound from the far end of the tall fence. Avaric followed the sound around the corner, to one of the side access gates used by the press and the palace staff. Two disheveled reporters had emerged, both of them breathless and blood spattered. Avaric's stomach sank, because he knew something was very wrong.

He looked at the two men with confusion, and one of them sputtered, "They killed the Wizard! They've killed the Wizard…"

Avaric's sense of foreboding worsened, "Who?"

The reporters just shook their heads, clearly shaken and unable to piece together what had happened. Since both men appeared to be okay, Avaric dashed through the open gate behind them and made his way across the outer courtyard. He looked around, noting the strange lack of security. Normally, he wouldn't have gotten more than a few yards into the courtyard before being accosted by the Gale Force. Now, though, he continued on unimpeded. Noting the open access gate to the left of the main palace entrance, Avaric headed in that direction.

When he slipped through the gate, he could hear screaming and the sounds of chaos. Then there was one, resounding gunshot, and all was quiet. Avaric began to run, because everything in him told him something horrible had happened, something more horrible than the death of the Wizard.

He burst through the nearest open door, which led through a large kitchen. He cut through the maze of tables and threw open the far door. Avaric found himself in a long hallway, which led to the inner courtyards. Following the corridor at a brisk pace, he looked through the arched gates into each courtyard.

Suddenly, he ran into two more members of the press corps. A man was helping a woman who had obviously been injured. She clutched at her arm, her eyes wild. They barely looked at Avaric, so he brushed past them and headed towards the gate through which they'd come. He walked into the innermost courtyard, and froze.

The scene was horrific, yet was strangely quiet. The Wizard and the members of his advisory panel lay dead around the podium. At least two of the Gale Force guards and one of the Apes were among the casualties. The members of the press were trying to regroup, helping the injured among them into the overturned chairs and trying to determine what had happened. The other Ape was gathering up weapons, while the Bear and one of the Wolves tried to help the second Wolf nurse a gunshot wound. The Tiger held the remaining guards at bay with a low growl and his lethal claws.

Then, Avaric trained his eyes to the far side of the courtyard, where some of the uninjured reporters had gathered. At their feet lay Elphaba, with Galinda crouched over her, sobbing. Like vultures, the press were already snapping pictures and writing furiously. Avaric crossed to them, an overwhelming feeling of dread washing over him. When he reached Galinda, he knelt down beside her.

She looked up, startled, "Avaric?"

He tried to smile, but it was more a grimace. Avaric surveyed Elphaba, noting the blood that was soaking through her dark dress. It was on Galinda's hands, from where she'd touched her friend, and on the blonde's crisp, new dress. Avaric swallowed, because the scene was horrific, and he was struggling to remain objective. He noted how ashen Elphaba looked. She'd become almost more gray than green, and she was completely still. He felt for a pulse, trying to remember the training he'd received in the Relief Corps. He laid his hands on her chest, and then put his face very close to hers, trying desperately to find signs of breathing. There was nothing, and his hands were now tacky with her blood.

For a moment, Avaric looked away, trying to keep his composure. He'd seen a lot of horrible things in Quadling country and poverty-stricken Munchkinland. He'd seen disease, death, and fights over food turn into homicide. It had all changed him, but this was different. Elphaba was his peer, his schoolmate, and his, albeit unwilling, lover. And now here she lay, lifeless, and he and Galinda were covered in her blood.

Avaric took a deep breath and looked to Galinda, who was trembling. He tried to gather strength and said, "You need to say something. It appears you're in charge now, and Oz will descend into anarchy if you don't stand up now and lead. Give the press a statement, now."

Galinda shook her head, "I…I can't…I need Elphie…"

"Yes you can," Avaric's tone was firm, "You must."

He stared at her for a moment, trying to encourage her strength. Finally, Galinda stood up shakily and tried to wipe the blood from her hands. Another sob escaped her when she realized it was in her hair.

"Galinda…" Avaric tried to calm her.

She swallowed the tears and nodded slowly. Then, Galinda crossed to an empty area of the courtyard, motioning for the press to follow her.

Avaric took a deep breath, more terrified than he was willing to show. He had never, in all his life, imagined he would somehow be tangled up in something like this. As a student, he'd once vowed never to stand for anything, because it was easier to flounder. Now, he was present for the assassination of the Wizard of Oz.

He tried to swallow past the fear, and carefully slid his arms underneath Elphaba. He had no idea what he was doing, but it seemed wrong to leave her lying on the stone floor, for the press to gawk at. Avaric lifted her carefully, and she was limp in his arms. Suddenly, he flashed back to Shiz, remembering how surprised he'd been at how light she was, when he'd accidentally flung her across the room. She was no heavier now, as he carried her carefully across the courtyard. He stopped in front of one of the guards, who was being guarded by the Tiger.

"Is there a palace doctor?" Avaric asked gruffly.

The guard nodded. Up close, Avaric could see that he was just a boy of perhaps eighteen, nineteen years. He looked terrified.

"Do you understand that you are now under the authority of Press Secretary, Lady Glinda?" Avaric demanded.

The guarded nodded again, glancing at the Tiger.

"Tell me where I can find a clean bed, and then go fetch the doctor," Avaric ordered.

"There's a servants' quarters down the hall, fifth on the left…" the guard pointed toward the door behind him.

Avaric glanced backward one last time, to make sure that Galinda was still talking to the press. Then, he pushed through door into a long corridor, and headed towards the room the guard had indicated. Once in the servants' quarters, he surveyed the room. They were several beds, all very simple, but clean. Avaric went to the closest one and carefully laid Elphaba down on the freshly pressed linens. He was afraid to do anything more, for fear of causing further injury. Something twisted sharply within him, as he also questioned whether there was anything more to be done.

Avaric found a wooden chair, and pulled it next to the bed. He sat there for minutes that ticked by like hours, and listened to the deafening silence around him. Elphaba did not move, did not flinch or give any indication of life. Avaric felt a terrible churning in the pit of his stomach, because, as much as he tried to deny it, he was now a player in this horrible tragedy.

Galinda came stumbling in several minutes later, followed by a man that Avaric assumed must be a doctor. The young guard followed along as well, looking very lost and uncertain.

Avaric stood and said to him, "You stand outside this door, and you guard it as though the Wizard were here. Lady Glinda is your new leader, do you understand?"

The guard nodded and took his post. The doctor crossed the room and set his bag of supplies on the bed. He surveyed Elphaba, and was clearly startled.

"She's always been green," Avaric offered, hoping to put the focus on the real concern.

The doctor looked relieved, and set about his work. As he rummaged in his bag, he said, "I suppose I should be asking why I'm helping someone who has assassinated our Glorious Wizard?"

Galinda inhaled sharply and spat, "Because she is worth far more than your _sham_ of a Wizard! He's dead now, which I think calls his claims of immortality, as well as a few other things, into question!"

The doctor studied her, and then wordlessly went back to work. He pulled a pair of scissors from his bag and made quick work of cutting Elphaba's dress from ankle to shoulder. Avaric turned away as the doctor had Galinda help him pull the clothes and cloak away from her body and drop them to the floor. Avaric heard Galinda gasp, and she backed up into him, burying her face into his chest without regard for whom she was clinging to.

"Elphie…" she cried softly, "Elphie…"

Avaric looked up then, not out of perverse curiosity, but because he needed to know the reason for Galinda's reaction. The doctor would have to speak with someone, and Galinda was clearly too emotionally devastated to listen. When he allowed himself to look at Elphaba, Avaric drew in a deep breath as well. She lay there in just her knee-length undergarment, bare from the waist up. Still, her nakedness was not what shocked him. Her chest was covered in blood. The source was a musket wound to the right side of her chest, which had flayed open her skin and left a dark, deep entry wound.

The doctor was shaking his head and trying to clear away some of the blood with some cloths. Once he had part of her chest somewhat clean, he pressed more cloth to the wound to stem the bleeding. Then, he placed a stethoscope on her skin and listened carefully for some time. The doctor said nothing as he placed more cloth over the wound, and then listened again.

Avaric finally pulled Galinda away from him and looked into her tear-stained face, "I have to go for Matvei," he said.

Galinda's eyes widened, as though she hadn't thought beyond her own grief, "No…I can't be alone here…I can't…"

Avaric put his hands on her shoulders, "Come what may, you're the leader of Oz now. The palace will be in chaos without you. You have to stay here, and someone has to get Matvei…and Mia…"

Galinda looked haunted as she whispered, "Come what may…"

Avaric squeezed her hands tightly, and then hurried back through the palace the way he had come. The Animals were now acting as guards in the courtyard, instructing the former Gale Force in cleaning up the mess and escorting the press out. Avaric continued without looking back, until he was on the street once more. A small crowd had gathered, as the hospital cart arrived for the wounded members of the press. A few people looked at Avaric strangely, as he pushed past them with blood on his hands.

It took him a few minutes to secure a decent carriage, and he paid extra to have the driver take him directly to the fourth ward. The driver eyed his blood-stained clothes curiously, but took the fare and spurred the horses into a trot.

* * *

Matvei was stirring pasta in the kitchen of the restaurant when he heard a loud pounding on the door. He looked up, surprised, and wondered if Elphaba had managed to lock herself out.

_She went blazing out of here so fast this morning. Maybe she's calmed down a little…_

He was wiping his hands on a cloth as he pulled the heavy, wooden door open. Matvei felt a stab of fear when he saw Avaric standing there, covered in blood. It took only a moment for him to deduce that Avaric had suffered no injury, but that something terrible had happened.

"It's her, isn't it? Sweet Oz…it's Fae…isn't it?" Matvei choked out.

Avaric nodded, struggling with what to say, "They shot the Wizard," Avaric managed to get out, "They shot him…and someone shot her…"

"Is she all right?" Matvei asked tightly.

Avaric just shook his head.

Matvei felt bile rise up in his throat, and he turned and crossed to lean his head against the wall. Then, he pulled his arm back and punched the plaster, "I knew something was horribly wrong this morning! I knew it, and I never should have let her out of here! I knew…" his voice caught then, and he put his head in his hands, to conceal the tears.

Matvei had felt the pain of loss before. He had already buried his family once. He had never imagined he would ever love that strongly again, and yet now, he felt as though his heart were being ripped in two once again. Somehow, over the course of six years, he'd opened himself up to love Elphaba. She was the sister he didn't have and the daughter he'd never been able to raise. And now this.

Avaric cleared his throat, "You should come. Now."

Mia appeared then, looking frightened when she saw the two men so distraught. She looked up at Matvei and whispered, "Mat?"

Matvei turned back toward the wall, trying to compose himself. After a moment, he asked, "Is she…?

"I don't know," Avaric said hollowly.

Avaric took Mia by the hand and started to lead her toward the door. Matvei started to protest, "I don't think she should—"

"Everyone deserves a chance to say goodbye," Avaric interjected.

Matvei was silent, because the thick knot of emotion in his chest would not allow him to speak. He knew Avaric was right, though. It would be cruel, for a child to lose her mother and never have the chance to say goodbye. Death would not be made any easier by hiding it.

So Matvei left Gervais in charge of the kitchen, and then lifted Mia and carried her to the waiting carriage. She clung to him, sensing in her own way that something was very wrong. The driver spurred the horses into motion again, and they were off to the palace to confront the horrors there.

* * *

Later that same night, Fiyero sat in a tiny tavern north of the Emerald City, just south of Shiz. He was nursing a drink and trying to drown out the pounding in his head. He swirled the glass around in the rings of liquid on the wooden counter, considering the notion that the headaches were related to his sudden decrease in alcohol consumption. He'd been strangely sober for the past week, and this was the first drink he'd had since he'd left Elphaba that morning. Somehow, it was lacking in both affect and appeal.

Fiyero sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He was travel-weary from having ridden in a carriage since sunrise, yet he wasn't ready to retire to the expensive room he'd rented in the inn across the street. It was ridiculous, he knew, but he was afraid of being alone in the dark with just his thoughts. He felt that being inebriated would allow him to simply pass into unconsciousness, but he was failing miserably at drinking, thus far.

He had left that morning with the idea that he would leave Oz behind. He would travel by carriage or wagon as far as he could get, and then buy a good horse. He would ride beyond the borders of Oz and start his life wherever he found civilization, or he would die in the wilderness. The notion of death didn't stir up much of a reaction in him, so he would take what came. He had a plan, but still, he was unsettled.

Fiyero took another sip of ale and rubbed his eyes. He knew what was troubling him, but he had hoped not to confront it. He'd hoped to keep moving until the inner turmoil passed and he could resume drinking himself into numbness. Yet it was a nagging, unsettling feeling that would not be ignored.

_This doesn't feel like I thought it would,_ he admitted to himself.

When Elphaba had suddenly confessed her love the night before, it had been like another knife in his heart. Then, before he could start screaming, he'd realized the perfect way to hurt her. Fiyero realized that he had before him the opportunity to make her feel exactly as he had. In his dark, hate-filled heart, it had seemed such a perfect plan. He'd summoned up all the hate he'd been storing for so many years, and turned it on Elphaba. He'd made love to her with everything in him, so that the pain would be all the more personal to her.

When he had her laid out before him, more vulnerable than she'd ever been, he'd felt as though all the stored up hatred was pouring from him. Fiyero had believed he would be able to leave it with her. He would leave her with nothing but the same hate he'd been carrying for six years. Then, he would start a new life at peace with the whole mess. But somehow, when he'd slipped into a carriage the next morning and disappeared, the feeling of peace never came.

It made him a little angry, because even revenge wasn't sweet for him. Fiyero was beginning to think he was simply unable to find satisfaction in this wretched life. He'd expected to feel a tremendous sense of victory and release from having finally served Elphaba what she deserved. He'd hoped to disappear and start a new life somewhere where no one knew him as Fiyero Tigelaar, the Arjiki prince. However, he was plagued instead by a nagging feeling of disgust with himself. From the moment he'd walked away from Elphaba, he'd felt nothing but hollowness and nausea.

_I thought revenge was supposed to be sweet,_ he told himself bitterly. If that was true, he'd obviously gone about it wrong, because all he was left with was a sour feeling and another headache.

_I hate her!_ Fiyero tried yelling at himself, _So, why can't I be satisfied with this? _

He slammed his fist down onto the wooden counter, so frustrated he wished someone would just punch him unconscious.

"I'll be throwin' you out, if you're gonna pound your fist through my counter," a gruff voice barked at him.

Fiyero looked up into the face of a round, weathered woman who was polishing glasses just a few feet away. Her silver hair was trying to escape the messy knot at her neck, and her face was all heavy folds and deep laugh lines. Her eyes were bright though, as though hard work might have weathered her body faster than her spirit. She stared him, trying to determine if he warranted further attention.

"Sorry," Fiyero grumbled, not wanting to cause a scene.

"I have to say, you do look pretty sorry," the woman commented.

Fiyero didn't disagree, and took another sip of his drink, hoping she would bother someone else.

"What troubles you? Lost some money gamblin'? Get kicked out of your ritzy hotel for bringing whores in with you?" the woman guessed.

"No!" Fiyero shot back at her, disgusted. Then, he felt a twinge of realization that all those things were things he would do.

The woman leaned on her stout arms and asked, "Some girl, then? Someone broke your heart and you tryin' to drown it in liquor?"

Fiyero snorted, but didn't have the strength to argue.

"Come on," the woman refilled his glass and waved away payment, "tell Bretzka what sins you've committed. All the rest of 'em does…"

Fiyero twirled his glass again and gave her a dark look, "It's not _my_ sins…" he mumbled.

"Someone wronged you then?" Bretzka asked, raising an eyebrow as she wiped the glasses again.

"It's not worth telling. It's done," Fiyero shrugged.

"From the looks of you, it's far from done," she suggested, eyeing him carefully, "Lovers' spat, maybe? You moonin' over some pretty, young thing?"

"I hate her!" Fiyero exploded, drawing a few curious stares. He turned his attention quickly back to his hands, and whispered tightly, "I hate her. We were never real lovers."

Bretzka put the glasses down, leaving one on the counter for herself. She poured herself a generous serving of ale and said, "Were you false lovers?"

In spite of himself, Fiyero said, "She used me…"

Bretzka urged him on, and Fiyero found himself spilling the whole, sickening story. He had no idea why he was sharing his life with a stranger, but then, what else had made sense recently? He had no idea how he felt most of the time, except that it was generally bad. He hovered between explosive hatred and aching depression. He was losing interest in the vices that had gotten him this far, and he was finding little else to turn to.

So he told Bretzka how Elphaba had used him and lied to him about Avaric. He worked his way through two glasses of ale as he confessed how he had disappointed his family and returned to the Emerald City a failed prince. He grumbled about how he'd spent years learning to drink and seduce women, and how he'd focused on the hate until it consumed him. He pounded the counter a little more as he described how disgusted he'd been to know Elphaba was alive and well. He told how sick it made him feel to think she'd born a child and told no one, and that she was cruel enough to let him think it might be his. He vented how vile, selfish, and deliberately malicious she was, and how she deserved every minute of hurt he'd caused her.

"And so I left her there," he finished the story, "I left her in the bed, just as used and unwanted as she left me."

Bretzka studied him for a long time, not saying anything. She sipped her drink, and he noticed she was quite proper about it, for someone so rough and round. Finally, she set down the glass and said, "So…you've been working mighty hard on this hate…"

"She deserves it," Fiyero spat.

"And has your hate changed her life? Is she sufferin' because you hate her?"

"She is now," he answered.

"And yet you seem so…unsatisfied," Bretzka said with a twitch of her eyebrow.

"I don't appreciate your implications," Fiyero mumbled.

"And I don't appreciate your pathetic excuses for hate," she threw back.

"What?" Fiyero's head snapped up.

Bretzka stood up and pointed a finger at him, "The way I see it, you were both young, ignorant, and terribly naïve. She never said she loved you, and you were naïve enough not to walk away. And she was careless and selfish, but selfish is not the same as malicious. She hurt you. Understood. But you've spent what…six years…perfecting your hatred toward her? And what of all these women you've brought home in that time? How is what she did any different than what you did to them?"

"They all _knew_ we had no relationship!" Fiyero interjected.

"Did they?" Bretzka questioned rhetorically, "And the way I sees it, what this Elphaba did was thoughtless. What you did was deliberately malicious. She ignored your feelings, but you struck with the intent to harm."

"Her _intentions_ were far from noble with me," he growled.

"So now you've had your revenge. Is it sweet?" Bretzka asked.

Fiyero started to answer, but couldn't bring himself to say yes, "Maybe it's not supposed to be sweet," he grumbled.

Bretzka snorted, "You've left this Elphaba terribly wounded, but what about tomorrow, when she gets up and goes on with her life? What about when she finally finds someone else and your hurt ceases to affect her? What of you then? Will _your_ life be any better?"

Fiyero had no answer, so he looked away.

"Let me ask you…in all these years, has all this hate affected anyone but you?"

"She did this to me. _Elphaba_ made me this way," Fiyero choked out.

Bretzka leaned back and considered, "That may be true, but I ain't never heard of a time when holdin' a grudge made a bit of difference. It just makes you old before your time, and you die lonely. You better move on and get past it, or go ahead and die. 'Cause that's where you're headed anyways. Hate don't change the course of things, just speeds it up. You'll just be rottin' in your grave, takin' all your hate with you and no one up here will be one bit different."

Fiyero just sat there, the sour feeling in his stomach making him push his glass away.

Bretzka started to walk away, and then turned back to say, "You don't have to love her. But you've got to forgive her. Or, you might as well die."

Then she went about her business, leaving Fiyero to take or leave her advice.

* * *

When Fiyero climbed the steps to his room that night, he was leaning towards the latter choice. It would certainly be easier. He could buy a decent musket and just get his life over with. That would most certainly put an end to this constant ache in his chest. Still, as he crawled into bed, Fiyero couldn't seem to settle himself on death. He couldn't get past the cowardice of it. He'd never been particularly full of conviction, but he'd also not been raised as a coward.

Fiyero finally fell into an uneasy sleep, and his dreams were filled with images of Elphaba. He dreamed of her skin and the scent of her hair. He dreamt of the way her body moved with his, and how her eyes could burn right through to his soul. When he woke, he felt an abiding sense of regret that his plan for revenge had involved touching her. He was terribly conflicted, and his headache had not improved.

Fiyero dressed carelessly in the same clothes he'd worn the night before and clumped downstairs. He slowly made his way across the street to the tavern. He noticed there was more of a crowd outside than he would've expected at breakfast. Pushing through the door, he noted that it was strangely quiet inside. Fiyero looked around, and the expressions on the patrons' faces ranged from somber, to angry, to strangely excited. He crossed to the counter and slumped onto a stool. When he saw Bretzka, he motioned for her.

"Drag yourself into another day of hate?" she jeered.

Fiyero ignored her and asked, "What's going on?"

Bretzka worked her lips over her teeth, deciding whether he was worthy of being privy to the information. Finally, she slapped a newspaper down in front of him, "Someone's killed the Wizard," she stated.

Fiyero felt a stab of shock, and then pulled the paper toward himself. He read the bold headline, which proclaimed; _Wizard of Oz Assassinated._ He scanned the article, trying to make sense of what he was reading.

_Yesterday morning, our Wonderful Wizard of Oz was assassinated in his private courtyard during a routine press conference…died of a single pistol shot to the head…sometime after noon…also killed his six-person panel of advisors. The palace is now under the control of Press Secretary Lady Glinda Arduenna…later made this statement, 'I believe some aspects of our Wizard's leadership have been called into question…seriously debunking his claims of immortality…calling for a need to reevaluate his legislation.'_

Fiyero was stunned, unable to believe the Wizard was gone. Although his father had often spoken of the times before the Wizard, Fiyero had known no other leadership. He'd never had a particularly strong opinion on the matter, and most everything he knew about the Wizard's agenda had come from Elphaba.

_Elphaba._

He shook her off again and continued to read.

_The Wizard and his staff were attacked by a group of Animals…Gale Force engaged them in a gunfight and brawl…one injured, one dead…strangely, the assassin was female. She has not been named, but was dressed in black, and her skin is green. What odd, new race she might represent is unknown, as is her name…Lady Glinda was oddly upset…the assassin was shot by a member of the Gale Force…_

Fiyero stopped. He felt a surge of a feeling he couldn't identify.

_She did it…she really did it…_he said over and over to himself, knowing that deposing the Wizard had been Elphaba's goal since Shiz, _She did it, and they've shot her…did they kill her?_

He searched the rest of the article, trying to find confirmation of either outcome. There was none. It simply described Galinda's frantic reaction. Still, that told him something. Galinda would not be upset if all was well.

Fiyero sat back, trying to calm his raging nerves. He had no idea how he felt. He had no idea how he was supposed to feel. If Elphaba had been killed, should he be glad? Did that resolve this raging war that had been going on within him for years? Bretzka's words from the night before haunted him, and he realized how very tired he was. He recognized how low he'd sunk. And then he realized something else.

Even if she'd died, Elphaba had done something. She'd followed through on what she wanted in spite of him. She had grabbed hold of her life and done what mattered to her, and all his hate and spite hadn't stopped her. It was a harsh reality, and it only accented what Bretzka had said.

_Hate don't change the course of things, just speeds it up. You'll just be rottin' in your grave, takin' all your hate with you and no one up here will be one bit different._

Something snapped within him, and Fiyero finally gave in to the realization that his grudge had changed nothing, and it wasn't even satisfying to him anymore. He had spiraled downward to this moment, when he had to make a choice. He could make his peace with Elphaba and move on, or he could follow through on his plan to put a musket to his head. He couldn't love her again, he knew. He was too hard, too jaded, and too much had passed between them. Still, he could forgive her. Fiyero struggled for a few minutes, afraid of letting go of the hate, afraid of feeling all the hurt again, just to put it aside.

Yet when he had decided, he wasted no time. He charted a carriage and paid the driver well to take him quickly to the Emerald City.

_I'll make my peace and head back to the Vinkus. Father could use my help,_ he told himself, _Surely Elphaba will live until I get there…surely fate wouldn't have her die before I finally resolve this…_

* * *

At the palace, Galinda sat in the room with Elphaba, as she had all night. At her insisting, the doctor had removed the bullet from Elphaba's back and bandaged the wounds. He'd agreed to come at the first indication of any change.

Matvei had arrived the previous evening with Mia, led by Avaric. Matvei was terribly distraught, and had fought back tears when he'd seen Elphaba lying so still. The amount of blood was horrifying, and yet they were afraid to move her enough to change the bed linens. Avaric had said very little, and Galinda was disturbed at seeing him so somber.

_The world is upside down and backward. How far we've come…and how did we ever end up here…? _she asked herself.

They had spared Mia any details as of yet. Galinda refused to allow them to tell the child her mother was dead. She wasn't ready to make the admission herself. Still, Mia was quiet and sullen, too smart not to know that something was horribly wrong. She spent the night with Matvei in one of the palace suites, clinging to him.

Galinda was startled, then, by the doctor returning to the room. He was hollow-eyed and quiet, having slept as little as she had. He crossed to Elphaba and carefully examined her again. Galinda watched him listen for any signs of life, and then examine the wounds. She crossed and stood anxiously by the bed.

When the doctor looked up, his face was set in a resolute expression, "She's gone, Madame."

Galinda began to tremble, "No..No."

The doctor took a breath, "I told you this all might be in vain. She was most likely gone before I got to her."

Avaric entered then, having promised Matvei that he would bring a report before Mia woke up. Galinda turned and, seeing him there, shouted, "Tell him she's not gone! Tell him to _do_ something!"

Avaric swallowed, wishing for the thousandth time that this role had not fallen to him, "Galinda…"

"No…" she shook her head frantically.

"She's not bleeding, Madame. It's stopped…" the doctor tried to explain.

"But isn't that good?" Galinda choked out.

The doctor shook his head, "Her blood isn't moving. I can find no sign of life."

Galinda squeezed her eyes shut and shook her curls, "No! She cannot be gone! She doesn't look…dead…" she finished in a whisper.

Avaric swallowed, not sure that he had ever seen anyone look more deceased. Still, for Galinda's sake, he put a hand on her shoulder and said nothing. The doctor began to put away his instruments, and Galinda sat down on the bed beside Elphaba. She took one pale, green hand in hers and said nothing more. She was still sitting there hours later, with tears running silently down her face, much the same way Elphaba had so many years before in their dormitory.


	26. Chapter 26

_This Romeo is bleedin'  
But you can't see his blood.  
It's nothing but some feelings,  
That this old dog kicked up._

_It's been rainin' since you left me,  
Now I'm drownin' in the flood.  
You see I've always been a fighter,  
But without you, I'll give up._

_I can't sing a love song,  
Like the way it's meant to be.  
I guess I'm not that good anymore,  
But that's just me._

_I will love you,  
Always.  
And I'll be there forever and a day,  
Always._

_Always, _Bon Jovi

**Chapter 26**

Avaric went for Matvei, and found him sitting in the dimly lit suite on the third floor. He was watching Mia sleep, his face set in a faraway expression. Avaric cleared his throat softly. Matvei stood quickly, his expression painfully hopeful.

Avaric couldn't find any words, so he just shook his head, and then dropped his chin to his chest.

Matvei said nothing for a long time, and then stood up stiffly and silently left the room. Avaric stepped aside as he carefully shut the door, as not to wake Mia. He watched as Matvei walked down the hall, clenching his fists and shaking his head. Suddenly, he stopped, perhaps ten yards from Avaric. Matvei seized one of the decorative statues on an ornate pedestal, and heaved it against the far wall. He let out a wail, and then dropped to his knees. He put his face in his hands and sobbed, and Avaric was at a complete loss.

For the thousandth time, Avaric wished he'd stayed at home. He wished he'd stayed away from Fiyero and Elphaba and this whole disaster. He had never been comfortable with grief and suffering, and now he was drowning in it. Here was a man he barely knew, crumpled on the floor in front him, devastated. He had no words. So Avaric turned and leaned against the wall, wanting to flee the whole situation, but having grown up too much to act on the impulse. He just stood there, twisting his hands together, until Matvei could compose himself.

When Matvei finally stood and trudged somberly back down the hallway, Avaric cleared his throat again. Unwillingly cast into the role of realist, he said, "We have to tell her…Mia…she has to know."

Matvei's eyes were red and swollen, his hair disheveled and his face etched with grief. Still, he nodded. He stood outside the door for several moments, and then drew a deep breath before slipping quietly inside.

_I don't envy him…telling a child she's motherless…_ Avaric thought. He stared at the closed door for some time, wanting to leave, and yet too caught up in the web of grief to move.

* * *

Some time later, they all stood in the room where Elphaba lay, trying to be strong for a five year-old child. The doctor had retired to his quarters for some much needed sleep, and Galinda still sat beside the bed. She had covered Elphaba with a thick blanket, to hide the wounds, and she had lit the room with only a few guttering candles. It was her own sort of memorial, and it made Elphaba's appearance less shocking for the little girl.

Matvei held tightly to Mia's hand as they crossed the room to the bed. Mia's face was splotchy from crying, and she tugged nervously at her hair. The little girl climbed into the chair opposite Galinda and sat on her knees, staring and saying nothing. They all held their breath and cursed the reality of the situation as Mia touched her mother's face. She stroked Elphaba's hair and wound it through her fingers, still saying nothing.

Finally, she whimpered a little and asked Matvei, "But why did she die?"

"She was trying to stop bad things. She was trying to make Oz a better place," Matvei tried to explain.

Mia chewed her lip, and then argued, "But it's not. I hate this place…if she's gone!"

Galinda looked away then, and Matvei echoed, "I do too, a little bit…"

There was a long, tangible silence, with Mia twisting her mother's hair around her fingers. Suddenly, out of the silence, Mia began to sing. Her voice was small and shaking, but as sweet and beautiful as it had always been.

_Baby mine, don't you cry.  
Baby mine, dry your eyes.  
Rest your head close to my heart,  
never to part, baby of mine._

It was Elphaba's song for her, Matvei realized. It was the only lullaby Elphaba had ever sung, and she would always stop when Matvei entered the room. It was something that only she and Mia shared, and it calmed the little girl, even now.

They all stayed there until after noon, watching Mia and trying to find their own goodbye. However, closure was not easily found in such tragedy, and they eventually retired to the sitting room down the hall. All of the rooms in this part of the palace were generally used for the servants and for meetings with the staff. However, given their current situation, none of them cared for formalities. They all still wore the clothes from the previous day, and no one cared enough to suggest they change. The remaining staff moved around them quietly, trying to maintain order in the palace and meet the needs of their new leader, Lady Glinda.

When she would finally leave her mother, Mia shuffled quietly to the sitting room. She curled up next to Matvei and said nothing. She held tightly to his arm, and continued to twirl her hair around her fingers, as though there were some sort of lasting connection to Elphaba in the locks. After some time, she closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep. It was no surprise, since she'd spent a sleepless night, and had been grieving for her mother all morning.

Avaric leaned against the back of a chair, trying to decide how he could most tactfully leave. The atmosphere was so heavy and sad he felt like he was choking. He desperately needed some fresh air and a break from the blood, the crying, and the grief.

"I believe I should get back to my flat, for now at least. I don't think there's anything further I can do…" he stated.

Galinda turned slowly, trying to focus on him. She looked as though she were trying to sort through a fog of thoughts to find what she wanted to say. Avaric had just turned toward the door when she said, "Wait."

Avaric turned back, confused.

"There's something you should know," Galinda continued.

Avaric was caught off guard by the sudden sharpness in her tone. She looked more alert than she had in a day, so he sat down in one of the chairs, concerned.

Galinda sat up straighter and looked him in the eyes, "I know you want to run from this, Avaric. You've become a fairly decent man, I'll give you that. But this is still a bit much for your carefree spirit. You're grieving with us, but you want to walk way and put it behind you," she took a breath, "But before you do, I think you should know that you're more a part of this than you realize."

Avaric just looked confused.

"Avaric…Mia is yours. She's your daughter."

He sat there, absolutely stunned.

Galinda continued, "It's _your_ daughter who's just lost her mother. It's _your_ flesh and blood who's grieving."

Avaric had no words. For several minutes, he choked on everything he started to say. He looked at the little green girl, who was sleeping somberly. He'd known this was a possibility. He'd known since he first saw Mia at the restaurant that she could be his. Still, it had been an abstract idea, not rooted in anything concrete. Avaric had looked past it, convincing himself she was Fiyero's. Now, the abstract had become very real. She was his. Flesh and blood. Green skin and dark eyes. Slender fingers and unruly hair. Her contagious smile and the mischievous spark in her eye, they were his. Mia was his.

He finally choked out, "How do you know?"

Galinda sighed, "Elphie told me."

"But how…?"

"Something to do with the milk. Mia can't have milk. It seemed so silly, but somehow…" Galinda looked far away.

Avaric understood, then. He thought back several weeks, vaguely remembering rejecting the milk. It seemed ludicrous, that such a small thing had revealed so much. He could only imagine how shocked Elphaba had been. It certainly explained her reaction, though. And now, here they were, with Elphaba gone and Mia clinging to Matvei.

Avaric watched the little girl for a few minutes, feeling very conflicted. Was he supposed to love her? What was his role now? He had never before had such a tangible reminder of a decision he'd chosen to make in the past. He had many regrets, many things he wished he could change or handle differently. This, however, was not an intangible consequence. This was a child. Mia would be his child forever. Whether or not he chose to marry or settle down, she would always have part of him in her. He could not take this back. Still, he wondered what, if anything, she would want from him.

The questions kept coming, and he asked himself if this whole situation was, in fact, his fault. Had he somehow set all of this in motion when he'd leered at Elphaba that day as she lay naked in Fiyero's bed? Had his selfish lust sent their lives spiraling to this point? And if so, what was to be done now? Avaric understood that fathering a child did not make one a parent. As Mia clung to Matvei, he was conflicted.

Finally, Avaric shook his head and said, "I think I'll go outside for some air…I believe…I need to think…"

Galinda nodded as he left.

Matvei looked absolutely shocked at the revelation, and Galinda whispered, "I thought he should know."

Matvei nodded, "Yes…I suppose. It would be wrong to keep it from him. But…do you think he wants her?"

Galinda looked at her hands, and then answered, "I don't think Avaric's ever wanted a child. He's very different than he was, but still…"

"What?"

"I don't think he'd deny that she loves _you_. You're the only father she's ever known." Galinda finished.

Matvei calmed a little, "I know it's ludicrous for me to want to claim her…because she's not mine. Her mother wasn't my lover, but…they're my family. Mia's all I have…"

Galinda grimaced, "She's all any of us have…of Elphie…"

"I know…I think I'm just…I feel like I'm losing them again. I feel like I'm burying Katya again and…" Matvei couldn't finish.

There was a long, pregnant pause.

"Who was she?" Galinda asked softly.

"My wife," he finally answered, "She's been gone more than ten years now. And my little girl…Brinn."

Galinda really looked at him then, and her face softened into lines of compassion, "What happened to them?"

"They died when the last great plague swept through, when the city lost so many…" Matvei explained.

"I'm so sorry…" Galinda said. She paused for a moment and then asked, "Is that why…why you and Elphie were never…romantic?"

Matvei looked around the room, considering, "Perhaps. Although I don't think either of us ever wanted anything more than friendship. I've always felt as though it were up to me to protect her. It really felt like fate, or something else beyond us, that brought her into my restaurant that day…"

"Did she know…about your family?"

"Yes. Eventually, we kept very few secrets," Matvei explained, "Fae knew about Katya, and she knew that I had no interest in finding anyone to replace her."

"Why the name…Fae?" Galinda asked.

"That's what she called herself when I first saw her. It took quite some time before she finally gave me her real name and by then, it had stuck," Matvei said.

Galinda looked far away when she said, "I called her Elphie...I was the first…"

Matvei could appreciate the sentiment, "I think what made our situation work is that Fae had been burned by love or lust, whatever it might've been. And I have never been able to imagine myself with anyone other than Katya. I made a promise to my wife, and I still love her…it might be ridiculous, to love someone you can never have again, but I still do…"

Galinda felt a strange connection, as she realized she knew exactly how he felt. After a moment, she said, "I understand what it is, to love someone you cannot have…"

They sat there for a long time, neither speaking, each lost in their memories. Eventually, Matvei offered, "You look quite like her…like Katya. I think it's the hair…I haven't seen hair that shines like that since…her. It must be the Gillikinese blood…"

Galinda cocked her head, appreciating that he trusted her with such an admission, "Perhaps…" she mused, "And what of Mia? Does she remind you of…Brinn?"

Matvei shook his head, "No. Brinn was fair and golden, and quite shy. No…Mia is no one but Mia."

Galinda nodded, glad to know that Matvei's love for both Elphaba and Mia was not simply tied to his loss. She studied him, realizing there were very few genuinely good men, such as him, in all of Oz. It was good, she decided, that he was in their lives. Neither spoke for some time, as they lost themselves in memories and their present grief.

Finally, Matvei adjusted Mia on the sofa and said, "Did you know that Fiyero was there…at the restaurant…the night before all of this?"

Galinda's head snapped up, "No!"

Matvei twisted his hands together, "He came in wanting to talk with Fae, and she took him upstairs. I wanted to throw him out, but she insisted. I was shocked, because instead of fighting they were…intimate…"

"What?" Galinda screeched, "Intimate? With Fiyero?"

Matvei nodded.

"Then where in Oz is he?!"

Avaric had come back into the room just then, and he looked both shocked and concerned about what he had overheard.

Matvei looked at both of them, and then explained, "He left her. Apparently, he had some horrendous plan to…to sleep with her, and then leave her alone. He left an awful note…something to the effect of 'this is how it feels'…"

Avaric rubbed his temples and sighed, "Oh…sweet Oz…Fiyero…why now, would you become the master of revenge…"

"She wouldn't talk to me about it. She was horribly upset, but she took off in a rage…yesterday morning…" Matvei finished.

Galinda stood, clenching her fists while her voice rose, "That sick, hateful, horrendable man! And she loved him! She actually said she _loved_ him!"

"Galinda…" Matvei tried to calm her.

"That's why she wasn't in the service hallway! _That's_ why she was the one who shot the Wizard!" Galinda was screeching and crying now, "It's his fault! It was because of _Fiyero_!"

Avaric crossed the room and tried to take her hands, to get her to stop shrieking. She threw him off though, and shouted, "She didn't have to die, Avaric! She wasn't supposed to _die_!"

Mia woke then, rubbing her eyes. She was clearly startled by the screaming. Matvei put his arms around her, to calm her.

She looked around frantically, still disoriented from sleep, and said, "Mama? Mama?"

Matvei tried to quiet her, and they all saw the little girl realize once again that her mother was gone. She began to cry quietly, burying her face in Matvei's shirt. It was heartbreaking, and both Galinda and Avaric were quiet.

After a few minutes, Matvei said, "Why don't we all find a change of clothes? Then, maybe we should try to eat. It has to be done, and this won't be getting any easier…"

Galinda reluctantly nodded and said, "I hope you'll both stay at the palace…until we can have a suitable funeral…it would help me, if nothing else…"

Both men nodded, not willing to deny her that request.

Avaric stared at Mia as Matvei carried her from the room. Even in this situation, he couldn't help wondering about his place in her life. He'd found no easy answers, but he knew there would be a place. He knew it when he'd decided to come back into the room, instead of fleeing the palace altogether. He was in this for good, come what may.

* * *

It took Fiyero most of the day to get back into the Emerald City. By the time he reached the palace, it was well after dark and the night guards had already taken their posts. He paid the carriage driver well and then approached the front gate.

Fiyero bowed properly to the guards and asked, "Is there any way I could see Lady Glinda?"

The guards looked him over, and one answered, "No. The palace is under strict security measures. No one goes in except by special request of the Press Secretary."

"Please," Fiyero tried again, "I'm an old friend. I'm certain she would speak with me."

"No," the guard barked.

"Please! I've traveled all day and—"

The guard leveled his musket at Fiyero and said, "Come back tomorrow and make an appointment. If you're such a good friend, she will see you."

Fiyero backed away then, defeated. His shoulders slumped and he sulked around to the side of palace wall. Collapsing on a bench, he put his head in his hands and sighed. He'd been running on adrenaline all day, and now he was simply exhausted. He knew he should rent a room and get some sleep, but he couldn't make himself walk away from the palace. This was his mission, and he was determined to have it over with.

Fiyero leaned back against the bench and closed his eyes. He vowed to be up at the first light of dawn to make an appointment with Galinda. He wouldn't leave the palace until this was done. He'd come this far, and he wouldn't truly rest until he made peace his peace with Elphaba.

The following morning, Fiyero woke to pigeons pecking at his arms, hoping for breadcrumbs. The sun was incredibly bright, and it seemed that spring might finally be trying to take hold of the city. Fiyero blinked several times, trying to determine the time. It was later than he'd intended, but still too early for pedestrians to be eyeing him. He rose and straightened his clothes, trying to look like he hadn't slept on a bench. It was mostly fruitless, though, and he approached the main palace gate again.

There had been a change in the guards, and Fiyero asked again, "Please, is there any way I can see Lady Glinda?"

"No. You must make an appointment," the guard pointed him in the direction of a small hut near the palace wall.

There was clearly no one inside, and Fiyero begged, "Please! I _must_ see her! I mean no harm!"

"No," the guard armed his musket.

Desperate, Fiyero cut around behind him and tried to scale the gate before they could reach him. He was unsuccessful, however, and the guards drug him down and wrenched his arms behind his back. He wrestled with them as two other guards unbarred the gate and forced him through. Then, they proceeded to drag him across the outer courtyard.

"Take him into the cellar, until Lady Glinda decides what to do with him," the third guard called after them.

Fiyero fought with all his might as they drug him into a side entrance and down a dark corridor. They passed the servants' quarters and rounded the corner into a large atrium. In a sudden, impossible twist of the arm of fate, Galinda happened to be making her way through the atrium at that very moment.

Fiyero saw her and called out, "Galinda!"

She turned suddenly, and froze, "Fiyero?" she squeaked, and waved an arm to stop the guards.

"Galinda!" he called out again when the guards had stopped dragging him. They still restrained him, and he said, "Please, I just want to talk to you for a moment!"

She looked torn, as Matvei and Avaric walked in behind her. Both men quickly surveyed the situation, and both recognized Fiyero. Matvei's eyes lit up with rage, and he crossed the room quickly. Before anyone could stop him, he pulled his fist back and punched Fiyero squarely in the jaw. Fiyero reeled, surprised at the power behind Matvei's fist.

Before he could respond, Matvei spat at him and yelled, "How dare you come back here! You disgust me! I don't care what Fae once did to you! You manipulated her, and treated her like…yesterday's garbage! Your hate and malice are disgusting!"

Matvei raised his arm, ready to strike Fiyero again, but Avaric was suddenly there, holding him back.

"Let's not have any more violence," he begged Matvei.

"Galinda!" Fiyero called out again.

She looked at him, her eyes filled with anger and pain, "Fiyero…." she whispered, "how _could_ you? And why would you come back here? Haven't you caused enough suffering, with your well-planned revenge?"

Fiyero looked somewhat defeated.

"This is your fault Fiyero! What's happened to her…it's _your_ fault!" she choked out.

"Galinda, please!" Fiyero begged, "I just want to see her! What I did was horrible, I know that. It was deliberately, terribly wrong. And it solved nothing, and I know that even more certainly. I just…want to apologize, and then I'll be out of your lives forever…"

Galinda studied him, trying to decide if he was sincere. She looked deep into his eyes, as though she was trying to find the boy she once knew. They were all still, with Matvei clenching his fists and the guards ready to remove him Fiyero.

Finally, Galinda whispered, "She's gone Fiyero. She's dead…so I'm afraid they'll be no apologizing."

Fiyero reeled, and he felt as though he'd been punched again. This is what he had feared. This was the ending he'd begged the Unnamed God he wouldn't have to face.

_She died with the pain of what you did to her. And there's no undoing it. There's no apologizing and making peace with her. She's gone,_ Fiyero realized. The regret was much worse than he'd imagined.

Everyone was very still for a long moment, until Galinda spoke, "There's nothing more to be said, Fiyero. You should go."

To his own surprise, Fiyero whispered, "Can I see her?"

"No," Galinda answered, "You don't deserve that."

"I know," Fiyero said with defeat, "I just…I wanted to make it right. To move on with our lives…finally."

Galinda just looked at him, her face still full of hurt for her friend.

"Please?" Fiyero tried again, "Galinda…it's me…it's just Fiyero…"

She was still unconvinced, when Avaric laid a hand on her shoulder, "Galinda…he's right. Let's make peace with all this. Let Elphaba go in peace. And it's him…this is him. This is the Fiyero you remember."

Galinda caught the meaning in his last statement, and she gave in. Fiyero looked as devastated as the rest of them, and he was clearly both sober and remorseful. She gave Matvei a long look and said to the guards, "Release him. Fiyero…come with me."

The guards released their grip and backed away, and Fiyero started to follow Galinda.

Matvei stopped him though, with a twist of his arm, "If it were my decision, I would throw you from this palace this moment. If you try anything…if your intentions are anything but honorable, I will kill you. Do you understand that?"

Fiyero nodded, convinced that Matvei might actually follow through with the threat. Galinda led the way back down the hallway towards the servants' quarters, winding through the corridors until she came to a closed door. Her hands trembled and she took a deep breath as she turned the handle. She slipped inside and carefully lit the candles once more. Then, she motioned for Fiyero to enter.

"Avaric will be outside the door with one of my guards. If _anything_ is amiss in this room, you will be imprisoned and hung. Do you understand?" Galinda instructed.

Fiyero was disturbed at the hardness in her voice. She was so far from the soft, frilly girl he remembered, that he barely recognized her. He just nodded, though, because he had no argument. Galinda walked away then, pulling Matvei with her. He unwillingly left, and Avaric gave Fiyero a troubled look before slipping out the door.

Alone, Fiyero turned toward the figure lying on one of the beds. He walked slowly, feeling a weight in his chest he hadn't expected. He stopped beside the bed and stared at her.

_Elphaba._

She was covered by a thick blanket, but Fiyero could see the blood-stained bandages wrapped around her chest. Her right arm lay outside the blanket beside her body. She was absolutely still, with her eyes closed and her dark eyelashes splayed across her cheeks. She was ghostly pale and the flickering candlelight cast her in a strange, amber glow. Still, she was Elphaba. Her features were still strong and angular. Her skin was still uniquely green, if somewhat faded looking. Her hair, scattered across the bed, was still beautiful.

_Beautiful._

The floodgates of Fiyero's emotions suddenly burst, and a choking knot of realization formed in his throat. She was still beautiful to him. In spite of all the hurt, betrayal, and wasted years, she was beautiful to him. He never imaged he would feel that again. Fiyero hadn't wanted to feel it. He'd spent years turning love into hate. However, in the moment, he felt as though all of his memories were assaulting him simultaneously.

He remembered when he'd first seen her at Shiz, and she'd been all snarky comments and withering glances. He remembered making love to her in front of the glassy pond and wanting to freeze the moment forever. He remembered listening to her for hours as she described her plans and dreams. He remembered blatantly ignoring her denial that she loved him. He remembered how she could drive him wild with just the intensity in her smoldering eyes. And he remembered the nauseating disgust he'd felt when he'd found her with Avaric.

Fiyero thought about how long it had taken him to truly hate her. He vividly remembered how he had made love to her just a day ago, and had felt nothing but malice. But now, he had let go of the hate. He had let it go, and left himself open to feeling what was beneath. Seeing Elphaba again now, he realized he'd never stopped loving her. He'd never been able to take a wife or live more than a day without potent liquor because, just beneath the hate, had been unrequited, undeniable love. It was what had made the hate so strong and everything else so unappealing. It was what had made him want to scream and lash out the moment he'd seen her, because she had a part of his heart he would never get back.

And now here she lay, lifeless before him, and there was no chance for apologies. There would be no tearful confession with the hope of forgiveness. She was gone, and Fiyero was left with just his memories and gut-wrenching regret.

He dropped his head onto the bed and couldn't hold back the sobs that shook his shoulders. He hadn't cried in quite some time. He hadn't cried since he'd left Shiz and stopped locking himself in the washroom to nurse his wounds. Fiyero gave in to it now, though, and cried until his throat was raw. Then, when there were no more tears, he sat there, hollow. He ran a hand over Elphaba's arm and wound his fingers through her more delicate ones. He touched her cheek and brushed his hand against her soft hair.

He pressed his eyes closed and silently said, _Elphaba, forgive me. We've made our share of mistakes…but I love you…always…_

When Fiyero opened his eyes, he caught a flicker of movement in the room. He looked around, and noticed that the only other light came from one of the windows, which was open a few inches. The other shades were drawn, but this one had been raised slightly. Looking around, Fiyero couldn't find the source of the movement until it was in front of him.

It was a butterfly, and it had come to rest on one of Elphaba's slender fingers. Fiyero just stared at it, not sure that he'd ever seen such an appropriate, impossible example of symbolism.

_Like the brush of a butterfly's wings…_

Fiyero remembered the statement Elphaba had once made as he stared at the beautiful insect. It moved its black and yellow wings carefully, as though testing the air around itself. He was careful not to move, for fear of ruining the moment. Suddenly, there was another flicker of movement, and Fiyero was certain it was the butterfly as it took to flight once more. Then, to his absolute and utter disbelief, Elphaba's finger twitched again.

Fiyero had seen a lot of death in his lifetime. His father had been a hunter, and his tribe had always been very open with burial. He had seen the dead buried and cremated. He had paid respect to many corpses. Never once had he seen one twitch like this. He slowly ran his hand over Elphaba's again, and then jumped when her finger moved once again.

Then, with his heart racing, Fiyero placed his face very close to Elphaba's. He hovered there for some time, waiting. After several, painstaking minutes, he felt the slightest breath on his cheek. It was barely warm enough to register, but it was breath all the same. She was breathing, however faintly. She made no other movement, no other stirring. Fiyero couldn't be sure if the next breath would truly be her last. Still, she was alive. Somehow, she was alive.

Fiyero knew he should run for someone, but he hesitated. Before he went screaming into the hallway, before he proclaimed that Elphaba was somehow breathing, before Galinda started sobbing and the doctor began examining her, he wanted a moment. He pressed his forehead against hers, waiting anxiously for another soft breath. When he finally felt it, Fiyero closed his eyes and let it all go. He let go of the past, the anger, the pain, and all the horrible regret. He cast it onto the wings of the butterfly, to be carried to the farthest reaches of the wind.


	27. Chapter 27

***So, I apologize for the unnecessary chapter alert, but I did my usual editing and updating. (4/29/10). I read this entire thing in three days, and I have to say, I have no idea where this came from. This story surprises even me. I am seriously considering reworking this into a novel I can publish, along with 'Beneath'. I'd love to know if there's any interest. Anyhoo...thanks for tolerating this extra email alert. :-)**

* * *

_I know you suffered, but I don't want you to hide.  
It's cold and loveless, I won't let you be denied._

_Soothe me, I'll make you feel pure,  
Trust me, you can be sure._

_I want to reconcile the violence in your heart.  
I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask.  
I want to exorcise the demons from your past.  
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart._

_You may be a sinner,  
But your innocence is mine._

_Please me,  
Show me how it's done.  
Tease me,  
You are the one._

_Undisclosed Desires, _Muse

**Chapter 27**

At his last count, Fiyero had been gone nearly three months. At times, it had seemed as though the days drug by like sugar sap creeping down the trunks of the hardwood trees around Kiamo Ko. Today, though, it felt like yesterday he had sat in that dark, candlelit room and waited for Elphaba's next breath. It was memory that would be with him forever, a memory that kept him working.

Fiyero knew that coming home was the right decision. His time here had been productive, and essential to the continuation of Oz as a united land. Still, it was as difficult after three months and it had been the first day.

_You need to step up now, you're the diplomatic liaison to the Vinkus, _Galinda had urged him three months prior, _I know it's been mostly on paper until now, but now Oz needs you. If you want to make things right, you have to make this right as well. Avaric has agreed to return to Gillikin and negotiate the transfer of government there._

She had been right, Fiyero realized. Each of the different tribes in the west needed to understand what had happened in the Emerald City, and how it could benefit them. Fiyero had spent an untold number of hours meeting with the tribal leaders, both those who lived in much more modern housing and those who still lived nomadically. He had negotiated their requests of the new government, and he was an advocate for Lady Glinda as an appropriate leader.

Also, his father was finally somewhat proud of him, which Fiyero recognized as slightly ironic. By recognizing that he loved the woman whom he blamed for this mess, he'd somehow managed to solve it. The role of tribal king had passed to Fiyero's younger brother, Darian, after Fiyero had refused to marry his intended bride. The bride was also passed to his brother, which had, somehow, seemed to work out for the better. Darian was content with the role, which had probably suited him better than it had Fiyero anyway. Their father was glad to see Fiyero thinking of someone besides himself, and there was a peace between them.

Fiyero was also proud of his work. For the first time in his life, he took pride in something and felt good about what he'd accomplished. It was good, he decided, to stand for something. It was a lesson Elphaba had tried to teach him many times.

He hadn't wanted to leave her. He'd wanted to stay by her side and hold onto her hand until she opened those damned beautiful eyes and melted his heart. Still, after Galinda had sobbed and everyone had gotten over the shock of Elphaba being alive, they realized how much had to be done. Oz was on the cusp of either transitioning to a bright, new future, or descending into anarchy. Galinda had to prove that she could lead well and that she had support, and she had to do it quickly. It didn't take any of them long to realize that Fiyero and Avaric were suddenly very important.

Matvei had taken Mia home in the midst of it all, assuring all of them that he would bring her daily to visit her mother. He felt she needed a familiar place to calm down from the emotional strain of what she'd endured. The child was strangely quiet, pensive even, and she cried in spite of being told Elphaba was alive. According to Matvei, she woke up sobbing at night, terribly confused.

_It must be difficult for a child to grasp what happened,_ Fiyero thought, still feeling badly for little Mia.

So, in the midst of tragedy-turned-celebration, Fiyero had packed up his things and headed home to the Vinkus. It ripped his heart out, because he'd hadn't even spoken to Elphaba. She had yet to even stir. She had no idea he'd returned. She had no idea how much he loved her, and Fiyero understood when he left that she would either wake up without him, or finally truly succumb to her injuries and die without him.

_It's a precarious situation, _the doctor had said after examining her, _Her body has rallied, but she's lost a terrible amount of blood…_

Somehow, though, Fiyero had swallowed over more tears that threatened to fall, and left. He did it because it was the right thing, the noble thing. And he did it because it's what Elphaba would want him to do. She would have slapped him if she'd found out he'd sat crying over her when there was important work to be done. He could almost hear her telling him to go, to do the right thing for the good of Oz.

So he'd come home, and now three months had passed. Fiyero had received just two letters from Galinda in that time. Both had been very short, indicating how busy she was and that Elphaba was progressing. Fiyero had no real idea what that meant, except that it meant she was alive.

_And for now, that's all I need,_ he told himself, _That's all I need_…

* * *

It was another month before Fiyero had his work wrapped up and was able to make the trek back to the City of Emeralds. It was a grueling journey that started on horseback and ended in cramped carriages that always felt stifling. He spent most of the trip trying to decide what he would say to Elphaba. He tried to formulate an apology that was good enough. Still, most everything he imagined saying didn't fully communicate how he felt.

About two weeks later, he arrived at the palace travel weary, yet nearly shaking with anticipation. Fiyero was ushered in through the front gate, a far cry from his near-imprisonment four months previous. Once inside, he stood in the main foyer for some time, listening to the silence and trying to prepare himself. After several minutes, he took a deep breath and made his way towards one of the first floor washrooms. He wanted a few minutes to wash off the dust and grime from traveling, to make himself more presentable.

As he scrubbed his hands and combed his hair, Fiyero couldn't help wondering if Galinda had been deliberately vague in her letters. He'd spent a good portion of his trip wondering if perhaps Elphaba had woken up and decided he wasn't worth forgiving. He was terrified that what he'd done was too horrible, too cruel, for her to ever let it go. He deserved that reaction, Fiyero knew. He deserved to never see her again, and she deserved so much better than him. Still, he hoped.

Opening the washroom door then, he nearly collided with Galinda.

"Fiyero!" she squeaked.

"Galinda," he returned.

She smiled a little, "I see you've returned. You seem well."

"Very well," he answered, "I believe a lot was accomplished. The Vinkun people will stand with you. They appreciate your agenda, and have some requests."

"I thought as much," she smiled, "but we can discuss this at council in two days. For today…"

"Where is she?" Fiyero cut her off.

Galinda studied him, and then said, "Upstairs. Third floor, last room on the left. She's napping."

Fiyero started to go, and then turned back, "Does she…does she hate me?"

Galinda met his eyes and shook her head, her expression sympathetic, "Just go," she said.

Fiyero took the stairs two at a time. He tried to calm his pounding heart as he passed by door after door until he'd reached the end of the third-floor hallway. Stopping in front of the last door, he took a long, deep breath. Then, he pushed it open and slipped inside.

The room was bright, with a wide window that let the afternoon sun pour across the large, curtained bed against the far wall. Fiyero crossed the room slowly, trying to be quiet. When he came around the side of the bed, his breath caught. Elphaba was sleeping, and she looked so much like she had when he'd left it shocked him. She was still, with her hair splayed out around her. However, her breath came in a steady, even rhythm and her color was good. She looked angelic against the crisp white of the linens, and Fiyero sat on the edge of the bed and just watched her. It was summer, and she wore a nightdress that left her arms bare. She was more feminine than he remembered, and he took the time to notice the ways she'd changed in six years.

When Fiyero had slept with her to spite her, he'd been too angry to really see her. Now, though, he appreciated who she'd become. Motherhood had been good to her, he decided, and six years had both whittled and softened her.

_Oz…she's beautiful,_ Fiyero thought, and he was glad to have a chance to appreciate it as a man, rather than an impulsive schoolboy.

He was torn, between wanting to wake her and just wanting to stare at her. After several minutes, he slid across the large bed and lay next to her. He pulled off his boots and, since it was so warm, shed the shirt that smelled too much like horse carriage for his liking. He leaned back against the supple pillows and just watched her. It was quiet, calm, and quite possibly the most peaceful moment Fiyero had had in the past six years. He drank in the sight of Elphaba and thanked sweet Lureline for a woman named Bretzka, who'd yelled some sense into him.

Eventually, the strain of travel caught up with him, and Fiyero felt his eyes grow heavy. He let them close, thinking he would just rest a few moments. Sleep took him, though, and he was powerless against it.

* * *

When he woke, Fiyero was aware of sensation before he opened his eyes. As he slowly emerged from the heaviness of sleep, he realized someone was touching him. It was a soft, delicate caress of fingers on his bare chest. He opened his eyes, and he was certain this must be heaven. Elphaba was very much alive, and she was leaning on one hand and tracing the pattern of blue diamonds on his chest with the other. She was backlit by the fading, pinkish glow of twilight, giving her an other-worldly quality. Her hair was tumbling around her, and he could see the curve of her breast in her summer nightdress. Her eyes were locked on his as he tried to find some words.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, because it was the only thing he could come up with. Fiyero sat up suddenly and pulled her with him. He took her hands and then touched her face gently, "I am so very sorry. I have been a horrible, horrible person. I have hurt so many people…and I treated you like…oh Oz, Elphaba…I'm just so sorry…"

She pushed his hands down and said, "Enough. We're both sorry. Between us, we have enough regrets to last a lifetime. I think all that matters now is that I _have_ a lifetime."

Fiyero could think of no argument. After a moment, he asked, "Do you love me? Truly? Do you love me…now?"

Elphaba looked at him, and said nothing. She ran her fingers over the line of his jaw, and then over the diamonds again. Then, she leaned in and kissed him. She wound her arms around his neck and made him shudder with the intensity of it. Fiyero felt his body flush, and he let his hands tangle in her hair. There was no other answer needed. There was no question, no uncertainty, and no more regret. This was him, and this was her. This was now, and this is what mattered. As he kissed her, Fiyero put his hands on her shoulders and tried to pull her into his lap, to close the gap between them.

Elphaba winced and pulled away, and he asked, "What is it?"

Elphaba brushed her hair back and shook her head, "Nothing…just, my shoulder. It still bothers me," she explained, carefully rotating her right arm and flexing her fingers.

Fiyero carefully pushed the strap of her nightdress away. He tried not to react to what he saw, lest she think she was anything less than beautiful to him. The right side of her chest was criss-crossed with scars from where the doctor had carefully sewn her torn skin back together. The center of the injury was a few inches below her collarbone, and the skin was rough and uneven from the top of her right breast to her shoulder.

"It hit my shoulder I think, and fractured some of the bones. I also still can't seem to get a very deep breath. But I suppose I'm tougher than anyone expected," Elphaba said, trying to make light of the terrible wound.

Fiyero ran his hands over the scars, tracing them across her chest. He ran his hand over her back, and he could feel another scar where the doctor had removed the musket ball.

Elphaba turned away and said, "It's not pretty, and I have some trouble with this arm..."

She tried to lift her right arm above her head and winced. Fiyero stopped her and turned her face back toward him. He couldn't think of any words to tell her that it didn't matter. Everything sounded so trite and cliché, but he knew he would love her even if she was missing the arm. So he kissed her again, and this time she slid herself into his lap.

After several moments of absolute bliss, Fiyero pulled back and said, "Elphaba…we don't have to do this now. We have the rest of our lives, if we can manage not to screw it up. You need to be well…Oz needs you. There's a lot of work to be done and…I don't want to hurt you."

Elphaba pulled away and shook her head, saying nothing. She slid off the bed and crossed to the door. She shut it and twisted the key in the lock. Then, she came back to him, floating across the room in her delicate nightdress like some sort of dark angel. When she reached the bed, she slipped back into his lap, twisting her legs around his waist so they were heartbeat to heartbeat.

She kissed him breathless and then whispered in a low, throaty voice, "Make love to me Fiyero, now that we both know what that means. We both know how to take. Now let's see if we know how to give…"

There were no more words after that. There was only the warmth of breath on skin and the whispers of pleasure as they melded together. Fiyero was gentle, as he pulled the nightdress over head and laid her back against the pillows once more. He trailed his mouth over her body and kissed the scars, to show how little they mattered. He let her pull away the rest of his clothes and press her soft, warm body against his. He held onto her and kissed her fully, appreciating the curve of her mouth and grip of her fingers on his shoulders.

Fiyero was filled with a rush of raw desire, and he closed his eyes to steady himself. It had been so long since he'd really _wanted_. He had used fleeting pleasure as a momentary vice, he had used pleasure to be cruel, but now, he remembered how much he wanted _her._ He belonged to her. He always had.

When he looked at Elphaba again, she was staring up at him, her lips parted, her hands on his face. So he pressed himself inside of her and tried to take his time. Fiyero lay flesh to flesh with her for a moment, trying not to let his weight cause her pain, but savoring the rush of being one with her.

When he finally moved against her, she watched him. Elphaba looked into his eyes and wound her arms around his neck. Fiyero could see the flush in her face as he kissed each of her cheeks, and then her mouth. They fit together, still, even after all this time. They knew each other, and they moved with each other. Fiyero felt his body begin to tremble and push towards climax. He held out for her though, and watched Elphaba's face as she let her eyes close. She dug her fingers into his back, which was her way. He kissed her long and deeply, and let himself slip over the edge of ecstasy with her. They were one, clinging to each other and whimpering at the power of their reunion.

They forgot the world that night. They let the day close and the stars appear, and they forgot dinner and everyone else in the palace. It was simply them, flesh to flesh, lying together in a semi-sleep and then waking again to make sure the other was real. They talked, sharing what six years had brought them. Fiyero told her about the hurt and the anger. He ashamedly confessed to the women and the liquor. He hung his head when she said there'd been no one since Avaric.

"Not even Matvei?" he questioned.

"No," Elphaba shook her head.

Seeing his discouragement, she pulled herself into his lap in the dark as they sat there. She kissed his doubts away and made love to him with her long, slender legs wrapped around his waist.

Fiyero was drunk on her. He was floating somewhere between heaven and earth, where time stood still and all that mattered was the line of their bodies, together. They clung to one another, wound themselves around one another, and loved each other until they were breathless.

Sometime near dawn, when he sensed her exhaustion, Fiyero just held her. As she lay against him, Elphaba whispered, "Fiyero…you have to know…Mia…"

He stopped her, "I know."

She turned her face up towards his and looked confused.

"I know," he continued, "She's Avaric's"

"But how did you…" she sputtered.

"Mia told me. She overheard you, talking with Galinda," Fiyero explained.

"The child…" Elphaba chuckled.

Neither said anything for a moment.

"So you came back just for me then?" Elphaba finally whispered.

Fiyero stroked her tangled hair, "I would cross the desert to Ev for you."

Elphaba was silent for some time, then asked, "So what do we do…for Mia?"

"We love her," Fiyero answered.

Elphaba seemed content with that, and her eyes finally closed in sleep.

* * *

The following morning, or perhaps afternoon, Elphaba struggled to pull herself from sleep. The bright sun bathed her, and she was momentarily confused. Then, she remembered. She felt the warmth of Fiyero's body against hers, and she smiled. She adjusted herself against him, trying to work the stiffness out of her arm and ease the ache in her shoulder. Her body was sore, in more ways than one, from all the lovemaking, but it was worth it.

_Oz, he was worth it_, she said to herself.

Elphaba lay there for a long while, and then finally slid from the bed and pulled on one of her summer dresses. It was not black, thanks to Galinda, but was deepest blue and flattered her slender frame. She tried to pull a comb through her unruly hair, and noted that Fiyero's scent clung to her. It was in her hair, and she stopped and simply breathed him in for a moment.

She was till combing the tangles when Fiyero awoke some time later. He watched her tenderly, and then carefully asked, "What now?"

Elphaba caught his meaning, but simply said, "We have much work. Oz needs us."

Fiyero smirked, "I seem to remember you saying something similar six years ago."

"Perhaps this time, you'll listen," she threw back, as she crossed the room and threw open the door without regard for his nudity.

Fiyero yelped and fumbled for his trousers, and Elphaba laughed good-naturedly from the hallway.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Fiyero waited anxiously in the sunroom just off the main atrium on the second floor. He sat on a delicately embroidered settee and studied his hands, wondering what Elphaba wanted. She's sounded somber, when she'd asked him to wait for her here, and he wondered if perhaps he'd done something wrong. He stood suddenly, when she entered the room, followed by Avaric.

Both men looked at each other, and then looked at Elphaba. She said nothing for a few minutes, and Fiyero considered how far they had come. To the uninformed bystander, they looked very much like the same three people who'd once faced off in a suite at Shiz University. Time, however, had made them very different people.

Finally, Elphaba said, "I thought we should talk…the three of us. We need to talk…about Mia."

Avaric looked to Fiyero, and there was a touch of fear in his face.

Fiyero quickly said, "I know, Avaric. I know she's yours."

Avaric looked relieved.

Elphaba wrung her hands a little and asked, "So, what now? What do we do? What kind of life will an illegitimate child have?"

They were all silent, until Fiyero offered, "I will love her, Elphaba. But I won't deny her her father."

Avaric looked at him with a new measure of respect and said, "I know how hard this must be, considering we wouldn't be in this mess if I had been less selfish."

Elphaba shook her head, "We were all selfish…and undoing it would mean living without Mia and…I can't imagine that."

"So what do you want?" Avaric asked softly.

"I just want her to grow up without the uncertainty I had. I don't want her to have to carry the sins of her parents. I don't want her to be an example of the wrong in the world. That was a terribly difficult cross to bear…" Elphaba said, looking far away for a moment.

"Do you not want to tell her?" Avaric asked.

Elphaba shook her head, "She already knows."

Avaric looked surprised, but said nothing. He approached Elphaba and took her hands in a gesture that was only friendly, "Elphie…I just want to see her. I don't even know her yet. We can confront the issue of her parentage when she's ready. For now…just let me see her and be part of her life. She's still a bit afraid of me right now, and truly, I think she loves Matvei more than both of us," he glanced at Fiyero.

"He's right," Fiyero agreed, "let her life settle down. Let her stay with Matvei until we decide on where to live. I'll stay there with you if that's what you want. She's just turned six. She most likely doesn't understand what it means that Avaric is her _real_ father. That's a big concept. We can tell her again when she's ready."

Elphaba nodded, tentatively accepting the idea.

_I just don't want her torn between us. I don't want her ridiculed and called illegitimate. She has grounded me, and I want her life to be normal,_ Elphaba thought.

Before they could say more, they were interrupted by the sound of Mia singing. She rounded the corner into the room and they laughed, because she'd clearly been with Galinda. Matvei followed behind her, shaking his head. Mia was dressed in a fluffy pink dress with layers of taffeta and ruffles. She had armfuls of bangle bracelets and her hair was done up in messy curls. She had tiny, frilly pink heels and, Elphaba feared, a touch of makeup on.

"Miss Galinda took me shopping," Mia announced, twirling around the room and stating, "Pink goes good with green."

She stopped suddenly, and crossed to wrap her mother in an unsolicited hug. Elphaba knelt down and Mia added, "Oh…and look what Miss Galinda showed me!"

The little girl pressed her face close to Elphaba's and fluttered her eyelashes against her mother's cheek.

When she pulled away, she said, "Those are butterfly kisses!"

Before Elphaba could respond, Mia twirled her way to the center of the room and began to belt out a song. No one stopped her, because there was no quieting Mia.

For each of the adults, there was an understanding that all of their journeys, however difficult, had led them to this moment. The regrets, the reasons they'd hated each other, and the lies they'd all told paled in comparison to Mia. They were bound to each other, because of her. They would be forced to forgive and work together, because of her. Their petty differences had ceased to matter and their futures would be different, because of Mia.

_And if I had known this would happen, that day at the canal, would I have changed it? _Elphaba asked herself.

She still felt the soft brush of Mia's butterfly kisses on her cheek, and she knew the answer.

* * *

**I hope you'll send me one last review, to let me know your final thoughts. I have appreciated all of my readers. The response to this story has been amazing, so thank you for your support.**

**Also, I posted a oneshot called Lies By Omission that is a bit of Mia's story. I thought I'd see if there's interest. I haven't had a lot of feedback, so check it out if you haven't already.**


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